Matthew Harvest was loyal to Red Leader.

That was an indisputable fact. The man was often cruel and ruthlessly efficient, but after working closely with him for years, Matthew had gotten to see softer, more vulnerable sides of him, sides that he'd thought lost in the hazy warmth of memories long past.

They'd been friends once, and in the fog of bitterness and betrayal that had surrounded him since The End of their carefree days, Matthew had felt them become something akin to friends once more. It would never be the same, of course. Both him and Thomas were his subordinates now, bound by oath and threat of severe punishment to serve him. And Tord wasn't the same either. None of them were, really, but Tord… had probably changed the most out of all of them.

(And even without that it would never be the same anyway, missing the very core of their group as they were. Tord made for a decent heart, but he was never and could never be Edd.)

Matthew didn't care to pry into their lives either, so whatever there was between Thomas and Tord could very well stay between them. And if that meant treating Thomas for injuries he hadn't gotten in the field and holding him as he wept his way into dreamland, well, Thomas would do the same for him, did do the same often enough.

They were loyal, in the end. Because without Edward and without Tord, they would simply fall apart. Follow orders, strive for success, don't complain too much, have a nice afternoon watching movies once a week or so, tell your stories and pout when they laugh at your face instead of your tale.

It was so easy to fall into that wary rapport.

But now he was stuck in the past, having the weirdest crushes of his life at almost forty, having talked things out with Edward, seeing Thomas fall apart, and no Red Leader in sight.

Suddenly nothing was easy.

The lines that had been so clear in the past few years were now blurred beyond recognition and the firm grasp he'd had on his understanding of reality and the world around him was now barely a touch.

That Matthew felt a bit lost was an understatement.

He didn't know what to do with himself, how he'd act in certain situations, he didn't even know what he wanted anymore. His place in the world and with those around him wasn't quite solid and he found himself floating around with nothing to tether him. Floating and moving with no end in sight and no one to help and-

Matthew sighed, forcibly stopping that train of thought before he worked himself into a panic attack. That was really the last thing he needed right now. He knew he'd have to really think it through at some point, but he already felt mentally exhausted at the prospect.

He was in such a daze he only noticed someone was sitting in the living room by the time he practically bumped against the sofa. Surprisingly enough, it wasn't Edward, who had all but taken over the living room, but Thomas. And he seemed to be in the middle of… gun maintenance?

…

Ohhhhhhhhhhh.

Oops.

Matthew may or may not have forgotten he even had a gun. Actually he wasn't particularly sure where it was, seeing as it had been in his clothes when they'd disappeared after he'd showered. The clothes were still hanging outside because no one had bothered to take them down yet, but he somehow doubted there was still a weapon somewhere in that mess of clothing (if there had been the washing machine had possibly destroyed the stupidly delicate thing, a thought that made Matthew slightly ill seeing as it was also somewhat ridiculously expensive to craft).

For that matter, did Edward still have his weapon? Thomas obviously had his. Was Matthew the only-

"Are you going to do something or are you going to keep standing there like an idiot?" Thomas questioned with a raised eyebrow and more than a little tired amusement in his tone, snapping him out of his spiraling thoughts.

He laughed sheepishly, feeling a bit awkward as he made no attempt to sit down with the man. He took another look at Thomas, disheveled but somehow less tense than he'd been in a while. "Got tired of four walls and a window?" he snarked back, feeling himself soothingly settle back into a familiar pattern.

Thomas seemed to appreciate the relative normalcy as well, as his shoulders lowered the slightest bit and the slight furrow in his brow smoothed out. He looked back towards his work, lest he do something stupid without looking.

"I guess I did."

As a wry smile started stretching out on Matthew's face he caught a whiff of…

"Thomas, have you been drinking?"

Thomas very nearly touched a circuit he was most definitely not supposed to touch and groaned into his hand. "Why does everyone seem to know that today?"

Matthew looked at him concernedly, "You reek of alcohol."

"Ah… yeah, that'd do it." Thomas grimaced. "Look, I had a relapse. It was awful, I desperately regret it, it won't happen again."

Matthew frowned, "Are you quite sure?"

"Positive." Thomas replied, still looking intently at what his hands where doing.

The ginger hummed doubtfully but decided not to pursue the matter. It was a sensitive topic and he really shouldn't be poking around it too much. He looked around in the otherwise empty room. There was no one talking or puttering in the kitchen either, nor out in the hallway.

"Say, where is…" Edward, he very nearly said, but stopped himself at the last second. Something told him that inquiring about the technically-still-a-criminal-of-the-state to Thomas wouldn't be the smartest move. Thankfully, he didn't actually need to finish his sentence.

"Everyone's out in the backyard." Thomas said lightly.

"Thanks." Matthew smiled awkwardly (and that was saying something when any movement of his mouth already looked plenty awkward) and headed to the backdoor.

'Out in the backyard' apparently meant talking to the neighbours nowadays, at least when Edward was involved. He seemed to be sharing a rather pleasant conversation with Jon and Eduardo, though going by the look on Eduardo's face it could have just as well been a bout of passive-aggressive flirt-taunting with Jon's amused support.

A bit further down the fence Mark and Matt seemed to be having an argument of some sort. Tom's especially bored expression and Edd's severely unimpressed air were all he needed to know it was probably about some beauty product or another.

Matthew huffed out an amused breath and meandered towards the second group.

"-hy would you even buy that brand? Everything they say is false advertisement, their eyeliner doesn't even hold properly for longer than five hours!"

"It would if you knew how to apply anything properly, which you obviously don't!"

"You take that back!"

Bingo.

Matthew came to a stop beside Edd, who seemed to have gotten bored of the heated exchange before them and was looking towards the other trio in a mix of gleeful amusement and a cringing grimace. Matthew chuckled.

"If it makes you feel better, I don't get it either."

Edd startled and whipped his head around to look at him, a blush of embarrassment spreading across his face that Matthew found rather nostalgically adorable. Edd made a valiant attempt a gaining conscious control of his circulatory system and rerouting his blood anywhere but his face. A failed attempt, but an attempt nonetheless. He coughed awkwardly and looked back at the other group.

"...it's just so weird." he finally said, grimace barely winning out over glee.

Matthew nodded as he followed his gaze, "Yeah, I've never known what he sees in the guy either."

"And do you know what he saw in you?" Edd quirked an eyebrow as he looked back at the ginger, mildly embarrassed by the subject but unwilling to let it show.

Matthew's face turned melancholic as his gaze turned inwards, to the past…

Soft, soft kisses and caresses and whispered words coated in honey, praise raining on him like so much diamond dust. And he felt like he was shining, the brightest star in the firmament, sweet words like candied gems dripping onto him one after the other and he could barely take it-

"I have… an idea." Matthew said noncommittally.

Edd actually looked curious at that and seemed about to ask something, but stopped when Mark's now louder voice cut through the yard.

"-hell, Matt! Is that what you're supposed to look like in the future?! I almost feel bad for you. Though the new jaw might actually be an improvement on your square abomi-"

"Shut up."

No one was talking anymore. The yard fell into a glacial silence as everyone stared somewhere between Matthew and the now frozen Mark.

Matthew turned his head very slowly to look at the blond, feeling his fangs and claws elongate and his eye turn a blazing, furious crimson. When he talked, his voice sounded smooth and whispery, low, icy tones dripping down his tongue like icicles.

"You know." he drawled, taking in Mark's slowly widening eyes and and the slight scent of terror in the air with pleasure, "I haven't had fresh blood in a while. It'd be nice to get another taste." he sneered, watching said blood drain from the man's face.

"M-Matthew, wait!" Matt snapped out of his shocked daze, moving in front of his older counterpart, "Don't do this!"

Matthew was interrupted mid-growl by a hand grasping the back of his sweater. He looked back and spotted Edd, an alarmed and concerned expression on his face.

"Hey, come on, I know he's an idiot but it was just a stupid comment." he shot Mark a dirty look to which he stepped back hesitantly.

Matthew borderline glared at him for one terrifying moment as if looking for something, before his expression crumpled into one of recognition and astonished dismay.

"Oh no." his voice was barely audible, claws and fangs retracting as he took a step back. He lost control again, his anger got the better of him, he'd almost attacked-!

Why couldn't he just control himself?

Before anyone could try and stop him he turned on his heel and fled, jumping the fence and leaving their sight in seconds.

.

AN:

this chapter went completely off the rails and ran off without me what the fuck just happened