Please note: In chapters 2-4, I experimented with having the characters interrupt Papyrus-as-narrator in real time. On AO3, these interruptions were indented and also rendered in the characters' respective fonts. Unfortunately, FanFiction's text editor is pretty strict in terms of formatting, so I'm forced to separate these sections with rule lines and keep them kinda basic font-wise. In case my characterization isn't up to snuff and you have trouble figuring out who is who based solely on dialogue, please refer to the following guide:

Sans: *bold, all lowercase

Papyrus: BOLD, ALL UPPERCASE

Frisk: *Regular sentence case.

Toriel: *Italicized sentence case.

In Which a Party is Formed

Now, this may come as a surprise to all but maybe one of you, but did you know the Surface has its own version of Gyftmas? That's right! They call it, "Crustymas". Yes, yes, it's blatant copyright infringement at its finest, but let's look beyond that for a moment. Like the not bootleg version of it, Crustymas is a time of celebration. The humans throw parties, exchange gifts, and drink fizzy drinks until they say things that will keep them awake for at least ten years.

This Crustymas, however, it is as though a dark cloud has settled upon the Surface. Where once there was laughter and merriment, there is now sorrow, anger, and frustration. It is as if all holiday joy has vanished from the peoples' hearts. It can mean only one thing:

The Anti-Claus has come to town!

*pft, really?

SHUT IT, SANS. YOU'RE RUINING THE DRAMATIC REVEAL!

Anyway, as I was saying, the Anti-Claus! In the span of a single night, this mysterious miser of misery swooped down to the Surface and whisked away every last piece of Crustymas candy. But his heinous-ness didn't stop there, for he then replaced it all with … sugar-free alternatives. Now, having only excuses with which to fill their party bowls and fireplace socks, it is only a matter of time before every human on the Surface succumbs to the Anti-Claus' artificially sweetened brand of cheer—for good!

Such is the situation our adventurers find themselves in. They are three among many brave warriors who have come to the village the Anti-Claus has established as his base of operations, hoping to steal back their world's beloved candy from within the depths of his foul lair.

First, we have Average Student Frisk. This village is their hometown. They know every nook and cranny like the back of their weird, fleshy hand. Before the Anti-Claus showed up, Frisk's mom gave them a piece of early Crustymas candy—one of those painfully-named jawbreaker things—to much on while at school. But Frisk sort of forgot about it because they had a bunch of tests they needed to get least a "B" on, and of course they all happened on one day, and then things got really crazy for a while…. Anyway, as a result, Frisk is now in possession of the last true piece of Crustymas candy. With that, as well as a burning sense of determination coursing through their Average body, they have taken it upon themselves to rout the Anti-Claus and restore order once and for all! But they know they cannot do it alone, for they are very, very Average. They take to the streets, looking for others to recruit for their noble, Average cause.

Then, we have Undyne.

…

…Um…..

…

*Is something the matter, dear?

I … ACTUALLY MAYBE DON'T TOTALLY KNOW HOW UNDYNE FITS IN TO THE STORY, YET. IN MY ORIGINAL VERSION, MS. MATHEMAGIC THE SCHOOLMARM WAS GOING TO ACCOMPANY THE AVERAGE STUDENT BECAUSE SHE WAS CONCERNED FOR THEIR SAFETY, BUT…

*Oh, no. Did I ruin it by using a different character?

O-OF COURSE NOT, MS. TORIEL! THIS IS JUST … NYEH, IT IS A CATASTROPHIC FAILURE ON MY PART AS NARRATOR! I AM THE WEAVER OF THE THREADS OF FATE; I SHOULD BE ABLE TO REACT TO CHANGES LIKE THIS ON THE FLY! MAYBE I SHOULD START PAYING ATTENTION TO SANS' IMPROV. SESSIONS FROM NOW ON …

*whoa let's not get crazy here, bro.

*Don't worry, Papyrus. You just have to think like Undyne.

*Yes, a wonderful idea, Frisk! And since I am acting as Undyne, I must do so, as well. How about we figure it out together, Papyrus? We already know her job, and especially her personality. So, given this information, how might the game's version of Undyne react to this … Andy-Claus situation?

WELL, I GUESS SHE WOULD….

…

….

Oh, poor, poor, Undyne! One would think a Personal Trainer would be totally geeked about all the junk food in the world disappearing, but not if it makes all of her clients disappear, too! Undyne's prized training grounds, once a haven of sweat and terrible music, sit quietly and smell almost pleasantly. Her patrons have all gone; their desire for party treats has overpowered their desire for self-betterment. What horrible times! Now, Undyne has traveled to this town from her distant homeland … seeking justice!

Even Fast Food Mascot Hotdoggins isn't exempt from this candy-based crisis. Apparently, stress eating isn't in style this season, so attendance at his lord's tavern is at a big fat zero. His lord has since ordered him to travel the far reaches of the Surface and bring back some business! His latest stop—be it by fortune or destiny—is the village of the Anti-Claus.

The town square is where our story begins. It is a mix of common causes and personal agendas that have driven our adventurers to this location, but 'tis mere chance by which they meet! Well, that and Hotdoggins is really freaking loud. Now, he stands at the most populated corner he can find, hawking his greasy wares.

"Yo, drop on in! Best grub in the Tri-City area," he shouts. "Try our seasonal deep-fry, two for twenty if you use the attached Crustymas coupon!" But his pleading falls on deaf ears. And though the parchments he waves about are writ with the best of deals, no worthy hands reach out to accept them.

*i do a cartwheel.

YOU WHAT.

*my sales pitch needs an attention grabber.

BUT YOUR ARMOR PUTS YOUR DEXTERITY-NESS IN THE NEGATIVES!

*okay i do two cartwheels. one extra to cancel it out.

OH MY GOD THAT'S NOT HOW IT … FINE. BUT YOUR OBVIOUS FAILURE IS NOT FOR ME TO DECIDE. LET'S SEE WHAT THE DICE SAY.

Suddenly possessed by a strange impulse to do something that is most certainly impossible given his load-out and stat spread, Hotdoggins pockets his parchments and readies himself for some true marketing gymnastics! He gets a waddling start, holds his arms out in front of him, leaps… Oh! Look at that. His unwieldy armor throws him off balance. It is much less the cartwheel he had hoped for and more an express delivery of his face to the cold, hard ground. And yet, he is undaunted. He takes a few minutes to wobble his way back up and then makes a second attempt!

…. Unfortunately, the only gold medal Hotdoggins will receive this day is one for unfounded confidence. His second go is even more disastrous than his first. With his costume providing some extra torque, he bowls right into a group of passers-by—including one Ms. Undyne.

"He does? Is that my cue? I am not sure I am ready yet." Undyne seems … confused. But anyone would be, when suddenly faced with a cottony mound of fake food barreling into them! "Okay. Let's see … Sir, are you alr- Wait, no, I mean … HEY! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, UH, BUB!"

Even when faced with such … vocal encouragement, Hotdoggins is unable to right himself thanks to his most cumbersome of clothing. "Sorry 'bout that, pal," he says. "Looks like I'm on a roll toda-" He curls in on himself as a sudden jab gets him squarely in his … left knee.

*bro, that was my bad knee.

*AND THAT WAS MY GOOD FOOT!

But despite Hotdoggins' immense amount of suffering, his joke goes off without a hitch. It soothes Undyne's frustration. She starts to laugh. "Hey, that's a good one!" She kneels down to lend a hand to the struggling Mascot. "But, you know, you should really stretch before you try doing a cartwheel—especially wearing that. I am not surprised your leg hurts."

"Eh, this is just the ol' family curse acting up again."

Undyne shook her head. "That is absolute nonsense. If you convince yourself you are cursed, you will never make any progress. I have seen it time and time again." She pulls Hotdoggins along by the arm. "Come on. Let us find a place to sit so you can rest that leg."

Undyne and Hotdoggins take a breather at a nearby bench, where they exchange introductions.

"So, you're after the Anti-Claus, Undyne?"

A shadow passes over the Personal Trainer's face at her new friend's query. "At first, I thought he was just health-conscious, if a little misguided. But by stealing everyone's candy he took Gyft- er, Crustymas joy away from countless people—and children! I cannot stand for that. I have to kick his butt."

"I'd say 'get in line,'" laughs Hotdoggins, "but from what I hear that line's getting shorter by the day. People are giving up left and right. Guess this guy's really powerful, or something."

"Well, I never give up, so he is about to meet his match." Undyne's confidence then turns to a sigh. "If can find him, that is. Do you know where he might be? I have tried asking around, but all of the townsfolk seem so … out of sorts."

Hotdoggins shakes his head and pats the stack of fliers stuffed in his costume. "Fraid I'm not from around here, either. Though I hope someone takes care of the guy soon, because I'm not getting paid overtime for this."

"I can help." A voice pipes up from directly in front of them. It is Frisk, standing there looking all Average-like. "I know where the Anti-Claus is," they say.

Undyne and Hotdoggins exchange looks. "Uh, did you notice the kid?"

"No, not at all. Have you been here this whole time, child?"

"Pretty much. I've been with you since that Mascot bowled a strike on a bunch of innocent people."

"Wow, kiddo. That's … pretty impressive, actually."

Frisk shrugs. "It's no big deal. It's what I do. Anyway, I can take you where the Anti-Claus is. I see his place on my way back from school all the time."

"That would be perfect!" Undyne makes as if to stand, but Hotdoggins stops her.

"Hang on. Something's weird, here. What's the catch, kid?" Hotdoggins' trade has put him in front of many a customer over the years. Has his surprising amount of business-savvyness picked up on something…unsavvy?

* Sans? I hope you do not mind me saying this, but Frisk is supposed to join our group. I do not think they would have a catch.

* yeah, we know that. but our characters don't.

I'M AFRAID SANS IS CORRECT. IT'S NOTHING AGAINST FRISK, BUT IN THE CONTEXT OF THE STORY HOTDOGGINS AND UNDYNE DON'T HAVE A REASON TO TRUST THEM YET. FOR ALL THEY KNOW, THIS AVERAGE STUDENT COULD BE AN ABOVE-AVERAGE ANTI-CLAUS AGENT!

* they did kinda show up out of the blue and offer to help.

* I see. I apologize, Frisk. It seems you will need to earn our trust.

* That's okay! Don't worry. I have an idea.

"Well this is my hometown," Frisk explains "Because of what the Anti-Claus did, everyone I know is really depressed. My friends stay in their houses all day. My parents have been searching for real candy for weeks, now. I'm looking for someone who can get me inside the Anti-Claus' lair so I can help bring things back to normal. I might be kind of average, but there's gotta be something I can do."

"But you are just a child," asserts Undyne. "If this Anti-Claus is as dangerous as he sounds, I cannot in good faith allow you to go anywhere near him."

Frisk nods in understanding. "That's what everyone else said, too." Then, they reach in to their backpack and hold something out to the cautious adventurers: It is their treasured jawbreaker. Though now kind of dusty, its candy coating still shines in the evening light. "Here. This is the last true piece of candy on the Surface. It was a gift from my mom, but you can have it if you promise to help me get the rest." They look down at the ground. "It's the only thing I have now."

"That's nice and all, kid, but what are we gonna do with a single piece of can-?" Undyne shuts Hotdoggins up with a sharp glare.

"Please, keep your beloved candy, child. You may come with us if you would like."

Frisk brightens. Had they not been so Average, they might have even sparkled. "Really?"

"But only if you promise to stay close to my side the entire time. Goodness knows what is inside that place."

Frisk excitedly pockets their candy. "Yes! I will! Thank you, Ms… um…!"

"Undyne. And my friend here is Hotdoggins."

"It's nice to meet you both. I'm Frisk."

Hotdoggins gives a half-hearted wave. "Well, glad that all worked out. Good luck, you two. Somehow, I know you're gonna need it."

"Wait, you do not plan to join us, Hotdoggins?"

"Lady, do I look like I'd be good in a fight? I'd just drag you down."

Undyne pursed her lips and jammed her fists to her sides. "There's that negativity again! I have never seen such a sour Mascot." She jumps to her feet and pulls a reluctant Hotdoggins up along with. "You are coming with, whether you like it or not. Getting out of your comfort zone will be good for you!" She grins. "Besides, don't you think it will be easier to negotiate a raise if you tell your boss you helped save Crustymas?"

Hotdoggins looks to Frisk. "You heard her. Lead the way, kiddo."