Sorry for the long wait. I had some bad things happen but I want to thank everyone that left a long comment here or found me on tumblr to tell me that they love what I'm writing. Every time you did that, honestly, I wrote a little bit of something. I'm already two page into the next chapter.
Thank you for all your good words and thank you thank you thank you for reading. I'll try to respond more to the comments that people leave. I'm so sorry again haha. Hope you enjoy this one! It's a bit of a jump and the writing is a bit shoddy but hopefully you guys hold on for the better stuff later :P
It had all been so perfect.
Kara stared at the closed door of hers and Alex's bedroom door, of their home in Midvale.
Alex inside. Kara on the other.
At university, Kara had made every day she had petitioned for, as wonderful as possible for Alex. She had made breakfast every morning for Alex, woken up her older sister with sweet touches and soft conversations. Performed the daily ceremony with Alex, of words and palm to palm solemnity. Was basically attached at the hip with Alex, which wasn't strange at all, but this time Kara squirmed under Alex's curious, weighted gaze. Knowing that Alex was watching her with new eyes and an expectant air about her.
Kara walked tall, stood tall like she should as a child of the great House of El. Walked Alex to class every day and had food for her whenever she needed, explaining to Alex how Krypton's chronic food shortages meant that edibles were a luxury that needed to be saved only for occasions such as this. That the courtship especially hinged on Kryptonian foods served by the petitioner to the person they were courting, and served only during certain positions of Rao in the sky. Using Sol, Kara offered food accordingly, sun rise-a bit later then that, the time adjusted for Alex's rest- then the moment the sun reached it's zenith, and finally, when the sun set. After their shared meal of a casado that Kara had sourced in secret, Kara fed Alex pieces of sugar apple and pulasan, to Alex's embarrassment.
Kara tried her best to find foods from different parts of Earth, explaining carefully to Alex that it was to signify the part of the formal vows Kara would swear, that she would be able to provide for Alex. Kara had selected her foods and cast as wide a net as possible to cover as many different kinds of food as possible. From every corner of the earth, as the saying goes.
Kara remembered how at the day's end, it had always been a triumph. Alex always performed the ceremony of the setting sun with her, necessary to close out the day's efforts, to signify acceptance of all Kara had given. Alex's fingers would trace patterns down Kara's arms, Alex would hold Kara's hands tightly, her blunt fingernails scraping gently into the palm of Kara's hand. Alex's grasp of the old runes of Krypton was rudimentary, but the words Alex scrawled into the palms of Kara's hands made Kara want to cry.
Kara would hold Alex through the night and whisper every good thought she had of Alex. What she saw in Alex. How good Alex was. How beautiful she was and how Alex made Kara feel like she could move the world without lifting a finger. Kara would whisper to Alex until her older sister fell asleep, knowing Kara wanted her and how much she had given to Kara just for accepting her.
Kara remembered, on the last day, how the quad at the university was playing music, some old crooners' songs, remixed electro-funk and jazz-era music. People were dancing around in clumsy pairs, laughing and tripping over their own feet. Kara had asked Alex to dance, full of nerves, and Alex had just laughed and pulled Kara into the crowd, dancing and spinning round and round, pressed almost cheek to cheek. This was important, and Kara focused on Alex, searching her foster sister's face for reassurance, and for once, Alex had thrown all worries aside and didn't care that they were too close in public. Maybe it was the crowd and the random people dancing with whoever they could get their hands on. Frat boys were trying to cha-cha-cha together while a trio of girls laughed together as they tried for some semblance of coordination.
Kara thought of Alex's long, red hair, catching in the light of Sol, head thrown back in laughter, bright and happy, her expression… weightless. And they danced together, Kara's practiced steps forgotten, just holding Alex close and laughing as they swayed together.
The day marked the end of the courtship. And when Alex accepted the end of the courtship, binding them as companions, Kara had been so happy. And even though it was primitive technology-it would have to do-with Kara using the bulky webcam on Alex's computer to record the ritual. It was a simple exchange of words, the connection of their hands, and the touch of their foreheads against each other. Back on Krypton, with Kara being from the House of El, there should've been a great celebration, and Aunt Astra would most likely have insisted that her niece's companion be recognized and an honour guard to have attended the ceremony. Her mother, Alura, would have wanted fellow adjudicators there, the most prestigious, to recognize and witness the ceremony. Her father would've been so impressed with Alex.
But like this, with just the two of them, Kara didn't need anything else. Grinning giddily, Kara had sent the video out to an email address that Kalex used to communicate with her. Kal-El's AI confirmed receipt and confirmed that it had registered their companionship alongside the surviving records.
Kara had been so excited, practically trembling from the enormity of what she had just succeeded in doing. And just… wishing that her mother was there to see, that her father was here. That her aunt was here-family that would understand what this meant. She had texted Kal-El and formally invited him to the celebration but he had reminded her kindly that they weren't to be seen together. And he hadn't seemed to grasp what exactly was being celebrated or what the formally-worded Kryptonian meant. But this was fine. Kara tried to hold on to the joy she had been feeling, but she could feel the devastation, the guilt really setting in. Kara had a tether now. While all her other ties were completely severed in Krypton's death.
Kara remembered that desperate mix of elation and fear and hope and loss at that moment, and then… and then, Alex had kissed her. Kara had been caught completely unaware, but held still, trying to process this press of lips against her own, feeling like she had been struck by lightning. The kiss hadn't lasted for more than a second, ending with Alex ducking her head, shy, fumbling with her hands and muttering about 'the heat of the moment'. The Kryptonian knew what a kiss was, of course, but it wasn't the most natural thing for a Kryptonian. Sure, Kara had thought about it from time to time but it had always seemed really awkward. It could be because she had broken a boy's nose when he had tried to give Kara her first kiss, and that was traumatizing.
But it seemed natural for Kara to follow Alex's lips and copy the affection. Touch Alex's lips with her own and find out how to move in that curious way that all the movies seemed to say was the climax of two people's relationships. The kiss was all important and Kara, breath catching as Alex kissed back so softly, aching in how tentative it was, full of some kind of wonder, some magic Kara can't name as Alex threaded her fingers through Kara's hair and drew her deeper. And Alex kissed her and kissed her, lips moving to the sides of Kara's face to press against the wetness there as Kara had sobbed at the bitterness of it all, of the sorrow and the happiness of it all.
Alex had let Kara cry, empty out that cup that always seemed to be full to the brim. And even though Kara had just spent three whole days showing Alex exactly why Kara would be worthy, Alex continued to show the Kryptonian that Alex was the right choice for Kara, every second. Kara knew she was so lucky, so lucky to have Alex accept her and choose to be with her.
They had gone to sleep that night, wrapped up in each other like always and Kara had been at peace. And Alex, Kara was sure, felt that same peace, could wager a limb on it. Everything had been fine. Things were as close to perfect as Kara could imagine it to be, with the little Kara had been able to offer during their courtship, Alex had accepted Kara.
Then Eliza had called them.
And they had to come home to bury Alex's father.
He had died on his business trip, fallen off a cliff while hunting down a specimen in the rainforest, so less burying and more dealing the the legal ramifications of death without a body. It came completely from left field, taking them unawares. The last time they had talked to Jeremiah was Alex saying that she would try going back to Midvale when he was home, but they hadn't made the trip. It was so unexpected, so sudden that Kara didn't know how to react. It was almost comical in a way. He had fallen off a cliff, like the old Looney Tunes shows Kara had watched and winced at. That casual violence.
Eliza had been like a stone, completely emotionless. The shock had really done a number on her, and a couple of Eliza's friends stayed close by, slept on the couch at the Danvers' house to watch Eliza and help her. And Eliza would talk, and sometimes the stone facade would crack and she would be inconsolable.
But not Alex. Alex was solid ground. She dealt with the arrangements when her mother was overwhelmed with even just the simplicity of getting ready for the day. Alex had told Kara it was easy, since there was no body to bury. Matter-of-fact. Hand steady as she signed forms and asked questions and answered enquiries and accepted condolences from friends and family. Made arrangements through a lawyer to deal with Jeremiah's effects. Arrangements for flowers. Arrangements for a non-religious service since Jeremiah had always wanted that. Alex called to place the obituary in the papers, called her father's old co-workers, called uncles, aunts, her grandparents on her mom's side, family members, friends…
Kara stood with Alex, unfamiliar to a lot of these people, not like Alex who had grown up with these grieving strangers, these strangers that still stared at Kara curiously. Kara knew she was fidgeting a lot, tasting the grief roiling through the small crowd, sharp and potent. It came off of Eliza in overpowering measures. It rolled off, fresh and heavy from an old woman who introduced herself as Jeremiah's aunt. Kara remembered it was Jeremiah's favourite aunt. The smell of it wafted in bittersweet and aching undercurrents from a group of old coworkers. And from Alex, in staggered bursts, in never ending waves like the tide of the ocean.
"This is my foster sister, Kara." Alex would say, holding Kara's hand and anchoring the Kryptonian. People would give Kara their condolences, too, and Kara would accept them, clumsy in her human etiquette, but they didn't seem to fault her. Kara was unsure of what to do as she blinked at them owlishly behind the glasses Jeremiah had given her.
When Eliza had broken down sobbing, Alex kept an arm around her mother's shoulders. Kara stood there awkwardly, still holding on to Alex's hand, wondering how she could help, if she was any help at all. Kara stood there, miserably, as tears dripped down Alex's face, her foster sister's mouth pressed into a thin, grim line. And Kara knew this was all her fault. No matter what, her being here in the Danvers' lives had lead to this. She was no good for Alex. But Kara would try.
Eliza's friends had helped Alex organize the luncheon afterwards, something to feed the people that came to see off her father. They all came by to talk to the family, all the guests so sombre and sorrowful. While Alex and Eliza spoke to people they knew, Kara slipped away, tried to be helpful, fluttered around trying to get empty glasses and refilling empty sandwich trays.
People tried to talk to Kara, too, but Kara wanted to keep busy, to DO something. She wanted to not be so USELESS. So she kept an eye on Eliza and Alex, urging them to eat when she knew they should since they barely ate in the morning. Kara grabbed them drinks and generally tried her best to be helpful.
By the end of the day, the last guests were taking their leave, and it was Eliza's friends who forced the doctor to take a shower and go to bed, before saying goodbye to the Danvers children. The house was quiet now.
"Eliza's going to sleep through the night." Kara informed Alex. "I saw her take a couple of those 'sleeping pills' her doctor had prescribed her."
Alex nodded wordlessly, looking around the room in a daze. The last person had left and they were alone.
"I can clean up. Why don't you rest?" Kara offered, watching Alex carefully as she seemed to sway to an invisible breeze. It was like watching a ship that was unmoored, drifting.
"I'm just going to take a shower." Alex seemed to finally decide. She passed by Kara, reached out to squeeze Kara's forearm briefly, then left. Kara set about separating and bagging garbage, putting things in the dishwasher, pushing furniture back into their proper positions, and quickly swept the room, opting to vacuum later so the people in the house could rest.
In that time, she knew Alex had finished her shower and had retreated back to their room. And with Kara's tasks finished, Kara was now waiting on the other side of Alex's door. Kara waited, because back when they were children, a closed door meant a need for privacy, meant that either of them needed time. So Kara sat there and waited, watching the door. But when the whiff of something like the ocean, like the darkness of the sea reached her nose, Kara stood up and scratched at the door with the soft pads of her fingers.
A closed door meant a need for privacy but that also meant the sense to know when that privacy needed to be breached and a reminder given that the other was there. Alex had taught that to Kara.
Alex called her in and Kara entered quietly, sitting down on the empty bed on the other side of the room, to watch Alex, to give her that space. But when Alex's shoulders started shaking and the tears came in earnest, Kara took off her glasses and put them carefully on the nightstand, then slipped under the covers with Alex, pulled the other woman half on top of her to hold Alex as she cried.
It smelled like the deep. All mournful and heavy, pressing down in a suffocating way. Kara wondered, with humans and their weird biology, if there was actually an ocean of feelings in them that poured out on occasion and infected everything around them. Because Kara, though she felt… bad… felt even more horrible at Alex's feelings than at Jeremiah's actual loss.
The scent of Alex's grief choked her, like a tight fist clenching at Kara's lungs. Kara held on, though. Held on as Alex stormed, pressed her mouth against Kara's collarbone and poured out her grief, cried like she hadn't cried since they first got the news that Jeremiah was never going to be walking through the door, ever again.
Kara imagined that she was a stone. A boulder. A mountain. Solid and rooted in the earth, holding on to Alex, protecting her from the buffeting winds. And in hushed words from Kara's dead planet, Kara gave a prayer for the dead, the one that sent those that were lost, back to the light of Rao. Coached Alex softly in the words when her tears petered off and Alex listened desperately and repeated Kara's words with sobs torn from her body.
When Alex continued crying, Kara remembered when she had last cried, and remembered how Alex had tried to make her feel better. The Kryptonian ducked forward, hesitantly kissing Alex on the lips. When Alex stilled, Kara kissed her again, with the utmost care, trying to pour comfort into that touch. Lips to lips, breathing in the heated air of each other's breath. It was uncomfortable, the taste of Alex's grief. Kara pressed her forehead against Alex's, hoping her human sister understood the thoughts, the love. Kara's heart.
Kara held on until Alex pushed away and turned around, kept her back pressed against Kara's, one hand reaching back, catching on the jut of Kara's hip and holding her there. Kara lay there helplessly, feeling the shakes roll through Alex's body. Kara felt it when the last hitching sobs finally stopped and Kara could feel Alex's body relax into slumber.
Kara listened to Alex's breathing, still thick with tears. She didn't know how long she lay there listening when, she heard a noise.
She perked up, frowning. Cheating a little, Kara used her flying abilities to float a bit off the bed, to touch the ground soundlessly. She focused on Alex's breathing again... it was loud in her ears, unchanged. But Kara knew it hadn't been too long since Alex fell asleep, and she woke up at the slightest noise and since Jeremiah had died, Alex didn't sleep well.
Kara tilted her head this way and that, focusing on the noise… noises that were… concerning. It wasn't Eliza. Kara's foster mother was also deep asleep. Kara picked up her glasses and put them on, suddenly feeling nervous, remembering some of the horror movies she had watched with Alex back when they were kids. She knew, rationally, that a serial killer can't possibly stab her to death, but Kara was still nervous, which really was silly.
'I'm invulnerable, I'm invulnerable.' Kara repeated to herself in her head, determination setting in. It was ridiculous for her to be afraid. She was going to investigate!
Still floating a bit, Kara slid open the window as slowly and quietly as she could, slipping out onto the roof covering the patio. Kara padded closer to the edge of the roof, then jumped down, stumbling a little bit but catching herself.
There it was again. This time, it was a cacophony of quiet sounds, loud in her ear. Hissed words of a human language she had no knowledge of.
Kara tilted her head this way and that, trying to filter out the various sounds of living things hiding and living in the trees around the property until she caught the sound of something that was alarmingly close. Kara approached the trees cautiously, hands balled up into fists, and startled when a body fell in front of her, from the branches above her.