Chapter: Woman in the Mirror, Part 1
Weiss toweled herself off, spending a great deal of time patting her hair dry and combing out the knots. The brisk afternoon swim had done nothing to help center her mind. Neither had the shower afterward. If anything, she was more conflicted than she had been before diving into the pool to begin with. She could hear some of the other girls laughing from between shower stalls. The gossip echoed off of the walls remarkably well.
She never could get used to it. Normally the racket served to be little more than annoying background noise. The showers were one of the few locations that truly mingled the novice students with the savvy ones. It was a place that tore down societal walls in a way no place else could. Handfuls of small conversations lay as proof of the unnoticeable growth these huntresses would inevitably suffer.
Now, Weiss could hear the short years of disparity clearly in a way she never had before.
"Or maybe, it's just that I never chose to listen before." Weiss muttered under her breath as her blue eyes lifted to the mirror. Her slender frame wrapped in a towel. Her long white hair cascaded over her shoulder. She tended to the strands with the same slow and meticulous precision as always, but even that seemed an empty effort. The growing number of split ends proof of her rough handling during training bouts.
The nearly juvenile discussions taking place between the young first year students were a reminder of simple days. Maybe it was cynical to envy the childish banter. The discussions were all too cheerful, or at the very least, simple minded. a handful debated about what boy had the best looks. Others chatted about the most eligible person in their year. Some complained about their teachers. A few others nursed the feeling of homesickness. The first years spoke of missions curiously, some of them entirely too overzealous.
Despite the mix of topics, the discussions were lively, if little else.
Contrasting that were the prepared second year students. All of them were old enough to smoke openly around campus. A few were even old enough to drink, and were permitted to carry flasks around the grounds. Most of them were speaking in hushed tones. Increasingly lengthy missions and Grimm capturing were two intimidating topics that inspired caution. The obvious leap in maturity was something Weiss saw clearly now. Gone were the armature assumptions and false bravado.
The returning third years stood as an even greater contrast. Those girls were different still. Some were marked by battle, others had lost entire limbs. Chatter among these girls tended to take on a serious tone. Missions for third years would extend far past the boarders of Vale, and sometimes would be undertaken alone. Without supervision. Happy topics carried an air of sentimentality, and the depressing ones dripped with cynicism. It was the year when the profession became tangible, and riddled with too many sleepless nights out in the woods.
Weiss sighed as she finally finished dealing with her hair. She put away her comb and gathered her supplies. Slipping off into one of the dressing areas, she finally began to clothe herself accordingly. In doing so, she was able to take a quick glance of herself in a full length mirror. Now, she was a fourth year, and she certainly looked the part. She wasn't just a short, figureless toothpick of a heiress anymore.
She had a figure, though slim, and she still had her dignity to go along with it. Now, she had slender yet defined muscle in her arms. Her long legs had gained a similar strength. Though her core was no where near as defined as Yang's or Ruby's, if she flexed, she could see the hints of tone beneath her skin. Power laying dormant, waiting for further training. It was her stamina that had improved the most, able to last in endurance matches far beyond what she would have ever suspected.
The years at Beacon had molded her well.
It was time to have the conversations she had heard in passing before. Talks that would shape her future forever. The ones of a future graduate. Would she choose to hunt, or would she head for a military outpost? Would she choose a profession within the safety of a kingdom, or venture out into the depths of the wilds? Would she stay with her team, or move on to bigger and better things?
If she chose the military, would she choose a position of high rank and solitude, like Winter? Or would she choose a low rank in a small village, settling in for a more domestic life?
Most importantly, if she chose to hunt, what sort of huntress would she be?
All of it weighed heavy on the mind, and truthfully, there was no perfect answer.
The same imperfect truth was the same for all of them. Perhaps, even Yang felt the burden of a future she had not completely planned.
If that was the case, Weiss needed to say something to help. She just didn't know what she could say to make things better. The blonde was more withdrawn than Weiss had ever known her to be. It seemed as though something was always on her mind. Whatever it was, weighed on her. The mental fog seem daunting, and Yang's training hadn't eased up in the slightest.
"Yang?" Weiss asked, her voice flooding with concern as she sat on her bed. The dorm was quiet, and they were alone. It was the perfect time.
"Yeah?" The blonde pulled out her earphones. "What do you need?"
Weiss wondered if she should even continue. Yang's tone seemed to want none of it. "About what you said before…"
"What about it?" Yang chipped out.
What indeed? Weiss wanted to deny her involvement with Yang's grades. In truth though, Weiss knew she had helped Yang quite a bit. The same way her teammates helped her in return. She was not the survivalist that Ruby was, or the instinctive fighter that Yang was. If it hadn't been for Blake, she would have never opened her eyes to see the world through the Faunus looking glass. Weiss had depended so much on her team to get her to where she was.
She just didn't see that as a negative quality. At least, certainly not in the way that Yang obviously did.
Weiss had known about her own desperate reliance from the start. She had made peace with it the moment she stepped foot on Beacon's grounds. It was why she had scouted Pyrrha back in her first year. She had known that pure intellect could only carry her so far. It was silly to think she could choose her own team, of course, and now it was little more than a silly memory. Even if team assignments hadn't panned out the way she had initially planned it, Weiss owed more to Ruby, Yang, and Blake than they would ever know.
If only she could get Yang to see that.
Weiss bit her lower lip. "I want you to know, it's not true…"
Yang said nothing to this, the silence in the room defeating. Still, Weiss could feel a warmth coming from the top bunk, Yang's semblance heating up several degrees. A light flickering on, and then off, as if it couldn't stay lit.
"You're not just skirting by on my grades." Weiss pressed on earnestly. "We all rely on each other equally. We have to. So, all of those negative things, they're just not true."
She wished she could bring herself to stand and look at Yang's face. She was too scared to find out what she might see. Was it anger? Was it sadness? Weiss didn't know. A dark part of her didn't want to know. Sinister whispers and doubts promised it would be terrible. Yang's silence made everything even more intimidating, because this time, there were no soft denials or broken laughs.
Not even failed reassurances.
There was nothing, and that emptiness hurt.
"You do work hard for your grades. I've seen you do it." Weiss said, now just trying to talk. Eager to fill the void that threatened to engulf her. "You throw yourself into anything you try to do. Even when you do it headlong in the face of danger, you're earnest. I've always admired that."
"That was you!" Yang shouted as her fist connected hard with the wall beside her. "That was all you…"
"I don't believe that." Weiss said winching a little. She expected the rage, but not the soft repetition in the aftermath. Her eyes were still looking at the bed above her own, as if that alone would help her see the impossible. "It couldn't have been me. I could hardly carry myself."
"You pushed me to get it done. You helped me when I studied. You made sure I didn't flake out." Yang told her as her lilac eyes brimmed with unshed tears. She covered her face with her arm. Her sob silent. "You, and Blake…and Ruby. You guys made that possible, but, I can't just sit around and be satisfied with that."
Weiss huffed out a small breath, but her words sounded smaller still. "You give yourself far too little credit."
"Shut up." Yang muttered, her own voice wavering. "You don't know anything."
"I would like to know more." Weiss persisted, because persistence was all she had left. It was all she could do. "I have seen you do amazing things, and even if you don't believe me, I know the truth."
"No, Weiss! You don't know the truth. How could you? No one does." Yang said then, hopelessness turning to anger once more. She jumped down from the bunkbed. "I don't want to be the person that looks in the mirror and sees what I see in myself." The blonde's semblance flickered, her flames fizzling out into smoke as she cursed under her breath. Red eyes draining to lilac as angry tears dripped from her eyes. "I don't want to be this person…"
With those parting words, Yang left the room, slamming the door behind her.
Defeated, Weiss just laid back on the bed and sighed. So, if it wasn't classes that truly troubled Yang, what did?
Was it Mercury?
What then?
Weiss bit her lip as she rolled onto her side, hugging her pillow to her chest.
How could she even hope to mend Yang's broken heart while protecting her own?
If Weiss was the resident ice queen, then Blake Belladonna was the resident saboteur. She entered the dorm room with the same dull glint in her eye as one might expect. An impossibly long lecture had been known to do that. She noticed Weiss curled up across the lower bunk, seemingly despondent.
She only needed one guess as to why.
"I suppose you're the reason why my fireball of a partner started wailing on a punching bag." She said, not even glancing over her shoulder to regard the woman lying there. Instead, she pulled open a nearby drawer, retrieving half a bottle of red wine out from the depths of her sock drawer. Removing the cork with ease, she poured it between two paper cups. She held one out for Weiss to take. The action was as casual as could be, but Blake's intentions were meticulous as always. "You should feel thankful. I don't just share my wine with anybody."
"You know I hate alcohol." Weiss said, glaring daggers at the cup. "It reminds me of my parents."
"It's never stopped you in the past." Blake said, wiggling her wrist, sloshing the wine inside the cup. A knowing little smirk played across her face as Weiss made a grab for the drink. Her blue eyes still looking at the liquid inside as though it were the bane of her entire existence. "You don't have to drink it, you know. Think of it like an olive branch."
"The most insidious one I've ever seen, if that." Weiss bit out as she downed the drink in one go. A single droplet lingering on her lips, and her tongue flicked out to capture it. As if tasting the quality for the first time. It was with disdain that she slammed the now empty cup into the nearby trash can. "Why do you even have that anyway?"
"To drink, why else?" Blake said as she looked down at her own little paper cup. She sipped hers much more slowly, savoring the taste. "Ruby reads just as much as I do. Her books just contain a classic flair to their romances. I like that they're innocent and wistful. I can appreciate the reasons why they interest her."
"Just so long as you don't expect her to break out the ropes and blindfolds any time soon." Weiss deadpanned. "I'd hate to consider what would happen if she started pulling from your collection for ideas."
"Of course not." The Faunus replied. "Though, even if she did, I wouldn't find it surprising."
Weiss only scowled. "You and Ruby aren't as subtle as you like to think. I know she isn't a virgin."
"We made love once, and that was before summer break." Blake stated, hardly bothered by the accusation. "It was a special occasion, and personal. I'd appreciate if you treated the topic with the respect it deserves."
"Only the one time?" Weiss asked.
"Funny thing about stress, it does a wonderful job of murdering libido." Blake growled.
Weiss had the decency to look properly chastised, but that hadn't been Blake's goal. She rolled her eyes at the idea that Weiss Schnee of all people could turn out to be such a pushover. Where was that acerbic tongue when it would suit her most? Where was the scathing retort? Or even just the verbal low blow that only Weiss could ever dish out?
"It's not your fault, Weiss." Blake said then, realizing she would never get her desired reaction. "Even if Ruby and I were in the mood, when would we have the uninterrupted time?" Blake muttered quizzically, golden eyes flatly offering what words alone could not. "You really should just tell Yang how you feel. It would make my life a lot easier if you pinned her to a fighting mat and showed her whose boss."
"Blake, I have never been able to beat Yang in an unarmed fight. Even if I could, the level of brute force required to even think of doing that would be astronomical."
"You've never grabbed her by the hair and kissed her, either." Blake said with a soft laugh as blue eyes found hers. The icy glare returned once more, though the chips in her composure were still visible. "Here's a hint, Yang likes a little rough and tumble. Getting her hair in a hold really works. Sometimes, it's the only way I can get her to sit still. If you talk like that, she'll listen."
"What good is listening?" Weiss asked honestly. "Even if I were to pour my heart out, what could that possibly accomplish? I have no intention of sitting through a rejection speech made for my feelings in mind. If she's going to let me down gently, I'd rather she didn't let me down at all."
"Who's to say she would reject you, though?" Blake asked.
"Could you promise without a doubt that she wouldn't?" Weiss returned. "I fully realize that holding back could be misconstrued as cowardice. It's laughable, really. A huntress should be the perfect image of bravery. Even if it were only a matter of bravery, our relationship would boil down to compatibility. As it stands, I just don't see how we would ever last."
"Well, maybe you can't see it. Just because you don't, it doesn't mean the possibility isn't there." Blake said with a shrug. "It's like that with me and Ruby. Sometimes, we lose sight of things. Giving up that easy just isn't an option. At least, not for me, and not for her. Just, think about it, Weiss."
"I have been thinking about it." Weiss sighed. "More than you know."
Saturday had been long and difficult.
Sunday was no better.
Yang skipped breakfast and lunch too. She toyed around with her dinner. Merely pushing it around on her plate. Her scarcity was quickly becoming a concern for the team members, but Ruby hadn't been successful at figuring out what was wrong. Yang would just smile and pull her into a headlock, insisting everything was alright.
After a late night of studying, Weiss had expected the entire room to be empty. With the nighttime activities going on in the recreation center, almost no one would be up in the dormitories. The more spiritually inclined were gathering out by the cliff to hold a midnight vigil. It was one of many remembrance ceremonies for those lost during the Great War. Ruby and Blake would likely be gone all night, watching the sunrise as was customary. Plenty of Faunus were gathered out by the stone statues, small candles making a glow in the distance.
Yang would usually go with them, and Weiss had expected tonight to be no different. Instead, that ominous bathroom light stayed on in the darkness.
Weiss knocked on the bathroom door. Normally, Yang would open up, a bottle of antiseptic in one hand and a forced grin on her face. Her combat classes were ruthless. The days when she matched with Pyrrha were some of the worst. They respected each other too much as friends, as opponents, to back down from a fair fight. A broken aura and first blood conditions promised that they'd both be a sight. Weiss suspected that Pyrrha had once again become Yang's opponent.
It would have no doubt left the blonde sore, and in need of a good mineral soak.
Weiss knocked on the door again. Still, no sound came.
Finally she cursed, pounding louder.
"It's not locked." Yang's voice was dry, almost stony.
Weiss turned the handle and pushed the door open without hesitation. "Are you okay?" She asked as she saw Yang leaning heavily over the counter.
Lilac eyes looked up, her reflection revealing a bloody lip that had long since scabbed over. Her hands were heavily bruised, and her arms looked to be the same. "Hey, Weiss, am I in your way?"
"No, but I feel like I'm in yours." Weiss said, feeling an ominous concern catching at the back of her throat. "Yang, what happened?"
"Nothing happened." Yang said, her voice still rough as she lowered her gaze back to something on the counter top. "Though, I guess that's the fuckin' point…"
Unintentionally holding back a breath, Weiss moved forward, her hand reached out only part of the way. She wanted to bridge the gap, but she couldn't bring herself to get that far. Her hand dropped dead in the air. Something had captured Yang's dark interest. Her feet dragged her forward when nothing else seemed to be able to.
"Yang, is that…" Weiss nearly coughed on her words. There was no need to ask such a stupid question. She knew exactly what was on the counter top. On a personal level of twisted honesty, Weiss had to admit, she was surprised something like this hadn't happened sooner. "Okay…" She breathed, trying to articulate a multitude of questions, and having absolutely no words for any of them. "Just is it…"
"It's positive." Yang interrupted, the simple sentence declaring all that it needed to.
Another breath and a heartbeat passed, the short span feeling like eternity. "Okay." Weiss said again, as if her brain was on repeat. "You're…" She cut herself off again, reverting back to that one single word that everything was not. "Okay…" If she couldn't grapple with reality, she could cling to denial. "Alright, well let's not panic. Pregnancy tests aren't always accurate. It could be a false positive. We'll just go get another test."
Yang shook her head as she flicked the pregnancy test in the trash. "Third time's the charm."
"You've taken others?" Weiss breathed once again, her throat closing in on her more than she might like. A weight settled in her chest, like millions of tiny lead balls holding her down. One hand reached up to clutch at the powder blue blouse she wore. The embroidered Schnee logo crumpling under her grip. She could nearly feel the anxiety attack looming.
"Plus signs every damn time…" Yang muttered sickly. "There's no way around it. I'm pregnant."
"Yang, this is completely ludicrous…" Weiss said with a firm shake of her head. She took a step backwards. The color drained from her face as her back collided the wall. Gritting her teeth, she pressed a harsh breath from out of her nose, too lost for words. Instead, she slid down to the floor. Her fingers sliding into her hair, pulling at the strands as her eyes grew wide. "How is that even possible?"
"How do you think?" Yang bit out, her voice cracking from the gravity of it all.
Weiss knew.
She knew, exactly what to blame. Exactly who to blame.
She pushed herself off the floor, breathing still heavy as she began to pace. "There's no possible way this is happening right now…" She muttered as she nearly tripped over the bathroom rug. "Do you understand me?!" She asked, her voice reaching a pitch high enough to warble on itself. "There. Is. No. Bloody. Way."
"Three times in a row? That's no lie." Yang said uneasily as her eyes began to tear up.
"How could you let this happen?" Weiss asked, as though that reality couldn't be possible. Choking back a sob. Her voice filled with disbelief.
"This summer, I did some things I'm not exactly proud of…" Yang said, looking down at the trashcan, where the evidence still sat. Her voice was numb.
Perfectly so.
An hour later, the panic had subsided, the grief had dulled.
Weiss still felt her heart clench painfully as they both sat on the bed. The evidence had been disposed of before anyone could possibly have an inkling of the truth. Weiss had dried her eyes over and over, finding the flood of tears unrelenting as she finally managed to stop them. Yang just sat by her side, lilac eyes placid, resigned to the reality in front of her.
"How long as this been going on?" Weiss asked softly, her mouth unbelievably dry, her throat raw from her previous yelling.
"Long enough." Yang managed, having curled herself into the smallest possible ball.
"The entire time that you've been avoiding us? That long?" Weiss asked. "Were you hiding this for that long?"
"No, I was bothered by…something else…." Yang said, swallowing down the sick feeling at the back of her throat. "But, finding this out made things so much worse."
"How long have you known?" Weiss asked.
"Just a few days. I really thought it was the Grimm Ivy, you know? I thought, if I just gave it some time, waited things out…everything would just go back to normal." She swallowed so loudly that even Weiss could hear it. Blue eyes lifted from their blank stare. Everything Yang wanted to say crumbled away to dust in that instant.
Yang worked her jaw, but nothing came out as she stood up. She reached over to her pillow that rested on her bunk, and pulled some crumpled paper from beneath it. She smoothed it out as best she could, fingers easing away the thick creases.
The seemingly endless supply of emotion choked her up more than she wanted it to. "I didn't want things to be this way. I was careful. Even when I wasn't, I'm still on the pill…I…" She shook her head, there wasn't an excuse. She couldn't make one, and she didn't even dare to try. "It was only once….but that…" Yang couldn't find the words, so instead she handed Weiss the letter she had hidden away for so long.
Weiss seemed to read it several times, her eyes dancing across the page over and over again.
"Nothing is ever really foolproof." Yang finally managed to say.
"No." Weiss murmured, the earlier shock had yet to truly fade. "It most certainly isn't."
There were thousands of questions she wanted to ask, and yet she had no real way to ask them. Instead, she regarded Yang sadly, perhaps seeing for the first time the monumental weight on her shoulders. Among all of the questions that sprang to mind, so many of them simply didn't matter anymore. Really, there was only one thing that truly did, but Weiss didn't have the heart to ask. Part of her feared the answer. She pulled her long white hair behind her back and sighed, looking back down to the bedspread again.
Yang sat back down too, the intensity in her eyes never leaving. Her hands gently fisted the sheets, gripping onto them for some measure of comfort. "You know, I tried to think of what to say. I rehearsed everything about a thousand times. It never seemed good enough, but lately, nothing ever does."
"Mercury's the father, isn't he?" Weiss asked, already knowing, but desperately needing to hear it.
Yang said nothing as she looked away, so Weiss continued.
"The day I broke the door in the library…it wasn't just Cardin. In fact, he was the least of my ire that day. I was studying, and Mercury was talking to Cardin's team. I heard some things, and…I'm sorry, Yang."
"It's not your fault, Weiss."
She had been hearing that so often recently, she began to doubt the truth of it. Maybe, in some distant way, this was her fault. Her penance for not telling Yang about her feelings. "Did you love him?"
"No, but, I thought I might be able to." Yang said, her voice low and husky against the memory of him. "I thought, maybe, I might stand a chance. So, I took it." The nights he had held her close had been a balm she desperately needed. "He turned me down, and honestly, it hurt a little more than I thought it would. I brushed it off. I didn't want anyone to know."
"Well, you've certainly got to tell Blake and Ruby. This will impact the team, and even if it didn't, it's not as if you can hide this forever." That dark reality crept into her mind and she frowned. "Not unless you're going to take some…rather drastic measures..."
"Honestly, Weiss? I'm trying to figure myself out right now. That's why I haven't said a word." Yang let out a shaky breath. "It's my life, my body, and this is going to be my kid…and if my mom's letter is any indication, it looks like I'm walking in her footsteps. I can't even stand to think about what that might mean. I needed some time to let it all sink in."
"So are you going to…" Weiss trailed off, unable to finish her sentence.
"No." Yang muttered. "No, I can't do that…It's my kid, Weiss…I just don't know how I'm going to tell everyone. I've got to do it the right way, and I don't know if there is one."
"Under normal circumstances, probably not." Weiss wanted to believe that everything would work itself out. Still there were whispers in the back of her mind that stated otherwise. Her heat ached for Yang. She felt powerless to be of any help. "I don't know how they'll take the news. We've been worried, Yang. Enough so, that I'm sure they'd listen to anything you have to say. As long as you're honest about it."
"Is that what you really want?" Yang asked. "Because it's not pretty."
"That's all I've ever wanted out of you." Weiss told her. "I thought you knew that."
"You're all doing so much better than I am. I felt like I was being left behind again. Blake got together with Ruby, and, it was the final straw on a thinning rope. My sister and my partner were making their own way through Beacon without me. I thought that they didn't need me. That I must not matter." Yang said softly. "It's hard to explain, but, I haven't felt that way since I found out my mom wasn't Summer Rose. A lot of old questions started bubbling up. I couldn't put a lid on any of it…and it got to me."
Yang licked her lips, looking up to Weiss, tears lingering in her eyes. "Then vacation came along, and everything got worse. I was stuck in my own head for too long, and then I met Mercury. He was easy on the eyes, and said all the right things. I'd been down that road so many times, and I knew it was going to be a mistake. Huntsmen don't want people like us. They sure as hell don't want someone like me. I knew that going into it, and had sex with him anyway because I thought…I thought…" Yang sighed. "I don't even know. I just wanted it to be different for once."
Weiss wordlessly leaned on Yang's shoulder. She didn't have any comfort to give. "Well, it certainly is different, this time."
"Get it now?" Yang muttered morosely. "I can't tell Blake and Ruby stuff like that. Ruby's going to look at me, and god only knows what she'll see…Blake too. How am I supposed to tell them any of this?"
"I don't know, but, you're going to have to." Weiss said.
"I can't." Yang protested. "Ruby and Blake are just the start of the problem. What's my dad going to say? Uncle Qrow will probably drink himself stupid, and when Beacon finds out, I'll probably get kicked out. I've let down everyone, I know I have." Yang shook her head, the honest loathing she'd harbored for herself for so long finally coming to light. "Every time I look in the mirror, I see my mom's face looking back at me, and I realize that I'm just like her. I'm a huge disappointment to the people who might have given a damn."
"Look at me." Weiss said, her fingers spinning around a thick lock of blonde hair, holding it tight. If Blake's words held any ground, it would have to be now. "Look at me!"
Yang did, feeling weaker than she has ever felt in her life.
"You don't get to sit there and tell me what value you either do or don't have. That's not your choice to make." Weiss insisted hotly. "If we lost you, we'd be devastated. Reflections lie, Yang. They do it all the time, and if you take a good look at yourself and hate what you see, then stop looking." Releasing Yang's hair she signed. "You're not a disappointment, not to me. I regard you as one of the most important people in my life. It's not even a question."
Yang closed her eyes, head leaning down to rest heavily on Weiss's shoulder. "Really?"
Weiss only rolled her eyes. "Yes, Yang." She said, the emotional exhaustion taking its toll. "Really."