When I come home as per usual on Friday, I find a scary-looking pirate waiting. He looks pissed off and irritated, so I'm guessing he's just talked to Mr. Stark.

Uh, no, I'm not getting into this. I put down my bag, intending to retreat. Of course he sees me.

He arches an eyebrow, one good eye staring at me. "Who are you?"

"Uh.. Peter, who are you?" I ask in return.

"Director Fury," he greets, not extending a hand. Neither do I.

"Right. Well," I turn towards the door awkwardly. I can still escape. I'm sick of meeting superheros in the kitchen, (why is it always the kitchen?!)

His voice stops me, "who are you?"

I turn back around, "I told you, Peter."

He chuckles a laugh. I have a feeling it's not because what I said was funny. "No, who are you to Stark and the others?."

"Well I dunno...I'm Mr. Stark's intern —" I lie frantically,

"— yeah, yeah Spider-Man. I mean personally, to the team."

"Wait how do you know I'm —" I lower my voice to a conspiratorial whisper, "Spider-Man?"

"Kid, we have multiple pictures of you climbing into your window, and that's not even the start. Honestly, I'm surprised you haven't been attacked by super-villains several times, anyone who cares could have found out easily. Now, back to the main point," he says, cutting off any replies. "Who are you to the Avengers?"

"I dunno, I mean, I think everybody likes me," I shuffle awkwardly. "I'm learning Russian from Ms. Romanoff and Bucky and Steve helped me on a paper for school. I got an A+."

"God, it's worse than I thought," he mumbles, rubbing a hand over his eyes...well, eye.

"What is?" I let out a little shriek, jumping, Fury does the event of the same, looking up hastily.

Natasha is standing behind me, smiling sugar sweet, something sharp and devilish behind her smile, coated in red lipstick.

"Now, паук, we have to go. Stark's planning a prank war," she puts her hands on my shoulders, fingers curling along my collar bone. I know her eyes have not strayed from Fury, and I know any other man would be scared shitless right now.

Fury is not any other man.

"Agent —"

"— I'm not sure what crimes or connections this minor has to any criminal organization, and I very highly doubt you are here to recruit him, so, I would recommend leaving before Stark comes down you see you preying on a close confidant and child."

Fury stares after us stonily, Natasha marching me out of the kitchen. I whisper a 'thanks' and she only shakes her head, "you do not have to thank me, паук."