A/N: Based on the prompt "One of them is a ghost" and set during S7.
It's a shadow. It's been following her for as long as she can remember.
It's there, in the bar, as she serves the patrons. A glass of Jack Daniel's for Mr. Brown. A gin tonic for Rose. It's sat or standing, perhaps. On the counter. Behind her. She doesn't know but it's there, watching her.
She's not wary. It's not threatening. It's comforting.
She used to hate it. She thought she was going mad and perhaps she is. Perhaps all the whiskey she's absorbed finally drowned her brain.
Once, she lost it. She couldn't bear it anymore. Glass knocked over glass as she yelled for it to go away, to leave her be. That day, she collapsed on the ground, in tears, something she feels she used to do a lot of, once upon a time, yet without having any concrete recollection of it.
When she woke up the next day, it was gone.
Four days… a week… a month, coming home to an emptier apartment. To hollowness and loneliness. To fear.
She missed it.
And just like that, as the realisation hit her, the shadow came back.
It's a companion. Like an imaginary friend who appears to children when they feel lonely and sad. She hasn't been a child for a long time, but loneliness and sadness have been her companions for far too long, so she accepts its presence, smiles when a warm breeze caresses her cheek after another unwanted encounter with Belfrey.
Sometimes, when she closes her eyes, just before falling asleep, she can almost feel two arms wrapping around her. It's faint, feather-like, but the comfort in her chest is nothing but.
…
She notices it for the first time in the mirror.
She's tying her neck scarf. Pink and white skulls drawn on the black fabric. Perhaps, it's a bit much. She might be trying too hard, but ever since she woke up, it's been hard to get into Roni's shoes every day.
She has to. For Henry, so he's safe until she finds a solution.
She closes her eyes, her mind flashing back to her son lying on the ground, lifeless. She looks back into the mirror and at the sofa behind her.
"What do you think?" She asks, and she sees it.
First, it's the outline of a right hand, thumb up but it's on the inside of the wrist that her eyes focus on. There's a darker spot. It's blurry but she makes out the shield-like shape similar to those of a… coat of arms…
It's my family's crest.
The lion represents bravery, strength, wisdom. Family… I try to honour those words every day of my life.
Within seconds it's gone, and she blinks the image out of her mind.
She imagined it, she tells herself as she mixes vodka and dry vermouth for Mrs. Greene. Waking up brought back more than the terrible memories of what would happen to her son should the curse break. It brought back everything. Fear, anger, loss… so much loss.
Her mind must be playing tricks, piecing back together remnants of her memory...
Occasionally, she looks on her left where it stands. Tears that she wipes off discreetly sometimes escape despite her efforts.
She imagined it, she tells herself because him being here but not really is worse than his death.
It becomes harder to wonder.
She's more distant, less patient. Frustration grows sharp as she hits dead ends after dead ends when it comes to Henry.
It senses it. Warm breezes become more recurrent, its presence is more remarkable, over-bearing. It makes it worse, so she asks that it leaves and just like the first time, it does. And just like the first time, she's left alone.
…
She needs another sorcerer. Someone to help her. Someone to talk to or else she's going to go mad.
She can feel it. The Evil Queen inside her, trying to escape but she can't let it. Won't.
She needs help.
There's the option of waking Gold up but her former mentor always has an agenda and it never aligns with hers.
So, it only leaves one other person. She hates it, but she hasn't really got a choice.
She drags Henry along. He needs it and… it allows her to spend some time with him.
Zelena, or Kelly as her cursed-self goes by, is a spinning instructor. A very odd image to associate with the Wicked Witch's. She and Roni have been at odds for a long time which seems fitting considering what really happened between them.
Regina hasn't spoken to her sister ever since Zelena showed up in the Wish Realm with a grown-up Robyn and no warnings. It was hard. Facing her again. No matter how much she tried, she could never completely forgive Zelena and seeing Robyn who looked so much like her father just brought back all these unpleasant memories and it made it almost unbearable, so she did what she had done years earlier, she asked Zelena to leave her be and stay out of her life. Her sister didn't take it well. After everything that happened, she felt she deserved another chance. Regina of all people should understand. She does. Rationally, she knows it's not fair to hold her sister's past sins against her when she expects others not to do it to her, but the heartache is still so very present, suffocating sometimes and it's always triggered by Zelena's presence in her life.
Sometimes, it's not necessarily a bad thing to keep people away for a bit, just enough time to process our own demons, Archie had told her one particularly bad day following her reuniting with her other half.
She paused in front of the white building. She holds onto her chest. Just allow yourself to breathe.
"Hey, is everything okay?"
"I'm just a bit stressed. I haven't seen my… friend in a very long time."
"I'm sure it will be fine and I'm here for support."
He puts a hand on her arm and she has to fight back some stubborn tears. When did she stop being the one to soothe his worries away, she thinks for a second before realising that his sole presence was always all she needed to be soothed.
As expected, Kelly is less than thrilled to see Roni, but Regina manages to distract her enough to slip the memory potion in her whisky.
It takes some time to work but eventually Zelena's memories creep back.
It doesn't put an end to the shouting, however. It's only Regina's desperate "Henry's in danger" that brings back the long-lost silence. She collapses against a stool, tears gathering in her eyes looking up at Zelena with grief.
They talk about all that's happened. The Wish Realm, Hyperion Heights, San Francisco… They talk about Roni, Kelly, Henry, Robyn…
"I think I saw him."
"Who?" Zelena asks and perhaps it's the whisky or the desperate need to just talk about it to someone but Regina tells her everything.
The shadow, the presence, the warmth, the arms...
"I got used to it. I…"
She misses it.
"And you think it's Robin?"
"I know it's insane but when I saw the tattoo in the mirror…
I know it's not really him. I know he's gone but… for a second it felt like it could be."
"Is it here right now?"
Regina shakes her head.
"It went away." Zelena frowns. "I asked it to."
Zelena scoffs and Regina straightens up, defensive.
"What?! I'm just not surprised, that's all. You push people away, that's your thing."
"You can't possibly be comparing this to you," Regina lashes out.
"Whatever it is, it was trying to be there for you, with you and you tossed it to the side."
"I…"
Regina digs her teeth into her lower lip trying to keep the fire in. She feels the trapped magic boiling under skin, the evil begging to be released…
"This was a mistake," she says, and leaves.
…
The bourbon runs down her throat, burning its walls like a wild fire. Or maybe it's just her. She looks down at her hand, shaking, her veins popping out.
"I guess it didn't go well with your friend."
She jumps, her fist knocking the surface of the bar. She spins on her stool to see Henry, hands raised apologetically.
"Sorry. 'Didn't mean to scare you."
She relaxes, unclenching her fingers, her nails slowly pulling out of her skin. She rubs her hand on her jeans to get rid of the drops of blood as he sits next to her.
"How's Lucy?" She asks.
A smile instantly appears on Henry's face and Regina can't help but smile in turn, knowing exactly what her son must be feeling.
"She's fine, then. That's good," she says, resting a hand on her chest.
"Yes, she just… woke up. Just like that. I kissed her and… It was like magic."
Henry chuckles, shaking his head.
"Don't tell Lucy I said that."
Regina watches him, a tear rolling down her cheek.
"Hey Roni, are you okay?"
"No, I'm fine. I'm just glad that Lucy is alright and… to see you smile like that. It's nice."
"Yeah, it's a nice change from gloomy me, isn't it?" He laughs.
"I don't mind gloomy you, Henry," she tells him, reaching for his hand. "I like when you're happy, yes but you should never feel embarrassed about not being well. At least not with me."
"Thank you," he answers, squeezing her hand. "And that goes to you too, so you can tell me what happened after I left San Francisco."
Regina looks at him, tiredly, tears gathering in her eyes. She has no strength in her body anymore. She is tired of it all, the constant struggle, the constant worry, the fighting, the fear and anger so yes, she might not be thinking straight but all she wants right now is to hug her son and pretend for one second that everything is alright, as it used to be. So, she does that, wraps her arms tight around him, inhales his scent like it's the oxygen that keeps her alive.
Regina parts from him with teary eyes.
"Hey, it's going to be alright," he tells her, and she nods, smiling through the tears.
"Thank you for coming."
"I'm sorry I had to bail on you."
"No, Henry, don't apologise. Lucy needed you and I'm a big girl. I'll be fine. I just need a good night sleep that's all."
"You're sure?"
"I am, and you should go. The bar closed hours ago, young man," she says with a smirk.
He nods and smiles.
"Alright," he caves in. "See you tomorrow?"
"Yes," she nods, and he leaves.
She goes upstairs not long after he's gone.
Her apartment is pitch black, but she isn't sure she can face any form of light as of now. The ones from the street are nuisance enough.
She blindly takes her boots off and hangs her jacket onto the rack. She goes into the living room and falls on her couch, almost missing it and falling on her ass.
She sighs, tucking her feet under her thighs. She leans against the back of the couch.
"Come back, please," she whispers into the silence.
A cold breeze passes through the living room enveloping her and then, warmth.
She closes her eyes and lays down on her side, bringing a cushion down to rest her head.
"I've missed you.
I…
I miss you."
…
Zelena shows up at the bar one day with Robyn in toe and surprise doesn't even begin to cover what she feels.
"You asked for my help and I intend on giving it to you."
If she wasn't so desperate, she would choose stubbornness but instead she accepts the much-needed assistance.
The young girl hugs her aunt tight, telling her how much she's missed her. Margot and Roni have always been closer than Robyn and Regina. A cruel twist which was probably the intent all along. It's one thing to shield from someone because they bring back painful memories, it's another to be just as painfully aware of how good things might have been had a cliff not been dug to keep them away.
They exchange pleasantries and Regina tries not to be distant, tries not to be too acutely aware of the resemblance between her niece and Robin. It's her eyes probably. The deep, piercing blue eyes imbued with kindness and strength with a hint of wilfulness…
A warmth draft caresses her back and she closes her eyes briefly, keeping the tears from falling.
Margot leaves to go explore the city. Just like Robyn, she loves finding new adventures to be led onto.
Regina watches her disappear in the street unable not to smile. She feels it scooting next to her, watching the young girl too, probably, smiling as well, perhaps… surely.
"It's back, isn't it?"
She looks up at Zelena and nods. She turns and grabs two glasses and a bottle of MacCutcheon.
"Where shall we begin?" Zelena says as Regina walks back to her and puts the glasses down on the counter.
"How do you feel about cutting a witch?"
Zelena's mouth twists into a small rictus and she raises a now-full glass and clink it against Regina's.
"I thought you'd never ask."
…
It's when you lose someone that you realise how precious they are to you. Or so they say. It's never been the case for her. She always knows, always cares too deeply, loves so much it's easy to pretend it's hatred.
She hated him the first time she met him. She hated his arrogance, his smug smile, the way he seemed to read her so easily.
Vulnerability isn't an emotion that is becoming of her, quite the opposite but then… Then, it became less annoying, more comforting. The look in his eyes when she would tell him about her son, when he would talk about his son. The cheeky smiles and the witty banter he kept in store just for her. She fell for him, fell hard and proper.
She didn't need him dead to realise just how much he meant to her. She knew it all along from the second she met him. Hatred or love, he was the one.
The witch is dead. Henry's memory has returned. Her boy is happy. The city is vibrant and the laughter loud. The curse has broken but her heart is still very much so as well.
A shiver runs down her spine and something tickles her hand. She closes her eyes and a tear escapes, dropping into her drink.
Someday it will stop hurting. It has to.
…
Queen of all realms.
A flaunting title she never thought of holding, never imagined she could ever be becoming of. She never wanting to be Queen. She spat those words in despair so often they clung to her skin like the firethorn creeping to one's limbs. But today, as Snow White places the crown atop her head, as the once heavy jewel lays on her head like a feather, as the loud clapping bounce against the chapel's walls, as she looks at the crowd cheering and her family smiling, as the familiar breeze caresses her face… It feels right. She is the Queen.
Tears prick her eyes as she distinguishes all the faces, every person she once considered enemies gathered in her name…
And he is here too. Of course, he is but what startles her is that he is no longer just a presence, just a faint caress on her back, just a floating limb in the air. She can see him so perfectly clearly, standing there, amidst her family. Roland is by his left side. A handsome young man he's become, as kind and witty as his father. Robyn, by the right one. A brave one with her father's determination in the eyes. They're looking at her, joy and pride exuding from their smiles. They don't know he's here, but he is. Tearing his gaze away from her every so often to glance at his children. His beautiful children.
She closes her eyes, bringing a hand to her heart. It can't be. It can't possibly be. It must be a dream. It is.
A futile dream.
…
They're all gone. She's asked to be left alone, to take in all that's happened before she joins them in the Great Hall for the festivities.
He isn't gone.
"Milady."
It sounds unreal yet so very clearly real. The tone of his voice, the way the word, the oh-so-familiar moniker rolls on his tongue and reach her ears like a caress.
She doesn't dare opening her eyes, doesn't dare move a finger afraid to break the spell, afraid to pop the bubble. It's not real, she knows it, yet she hopes. She hopes that he will be standing before her, smiling, breathing, alive but dead is dead. She's learned. She knows. It's just a dream. A figment of her troubled mind that desperately, desperately wants to hold him again. Just one last time.
"Regina, open your eyes, my love."
"I can't," she whispers, her voice trembling.
"It's alright," he says. "It's alright."
The light is harsh. Her eyes are burning. He's standing there. Before her, with tears of his own caressing the floor. She reaches for him, desperate to feel his skin against her…
Air.
His hand vanishes into thin air as she touches it and she falls onto the ground.
What a cruel trick it is. What a vile punishment, a stab through the heart.
"Don't," she begs, hands flat against the cold floor.
"It's alright, my love. I promise. I'm alright."
"No, you're not. You're still gone. You're still…" Dead.
He sits next to her, quietly, silently. God what wouldn't she give for him to make a sound. The rustle of his clothes, the small hmpf when he meets the ground or the comforting lub-dub of his heart. But there's nothing, just her own damn heart pounding against her chest when it should have been her in the grave.
"Don't say that," he says, breaking the maddening silence.
She dares looking up at him and he gives her a smile.
"It appears you found a few believers."
She closes her eyes back briefly, remembering the first time he told her those words.
"I'm proud of you. You showed them that they could trust you and they do."
"I… I'm glad you were here. I – I'm glad you're here."
"I'll never be far," he whispers, bringing his face close to her and she can almost feel his breath caressing her lips. Almost.
"You're leaving me, aren't you?"
"I have to. I've been here for longer than allowed and I can feel it pulling me back."
"It?" She asks, raising a brow.
He smirks, shaking his head. "In due time, milady. In due time."
She rolls her eyes, shrugging and he laughs.
A small smile tucks the corner of her lips as she watches him do so.
When one misses someone, it's not just their presence that is crave, it's every single aspect of their being, every single personality trait, their odour or their voice. Their laugh. Their laugh would resonate for days, months, weeks after their gone until one day it stops singing.
"I'd forgotten."
"What?"
"What your laugh sounded like," she says, her voice cracking under the weight of the confession, despite the smile still pinned to her lips. "I don't want you to go. I don't want to forget it again… I'm scared…"
A feels a sudden warmth against her cheek, his hand having risen to her face, hovering on its side.
"I'll miss you so much," she whispers.
"And I you. More than words could ever tell."
She looks at him, tries to memorise every feature of his face, every crease, every twitch, every shade and strand of hair…
"I'll be waiting for you Milady," he says, happily "but please, do take you time. They still need you down here."
"I need you."
"And I'm here."
And gently, his hand goes from her cheek to her chest.
"Always."
And just like that night in her office, the last thing she sees is his smile, his beautiful dimpled smile carved in her mind forever.
"Til' we meet again, thief."