Chapter 8 - The Slayer Diaries

June 6th, 2001 – 1550 Hours

PAST - FOUR DAYS AFTER BUFFY'S DEATH

Cheyenne Mountain Complex (SGC) – Briefing Room

Hank sighed as he slipped into a chair. Letting his briefcase clatter onto the polished wood of the conference table.

"I thought you were going to be gone for a few more days Hank. Weren't you going to spend some time with your daughters?" Hammond asked, his happy yet neutral eyes studied the new arrival.

… … …

"Hank?" Hammond lost his smile.

Hank took a breath, steeling himself as he looked at the admittedly attractive Major seated across from him. 'Carter' he reminded himself, her eyes practically drooling with questions begging to be answered. "It wasn't any of our doing, whatever it was that happened in Sunnydale."

Hammond held up a staling hand. "Later, we're still waiting on someone."

Hank swore he heard the Major squeak with frustration. "Oh."

"So, your daughter's run you out of town already?" Hammond half heartedly joked. "They always seemed to be a bit on the energetic side. I know Kayla and Tessa always run me into the ground, but I wouldn't have it any other way."

Hank nodded. It was close enough to the truth.

"Are you feeling alright?" Hammond asked.

No.

Hank opened his mouth, the lies already lining up in his mind. Glad the door swung open before he spoke. An older man, a stern look across his face entering with a middle aged woman in tow. His eyes widened when he recognized the face.

"Senator Kinsey." Hammond acknowledged in a flat tone.

"General, Major." Senator Robert Kinsey returned, his eyes slowly landing on Hank. "I'm afraid I'm unfamiliar with-"

"Hank Summers" Hank quickly finished unwilling to earn the ire of the NID biggest benefactor. "National Intelligence Division."

"Yes, of course." kinsey gave a smile that never seemed to reach his eyes.

"Victoria Midland" The woman introduced.

Hank watched as Hammond's brow tightened and the Major tried, then failed to hide a scowl. He quickly matched the fake smiles everyone else in the room seemed to be wearing.

Hammond: "Miss Midland-"

"Mrs. Midland" She corrected.

Hammond: "Of course, Mrs. Midland, I wasn't aware you would be joining us."

Kinsey: "Yes, well I needed someone competent to keep an eye on things once I leave."

Hank caught a few less than polite words Carter muttered under her breath.

"Mrs. Midland will be remaining to perform a review of the SGC and it's personnel." Kinsey explained, the smile on his face now seeming genuine.

Hammond: "I see. And this has been approved?"

"Congressional oversight committees don't need approval to place qualified observers in the programs that we oversee." Kinsey grinned.

"We'll see about that" Hammond grumbled.

If anything Kinsey's smile seemed to widen at the challenge.

Hank watched the small battle of wills as George's face remained as neutral as the vein bulging from his forehead would allow. He didn't need to see the subtle clues to know the man's thoughts, Senator Kinsey's grudge with the leadership of the SGC was approaching legendary in classified circles.

Hank decided to jump in as the newcomers took their seat. "As I was saying, the energy burst detected by Major Carter wasn't anything of our doing. The operation in Sunnydale was mothballed and everything I saw confirmed that this is still the case." He opened his briefcase, preparing to pass out copies of his report.

"Mr. Summers." Mrs. Midland interrupted. "You were directed to defer to the NID's official report."

Hank raised an eyebrow in question. Racking his brain searching in vein for those directions.

"There was an email." She clarified. Pulling a stack of papers of her own and sliding them across the table towards the various people. "This report contains the relevant findings of Mr. Summers investigation. As you can see, experts at the NID have classified it as a naturally occurring phenomenon. No links to the Stargate Program or the Goa'uld were found. Any further questions can be directed, in writing, to the signatory of the final report."

Hank frowned, skimming through the redacted report finally reaching the end.

Victoria K. Midland

"This doesn't answer anything!" Carter snapped after reaching the end in a bout of speed reading "You might as well have said that something may, or may not have happened. Ranging from a nuclear bomb to a damn dog pissing on a fire hydrant! And it wasn't a bomb!"

Victoria: "Those are your answers Major ..."

"Carter!"

"Carter. Thank you for bringing this to the NID's attention." Victoria's smile seemed to match the Senators.

Kinsey grinned as Victoria handed him a sealed envelope. "The scope of Mrs. Midland's review." He slid the hefty packet towards Hammond, quickly standing to leave.

"And this required a U.S. Senator to deliver?" Hammond questioned out loud.

"No. But I have business in the area."

And I wanted to see the hopeless anger in your eyes Hank mentally added.

"Mrs. Midland" Kinsey nodded, leaving before his seat could even warm.

Minutes later Hank found himself seated in front of a seething general. His face growing more deeply red with each paper removed from the envelope.

"This can wait George. You've got bigger things on your mind than catching up." Hank offered, hopeful his offer would be taken.

"No-no. It's fine. Just one more hoop to jump through. Nothing that wasn't already expected."

Hank caught the lie in his tone but let it go.

Hammond leaned forward in his chair. "What aren't you telling me Hank?"

"I'm sorry George. Whatever is in the report is all I can say."

"That's not what I was talking about."

… … …

"How's your family. Really?"

"Fine."

… … … "Fine?" Hammond narrowed his gaze.

"Let it go George."

"No. Somethings wrong. Don't bullshit me Hank, I'm not in the mood."

"You really want to know?"

… … …

"My families gone George."

Hammond scoffed "Joyce left you, I get it. But they're not gone."

"George, I haven't been to see my daughters in … I honestly don't even know how many years."

Hammond's face returned to its reddish hugh.

"This was going to be my big apology." He leaned over, head gripped between his hands. "When I got the assignment to go to Sunnydale … It was a sign George. I was … I was going to ask if Dawn or Buffy wanted to come to Colorado for the summer."

Hammond frowned, then frowned deeper. "They turned you down then I take it"

He shook his head "Their gone! Buffy and Joyce are dead." Hank finally admitted "Dawn hates me." A tear slipped down his cheek.

… … … "I honestly don't know what to say … How?"

"What does it matter?"

"And you didn't even know?" The disapproving anger in the general's voice matched his face.

"I haven't talked to them in years George." Hank broke, sobbing into his hands.

"How did you not know Joyce had died, your own daughter?!"

… … …

The generals voice took a cold turn "Get out! Get out and go home. Don't come back to my base until you've got your head together."

Hammond watched as his old 'friend' slunk out of his office. His anger boiling and barely contained just below the surface. Slumping into his desk at the thought of little Buffy, such a pleasant young girl, now lost to the world.

His foul mood darkening, as he once more turned back to the stack of papers detailing Mrs. Midlands review of the SGC. He clenched his fist, slamming it into the envelope he deeply wished to throw into the vortex of a forming wormhole. Wanting to toss the man responsible and his leashed dog in right behind it.

Taking a less than calming breath he pushed the intercom on his phone. He needed to hit something and god forbid it end up being any of his staff, staff other than O'Neill at least. "Walter, if anyone needs me I'll be in the gym."

"I'm sorry sir, did you say the gym?"

"Not a word sergeant. I'm not in the mood. Not a goddamn word."

Sunnydale, California – 1630 Revello Drive

"You want to train me?" Dawn repeated Spikes words. "You and Giles?"

"No bit, I want to give you a choice. A choice big sis never got. Do you even want anything to do with this, being the slayer?"

"I'm not afraid of-" Dawn tried to reply before she was cut off.

"You bloody well think about this before you say one more word. There's a lot big sis hid from you. You really think you want anything to do with this life, her life. You talk to Rupes first. You ask him to level with you. I've fought a few slayers in my day, reason they go down is cause they decide the don't wanta keep going. Even your sis struggled with that one, got too close to the line, started wondering what was on the other side, got careless, got hurt. Near the end she … You just talk to Rupes. It ain't bloody free." Spike lectured.

"Fine"

"Good"

"Perfect" Dawn grinned.

"Fan-freaking-tastic"

"You done?"

"Yeah, rekkon I am" Spike huffed leaning back into the couch "You don't have to stay here. On the hellmouth. Not your problem. We can leave. Me, you, Rupes, whoever."

"I'll think about it okay."

"You do that."

Dawn opened her mouth, settling instead with snuggling up to her 'babysitter' - aka guard - on the couch.

Spike let out a reflexive breath. "Look, you've got me either way. I can teach you to fight, but Rupes has a way of explaining things you haven't considered. Need to get all the facts before you dive in." Spike replied as he felt the warmth from Dawn begin to soak in. "Not your fight, what big sis did. Not unless you make it yours. Once you open that door it ain't an easy one to close."

"I thought we done talking about this?"

"Smartass"

"Jerk"

"You bloody Summers women …"

"You know you love us." Dawn quickly burrowed deeper into black leather, avoiding the hurt she was sure was on Spike's face after her slip.

ONE DAYS LATER

Sunnydale, California – 1630 Revello Drive

"Giles!" Willow quickly stepped away from the door gesturing him to enter.

"Thank you my dear. How are things going?" Giles asked as he pulled the young woman into a hug.

Willow shrugged "As well as can be expected I guess. I still can't really believe it. It's like, I saw Buffy fight so much, and she always came through it. I guess … I guess I figured she always would."

Giles nodded, his eyes losing focus, staring off into the distance. "But this is how it ends, isn't it. How every watcher-slayer relationship ends. One of us dies."

Willow grimaced, closing the door behind him "Dawn's in her room. Look, be careful, she's kind of … volatile. She trashed her room the night of the funeral and ran off for a while and … well you probably already know all of this. Just, please don't make her run off."

"Yes, I'm well aware of Dawn's little … adventure. It's part of the reason I'm here." Giles replied, cleaning his glasses.

"And the other part?"

"I am Dawn's guardian. We have some decisions to make." Giles replied with heavy words shifting a leather case in his hands.

"What's that?" Willow asked, shifting to catch a view of the unlabeled spine of a book peeking out.

"Nothing that concerns you."

"Jeez. Just curious. Anyway, I'm headed out to meet Tara. Feel free to … discuss … without me." Willow replied slipping out the front door.

Giles let out a sigh, moving into the living room and slumping into the first chair he saw. "I'm guessing you heard all of that. You can come down if you want, or I can come up."

Giles heard a door creak open, near silent footsteps following.

"I'll come down."

Giles glared at the collection of journals he'd brought, wishing them to be the vivacious blonde he grew to love instead of just the remnants of her thoughts and secrets. He never wanted to see these books again as long as he lived.

Dawn sank into the couch next to him with an exaggerated and very Buffy-like huff.

Giles sighed.

If Buffy had been a drama queen, Dawn was the Emperor..

"Did Spike speak to you?" He asked.

"Said I needed to talk with you. Needed to make up my mind about being the slayer."

"Good, so have you?"

"Huh?"

"Made up your mind?"

"I … I had … but..."

"What did he tell you?"

"He said you'd have a better idea of what my sister faced … in her own mind I guess. That I should listen."

"Well then, listen and listen well. I don't know how much of this you know, how much Buffy hid from you and your mother over the years. But she was a slayer for over seven years. That's a lot of fighting, and a lot of horrors. And I can promise you, her wrath would be inescapable if she knew you were called as a slayer when she … when she …"

"You can say the words Giles. You can't make it any worse than it is."

Giles grimaced. They'd been hard enough to write in his own watchers journals, saying them out loud seemed impossible. "I loved your sister Dawn. I loved her like she was my own daughter."

"I know … … … She talked about you, you know. After dad … after he disappeared on us. She would just kind of drift off in her own world. She looked happy, I like to think she was picturing us as a family. You, me, mom."

Giles smiled "A pleasant thought." Giles reminisced for a moment before returning to his somber mood "Did you know I'm not Buffy's first watcher?"

Those words caught Dawn off guard "What?"

"I'll take that was a yes. Buffy's first watchers name was Merrick Lagrange. From what Buffy had told me they'd developed a close relationship, much like the one we had after our first few months together." Giles explained in a dark tone.

Dawn opened her mouth, gaping like fish before finally speaking "Merrick, I think I might have met him once. Not a nice person."

Giles chuckled sadly "No, he wasn't. But your sister … well, she had a way of making even the even the worst of men fall in love with her. We're trained to not care, watchers, to let slayers fight alone, to stand back, to advise, report. The watchers are the memories of the slayer, we must survive to ensure that."

"What … what happened to him?"

"Killed by your sister's first master vampire."

"The Master. But … we were already in Sunnydale then?"

Giles shook his head "Lothos, not as old as the master, but quite a vicious monster. He killed Merrick while trying to get to Buffy, or, more accurately, Merrick killed himself to try to stop that from happening. Buffy killed Lothos in return."

"I never … I just knew she was fighting a lot with Mom and Dad before they sent her off to that retreat. Wait, the gym she burned down?"

"Filled with vampires. She took the loss of her first watcher … rather poorly."

"Huh."

"Quite."

"Wait, the retreat?"

"Erm, yes. Not a retreat. Buffy ran away for a while after her battle with Lothos trying to escape her calling.

"I knew that."

"When she finally came home and came clean with your parents. They had her committed."

"They What?!" Dawn yelled.

… … …

"My parents …" Dawn frowned "She never talked about it, just … shut down whenever I brought it up. I knew it was bad, but a nut house?"

"They surprised her, drugged her before she could put up a fight. She was … she never talked much about that, even with me. I believe there is much more to the story than I'm aware of and I'm rather afraid of what that might be."

Giles sighed, steeling himself for even the mention of the books he'd brought with him "This brings me to the purpose of my visit, at least part of it." Giles continued as he placed the heavy leather satchel on the coffee table between them. "These, are the slayer diaries, your sister's diaries" he clarified with a heavy heart.

"No, her diaries are upstairs, in the closet, second sh … oh crap!" Dawn squeaked.

"Dawn, your sister was well aware of your … habits. Since coming out to your parents was so … disastrous … she figured a more subtle approach was needed for you. She kept those diaries as a way to slowly give you information she wanted you to have.

"These … " He gestured to the journals "Are her real diaries."

Dawn looked at the books as a mix of dread and excitement found her heart "What's in them?"

"I've no idea, a great many private things I imagine."

"So … you've never read them? You expect me to believe that?"

"There is no guide for slayers other than their watcher, and the slayer handbook. Both of which are slanted to portray the slayer as the obedient lap dog of the council. Buffy … had other ideas." Giles smiled at the remarkable foresight his slayer had possessed "She always kept a diary. Asked me to make it possible for future slayers to have them as a reference, a guide if you will, telling them not just what had come before, but how she felt. Her struggles with life. Something to help them through what a slayer must endure. Something their watchers couldn't help them with, couldn't understand."

"After the incident with the cruciamentum she wanted to ensure no watcher could ever read them." A shiver ran down Giles spine as he thought about that day. "She … I … we cast the spell using Buffy's blood, the power of the slayer. Very powerful, very ancient, and very, very dark. No one but a slayer may read them. Per her very explicit request … the penalty for attempting to forcibly read them, is death. Though, that's not been tested. The books do force any unpermitted readers to feel a building sense of discomfort and unease first, only if they persist …"

"Oh."

"Quite. I've honestly no idea what they contain. Though I do doubt she ever expected you of all people to read them. The other part of the spell is that the books will find their way into the hands of the next slayer. I've already felt the pull, so I suppose that part is working."

Dawn swallowed as the enormity of what she was receiving sank in. Her sister's secrets, All of her secrets, unfiltered, uncensored. "I guess … I should … I should read these before I decide what I want to do."

"I believe that would be wise, yes. I've included a few of my watchers diaries as well in the hope it will dissuade you from simply stealing them later."

"Me?" Dawn feigned shock at such an accusation. "You said there was other stuff you wanted to talk to me about?" Her eyes not daring to drift towards the treasure trove of secrets before her.

"Hrmm, yes. You're aware your sister made me your legal guardian in the event of her … death?" Giles stumbled through the words. Still trying to come to grips with the notion that he essentially now had a teenage daughter as he failed to push thoughts of Buffy from his mind.

"Yes, we covered this the night … " Dawn let her answer trail off.

"Yes, not a night I like to think about either. I wasn't sure how much you'd remember."

"All of it Giles."

"I'm so very sorry"

… … …

"You need to decide if you want to remain here or if you want to move in with me, or if you want me to move here. I am in control of all of Joyce, then Buffy's possessions until you turn eighteen, that includes this house. But I will abide by your wishes unless I feel they are inappropriate."

"Define inappropriate" Dawn attempted levity falling woefully short.

"I think we'll know if or when we see it. Don't you?"

Dawn shrugged "I guess. I think I'd like to keep it like it is for now. Tara and Willow can move in permanently. Tara … she kind of reminds me of mom, you know. You keep your apartment. I can change my mind later right?"

Giles shifted over to the couch joining Dawn. A caring hand rubbing small circles on her back "Of course. The other thing we need to decide is if we try to keep Buffy's death a secret from the underworld. Willow may be able to repair the Buffybot, it's not very convincing but-"

"I want it destroyed!"

Giles nodded "I understand. Likely for the best. We need to decide if you want me to tell the council that you're a slayer or not."

Dawn looked up a him with shock "Why would we tell them anything?"

"They keep tabs on the slayer, even when Buffy wasn't working for them, they still kept track of her. If we don't use the Buffybot, it won't be long before they figure out Buffy's gone. They may know already. If you decide you want to take up the mantle of The Slayer, it won't be that long before they catch wind of it. They'll figure it out eventually. Question is if we want to beat them to the punch and tell them or let them figure it out on their own."

"What will they do when they find out?"

Giles shrugged "I don't really know. Ordinarily they would send a new watcher. But this is hardly ordinary. Given your familiarity with me they may accept me as your watcher, or they may use that as an excuse to try to force a new watcher on you. Try to isolate you before your sure of yourself like they do with other slayers."

"I vote for not telling. We don't gain anything by telling them do we?"

"No, not really. That was my thought as well. In any event, Spike has already volunteered to make any watcher they might send … disappear."

"He should make them all disappear, present company excluded."

"I appreciate the pardon. I tend to agree with you." He sighed, preparing for the shriek he knew was coming. "Summer School."

"What?!" Dawn screamed.

"Your grades this semester were abysmal."

"But-"

"I understand. But unless you wish to be held back a grade, it's non negotiable."

She sighed dramatically, throwing herself into the embrace of the couch.

"You sound just like her you know … when you're not paying attention. No matter what you choose, people will always compare you, as much as I will try not to, me included. But I'll always love you Dawn. Partly because she asked me to, and partly because a part of her lives on through you."

Dawn was starting to shed her own tears now at the fatherly figures tender words "What do you mean a part of me?"

"Another day my dear, it may very well be written in those journals you're holding." Giles replied gritting his teeth against the threatening tears "I'll call and check on you tomorrow, okay?"

She nodded "Thanks for this Giles, I know it's hard to talk about her." Dawn replied giving him a quick hug.

Giles eyes went wide, his face turning red "A … a … r … Good lord" Giles panted "You need to learn to hug softly my dear, something your sister never seemed to quite manage I'm afraid." Giles managed a chuckle as he stood.

"Giles, why were you chosen to be Buffy's second watcher?"

Giles froze, the question catching him off guard.

… … … "I … I never actually asked at the time. It's considered such a great honor to be the watcher to the slayer that I never thought twice about it. So many of us watch without ever serving a slayer. I guess no one wanted to get close to a slayer who'd never trained before she was called. As your own experiences from the other night may attest, they don't usually last very long. With her first watcher having already died before she'd defeated Lothos no one knew she'd pulled it off. I was always a black sheep in the council, looked down upon. They probably figured I'd either get killed like her first watcher or be disgraced when she died."

Giles let out a teary chuckle "I bet they never expected her to be the one giving them ultimatums. God she was something."

Dawn felt the tickle of another tear roll down her cheek "Yeah, she really was" She replied as she clutched the books in her arms like a lifeline.