Chapter Twelve:
The Vastness of the Ocean
Once again Alayna finds herself standing in front of the mirror but this time she no longer recognizes the face she sees within it. Panic and confusion have set in with very deep roots. How is it that one person can have such power to throw her life into chaos? When did she become so weak to allow it? Her first reaction is typical. RUN! She packs a bag and purchases a ticket on the next flight to the West Coast, far enough away that she might be able to think clearly again. Little does she want admit that no matter how far she runs, she cannot escape what is growing inside her.
She gives no notification to anyone that she is leaving. Instead she sneaks out of town like a coward only relaxing when the plane is in the air. What could she have possibly expected? For him to have read all the signs of panic and chased her down demanding that she stayed? Not likely. By the time the idea flits through her head she has convinced herself that what she is feeling is completely one sided. Once she is gone, Loki will simply find his amusement elsewhere. One she lands in LA, the idea is firmly entrenched in her brain.
She spends a few days in peace before another feeling sets in. It crawls into her head like a snake as she sits on the beach staring at the vastness of the ocean. Loneliness. She had been used to being alone but loneliness is a new experience. Head in hands she groans tempted with the thought to pull her hair in frustration. Again, her knee-jerk action is to run. This time she heads for the mountains only to find the same sense of vastness and loneliness. At one point she wanders through a forest of aspen, madness biting her heels. It is in this madness she comes upon a drastic solution. Death. Not that it means anything since she in immune to it's permanency but if she can convince Loki that she is truly gone maybe she will free of him and her feelings for him.
With this plan firmly in her mind she returns to New York with all intentions of carrying it out. By this time the books she had ordered for him had arrived. This gives her an excuse to meet him once again. Two steps ahead in her mind she can see how it will play out, cleanly, neatly. One moment of action and she can move on with her life as can he. First, to find him. Instead of a fruitless search of the city, she returns to their last meeting place in hopes that he will find her there.
Since that last meeting Loki has been restless and fighting with doubts that maybe he somehow managed to offend her once again. Acutely away of Alayna's absence, it has been all he can do to keep from panicking. Instead he has tried to keep himself busy with the things that usually to holds his mind and attention. For some reason they no longer seem do so. Could he truly be so desperate for a friend? Could the company of another really have become so appealing to him. After a week of no sight of her, he starts to worry. What if something happened? Could she be ill? His mind does not want to go any further. The taste concern as foreign to him as the taste of fear. When he sees her once again on the bench by the river he can actually feel the knot of worry loosen inside of him. What will it be tonight? More questions? Details about where she has been keeping herself? He takes a seat beside her and waits to find out.
By now Alayna is so used to spending time with Loki she can sense him approaching. A twist of longing and anticipation knifes through her stomach. Face to face, she begins to have doubts about her plan but she reminds herself it is for the best. Suspecting he can read the emotions in her eyes she deliberately keeps them focused elsewhere. Instead, she moved closer to him reaching her arm around his waist as if to give him a hug. "I brought you a present." She passes him the box of books. While he is distracted she finds what she is looking for in the inside pocket of his jacket. Loki opens the box and glances at the titles, unaware of her actions. He picks one up and reads the back cover. "Alayna these sound atrocious. I am sure I am going to love them. Thank you." She returns her hug. "Now tell me where have you been?
She continues to keep her eyes focused on the river in front of them least he should suspect anything. "After our last conversation I needed to leave for awhile and do some thinking." Alayna can feel Loki stiffen slightly next to her before relaxing again. "And what did you decide?" He doesn't think he will be happy with what she has to say. Slowly, Alayna grabs the object she found in Loki's pocket more tightly. "I think it pains me to be so close to you. I have allowed you to worm your way behind my defenses and it has made me weak. I cannot stand the fact I no longer hate you." Her words have their desired effect. She can feel Loki pulling away from her, closing himself off once again. A coldness creeps into his eyes and his voice. "And how do you we suggest we solve this problem?" Alayna allows herself to be buffeted by that cold, knowing that she deserves it. Each of them stands again, facing one another. She pull out his dagger than she has just stolen and plunges into her heart before he can react.
Though he is in shock, Loki catches her before she hits the ground only to watch as she disappears.