DAY 12 - MISS YOU MOST (AT CHRISTMAS TIME)
Author's Prompt: Beca and Chloe had been together for almost a year and living together in L.A. when Chloe got a job offer working as the Curator at an Art Gallery in London, England; Beca became a popular and famous solo music artist. They broke up so Chloe could pursue a once-in-a-lifetime career opportunity in London; Beca remained in L.A. Three years later, Beca is a Grammy award-winning artist, and it's almost Christmas time.
Beca smiled at the photograph she had been holding for the better part of an hour. She wiped at the tears that always came to her eyes as she thought about the girl in the picture. It's been three years since they parted and a day hasn't passed that she hasn't thought about her.
"Oh, my God, Beca," Chloe called out as soon as she entered their L.A. apartment. "You'll never believe what happened to me today."
"From the way your acting, it was something exciting I assume."
"It's the most exciting thing ever." Chloe was practically gushing. "I was offered the job as curator for the National Gallery in London."
"London? As in London, England?"
"Um, yeah."
Chloe looked nervous, and Beca felt tears spring to her eyes because she had a feeling she knew where this was going.
"So, is this where we talk about it or where you tell me you already accepted and your moving to London?"
Chloe walked over and took Beca's hands in hers.
"Beca, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity."
Beca pulled her hands away and stepped back from Chloe.
"So, you're moving. When?"
"They want me to start as soon as possible."
"What does this mean for us?"
"Becs, I'll be in London but-"
Beca put up her hand. "Stop. I got it. Congratulations on the new job." Beca stood and walked to the door. "I'll stay at Amy's until you've moved out."
"No, Beca." Chloe ran over to stand in front of the door to keep Beca from leaving. "Listen to me, please."
"I think we should just make a clean break of it. I wish you the best."
"No, Beca, we can-"
Beca pushed Chloe aside and walked out the door; she didn't look back. Over the next few days Chloe tried texting and calling, but Beca wouldn't answer. Beca deleted texts and voicemails without reading or listening to any of them. Amy told her that Chloe came by the apartment a few times, but Beca wasn't there. After a week, Amy told her that Chloe was leaving in two days and that Aubrey was hosting a going away party for Chloe and she wanted Beca to be there.
Beca felt she had already said goodbye; had made a clean break of it and didn't want to go through the pain of seeing Chloe happy about moving away, so she spent the night at the studio on the night of the party.
Beca wiped the tears that were streaming down her face and put the picture back in its proper place. She missed Chloe most days, but it was almost painful how much she missed her at this time of year. That's why for the past three years she's always made sure she was touring, so she didn't have time to think about it.
Christmas without Chloe was the worst.
~25 Days~ ~25 Days~ ~25 Days~ ~25 Days~
Beca stood staring out the hotel window at the Paris lights when Stacie walked over to her.
"You ready?"
Beca looked at Stacie and smiled. "As ready as I'll ever be."
Beca grabbed the garment bag that held her outfit she was going to wear for her concert. She was returning to do another Christmas show for the troops at the Citadel in Paris where it all began for her.
This was where she was introduced to the world as a solo artist when DJ Khaled had seen something in her and signed her to his label. This was where she finally told Chloe how she felt and Chloe had reciprocated those feelings.
Beca was quiet on the ride to the Citadel. Once there, she and Stacie gathered her stuff and found her dressing room. Stacie plopped down on the couch that was provided and took out her phone.
"I can't thank you enough for being here with me," Beca said to Stacie. "I don't know if I could handle this part of the tour alone. A lot of memories were made here."
What could Beca say about Stacie? They had become close friends when they both joined the Barden Bellas. But they became the best of friends after Chloe moved to London.
Stacie had shown up on Beca's doorstep the day after Aubrey's going away party for Chloe. The day before Chloe was flying to London and not coming back. Stacie never pressured Beca to see Chloe before she left. Instead, Stacie stayed with Beca for a couple of weeks and let her cry and fed her ice cream and all the liquor she could handle.
On the fifteenth day, Stacie took Beca out dancing, and they got drunk together. Stacie played wingman to Beca and Beca left with about five new phone numbers of people who were interested in seeing her again.
Two days later, Stacie left. Beca was still heartbroken, but at least she was a functioning human being and managed to get a few good songs out of her pain.
"Don't start with me, Mitchell," Stacie said. "I'm very emotional right now because I miss my girlfriend and baby girl and it won't take much to make me cry."
"Bella is four years old," Beca said. "I don't think she's considered a 'baby' anymore."
"I don't care how old she is," Stacie said emphatically. "She will always be my baby."
"Sorry," Beca said holding up her hands. "Plus, you left her with Aubrey. When you get back the four-year-old you left behind is going to be way too uptight and probably nursing an ulcer."
"Hey, that's my girlfriend your talking about," Stacie said and then laughed. "But, you're probably right."
"So, how is Aubrey these days?," Beca said. "I know being friends with me has put a strain on your relationship."
"She gets it, Beca," Stacie said. "It's just that Chloe is still her best friend and they were both really hurt when you didn't come to say goodbye to Chloe."
"I did say goodbye," Beca said. "Just because it wasn't the goodbye she wanted from me, doesn't mean it didn't happen. She decided to move to London. I wished things had turned out differently and I had fought for her. But I didn't because I knew she deserved that job and I wasn't going to stand in her way. I made a clean break so we could both start fresh. What does Aubrey want from me?"
Beca wiped at the tears that had fallen while she spoke. Stacie looked at her.
"Aubrey just wants you both to be happy," Stacie said.
"I am happy," Beca said. "I'm a Grammy-winning artist and have fans all over the world. I get to make music that I want to make. I get to travel and do things on my terms. What's not to be happy about?"
Stacie didn't say anything as she could see Beca getting worked up. She waited until Beca seemed calmer before she spoke.
"I'm not supposed to say anything," Stacie said watching Beca. "But, Chloe asks about you all the time when she talks to Aubrey. Aubrey thinks she's still in love with you."
"Am I supposed to care now?," Beca said. "She knows where I am. Everyone knows where I am and what I'm doing. But has she picked up a phone or sent a text? No, she hasn't, so excuse me if I don't care that she asks about me all the time."
"So you do care that she might still be in love with you?"
"Why are we still talking about this? It's been three fucking years, and she's still in London, and I'm still in L.A." Beca shook her head. "I don't care."
"Beca," Stacie said. "Stop lying to yourself. We both know you do care. And, we both know you still love her."
"Yeah, well a lot of good that does me. She only asks about me to ease her guilty conscience." Beca runs a hand through her hair and sighs. "Can we not talk about Chloe anymore? I have to get ready for the show."
Stacie got up and gave Beca's shoulder a squeeze before leaving her alone. Beca watched Stacie leave and then turned back to the mirror.
"Why is forgetting her so hard? Why do I still love her? And, why do I miss her so much, especially at Christmas time?" Beca looked at her reflection hoping for an answer. One came in the form of a song. She grabbed a paper and pen and started jotting down words; words that came from her heart. Words that conveyed what she was feeling.
~25 Days~ ~25 Days~ ~25 Days~ ~25 Days~
Stacie came back to the dressing room about thirty minutes later to find Beca still sitting in her street clothes. She was strumming a guitar and making notes on a paper sitting on the dressing table in front of her.
"Why aren't you changed?," Stacie asked. "You go on in like twenty minutes."
"What?" Beca looked at her distractedly. "Sorry, I got this idea for a song, and the words just came flowing out of me. The words are actually done. I just need to tweak the music a bit, and I think I'll be able to sing it on the tour because it's about Christmas."
"That's great, Beca," Stacie said. "But you have to get changed and get to the stage."
"Right," Beca said and hurriedly put the songsheet away. She gently set the guitar back in its case and changed.
~25 Days~ ~25 Days~ ~25 Days~ ~25 Days~
After the concert, Beca wanted to get back to working on the song. She and Stacie had a late dinner at the hotel and then Beca was back in her room writing the music to go with the words.
The next morning, Stacie woke Beca when she knocked on her hotel room door. Beca was still in the same clothes from the night before, and Stacie made her shower and change so they could get breakfast together.
Throughout breakfast, Beca kept writing down ideas about the music for the song. After breakfast, Beca went to her room to pack. She met Stacie in the lobby, and it was obvious she was still distracted.
On the plane to Rome, Beca worked on the song even more. She thought about the stops on the tour before she reached London and knew that she had ten days to perfect the song so she could sing it during her London performance. A small part of her hoped that Chloe knew she was coming to London and might actually try to contact her. She knew the odds were against it, but some days, hope is all that got her through the day.
Beca was having dinner with Stacie that night and started talking about the song.
"When am I going to get to hear this masterpiece?"
"It's almost finished. I need to let Khaled and Theo hear it before I can let you hear it though."
Three days later, and seven days before her London concert, Beca was in her hotel room on a Skype call with Khaled and Theo. She had sent them the song to listen to. It was a stripped down version she sang with just the keyboard she borrowed for the music.
"Um, so did you listen to the song? What did you think? Can I put in the London show?"
Khaled looked at Theo and Theo looked back at Khaled.
"We don't want you to put it in the show," Khaled said looking into the camera at Beca.
Beca's heart dropped. She put so much of herself to the song. "You, um, you don't like it?"
"We love it," Khaled said. "We want you to introduce it as a new Christmas song and use it for the encore."
"That's if there is an encore," Beca mumbled.
"There's always an encore for you, Beca," Theo said with a smile, causing Beca to blush. "I'm going to arrange to have a producer I know in London record the live version during your show. That way we can get it on the radio as soon as we have a go at it in the studio."
"You really thinks it's good enough to put it out as a single?" Beca was a bit taken aback that they were moving so quickly on getting the song out there.
"Yes, Beca, we do," Khaled said. "Theo, I just had a thought. I want you to fly to London and be there to help record the live version with the full band playing the music. Use one of the studios there to get it together and send it out to radio stations. I also want to record two other songs live so we can use them with the stripped down version and the live version of this song. I want to put out an EP as a Christmas present to Beca's fans. Can you do that?"
"I'll take care of everything and have it all go out the day after her London show," Theo said.
"Perfect," Khaled said.
"Thanks, for everything," Beca said.
"Make us proud," Khaled said. "I have to go, but Theo can finalize things with you."
Khaled got up and left with a small wave at Beca.
Theo looked at her and asked, "Can you get the music to the band and get at least one rehearsal in before you perform the song?"
"Yeah," Beca said. "In London, we have a full day of rehearsal the day before the concert. We'll be switching up the setlist a bit, so this will be perfect. We can run through the new song a couple of times."
"I'll be in London so I can sit in on the rehearsal," Theo said. "I have a few notes on the music, and I'll send those to you so you can incorporate them."
"Okay," Beca said. "I'll see you in London."
Beca signed off from the call and closed her laptop. She took it and went to Stacie's room.
"Are you ready to hear my song?"
"Damn straight," Stacie replied excitedly. "Get in here."
Beca set up her laptop on the table in Stacie's room.
"Now, this is just me singing the song while playing the keyboard; there are no other instruments," Beca said. "It will sound a bit different after they're added. Khaled's okayed me singing it as an encore during the London show. The whole band will be playing with me on it. Theo is also going to record it, and two other songs live so we can put out an EP in time for Christmas."
"That's great, Becs" Stacie said. "Now, let's hear it."
Beca pulled up the song and took a deep breath before she hit play. She sat back and watched as Stacie listened to the song.
When it was over, she looked at Stacie, who was wiping a tear from her eye.
"You are still so in love with her," Stacie said.
"Yeah," Beca said her voice thick with emotion. "I realized that even three years later, I make sure I'm working during the holiday because I miss her the most at Christmas time. I mean, I still miss her every day, and it hurts a little. But, Christmas time is a different kind of missing her, and it hurts more."
Beca got up and walked over to look out the window into the darkness. "Chloe used to make every Christmas so special, whether it was in the Bellas house at Barden, or in our tiny little apartment in New York. We really only had one Christmas together as a couple, and I-" Beca wiped away a tear. "And that's the Christmas I always remember when I think about Christmas. That's the Christmas I want every year, and can't have."
"The song is beautiful, Beca," Stacie said. "I'm sure your fans are going to love it."
"Thanks," Beca said and continued to stare out into the darkness.
~25 Days~ ~25 Days~ ~25 Days~ ~25 Days~
Beca was finally in London, and she and the band practiced the song a few times. Beca and Theo were happy with it, and it was ready to be played for the first time anywhere tomorrow night.
To say Beca was nervous the next night was an understatement. She had ten minutes before she had to go on and Theo had just left the dressing room to get to the recording equipment. Everything was a go, and things were set up.
"Stop worrying, Beca," Stacie said. "You're going to be great. The song is going to be great."
"I'm not that worried about the show anymore," Beca said. "I'm worried about what Chloe will do once she hears the song."
"What do you think she'll do?"
"If the last three years are any indication, nothing. She'll stay in London, and I'll be in L.A. Every once in a while, whether from a sense of guilt, or some sick need to hear that I've finally gone off the deep end, she'll ask Aubrey how I'm doing."
"Beca, you know that's not true," Stacie said.
Beca didn't say anything; she truly hoped that Chloe still had feelings for her. After three years, she still wasn't quite ready to let go.
~25 Days~ ~25 Days~ ~25 Days~ ~25 Days~
"Thank you, London," Beca called out as she ran off the stage.
The audience cheered and chanted, "Beca! Beca! Beca!" After a minute or two, the crowd went wild as Beca came back onto the stage.
"Well, I guess you want to hear more," Beca said with a big smile as the crowd got louder. She walked over to the piano that was moved to the center of the stage.
The band took their places and got set. Beca looked over, and Theo gave her a nod to let her know they were ready to record.
Beca sat on the piano bench and looked out over the crowd. She adjusted the microphone.
"This next song is one I just wrote," Beca said. "So, you're the first to hear it." The crowd cheered, and Beca smiled again. "It's about Christmas, but it's not your usual Christmas song. This is a song about a special someone who made Christmases special for me, and how I miss her the most at Christmas time. I hope you like it."
Beca shook out her hands and placed them on the piano keys. The crowd grew quiet as the first notes started and then Beca began to sing.
Ooh
The fire is burning
The room's all aglow
Outside the December wind blows
Away in the distance
The carolers sing in the snow
Everybody's laughing
The world is celebrating
And everyone's so happy
Except for me tonight
Because I miss you
Most at Christmas time
And I can't get you
Get you off my mind
Every other season comes along
And I'm all right
But then I miss you
Most at Christmas time
The spotlight catches the sparkle of a tear as it rolls down Beca's cheek. The crowd remains surprisingly quiet as Beca puts so much emotion into the words.
Ooh, yeah
Mmm
I gaze out the window
This cold winter's night
At all of the twinkling lights
Alone in the darkness
Remembering when
You were mine, yeah
Everybody's smiling
The whole world is rejoicing
And everyone's embracing
Except for you and I
Baby, I miss you
Most at Christmas time
And I can't get you
No, no, no, no
Get you off my mind
Every other season comes along
And I'm all right
But then I miss you
Most at Christmas time
Oh
In the springtime
Those memories start to fade
With the April rain
Through the summer days
Till autumn's leaves are gone
I get by without you
Till the snow begins to fall
And then I miss you
Most at Christmas time
And I can't get you
No, no, no, no
Get you off my mind
Every other season comes along
And I'm all right
But then I miss you
Most at Christmas time
Ooh
Beca slowly moved her hands from the keys and clasped them in her lap to stop them from shaking. Singing the song in front of a crowd was more emotional than she thought it would be.
The crowd had been silent in the few seconds it took her to compose herself. Then suddenly the claps and cheers became deafening.
She let out a small laugh and swallowed. She reached up with a still shaky hand and wiped the tears from her face. She looked off to her left to see Theo giving her a huge smile and a thumbs up. She smiled back at him and stood to wave at the crowd.
Beca took one more look out over the still cheering crowd before making her way offstage. She lets the tears fall for a minute as the crowd continued to cheer and chant her name. She stepped back on to the stage just enough to be seen and gave the crowd a teary wave before stepping back behind the curtains.
Theo met her backstage and congratulated her on the song. Beca looked behind Theo and knowing who she was looking for, Theo said, "Stacie said she'd meet you in your dressing room. Go find her. We'll talk in the morning. You deserve some time for yourself tonight."
"Thanks," Beca said and rushed to her dressing room to find Stacie sitting on the sofa looking at her laptop.
"You okay?," Stacie asked.
"Yeah," Beca said. "I think so."
"Someone wants to talk to you," Stacie said holding waving her over to the sofa.
Beca went over and plopped next to Stacie to see Aubrey and Bella on the screen. Stacie unmuted the sound and Bella was giggling at something.
"Aunt Beca!" Bella yelled. "I heared your song. It was pretty."
"Thank you, Bella," Beca said with a smile.
"Beca, that song was," Aubrey sniffed. "Stacie Skyped me as soon as you went out for the encore. We heard the entire thing. That was so beautiful, Beca."
"Thanks," Beca said.
"Hang on a sec, Beca," Aubrey said. Beca could hear Aubrey talking to Bella and asking her to go play in her room while she talked to Aunt Beca.
"Okay," Bella said. "Love you, Aunt Beca."
"I love you, too, squirt," Beca said.
Aubrey waited until Bella was out of sight before looking back at Beca.
"Um, I'm pretty sure Chloe heard the song," Aubrey said.
"What? How?"
"She told me one of her friends got tickets, and she wanted to see you even if it was from the back of a crowd," Aubrey said.
Beca didn't say anything and looked at Aubrey. "She could have called. My number hasn't changed, and I know you know that."
"You're right, she could have," Aubrey said. Aubrey leaned forward slightly. "She's afraid of what you might say. She-" Aubrey lets out a heavy sigh and leans back in her chair.
"Tell her, Brey," Stacie said.
'Tell me what? What's going on? Oh, my God, is she getting married?"
"God, no, Beca," Aubrey said quickly. "That's not it. Beca, Chloe didn't renew her contract with the museum. She's coming home."
"Why?"
"She wants to move back to L.A. to be close to you," Aubrey said. "She's hoping there's still a chance that you still love her."
"I kind of hate that I do," Beca said after a moment. "But I do." Beca swiped at a tear and blinked a couple of times. "What's her number? Here in London?"
"Do you really want to talk to her?" Aubrey looked expectantly at Beca.
"Yeah, I do," Beca said. "I don't know what I want to say to her, but I do think we need to talk."
"I just texted you the number," Aubrey said.
"Thanks," Beca said. "I need to change so that I can get back to the hotel. Theo wants to talk in the morning."
Beca leaves the sofa and grabs her clothes. She goes into the bathroom while Stacie says goodbye to Aubrey.
Beca comes out of the bathroom and asks Stacie if she's ready. They gather everything and head out to the car that will take them back to the hotel.
~25 Days~ ~25 Days~ ~25 Days~ ~25 Days~
Once back at the hotel, Beca bids Stacie a goodnight and goes to her room. She showers, and then brushes her teeth and puts on her pajamas. She turns off the bathroom light and climbs into bed. She grabs her phone off the charger and looks at the time. It's nearly Midnight and Beca wonders if Chloe is still awake.
Before she can think twice about it, Beca dials the number Aubrey gave her. She chews on her bottom lip as she waits to see if anyone will answer.
"Hello?"
"Um, hey, Chloe? It's me, uh, Beca," Beca said as tears sprang to her eyes. "I heard, um, that you might have been at my concert tonight."
"I was," Chloe said. "I just, uh, I just wanted to see you."
Beca sniffed and heard Chloe do the same.
"So, what'd you think?," Beca asked.
"I miss you most at Christmas time, too."
Beca let out a small sob, not expecting that response. "Look, it's really late, but I really think we should talk."
"I'd like that," Chloe said.
"I've got like three months left on my tour," Beca said. "Aubrey told me you were going back to the states."
"I am," Chloe said. "I actually fly back in two days so I can spend Christmas with my family. I wanted to move back home sooner, but I couldn't because I signed a three-year contract with the museum. It was up three days ago, and I didn't renew it. I just, I just want to go home."
"Okay," Beca said. "Um, it's late now so I think we should talk later. Like maybe when I get back from my tour. It will give you time to get settled, and we can both think about what we want to happen."
"I'd like that a lot," Chloe said.
Beca didn't speak for a moment and could only hear Chloe breathing through the phone. "I really have missed you, Chlo."
"I've really missed you, too, Becs," Chloe said. "I'm not gonna lie; I'm hoping that our talk leads to us trying again."
"I'm kind of hoping the same thing," Beca said.
"Can I text you or call you while you're on the road?"
"I'd like that," Beca said smiling. "I'd better let you go. I have an early meeting with Theo tomorrow."
"Oh, um, okay," Chloe said. "Good night, Beca."
"Good night, Chlo," Beca said and ended the call.
Beca in her London hotel room and Chloe in her London flat settled in their beds with a smile on their face. And for the first time in three years, they both fell into a restful sleep, looking forward to the start of something new.
A/N: Quick Poll: I was thinking of expanding this and doing the chapter from Chloe's point of view. It will probably be a couple of chapters before I get to it, so what say you? Yay or Nay to Chloe's POV?
Song Used: Miss You Most (at Christmas Time) by Mariah Carey