Jake

In the past five years, Jake Peralta had been shot, stabbed, wrongfully imprisoned, threatened by various mobsters, and punched more times than he could count, but as he read and re-read the note Amy had left him explaining she was going to her parents, there was no doubt in his mind that this was the most painful of all of them. When he wasn't with Amy, he didn't know what he was losing, when he went to jail and into protective custody, he still had Amy, just not with him, but this, this was different, this was terrifying.

He was searching for any clue he could find of how he could make it better; his cop brain was beyond its depth because there was nothing he could do or could have done to prevent it other than never leaving her side the day she was taken. Jake had always been hard on himself, but this would fuck with him for the rest of his life. The what ifs on the day she was taken, when he saw her again for the first time after she was taken, still tied up and blindfolded in that industrial complex, he thought the world was right, that his best friend and wife was back. He hadn't considered the anguish she would feel from her experience.

He started pacing up and down in the apartment, his skin felt like it was crawling, his tears remained on the verge of pouring out at any second. He screamed a few times, he threw a few things, he was beginning to feel like he and Amy had no control of their lives, something always fucked it up, something always managed to interrupt their happiness, normally it was momentarily or the threat of it. Their current situation was direr, and Jake knew it and was eating him up inside.

After an hour of aimlessly wandering and reacting, Jake walked outside to his car and sat down. He stared through the windshield and didn't know where he could even go or what he could do. Inaction wasn't something he understood but he felt that right now giving her some space could be important. He put his hands in his face and just breathed, in and out and trying to just keep pushing through, to not give up or just implode.

A tap on his window startled him, he had no idea how long he'd been sitting there like that. He slowly looked at the window, thinking it would be a beat cop or a concerned neighbor only to see Gina.

"Hey Boo, you should really fall apart indoors, it's unseemly to do it in public."

"Gina, hey, not in the mood, be glad I'm not screaming in public or going Chris Brown."

"Careful Jake, he's a bad boy, no good, but he's got talent. Anywho, Holt sent me to check on you, something about me being amazing and your oldest friend and confidant."

Jake closed his eyes and shook his head, "did he know Amy was leaving?"

Gina nodded slowly, "she called him and sort of hinted it, he was worried she might not wait around for you."

Jake threw his head back the thrust his arms forward towards the steering wheel, shaking it, "yeah, I got back, arms full of groceries, no Amy in sight, I panicked, ran around, and then found the note. Now I'm in my parked car going nowhere."

Gina leaned up against the car, "you all right Jakey?"

Jake just shook his head for a few seconds, "no Gina, I'm not, I'm worried sick about my wife, and I'm angry. I'm so fucking pissed that my life doesn't seem to be mine to live, mine to screw up, jail and now this? I'm not that strong Gina, I made it through the shit I've gone through because of Amy, knowing she was there for me." He softly put his head to his hands on the steering wheel."

"Jakey, you know me and my ways, I always make fun of her, but this sucked boo, I'm sorry."

Jake sighed, "yeah, well I don't know if I can stand losing her, I have a lot to figure out."

Gina eyed him suspiciously, "like what Jake?"

Jake rolled his eyes, "like if I want to be a cop, if I want to stay in Brooklyn. Amy is my life Gina, it sounds super cheesy, I know, but it's true. If she left me, I'd have to get away, if she comes back, I must protect her and make sure it doesn't happen again, I should have stopped it, I should have protected her." His fists began pounding the steering wheel, tears finally seeping every so slightly out of his eyes and down his cheeks.

Amy

Amy sat on her childhood bed, her back against the wall and knees against her chest with her arms wrapped around them staring forward. Her childhood home didn't feel any better than her apartment, but here her family would stay out of her way, her parents had always given her space.

She started rocking back and forth slowly, closing her eyes as she thought about everything that had happened. She could still vividly picture the way Swayze tilted his head, she could remember with perfect clarity the tone of his voice. As she thought of this man, her tormenter, she then started to think about Jake, she knew he would give her space, he was respectful that way, but she also knew she was breaking his heart and not helping either one of them, yet she couldn't think of anything she could do to help her or him. Helpless was not something she had ever been accustomed to or willing to accept, but helpless is what she was and how she felt.

After rocking for a few minutes, she picked up her phone, she had silenced it, just in case Jake did call or text, she didn't think she could handle it. She saw there was on text, from Jake.

Jake:

He had just put in spaces and sent the message, she blinked at it a few times and came to the conclusion that is probably exactly how he felt, he had no idea how to help her, he was suspended for a month, he couldn't go to the Nine-Nine and everyone was probably giving him space to be with her, she closed her eyes again for a few seconds and then opened them and stood up.

As she walked in the kitchen, her parents said nothing to her, "do the two of you think I'm being stupid?"

Her parents glanced at each other, her dad gestured to her mom, conceding authority on the matter, "Amy, we don't know what you're going through, we don't think you're stupid, we love you and we are worried about you."

"What would you do if I told you I was moving back home, quitting the force, leaving Jake, and just giving up? Would I get the Santiago's don't give up speech? Would I get the no jobless Santiago's live in this house number?"

Victor looked down and shook his head, "no Amy, people who have been through the ordeal you have do not get my standard speeches, those were for your brothers, you never needed them, and you still don't."

Amy crossed her arms, "you wouldn't tell me good job for leaving Jake or make me feel guilty for leaving Jake."

Her parents looked at each other again, both with looks of extreme concern across their faces, Camila spoke this time.

"We would tell you that leaving him won't make you feel better, that moving here won't solve your problems, but we would love you, no matter what, but you have to know that Jake will always love you, regardless of what you did to him."

Victor stood up and walked next her, not touching her, but making her feel safe by just being there, "Amy, there may have been a time I would have loved to hear you wanted to leave him, but he has proven himself, to us, to you, I don't know what is right for you, but don't do anything that would harm what you have with him, it's hard to find a partner in this world, as a cop or as in a marriage who will have your back and support you and never give up on you. You stood by him while he was in jail, he told me if it weren't for you he would have hung himself, on the first day. You may never feel like the old you again, but that doesn't mean you can't be find happiness again."

Jake

A DVD of Sponge Bob was the only thing he could find that wouldn't depress him from his personal video library. His normal cop movies felt extremely real to him right now and he cried when he saw Point Break and thought of the men who copied the criminals in that movie and what they had done to his wife, so he now sat on the couch watching Sponge Bob and hoping for a comet to crash into the apartment.

There was a knock on the door, his first thought was to ignore it, he didn't want a pep talk, he didn't know who it was, but if it was someone he knew, they would want to give him a pep talk, but he didn't want to take his feelings out on them, it could create a never ending cycle of that.

He cracked the door a bit and saw Charles, who was holding a stack of Pizzas, Jake almost grinned a genuine grin for the first time in days.

"Jake, buddy, I just heard about Amy, I know you won't want to talk about it a lot, but I'm here, I have Pizzas and the General, with Buster Keaton, one of the best comedies of all times."

Jake opened the door all the way and watched as his friend entered with the stack of pizzas, "thanks Charles, I may not be talkative, but thanks."

"When Holt told me that Amy was at her parents and you were home alone, he told me that if I was true friend, I would just be there for you, not try to fix your problems and not try to Boyle it over as Gina calls it, but just be there, so here I am buddy."

Normally, Jake would have never consented to watching a silent movie, but despite his reservations, he loved the movie, it was the sort of mindless entertainment he needed, and Charles would give him facts from time to time.

"He did all his own stunts, no special effects with the cannons, those mothers were real Jake."

"This is the best soundtrack to it I've found, the silent movies had live accompanists, and this is a music professor from out west, he does a great job."

"He thought being a confederate would be funnier since they were the ultimate losers of the war."

The pizza was amazing, he hadn't eaten well since the kidnapping, he couldn't even face the prospect of reheating the stir fry he had made, he would have cried for sure. He reached out and punched Charles gently on the shoulder, "thanks, Charles, I needed this. It's nice to remember that even though the world is fucked up and may be fucked, I still have friends and there are some good things."

Charles beamed at his idol, "Jake, you were there for me when Vivian dumped me, you are always there for me. I will never know how this feels Jake, this is Amy, I wish I was your closest friend, but I am happy to have second place, but I know you are in pain, but I'm here."

Amy

The last ray of daylight had vanished as Amy watched the windows from her bed, she would occasionally think of Jake, but she couldn't think of only him because she would end up crying and she just didn't want to do that anymore. She was in the process of picking a movie when her dad popped his head in.

"Amy, there is someone here to see you."

Amy rolled her eyes and sighed loudly, "Dad, tell Jake I love him, but I can't face him right now."

"It's not Jake, it's the rude woman from your precinct, the one your mother thought was insane."

"Gina?"

"Yes, the secretary who does nothing."

Amy stood up and walked to the door, she could not fathom what Gina could want, but maybe yelling at someone would make her feel better.

"Sergeant Santiago Peralta Boyardee, good to see you."

"Gina why are you in Jersey at my parents' house?"

"Not for the night clubs, these ones are frightening here. No, I'm here on orders from Holt. He thought the Nine-Nine should check up on you and Jake. I saw him earlier."

Amy gulped and looked away. "I really don't want to talk, I just need to be left alone. Thanks."

"Amy, wait. What happened, sucked, I know it did, you remember how freaked I got when my apartment got broken into. I'm sorry you have to deal with this shit. I just thought I should share my Gina wisdom with you."

Amy turned, she was curious, this was the nicest Gina had ever been to her, "and what is that?"

"To not shut Jake out. He gets it more than anyone else you know. The boy used to buy himself presents because his mom worked up to three jobs and his dad didn't give a fuck. He gets pain and anguish, I mean, he survived prison, but he only did it because of you."

"Yeah, my dad told me the same thing, Hold=t said something about it too, he's stronger than me I guess."

Gina shook her head, "no Einstein, he might be smarter though."

Amy's eyes narrowed, "Excuse me?"

"Amy, Jake survived because he knew you would be there, he knew that if he could force himself to survive that you would be there for him. He knew that alone, he wasn't strong enough, but with you, he could do it. Now you need him, don't blow it and try to go solo too soon, as I always tell people, why be a Fatone when you can be Timberlake?"

Jake

He woke up leaning against a smiling Charles, "Boyle, please don't look at me like that, I'll never sleep again."

"Sorry Jake, it was just so sweet and perfect."

Jake rubbed his eyes, "what time is it?"

"Just past midnight my perfect angel."

Jake frowned, "okay Boyle, go home and give that to your lady and son."

Boyle hugged Jake and left, he hated to admit it, but he had felt better while Boyle was there and had actually managed to sleep a little. Jake went into the bedroom and got the big blanket, Amy never allowed him to take it out of the bedroom, but if was going to be awake and depressed, he was going to be comfortable.

As he wrapped himself in his blanket cocoon and settled down to another episode of Sponge Bob, he heard the key in the door and in an instant was looking at a bewildered Amy.

"Jake, you know the rules." She lowered her head and avoided eye contact.

"Ames, I…I thought that…I worried…I was so sure…"

Amy offered a small but sincere smile, "yeah, me too, but here I am."

Jake stood up and shed the large blanket and carefully approached Amy, he had no intention of hugging her when she pulled him tightly into herself and a huge embrace, "I'm broken Jake, fucked up as you would say, can you love a fucked up me?"

Jake started to shed tears, "Ames, fucked up, not fucked up, as long as it's you, I will love you, I will fight for you."

Amy rested her head on his chest, "good, because it may take a while."

"As long as you're with me, I don't care."

Amy started to cry, to hell with it she thought, she needed to face these emotions if she was ever to get past them, "I love you Jake, I'm so sorry…"

Jake gently put a finger to her mouth, "Ames, no apologies, this is us, shit happens, terrible shit, but at least I have you, that's all I care about."