Amy and Jake
On the fifth day following Amy's return, both she and Jake began to feel restless and cooped up. Jake had suggested small trip, driving somewhere, but Amy wanted to get as far away as possible, but she wanted something relaxing and within reason for their budget. In the end they both agreed on a return trip to Puerto Rico, reasoning that this time they could do more of the touristy things and less newlywed type activities.
Two days later they were landing in San Juan, Jake was somewhat concerned for Amy as she had been a little apprehensive on the plane ride, the tight space and sitting so still affected her a lot. He worried it might cast a pall on their trip which was supposed to help her forget, which Jake knew was an impossibility as something that impacts your life so much cannot simply be pushed out, it took time, lots of time.
As they got out of their taxi and checked into their hotel, Amy looked exhausted and Jake started to question the decision to come there, as he opened the door and followed her into their hotel room, she walked straight to the bed and laid down, Jake brought in the luggage and unpacked a few things for each of them, he felt the need to pick up some of the slack for the things she would normally do. When he looked at her again, she had a definite appearance of sadness which caused him to be angry with himself for letting her rush through things when she needed rest.
She must have sensed his concern, "Babe, it's okay, I'm fine, just a lot on my mind."
Jake stopped moving, she hadn't called him babe once since before everything went to hell, he didn't know what to make of it, but he thought it had to be a good sign. After processing it and deciding it was definitely a good thing, he set out to finish unpacking.
"Babe, I need you."
Jake continued to place some of her items in the dress drawer closest to her side of the bed, "I'm here Ames, I'll come lay down in just a sec."
"No, Babe, I NEED you need you." As he turned around, her eyes showed desire, a wanting he used to know, but now after everything he felt guilty seeing it.
"Are you for sures, because I am fine, the last thing I want to do is push you and force you into anything." He felt himself starting to sweat.
She shook her head, "no, bullshit to all of that, I need you, I want you. On the way here, I thought about how they touched me, it was terrifying, but it's not even close to how you have ever touched me and that's what I need, what I want, I need to be touched by loving hands, discovering me, adoring me, not hurting me or threatening me."
Jake was by her side now, tears almost forming again as he heard this, he pledged to himself since the moment he saw her battered and bruised that he would never rush her or make her feel guilty about sex, it had to be her decision, he had more or less come to the conclusion it would be months and he was willing to wait.
Amy playfully kicked at him, "say something, please."
Jake sputtered a little, fighting the frog in his throat, "I, well, I just thought that, well, fuck Ames, I'm always ready for you, I'm psyched for sex, don't get me wrong, but the fact that you sound like you, that you are improving, that means everything to me."
A single tear glided down Amy's cheek, "don't make me cry Peralta, name of your sex tape."
Jake erupted into a joyous laughter and fell softly onto her, his hands beginning to caress and explore as they had longed to, as he always longed to do. They moved slowly, in the past they would have each probably thought excruciatingly slowly, but they needed this, Amy needed the tenderness, the assurance that this was an act of love and Jake needed her to feel his love to feel his true feelings for her, not lust, not sexual desire.
After at least twenty minutes of tender kissing and caressing, Amy sat up and slowly, deliberately removed her blouse, she then maintained eye contact with Jake and undid her bra, taking in the way he looked at her, not a threatening way, but the way only he could look at her, there was desire and want in his gaze, but there was so much more as well. She reached out and took Jake's hand in hers, guiding to her waistline and started him in removing her pants and underwear, Jake gently slide them down and the pulled off his t-shirt and discarded his jeans and boxers in record time.
Jake gave Amy a quizzical look that asked what she wanted, Amy bit her bottom lip softly, "Babe, I need you inside of me, I need to feel you moving in me, me moving on you, I need to feel like we did our first time or on our honeymoon. As Jake entered her he kept a careful eye on her, not wanting to hurt her or move on her if she changed her mind.
When Jake had slid in all the way, Amy's arms wrapped around him tightly and she started moving her hips, slowly at first, and then suddenly quickly, her hands exerted more pressure on his back and soon her fingernails were digging in him as she gasped. Amy was normally very vocal during orgasms, but this was different, this was her acting in a sense or urgency and need, not for the sex but for the fact that it was them, that they were together, like this.
Jake started to pump faster and faster, he closed his eyes as sweat drops stung them twice, the next time he opened them he saw her face again, her eyes closed, in the moment, his Amy, his wife, his partner. As he felt himself ready to release, Amy grabbed his hips and began grinding on him as she climaxed again.
As he fell back on the bed next to her, his thoughts were not of sex or of pleasure, but of pure happiness, that she could trust him, not that she didn't trust him, but her trust of everything had been shaken. Men had hurt her, men had made her suffer and now she was ready to let him be a part of her life as they were before and that buoyed him up and made him know he could weather the storm.
That night they ate dinner in one of the hotel's restaurants on a terrace overlooking the ocean, Amy had a look that Jake had not seen yet, she was relaxed, probably not all the way, that would be unlikely for some time, but things were starting to feel more normal for her, they were making sense and she felt part of things again. "Quit staring weirdo, I'm fine."
"I'll say," Jake quipped, which earned him a soft kick under the table. "Just kidding, I know you are, I'm just happy your happyish, you know? The little things mean a lot, but this feels big."
She smiled at him as she took a sip of wine, "I agree, it does, it's still challenging, but I'm fighting it Jake, I couldn't be a victim anymore, I had to be the fighter again, it's all I know."
Jake took her hand in his, "I know, it's why I love you Ames, you never give up, everyone but my moms gave up on me, but I knew you never would."
Amy bowed her head sadly, "I almost did, but I saw the error of my ways."
Jake shook his head, "no, that doesn't count when you were held captive and tortured, sorry, that one doesn't count."
Amy grinned, "I'm glad we came here, it's helping."
Jake nodded, "we may need to move here."
The week was not without its heavier moments, twice Amy woke up screaming and then crying in the night, in a cold sweat as the nightmares felt so real with Swayze cutting her more and the others hurting in worse ways than actually happened, but unlike before, she now found solace in Jake's embrace and he was beginning to feel useful again , though after each of Amy's nighttime episodes Jake would cry softly so not to wake her as his guilt for what happened overtook him.
Jake continued to proceed cautiously and never initiated sex, which was starting to drive Amy crazy, each of the seven times were started by her, which normally would not annoy her, but this meant that Jake was still feeling overly protective or worried about her. The second to last night it finally annoyed her enough that she felt the need to address it.
"Jake, why can't you touch me without an engraved invitation?"
Jake was sitting next to her on the balcony with his arm around her, he knew what she meant but he didn't want to have the conversation, "I touched you now, no invitation necessary, so there."
Amy turned more so she could face him better, "you know that's not what I meant, you used to not be able to keep your hands off me, I know you're worried, but normal Jake, we need normal."
Jake looked down, "Ames, this had been amazing, but you don't understand, I was there when they took you, I saw the van speed away and then you…well you know…I can't shake it off. I do my best for you, to help you, but the guilt, it's real Ames, so fucking real. Every time you suffer I think of every tiny thing that could have changed the situation, I know it's stupid, but I can't help it."
Amy was silent for nearly a minute, Jake's arm still around her, "Jake, if we don't forgive ourselves, we'll never make it. I keep coming down hard on myself in my head about what I did wrong, but I said it before and it's true dammit, it would have happened no matter what, there was nothing we could have done to prepare for that or deter it, don't look at me like that, it means stop it. You didn't give up on me, finding me or after when i left and wanted to not come back, you are doing everything you need to, and I am doing what I need to, even when it feels wrong."
Jake just nodded, he still hurt, but he knew she was right, they would never get past it if he couldn't accept it happened and be happy that she was found and rescued before anything worse occurred.
Silence followed, Amy's thoughts were of her husband and how she could convince him he did nothing wrong while Jake thought of the amazing woman he had been fortunate enough to find and fall in love with and more amazingly have her fall in love with him. His hand slowly crept down her front until his right thumb started caressing her breast and then her nipple through her thin night shirt, Amy made a soft sound, Jake moved slightly so he could kiss her neck and brought his other hand around and gently slid it under her waistband and to over her underwear and started to very lightly apply pressure as she ever so slightly lifted her hips to increase the pressure.
Soon they were on the bed, their clothes in front of the sliding door of their room, Amy pushed Jake down and climbed on top of him, the first time she had done so on their trip, Jake watched in amazement, as he always did as she guided him and started moving on him, his eyes widening, his pulse quickening, sweat beginning to drip for his brow. This was normal, it might not always be normal, but for now, this was normal and what they needed.