She was screaming again, Jake watched her as she had woken up the first time she screamed that night, she talked very little about her nightmares, it was almost as if they were more painful to face than what had actually happened. Jake hated that she suffered when she slept, one of the many injustices Amy had to face being a victim of a kidnapping aimed at him.

The past few nights, she said the same words or screamed the same thing every time, "no, I won't help you, neither will he." She would then scream and sometimes describe the cuts, it hurt Jake to know she must have tried protecting him, and then suffered so much because of it and then couldn't tell him, but he also knew Amy could never had done otherwise, it's who she was and that would never change, even under torture.

The nightmares were by far the worst they faced now as they had found a new rhythm, some familiar routines, and a few new ones as they dealt with their aftermath. They had a week until they were allowed to go back to work, Amy had to have physical first, she had only been looked at briefly by a doctor at the Nine-Nine when she was rescued, being a Sergeant and having the captain love you had its privileges.

Amy screamed once more and then opened her eyes, looking shocked and scared, she scanned in the darkness and seemed a bit taken a back when she noticed Jake watching her. "Shit, Jake, why are just staring at me, am I that freaky while I sleep now?"

Jake shook his head, "no Ames, here goes, for the past few nights, you've screamed my name and told Swayze you wouldn't help him, and neither would I."

Amy turned her head from him, "Sorry, I should have told you."

"I get it, it's not easy, they tortured you because you wouldn't guarantee I'd help them, I've put it together from what you've told me, awake and asleep. I hate that it happened, but I would like to think I would have done the same."

Amy leaned over and rested her head on his chest, "I think I should ask the doctor for some sleeping pills tomorrow, so I can avoid too much of that, not always the most restful sleep when I spend part of the night screaming."

"Can I come with you? Not because I think you can't handle it, but because I want to be there for you. They'll look at your internal stuff too, I've seen your sides, they look better, but you got punched pretty hard there."

"I know, that's why I pushed so hard to not go to the hospital that night I was rescued, I would have gone crazy in a hospital room, I owe Holt for helping me avoid that. You can come, but no weird looks or comments, doctors have to touch all over sometimes and I know how you are, no eyebrows either."

"I'll avert my eyes then."

Amy reached up and absentmindedly caressed his cheek, "My mom told me that you talked with my dad about me not wanting children, I know she told him, I'm not mad, just curious."

Jake held her tighter, "stay curious, it's better than mad."

She sat up a little, "Jake, what did he say?"

Jake sighed loudly, "he said that I shouldn't push you, but in the end, you could change your mind and see that you want a family."

"What did you say?"

"Don't remember."

Amy elbowed him in the ribs, "you're lying Jake."

"Maybe, but I'm not stupid. Look, I support you, one hundred percent, I completely understand your take on this, I just hate that it still feels like so much was taken from us, our peace of mind, maybe our future, we'll never know what things may have happened or now won't, ya know?"

Amy nodded into his chest and absentmindedly ran a finger softly against his cheek, "yeah, I know. It sucks, Babe, totally sucks, but I'm just trying to do what I can to not implode, I feel so much better, but that decision just felt right."

"I know, that's why I support you, fulls one hundred."

The next day at the doctor's office Jake was jumpy as Amy rolled her eyes at him while she sat in her hospital gown waiting for the doctor. She had laid in various positions for several CT scans that morning so they could sign off on a clean bill of health, she was a little nervous they might find something they didn't like, but she had been feeling better each day, so she doubted it despite the nagging worries in her mind, she had felt nauseated and thrown up in the morning, but she blamed it on her nerves, the same thing happened several times during final exams in college and before her sergeant's exam.

As the doctor entered the room, she smiled at Amy and Jake, "Mr. and Mrs. Peralta, it's a little strange for the husband to be present at a physical, but I understand due to your experiences. Amy, your CT scans look great, there was renal bruising, but minor, and everything seems fine." The doctor proceeded to check other areas, smiling and assuring her everything was fine.

Amy was feeling relieved and Jake felt a weight lift off his shoulders, but then the doctor cleared her throat, "there was one thing that was surprising in your CT scan, I didn't lead with that because your health is great, everything looks as it should."

Jake couldn't help himself, "what's surprising, does she have superpowers now?"

Amy glared at Jake for a second and then a thought came to her, she closed her eyes and threw her head back a little, "Please tell me I'm not pregnant."

Jake felt the room spin around him, the doctor looked a little concerned, "you are pregnant, I take it you suspected it, a little?"

Amy shook her head, she felt her face get hot and cheeks redden, "not really, until you said everything was fine, but you saw something surprising, I have felt nauseated." Amy's eyes widened, her fingers twitched a little as she mouthed some numbers, "Son of a bitch, that means…I was…I was pregnant when I was held captive."

The doctor could sense the panic, she placed a hand on Amy's shoulder, "yes, but we looked at all the tests and pictures and I assure you, the fetus is unharmed, it was early enough in the pregnancy that you and the baby are both in good health despite what you went through."

Amy started crying, Jake just looked stunned, the doctor turned from Jake to Amy, "I take it this is not quite a wanted pregnancy with all that has happened."

"Wanted?" Amy stood up, "I was kidnapped, tortured, threatened with rape because I'm a police officer and my husband was wrongfully imprisoned for the same reason, so no, this pregnancy is not wanted, not expected, not fucking believable! Jake! Say something!"

Jake closed his eyes and lowered his head, "Ames, if you don't want to have a baby you don't have to have one, I would never force that on you, you know that."

"Doctor, how far along do you think I am, my guess would be six weeks, I hadn't even thought about my last period, I stopped taking the pill like I'm supposed to and then didn't even process it or thought it was the stress and strain on my body."

The doctor nodded, "that can happen, but no, I estimate around seven weeks, give or take a week, so you're probably on the money."

Amy cried again, Jake wanted to do something, but he felt like anything he did would be wrong, he had no words, everything was crazy, this is what he wanted, but not like this, not if it would destroy the happiness they had worked so hard to regain since her rescue.

The doctor opened the door a crack, "I will give a few minutes to wrap your heads around everything, there are options, adoption, abortion is legal in this state, but we are not allowed to recommend that, but there is also counseling to help you get through this if you choose to go to term with your pregnancy." The doctor left the room and Jake sat down still looking beyond stunned.

"Jake, how the hell could this happen to us? I hate it!"

Jake nodded, "I know, I'm sorry, I know this sucks."

Amy slammed her hands down, "it's fucking terrible timing Jake! The one thing I thought I felt certain about was not wanting a family."

Jake sighed, "Ames, you don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"Really? You'd have me get an abortion? You'd want to me to not have the baby? This could be our only chance, you'd be okay with that? I call bullshit Jake."

Jake lowered his head, "Ames, I'm trying to do what you need me to, I will support whatever decision you make, this is your body, you went through hell, not me. I love you and while I do think you would be the best mom ever, I understand how you feel, one-hundreds, like I said before."

Amy shook her head, "I can't believe I didn't notice I hadn't had my period. I don't know if I really thought it was stress or just didn't' notice."

She started crying again, Jake scooted up on the examination table next to her, "Ames, you can't beat yourself up for anything, these things happen."

Amy sighed and rubbed her head, "let me ask you this, if I had never been kidnapped, how would you be reacting now?"

Jake shook his head vigorously, "not playing that, you were kidnapped, there's no dealing with this shiz without facing that."

"I'm serious Jake, would you be acting differently?" She had no expression on her face, she didn't look sad or angry, just waiting for his answer.

"Ames, not playing this, this is our life, as much as we hate it, this happened to you, we both have gone through a lot, that's our life."

Amy started to cry again, "the thing is Jake, I don't want them to win, Swayze and his gang. I've closed myself off somewhat, I've made decisions based on what happened, so if I choose not to be a mom, is it my decision or their work making me do it? I can't let them win, because while I'm freaked out, the truth is that deep down I never wanted to not try, it just seemed logical with all the shit that has happened, when I freak out and get scared, logic is all I have"

"Ames, I'm not pressuring you, you don't have to!" Jake semi-shouted this and immediately softened his tone and brushed his fingers against her teary cheek.

"Jake! Listen to me! I want to, I'm scared, terrified, but I want to!" She softened a little and placed a hand on his face, "we're good, right?"

Jake smiled, "of course, I think we're getting our mojo back."

Amy nodded, "me too, as much as is possible. The truth is Jake, if I had never been held captive, if that had never happened, I would be freaked out, a little, but I would so happy that you and I were going through this together. I am still turning to logic though Jake, we will need to discuss things, about our careers, you know my career has always been number one, but things have changed, I didn't think I'd marry someone who supported me and made me realize work isn't everything, and the kidnapping, it made me open my eyes to the fact that when I was facing danger, I didn't think about not making captain, I though about what I'd miss with you, that's important, I don't want to be some happy homemaker, but I want us to have our family." She took a deep breath and wiped away her tears, Jake just looked intently at her. Amy continued, "We have both said we don't really control our lives, right?"

Jake nodded, "not even a little."

"Well, then this is par for the course."

"Golf lingo, really?"

Amy nudged him with her head, "hey, it's relevant to this, the terminology works."

Jake smiled, slightly, but sincerely, "I hope this kid is as smart as you are and that it doesn't have my nose."

Amy frowned, "listen to me, I'm freaked out about a lot of things with being pregnant and starting a family, but things I'm not worried about is our child being like you or looking like you. Your nose is fine, and you are intelligent, our baby will have the benefit or two parents raising it and not the t.v."

Jake grinned even bigger now, "don't knock my parent, t.v. was a wonderful guardian, it asked so little and gave so much, it provided advice and never made me do homework."

Amy closed her eyes for a brief moment and exhaled, "we can do this, I can do this, I know I can, it's just, well, you know me and plans, this wasn't on my calendar, but so much that has happened isn't on my calendar, so why fight them, it's a part of life."

"Yeah, for us anyway, sorry for that." Jake looked at his shoes intently and rubbed them together.

"Jake don't be sorry, you've done nothing wrong, it's just that, life comes at us, it has been difficult, but we're also happy. We had a beautiful wedding despite the bomb threat and all the changes we had to make, you proposed later than you wanted to because of being in prison, but I knew without any doubt that you were the one I wanted to grow old with, I knew before, but when you were gone, I would have done anything to get you back and I didn't care about my career or anything, just you. I learned so much about myself, and you…you read books, you thought of me more than yourself, it was terrible, I know it was, it was for me, but we're still here, and probably closer and better."

Silence followed, the only sound was their breathing, Jake's head was still spinning, he felt so many conflicting emotions, he had wanted a family, but this was so much to heap on Amy's already hectic life and while she was still recovering, but his thoughts were interrupted.

"Jake, listen to me. I can see you, you're blaming yourself and worrying about me. Do and don't that, do worry about us and do what you always do, but don't worry about me being pregnant or it being too much, we'll make it, we always do."

Jake's throat felt so dry all of a sudden, his head ached, "I know, but things are so fucked up, I can't help but worry about them being fucked up with the baby, not anything to the baby, but to us, who are the baby's moms and pops."

Amy ran her fingers through his hair softly, "we can talk about that, we can make plans, but we can't let worrying control us, I'm tired of that Jake, it's done me no good, what's done me good is living life, going on a trip with you, seeing our friends and family, doing things, so why should we treat this any different?"

Jake slowly nodded, "I know Ames, you're right, it's just…this is not how I envisioned any of this, but since when is life anything like I think it will be? Never, except you."

Amy rolled her eyes, "it's just because you're in love with me and my lady parts, but you will feel the same, well not the same, but you will love our baby and think everything it does is wonderful, until it's a teenager, but you will love it and adore it and be there for it, that's you, you're not your dad, not even close. You're you Jake. You remind of documentary I saw…"

"Ames, c'mon, ruining the moment."

Amy elbowed him, "shut it and listen. Everything in nature that we think is beautiful, canyons, rock formations, glaciers, they are formed over time, by storms, repeated stress and pressure, and that's you. You've experienced a lot of difficult times, but you wouldn't be the you I love without them, you wouldn't be as thoughtful and dedicated to me or being a good cop without those experiences."

There was a light knock on the door, the doctor peered in, "is okay if I pop back in now?"

Amy smiled, "yes, of course."

The doctor referred her to the best local OBGYN she knew, set up follow up appointments, and made prescriptions for prenatal vitamins. "Amy, Jake, as a doctor that does the majority of the physicals for policemen returning from work incidents, I have learned one thing, don't run scared, be smart, but don't be scared. I've seen many good officers leave because they couldn't shake the fear, things happen, but worrying about them and obsessing about them, well, it makes life worse, more tense. Enjoy the good moments and accept the bad ones."