For a moment I thought he would burst out in laughter. But he just looked at me while the meaning of my words hit him.

'You cannot?' he said in a tone I had never heard him use towards me before. It was stone cold. I could only nod. I felt his hands tighten on mine, but he did not do it to hurt me, only to make sure I had his attention.

'You cannot? How can you lie to me like that, Sorrun? I know you love me, Bema, everyone knows! And I know I love you, everyone knows I love you! How can you lie, how can you say you cannot marry me? Are you afraid I will forbid you to go to Rivendell? The Gods know I should, but I never could. No one could ever force you to do anything you would not want to do. I know you want this, Sorrun, I know you,' Suddenly I knew what it was like to be on the receiving end of my cold anger. He sounded so betrayed and I knew I was crying. He was right. Of course he was right. He knew I loved him even though I had never told him so. I had never been completely certain of his love for me, but when he said it like that, I felt like I had known all along. He knew me better than I knew myself at times.

But he did not know that I am Saoirse. He did not know I was the daughter of a man that was no friend of the Mark, of our King. I could not marry Eomer without him knowing who I was. It would hurt him that I had never before felt like I could trust him enough to tell him of how I came to Rohan.

In truth, I had wanted to tell him the second my mother told me, which she foresaw and warned me that I would put myself and him in danger if he knew. That it would do more harm than good if he knew. Sixteen year old me agreed and would never do anything that could possibly harm the older boy-soon-to-be-man whom I had a crush on. But as I grew older and talked to Olfete more, I realised that my mother had been so hurt by Denethor's betrayal that she would find it hard to see me put my trust in a man only to have it shattered. My mother had been hurt by the ones she loved so many times, that she only really trusted me and Olfete, and anyone else she was a bit skeptical of. I was so lost in my own thoughts that I was almost startled when Eomer spoke again.

'You must have known, must have felt, that me asking you to marry me was coming, right? I have never hidden my affections for you, I never could, not really. Sorrun, please say something,' I really, really wanted to say yes. To be as selfish as humanly possible and claim Eomer so that I could be his in return. But I knew that I could not live with myself if I said yes now. Too many things needed to be resolved first - he needed to know of my past, and I needed to follow Boromir to Rivendell. But would it be fair of me to ask him to wait for my return - if I was to return? And where would this war bring Eomer? I needed more time to gather my thoughts, but there simply was not enough time.

'Eomer, I am sorry, but I am not lying to you when I say I cannot marry you,' I wanted to say because I can still want to marry you but be unable to, but I knew if Eomer heard me say "I want to marry you", there would be no way I could still hold him back, 'I mean it. I am going to Rivendell. On the morrow,' he winced as if I physically slapped him and I swallowed, 'I do not know when - if - I will be back and what will be decided on the way,' my voice broke at the end of that sentence and my eyes kept overflowing with tears. I had to force myself to keep on looking at Eomer; I needed to be as clear as I could be. But when he moved one of his hands to grab my hand to place it over his heart and placed his other hand under my chin to make me face him, I felt my courage and determination break. If there was one thing I hated more than the over excessive use of my name and the answering of a question with a question, it was breaking down in front of people, no matter who. So I pulled my hand free, pushed myself away from Eomer, and walked back inside.

I think I managed about two and a half steps before I found myself buried in his chest as he stroked my hair and planted a kiss on the top of my head.

'I will not let you walk away right now, Sorrun, try as you might. You infuriate me beyond words and I have never felt a greater need to destroy something than I do right now. You have not said no,' I began to protest but he shushed me, 'let me finish. You have not said no and were the circumstances different I am certain it would have been a yes, so when the circumstances are different, I will ask again,' as he said those last words I could hear his voice crack and all I could do to keep myself from falling apart was cling on to his armour as he planted another (longer, this time) kiss on the top of my head before he let me go and walked back inside.

/ / /

'Do you think I could join you?' Eowyn asked and my heart sank. I knew she longed for adventure. She was a very skilled swordswoman, but other than the few times we had run into small bands of orcs, free folk, or wildmen, she had not yet had the chance to test her skills truly, or so she believed. Everyone else recognized her as the skilled fighter she was.

'Eowyn, please, I told you the truth behind my journey because I do not wish to lie to you, but I did not mean it as an invitation for you to accompany me,' I did not add that I would have liked her to, but then there would be no changing her mind any more.

'You are needed here, Theoden King needs you and Eomer needs you. I feel the worst has yet to come and I am convinced you are needed here, with your people, so that they can draw comfort from you,' there weren't a lot of things I could say to make Eowyn stay put, but the mention of her people usually did the trick. She sighed and walked to the balcony of her sleeping quarters.

'You are right, of course,' she turned towards me again, 'he was wise to send you,' touched by her sweet words I walked over to her and hugged her. When we were younger and there were only a handful of girls who were eager to learn how to fight, it came to no one as a surprise that Eowyn and I became friends at a young age and have grown very close over the years.

'Thank you,' I said. It took me a little longer to let go of her as I was bracing myself for the next bit of news I had to tell her. When I had gathered all of my courage, I faced her.

'Eomer asked me to marry him,' of all the people I knew, Eowyn was one of the hardest to read. Her responses were just always so unexpected. I had no clue how she would respond now. She knew of my love for him, of course, and she had mentioned that he had made interesting remarks about me, but she never literally told me he felt the same, because she believed no one should meddle in another's life like that.

'Finally,' she said and she smiled. I could see she was genuinely happy for me, for us, but I also saw the sorrow as she was aware of everything else going on in Middle Earth.

'I said I could not marry him,'

'You what?'

'Eowyn, please. I am to leave for Rivendell at dawn and no one knows when I will be back! No one knows what is going to happen in the time to come, I do not know where my journey will take me beyond Rivendell and I will never know where it will take him. Please understand,' I pleaded. Her face had shown nearly all possible emotions and it seemed she could not decide on one. I could have known it would be anger, she was of the same blood of Eomer, after all.

'Oh, I understand, all right! You get the great adventure and the great love story while I am to stay behind, unloved in an uneventful life,' she said angrily.

I could not move I was so shocked at what she said. Eowyn was younger than me, but we had lived close to similar lives - except for her being the niece of the King and me being a simple peasant. We both had never kissed before, and until I had realised I was in love with Eomer, we both had never had any interest in a man before. Eowyn was not jealous of me but rather envious and I had no idea how to respond to that. But what shocked me most was that she dared say her life was uneventful.

'Adventure it might be, but there is no way of knowing what kind of adventure it will be,' I felt like I needed to be harsher to truly make her understand, 'it could be my last. And you could regret uttering the words you have just said as events might come to pass you could never have anticipated,' Eowyn looked down and I hoped she understood what I was trying to tell her. She nodded once.

'I will miss you. Be careful. I will not ask you to send word when you can, because I think that would be impossible. Just be careful, Sorrun, we need you back,' she said, voice tight with emotion as she hugged me. I felt my eyes tear up.

'I will miss you, too. I will be careful and you should be, too. Stay away from Grima, Eowyn, I do not trust him at all. And try to- make sure that Eomer… his anger should not-' I was struggling to find the words that I needed to say to make Eowyn understand to watch Eomer for me.

'I know. I will, although it will not be an easy thing to do,' I looked at her and saw that her eyes were filled with tears, too. Despite ourselves we laughed and I turned to leave.

'Do good, Sorrun', Eowyn said. I turned back to smile at her, but saw she had already turned her back towards me. I silently made my way out of her chambers and felt happy that I had left Olfete last, because I knew she, at least, would support my decision.