I knew Eomer would still be awake somewhere and as I searched for him, I felt a nervousness quickly spreading through me. How on Arda was I going to tell him? I was walking with Hefric beside me, all saddled up and ready to go. I had no idea how I was going to handle this situation, so I was just going to improvise my way through it. I had searched the whole camp and I felt my throat tighten at the idea that Eomer might be out on patrol. He would be unforgivably angry with me if I left without saying goodbye. I looked over at the forest as a campfire caught my attention and made my way over there, hoping he would be there.

There he was.

And he saw me.

As I came closer I dreaded to see his angry face, I dreaded the words he would say in attempting to stop me.

And then I saw his face and he looked hurt. There was no anger. This was going to be harder than I thought. I came to a halt before him.

'No,' he simply said.

'Eomer, plea-'

'Were you even going to say anything?' Eomer wouldn't be Eomer if there wasn't a bit of anger in his voice.

'I have been looking for you all over camp and this was the last place I had to look,' the anger vanished; he believed me.

'No,' he said again.

'You could send as many troops as you deem necessary ahead of me, but it will not change the fact that I will face danger, Eomer, it is inevitable. Please, please do not make this harder than it already is,' I pleaded. He seemed unimpressed.

'I will not have you take off in a forest that held an ambush for you. If we had not set out camp here tonight you would have faced them all alone, Sorrun,' I had not thought of it that way, but it made no difference to me. He reached for my hand again and he closed his hand over mine. My hand felt so tiny inside his, so vulnerable.

'I must again ask of you to really think of what you are about to embark on, firebug. What happened here tonight is child's play compared to what may lay ahead,' he continued. I was struggling to hold on to my determination. Why did he have to look at me like that?

'I will not back away now, I must do this for the Mark,' his hand clenched tighter over mine.

'Sorrun…' he sounded defeated and I was taken aback at how that startled me. Eomer never sounded defeated. Suddenly I wondered how my true name would sound when he would say it and for half a second I thought about telling him. It would make him angry enough to let me go, but I felt I could not hurt him like that, not now. I would have to deal with the fact that he may never know, but I would do all I could to have him know how much he meant to me.

'Have a little faith in me, Eomer. I will do everything in my power to come back to you,' I inhaled deeply, 'I love you,'.

I felt nervous saying that for the first time, but I could not part with him now without him ever having heard me saying that I loved him. To me, it felt right saying it now. His shoulders dropped and he closed his eyes before exhaling strongly. I had no idea what was going on inside his mind and that frustrated me to no end. I wondered if he was going to say it back. He stayed silent for so long I was afraid he would say something along the lines of if you really love me, you would stay here, but quickly dismissed that thought. He would never say that.

He opened his eyes again and he looked at me. Or would he…

'Don't you dare,' he started. I then realized he had taken so long to respond because he was fighting the rising anger in him. I wondered if a day had ever passed when he was not angry. 'make this sound like a farewell. Why would you tell me that only now? You talk of me having faith in you to return, but you do not share that faith or you would have said yes when I asked you to marry me. Are you even planning on returning to the Mark after?' I was astonished. I jerked my hand free, took a step back and focused my attention on securing my bags to my saddle. They were already perfectly secure, of course.

'I tell you I love you and that is how you respond? By asking if I am planning on returning? Did you hear how stupid you sounded when you said those words? As if I have any other place to go to. I belong -'

'Then what are you not telling me?' for the love of the Gods if he would not stop interrupting me. I kept my back turned towards him as realisation hit me. Somehow, he found out that I was keeping something from him. I felt as though I was dipped in ice water at the possibility that he had overheard Olfete and me. I was still trying to find a response when I felt his hands on me as he angrily turned me to face him and push me against Hefric's side. My good steed did not move, so I was pinned stuck.

'What are you not telling me?' he demanded again. Oh, lord. He was so, so close. I saw the colour of honey around his pupils in the middle of his dark blue eyes. Those beautiful, piercing eyes. I had once already doubted my decision not to tell him about my past and decided against it, so that was what I was going to do this time, too. But I could not lie to him, either.

'You said you would ask me to marry you again when the circumstances are different. You said that, thinking the only reason I cannot marry you is because of the possibility that we are on the brink of war. That is one reason, yes, but I have another,' I tried to look for the right words to tell him next, but apparently I had tested his patience for long enough.

'Is there someone else you're promised to?' what the-

'No, of course not! Why - how - why would you think that?'

'Then what, Sorrun?' he almost shook me in desperation and it would have almost been comical if I had not seen the hurt in his eyes.

'You would not know who you married, Eomer,' I said.

'That's not good enough!' he said as soon as he realized I wasn't going to say any more.

'I have known you your entire life. You are right in thinking you will come back changed, but you will still be you, Sorrun,' how was I going to get myself out of this situation? I wondered desperately.

Then I knew. There weren't many things that would shock Eomer, but I knew kissing him would - he was a man of honour, after all. Before I had time to change my mind - by thinking this was not at all the time nor place I wanted our first kiss to happen, I moved quickly. As he was so close to me already, I did not have to stand all the way on the tips of my toes, but still had to reach up before I could plant my lips on his. As soon as I did, I felt him go rigid for a couple of seconds before he responded by pushing me back. I was so shocked at his response that my mind went blank for a couple of moments. The silence between us was deafening, but I dared not look at him. Why had he rejected me? I was glad the campfire wasn't blazing as much as it had done before so he could not see the hurt on my face. I cursed myself for feeling tears well up and hastily brushed them away before he could see them.

'Sorrun, -' he said softly. I felt his hand on my cheek and almost pushed it away, but before my hand made it even halfway up I felt his lips on mine once again as he bent down to kiss me. See, I had planned to shock him with a hasty, passionate kiss - or what I thought would have been one, cause what did I know about kissing, really - but his strategy worked way better. His lips brushed mine softly at first and when I did not move away, he put his other hand in my neck and pulled me closer slowly, pressing his lips just a bit harder on mine. I almost lost it. Most of my thoughts escaped me. I had been nailed to the ground so far, but now I sort of regained control over my muscles again and I put one hand on his chest while the other closed around the wrist of his hand that cupped my cheek. Gradually the kiss grew more intense as he pulled me closer.

All of a sudden I realised I had come here for a reason and that was that I needed to convince Eomer I needed to go now. This was not working, he had turned the tables around and anything he would ask of me now I would be happy to oblige to. So my mind raced at the same pace as my heart to come up with something to turn the tables once more. Then it came to me. Eowyn once told me, when she was very, very drunk, that she had overheard one of the kitchen maids say to another maid that she had softly bitten the lower lip of a man once and that the man was so shocked he promptly let her go and had walked away, muttering something about the nerve of the girl to do such a thing. So I softly bit his lower lip and hoped Eomer would be so shocked, so appalled, he would walk away, too.

Remember when I said I underestimate things? Sometimes I also overestimate things. Like Eomers constraint, for example. He did not let go. He was not shocked. His hands moved from my face to my waist and he lifted me off the ground effortlessly. I had placed my arms around his neck, but our lips never parted. So many emotions were coursing through my body, desperation and passion dominating sense and sensibility. Eomer had pushed me against something and broke off the kiss. We were both breathing heavily and now I cursed the campfire for not shining bright enough for me to see his face clearly.

'I cannot see how you could be anyone different nor do I care. Marry me, woman,' Eomer breathed. His voice was hoarse and I could hear he was smiling. I was dazed. I felt happy, warm and cosy as I was still in his arms, lifted off the ground.

'Yes,' I heard myself whisper. He kissed me again and for the life of me I did not want to him to stop. He had lifted me up even higher and all of a sudden I found myself on top of Hefric as he broke us apart again. I felt a cold breeze pass my face, which brought me back to reality. I swallowed. I saw Eomer was breathing hard. He grabbed hold of my hands as I kept sitting side-saddle for now.

'You can tell me whatever it was that made you so hesitant to say yes when you return to me. I will still want you to be mine, to be my wife,' Eomer said. I could only hope that was true. I swallowed again. I was to be his wife. I could still hardly believe it. As the breeze had turned into a steady wind, I sobered up more. I was to be his wife. My plan had backfired so badly that the exact opposite had happened from what I had hoped. I wanted to make him angry enough so he would let me leave in his fury, but now he had made me happy enough that what I really wanted to do was stay. There really is no knowing what would happen between Eomer and me in any situation, and I hated the unpredictableness almost as much as I loved it. I somehow felt lighter now, I felt a new strength that would help me endure this journey. I was to be his wife when I returned. His laugh brought me back from my thoughts.

'Say something, firebug,' he said. I smiled.

'Right,' I said, which caused him to laugh again, 'I am happy we fought through your stubbornness,' that earned another smile from him, and I smiled back, 'the prospects of marrying you will make this journey much more bearable,' I did not want to cry any more in front of him, so I fought back the tears as I continued.

'Do not worry too much about me, and I will try to do the same concerning you. Keep an eye on Olfete for me, please, and Ryce and Aldin - and Eowyn, they need you now more than ever - that is with what is going on and not just with my departure -' I was starting to ramble and I knew it. Eomer squeezed my hand.

'They will be fine, but I will do as you ask none the less,' he was searching for words and I realized this would probably be the longest we have ever spent apart. He was at bad as goodbyes as I was.

'Be watchful of your left when you are in close range battle, I know you prefer being on the right - as well as in the right,' he added mumbling, 'but some situations will not allow that. I do not have to tell you how to use your bow, just please make sure to always have plentiful arrows, Sorrun, I can remember several instances you did not and-'

'I was still young back then!'

'The last time was not so long ago, firebug,'

'Those were practice occasions,' I said softly. He moved his hand to touch my face, placing it on my cheek.

'I know,' there was only so much we could say in goodbye and we were running out of words quickly. I needed to leave now, now that I still had the courage.

'Please keep yourself safe, too. And don't worry too much - I will be in Rivendell soon and I will be safe there,' He nodded. We shared a moment of silence and I took that moment to take in all of his features one last time. The darkness still allowed me to see his blonde hair, his tanned skin, his beard, his worried eyes and his full lips pressed tightly together.

'I will come find you myself if you take too long to get back to me,' Eomer said, his voice filled with emotion. A clump formed in my throat again and I did not trust myself to say anything, so I just nodded. I swung my leg over Hefrics neck and adjusted my tunic. With one last look at Eomer I tapped Hefrics sides and he started walking. I felt Eomers eyes on me until I reached a path through the dense trees, but when I looked back I could not see him anymore.

My journey had started.