The voice came from behind me and could not have startled me more. I turned to the voice I recognized.
'What am I doing? What are you doing? Why are you here?' We were on eye level as he was on his horse and his look was puzzled.
'Oh no, you answer my question first.' he demanded.
'Mine is more important! Why are you here? Did Eomer send you?' I countered.
'Would that anger you?' he said.
'Do I not come across angry?' I was pretty sure I did.
'As a matter of fact, you do.'
'It was a rhetorical question, Ryce.' I almost rolled my eyes, almost.
'I came of my own volition. You need to learn to accept help and that you do not have to take all burdens on your own,' he said next. Now I did roll my eyes.
'That does not answer my question. Did he send you after me?' He was silent for a moment.
'Yes - well, no. But, yes. Both, maybe.' what was I supposed to make of that? My expression must have screamed confusion as he continued, 'I saw you leave your tent and fetch Hefric. I am not an idiot, Sorrun, so I did the mathematics and followed you. I heard your conversation with Eomer and saw that little display of affection, so I must actually call him your betrothed,' he sounded angry. Why did he sound angered?
'Eomer knew I was in earshot and when you left, he came to me. Allow me to relay how that exact conversation went,' he cleared his throat theatrically all the while still seeming angry. At me, even.
'"You will follow her?" Eomer had asked, nay, he tried to make it sound like a question, but I knew it was an order.
"I intend to. You see I brought my horse," I had responded. It did in fact seem he had not noticed my horse. Eomer had looked at me questioningly, but I will give him credit for his ability to see through anyone in a very short time period.
"You want to persuade her to come back with you." He had not asked this time, he stated it for the fact we both knew it was.
"Yes, but I had hoped you had not failed in that part. For if she does not listen to her betrothed, why on Arda would she listen to me?" It is not like you still tell me everything, or have ever done so!' Ryce said.
I thought I knew why he was angry, but I decided I would not interrupt him. Ryce rarely got angry and it was a bit terrifying really.
'"You are right, I failed. In my experience, Sorrun does not listen to anyone when she has set her mind on a matter," Eomer had then said. I think you might have broken the man, Sorrun, for I was sure he would draw his sword at me for saying he failed at a matter, especially a matter that concerned you. I thought he was fooling me.
"Why did she say she could not marry you?" I had asked him.
"I had intended to ask you that. I need to know," was Eomer's response and that baffled me. Not the part where Eomer needed to know, because we both know he wants to know everything, even the simplest matter as a stone getting turned anywhere in the Mark, but I thought he would know, even if it seemed like he did not. For I cannot fathom, Sorrun, that there is something you have not told him nor me. But as I was looking at Eomer I realized he was not fooling me. So there indeed was a matter you chose to keep from him as well as me. Eomer seemed to realize that as well.
"What could she be hiding from the both of us? What is it that makes her resistant to confide in us?" Eomer had asked and I felt sorry for the man that I had no answer, but I felt hurt for myself. When I had seen you leave your tent I was determined to follow you and perhaps even talk some sense into you, but after seeing and hearing what I did, that determination altered to finding out what, in the name of the Gods, could be so important that you would turn down the love of your life, but not important enough to tell me? For I have told you everything, Sorrun, always I came to you first and there is nothing you do not know about me,' he ended. I saw his eyes were teary and felt mine were, too.
I had been afraid of this reaction, but had not expected it to come from Ryce. But I should have. He was right. He and I have always been close, always. He was the first to see the change in my affections for Eomer, from friendship to a crush to full-on in love. He was my go-to for when I had to lie to Olfete when we were younger, and I was his for his parents. I was the first one he allowed to know of his feelings for Aldin. I had helped him overcome his fear of swimming after he had almost drowned once, and he had saved my sorry butt by taking the blame when I had accidentally let loose all the stallions from the paddock, and they almost trampled me. I was still unconvinced Theoden King believed our story.
My mind started racing. My loyalty to my mother in keeping the secret for anyone was waning, I wanted to confide in others, not only Olfete. I knew my secret would be safe with Ryce, but how would Eomer react if he knew that Ryce would know before him, when they found out about said secret around the same time? Would he be understanding? Could I convince Ryce to not let Eomer know that he knew? But Eomer knew of my friendship with Ryce, knew how deep our bond was. I had to trust he would not be upset about this.
'I thought with everything changing in Middle Earth, the fact that I could rely on you would not change. Not ever,' he said and it nearly made me cry. I had to swallow back the tears and clear my throat a couple of times before I could answer.
'Remember the daughter of the Steward that supposedly died? She did not,' I hesitated half a second, 'I am her, I am Saoirse. I did not die in my sleep when I was a babe, my mother conducted that lie to save my life. She send me away with Olfete to start anew in the Mark and joined us soon after she fabricated her own death. She would not allow her only daughter to live out the fate Denethor had in mind,' I said. I did not know the words I wanted to use until I said them and felt I had not explained it well enough. However, the look on Ryce's face went from hurt to surprise to confusion before he turned away and swallowed hard. Ryce was someone who let his emotions rule over his mind and as that was something he and I had in common, I thought I knew how he must be feeling right now.
'I am so sorry I have not told you before, Ryce. I truly am and I hope you will believe me. I had promised my mother I would not tell anyone and I have not, until now. You are still the first person to know this. The differences in Theoden King and Denethor Steward are great and so our people do not look kindly at Denethor, and I never felt comfortable sharing it while in the Mark. Olfete and I never talked about it outside the comforts of our home. There was never a time when I felt comfortable telling you, because I was not ready. That had nothing to do with you, you know I trust you with my life, Ryce. Please, feel no guilt right now, thinking you pushed me in telling you, because I would not have told you if I did not feel ready,' he looked up at me again, and even though the confusion was gone, the hurt was not. Neither was the guilt.
'I see. I sometimes forget we are not the same, and I should not blame you for it,' he said. His words were contradicting his tone and expression, but I knew he was working on it. It was a lot to take. I was not sure how to move past this right now, so I came up with an excuse. I knew he would bring up the secret again only when he was ready to talk about it more, so I did not push it. It worked better for me that way, too.
'I was planning on having a break. Will you join me?' I was not sure if he saw through me, but he nodded and dismounted Tordag. I guess this exact spot would do then.
/ / /
'What were you doing behind these trees?' he asked. I was nibbling down on a piece of bread and looked up at him. He was playing with a pear and did not look at me.
'I felt like I was being followed so I hid to see if I was right. I was,' I felt quite proud of myself, until I heard him chuckle. He looked at me and smiled.
'Indeed you were right, but that is not how you hide. You should dismount your horse, tie him up someplace else, preferable across from where you would be, and then hide. Best places would be up in trees or under cover of bushes, maybe even in the entrance of a cave if it is well hidden. I saw Hefrics butt from where I came, you were looking in the wrong direction,' oh, geez. He did not sound patronizing, but matter-of-factly. Like he was trying to teach me. I felt a burst of gratitude and I smiled at him.
'I must have looked really silly,' I said and then we both started laughing. I had hoped this bubble of happiness would last a little longer, like they used to after a rare fight between us, but these were dark times and so the seriousness returned quickly. We both sat down next to the trees, but not touching them as a small voice in my head reminded me to never touch the trees.
'I cannot go back without you, Sorrun. If he saw me empty handed I fear he would go berserk, thinking you had died already,' Ryce said.
'A little more faith in me from him would be nice,' I said dryly. This earned another chuckle.
'I am not turning back, Ryce. But you can join me, if you still wish,'
'If I might ask, why would you allow me to join you but not Eomer?' he asked.
'Eomer never asked me if he could join me, he was so occupied with me not going at all. I think that was never an option for him, it was just either him or me. I realize that might sound like I am blaming him for not offering, but I am not. I do not think I would have wanted him to, anyway. His position as third Marshall would not allow him,' I breathed in, 'I knew I did not need to ask you, as you would follow me instantly, but I could have made it clear in another way that I wanted you to join me, -'
'But you did not,' he interrupted me.
'Because I did not want you to. I did not wish for any of my friends to come on this journey with me just because I felt I needed to do this. I felt no need to drag anyone else in this. But when you said that I needed to learn to accept help and that I do not have to take all burdens on my own, I realized you were right and in not asking you to join me, I robbed you of making your own choice. So I am asking now, I hope it is not too late, because I would like your company, even if it seems like I do not,'
'Well, you are not exactly asking me no-' he started with a smirk.
'Oh for the love of the Gods. Ryce, will you join me to Rivendell and thereafter?'
'I thought you would never ask,' he said, a smug smile on his face.