-SS-

Severus sat at his desk as the last student departed the classroom. So many thoughts ran through his restless mind. Should he find her? Or leave her alone? Did she want to be found? Did she even recognize me? What if she doesn't care?

One thing remained certain, no matter how he felt he needed to make a decision that wouldn't make things worse or hurt her. He couldn't live knowing a decision or something he did made it harder for her to live. Especially when he knew it was because of her that he had been able to live as well as he did since the war. She changed him forever and if there was a way for him to repay her it would be his greatest accomplishment.

So what to do? For one thing I don't even know where to begin. She apparated to Diagon Alley and that she could have come from anywhere. She obviously was working as the book she purchased was not a cheap one. She looked well maintained and as intelligent as ever.

Only one thing was for sure. She visited Diagon Alley maybe once every few months or even more. HE understood how she could accomplish this as she didn't look anything like her former self. Was it a glamour or did she truly change that much over four years? He shook that thought from his mind as he know that he would have been able to spot a glamour almost immediately due to his years as a spy. No matter how strong the magic used to produce it could be.

Gathering his things and finally moving from behind his desk, Severus retreated into his private chambers to brainstorm while brewing his potions for Madam Pomfrey's supplies. Knowing she would be running low soon as quidditch season started at the beginning of the month.

Setting his tools to begin getting ready, Severus shed his teaching robes and rolled his sleeves to his elbows. Subconsciously he began to massage the location where the dark mark used to reside, as it was nothing more than a burn star now. He hated that he still had residual phantom pains in that location, especially stronger during his many nightmares. The only time he hadn't dreamt about his past and it's resulting pain had been after those daily conversations with Hermione.

So the question begs how I couldn't try everything in my power to go and help her? He sarcastically chuckled at his ridiculous need to be her shining knight in armor. Because maybe she doesn't need saving. Suddenly his mind flooded with different thoughts of her spending her nights with another man. Severus almost puked at the idea, get angrier by the minute at his pointless jealousy. It was very doubtful that four years later she would even still consider him as a friend.

He attempted to ignore his inner monologue as it only proved to frustrate him more. Focusing on his potions and finally becoming consumed with the process. During the war and even after it never matter what he was doing or dealing with, brewing potions had always been his escape. The one thing he could do to block the reality of his world out. Even if it became unhealthy, he could still rely on his subject of mastery to be his go to for the hard times.

After the last potion was bottled and the supplies cleaned up, his private brewing lab once again showed its normal pristine cleanliness. Looking out the window and seeing the darkness in the depth of night. Severus sent his potions to magically appear and replenish the medi witch's stock in the infirmary. Severus fell into his armchair as exhaustion finally set in, as it always did when he completely disappeared into his potions. Brandy in an ice glass appeared before him, and a fire roared next to the chair as Severus took the first of many sips that night.

Suddenly his mind woke him from the reverie he went to and realized he could do something. A tracking spell for his magical signature, not to actually follow it but to notify me once she apparates into Diagon Alley again! Quickly he summoned his ancient runes and charms texts, the beginnings of a spell already forming.

Severus worked into the wee hours of the morning and fell into a deep sleep after finishing the spell he needed. For the first time in three days his body felt no aches or pains as he dreamt of his favorite conversation with her.

His eyes slowly opened as he felt the chair next this shift. With one eye barely cracked he peaked over and saw Hermione take her seat. Her hair had Dutch braids on either side into pigtails. Secretly his favorite hair style of hers as she had become the only woman he knew to make pigtails look less childish and more intelligently ladylike. She had on a tank top that showed the beginnings of scars but held the majority of them from view. With a snug pair of those weird soccer pants on, that she had explained were muggle and her most comfortable pair of sweats. She was looking from the window on the far side of her chair waiting for him to wake, Severus spent a few more seconds admiring her before speaking. Hermione had become reserved and wise during those months after the battle, slowly he saw the child disappear and the woman beginning to rise.

'Hermione? How was the rebuild today?'

She turned to face him with a tear sliding down her left cheek. '….Hermione?' Her name came out with concern and worry this time as Severus fought off a stupid idea of jumping from his bed to embrace her.

A puzzled mask appeared on her face as she smirked and cleared her throat. 'W-what Severus? Are you in pain?'

Confusion settled in as he realized she didn't know she had been crying. 'No. Hermione your crying. What were you thinking about?'

Quickly she made to wipe any tears from her eyes. 'Nothing really. We finished the rebuild, the castle looks beautiful. As if the war never happened. Oh-…..' another tear escaped. 'I was remembering those we had loss and the experiences. I was wishing I could go back in time to where none of it truly had happened instead of just appearing as if it hadn't. That would probably explain the emotion.'

She glanced past him as if too ashamed to look into his eyes. 'Then I feel foolish discerning my pain to someone who was more directly affected than I ever could have been. Or could have recovered from being. I'm truly sorry Severus.'

Hermione made to leave as more tears escaped her eyes. Severus reached and grabbed her hand at the last second. His hand slid from her wrist to lace his fingers with hers. He never realized how delicate her hands were, never could have guessed they would have fit perfectly in his. Hermione had stopped only to turn with shock on her face as he held her hand. When she faced him fully, Severus grave her hand a gentle squeeze.

'There's one thing all of us will come to understand about the war, everyone's experience and perception of the event is going to be different. Basically, it doesn't matter who we talk to, everyone's experiences are just as painful as the next. No one went through something worse than the other, we were all a part of it…Sit down Hermione. Please.'

Severus watched as Hermione's emotions finally unleashed, a dam broke and she crumbled into him rather than away from him. She sobbing relentlessly and quietly as he pulled her into him and she curled up next to him on the hospital bed. With her arms around his waist, Severus would never forget her holding him tight, as though if she was using him as her anchor to get through the emotion. Brushing the hair from her face while whispering calming things to her, he held her until she quietened down. As all that was left were little hiccups and deep breathing, he assumed she had fallen asleep.

'As time goes by, it'll get smaller. Feel less painful, less consuming. It'll catch you off guard sometimes and feel as if it just happened. But other times you'll be able to look back on it and understand things happened for a reason. Understand that you will survive and move on, and that its made you who you will develop into.' Hermione nuzzled further into his chest, 'time will move on, and you will be strong. Just as you have always been. You'll be okay Hermione. We all will.'

She pushed herself from his chest to look into his eyes, 'we all will.' Pulling herself from his grasp, Severus immediately missed her warmth. 'Thank you Severus.'

Hermione sat back in her armchair and they started to talk about things per usual. Eventually he became drowsy and fell asleep, just before losing consciousness he felt her give one last squeeze of his hand.

Severus woke up from his dream with a clear and focused mind. Getting dressed in a hurry, he left the castle with the determination to cast the spell at the few locations that apparition were allowed, and the few shops he knew she would arrive at.

-HG-

Work seemed to consume everything about her once more. The shock of finding Severus at Flourish and Blotts did a number on Hermione, so she did what she normally did. Focused on work and forgot the world. If it wasn't for her chief of surgery keeping tabs on the attendings hours and demanding her to go home, Hermione would have stayed at the hospital for a full 72 hours.

Once home, she went through the motions of getting coffee and lighting the fire. One of her cases in the last three days had brought back some unwanted questions. The question of mixing magic with muggle medicine. Hermione had originally planned on doing that, helping those she could and using her magic in a hail Mary case by case basis. However, while in medical school she began to understand why that could never work.

The muggle anatomy would never be able to withstand direct magic. As those with magical abilities are naturally developed to withstand any magic that isn't fatal, the muggle body isn't. It killed Hermione that she had so much potentially important abilities but couldn't use them in her career. So she took the losses personally like she wasn't supposed to and grieving every one of them.

Her colleagues always told her while they were residents together that being that doctor would burn her out early on in her career. As Hermione didn't really plan on being a muggle doctor forever, she couldn't care less for the opinions of others. Sticking mostly to herself caused her coworkers to rumor about how much of a loner she was. Not truly understanding why, just talking amongst themselves about how she was broody and always kept to herself, but brilliant with her medicine.

Hermione had become one of the most sought after doctors in Scotland, especially for trauma cases. However, she never published anything for fear of someone in her past finding the article and ultimately where she was. So that held her back from any accelerations within her career. She avoided questions all the time about why she wouldn't write articles or publish the things she had developed for trauma surgery. A few of her accomplishments had been published but by her coworkers within the trauma field with her support.

As the exhaustion finally set in, Hermione had one thing she wanted to do before sleep took over. During work binges, Hermione knew that once she worked over 48 hours when she did finally go to sleep she would sleep for around 12 to 22 hours on average. So before that happened, she really wanted to go into diagon alley and get some dreamless sleep ingredients. She knew that the worst time for her to allow the nightmares would be during these long hibernations.

Changing into clothes to withstand the torrential downpour and thunder storm raging outside, Hermione apparated to Diagon Alley behind Slug and Jiggers Apothecary.

-SS-

Severus was brewing a potion he had decided to try and use to help students with PTSD issues from the war when his wand started to burn. Immediately he knew that the spell he placed on the apparition points and shops in Diagon Alley had worked and she was there. Suddenly he had a decision to make, finish the potion or ruin it and take off after her. Giving it less than a seconds thought, Severus vanished the potion and apparated away.

Arriving at the apparition point, his wand used his magic to guide him to the exact shop she was in. As he reached the entrance Severus steeled himself to act casual to ensure he didn't freak her out. Slowly walking into the shop he immediately caught sight of her at the register ordering ingredients.

What potion is she trying to brew? He nonchalantly sidled up to stand behind her as if waiting in line to order ingredients for himself. Listening in he realized she must have just started because he heard enough of the ingredients to recognize the recipe for Dreamless Sleep. His heart ached for her as he realized she was still battling nightmares. From the war or from something else? Hmmm…..

Once the clerk finished ringing up her order, she paid and stepped aside.

'What can I get you sir?' Realizing she would have looked by now and seen him standing there, he cooled his nerves and ordered his normal supplies of ingredients. The clerk knowing him as a regular customer had a confused expression as Severus had already made the same order less than a week ago.

'Must be working through these ingredients faster than normal at the school eh Professor Snape?'

Severus winced as the clerk revealed his identity, bracing himself for her to flee. However, she remained where she was as if she didn't hear him and continued to look at the walls of brewed potions. Hmm…maybe I can use this?

'Not at all Brandon, currently conducting research.' The clerk nodded as he finished wringing up the ingredients he requested, Severus paid in full and stepped to he other side of the shop. Slowly he used the reflection of the shop glass windows to track Hermione's movements. Using that view he worked his way around the shop to be closer to her.

Turning to face her head on as she was less than a couple feet away, he cleared his throat. 'Excuse me miss, have I seen you before?'

-HG-

Shit, there's Severus. Of course he would be making a trip to this particular shop at this particular moment. What the hell…..

'….have I seen you before?' Hermione shook herself from the internal battle she had waged and realized he was next to her and speaking with her.

'I'm sorry what?' She continued to pretend to be extremely interested in the current potion in her hands as looking at him was becoming unbearable.

'Apologies. I was asking if I had met you before, you look familiar is all?'

So Severus does small talk to strangers now? Or does he already know who I am? Ugh! This is completely unacceptable, I wish that stupid clerk would hurry up. 'You must be mistaken sir. I haven't met you before.'

She made to step away from him and continue on browsing, when she heard him sigh her name 'Hermione…'

Suddenly she was rooted to the spot as she could have sworn her heart had stopped. 'S-sorry?' Her voice cracked as panic began to set in.

'I know its you Hermione. I didn't recognize you until I heard your voice at the Flourish and Blotts.'

Before she could answer the clerk brought her a bag filled with her ingredients, Hermione had to decide on what to do and fast. Could it really be so bad to speak with him, to let him in? What harm could one little conversation do?...could I leave? Would he follow?

As the panic built, Hermione did the only thing she could think to do. With a thank you to the clerk she apparated from the spot.

-SS-

Stupid! Stupid! STUPID! Can not believe I blew it. To reveal that I know who she is, you knew she would take off you stupid bloody prat. Severus watched as the clerk looked lost as to what to do, as he knew she just broke about five different wizarding laws not using the apparition point. As he made to follow the clerk back to the register Severus felt his magic pull at the exact location Hermione had apparated from. Suddenly he knew if he apparated his magic would take him to her. He also knew, that if she wasn't willing to have an actual conversation in public, that suddenly appearing in a private location would only set this possible progress back even further.

Even though every fiber of his being wanted him to take off after her, he followed the clerk to the register. Slowly coming to terms with the fact that he could have just killed whatever possibility he thought he had at getting her back in his life.

-HG-

Hermione apparated away, knowing it wasn't a good idea as she was way too emotional to properly travel. The next thing Hermione knew was she was laying outside of her house on the ground with her arm and shoulder in shreds bleeding profusely. Her breath was coming in quick short gasps and her head was feeling less and less focused by the minute. Hermione summoned the dittany from her house and magically unscrewed the plunger from the bottle. Using ever last ounce of strength she had, she used her wandless magic to squeeze drops all over the cuts. As the blood stopped and her skin form an ugly pattern of mended healthy and fresh skin, Hermione felt the last of her strength leave her as her vision clouded and she passed out.

…..

She woke up to her dog licking her face and whining. 'Sebastian, I'm okay boy. I'm okay.' She raised her uninjured hand and pet him behind the ears. When Sebastian step back and took a seat, Hermione took a look at her arm. Definitely ugly but it would heal. It would never be pretty but it would only add to the many scars she now sported. THANK YOU SEVERUS! Fuck!

Growling in frustration, she slowly made her way back on her feet. Grabbing the bag of ingredients, Hermione entered the house thanking her stars that any nearby neighbors were off by miles. After walking into the bathroom she gasped at the reflection she caught, blood covered her entire shirt and left leg. As well as having dried over her neck and in her hair. Hermione stripped herself of the bloody clothes minding the recently mended arm and stepped into the shower. Before turning it on, she prepared herself for the searing pain.

When the water hit her arm, she screamed loud enough for Sebastian to start howling in pain along with her. Feeling her knees give out, she caught herself on the railing with her healthy arm to prevent her fall from causing more damage. Lowering herself slowly to the ground, Hermione curled into the fetal position and rocked through the physical pain as the emotional reared its ugly head in the form of tears and sobs.

HOW?! How did he happen to be there? Why was he there! Goddamnit. I can't do this again. I-…..I can't go back to Diagon Alley. He knows who I am! Out of everyone, HE is the first to figure it out. Everyone is going to know. He will tell Minerva and then she will inform everyone else. Severus will try to secure her secrecy but Minerva will think she's doing the motherly and better thing for me. Hermione felt everything build up to be too much as sudden flashes of her parents and everything that happened before or after them came rushing forward. To prevent herself from passing out of the shower, she turned the water off as she realized the blood was out of her hair. She stumbled into her bedroom and fell onto her bed. With the last of her consciousness she grabbed the corner of her free blanket and rolled so that it covered her.

Her last thoughts were of Severus and how he held her the day before she left.