YAMI NO MATSUEI – DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS

THE BEGINNING OF A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP…OR NOT?

Chapter Nine: A Lapse in Logic

Warning

Lemons up ahead….

What stunned Watari more was that the breathtaking kiss that Tatsumi initiated had a higher level of affection and openness than last night's kisses – all while the other locked him in an embrace.

"Doesn't make sense why…" thought Watari shortly before his mind shut down and allowed his entire being to melt into the deepening kiss. He rested against the other's body as the kisses between them became more explorative.

The time that Watari and Tatsumi had spent underneath the sakura tree and the lakeside view lasted until the sun had a few moments before it fully set.

Drawing away from the kiss yet not taking away his gaze and smile from the other, Tatsumi asked Watari, "Let us go home…make the most out of the evening."

Watari nodded and took in a subtle yet deep breath. He was still bothered about many doubts, yet he pushed them aside – the tender moment between them helping placate some of the jealousy and uncertainties that he would never admit in harboring.

Before he accepted Tatsumi's hand and clasped it affectionately, Watari's reply was, "Yes. Lead the way, Seii."

The lovers walked home with Watari's arm wrapped around Tatsumi's arm.

Tatsumi then told Watari as the walk continued, "Just be patient with me, Yutaka. I can be stubborn and unpredictable at times."

"I already know that. Tell me something that I don't know," said Watari with a chuckle, snuggling with Tatsumi.

Tatsumi was more relaxed now that he had fresh air and released some of the pent-up need to be intimate with Watari. The walk was relaxing as well, the lake and the blanket of sakura petals resting on the ground and their pathway providing a sight that was cool to the eye. "Then tell me what's bothering you. Everything was fine before I took my afternoon break."

After the long silence between them since Watari did not know what his response would be or how to respond to him, Tatsumi then added, "Are you having second thoughts about us?"

The doubts locked deep inside Watari began to bubble up the surface. His voice was calm, having no indication that his chest constricted and his stomach was in knots because of them. "You tell me…."

The secretary stopped their walk for a second. When Watari wanted to slip away from him, he managed to hold on to the other's hand. With an even tone, he asked, "Tell me what's bothering you. Do you think that I'll be this distracted if you didn't mean anything to me?"

"Is that what I am to you – a distraction?"

After he had uttered the word distraction, Watari held on to his emotion as if it was a well-guarded poker hand. He told the other in a matter-of-factly fashion, thus breaking the long silence between them, "Just tell me how long this…whatever we have…will be. Just be truthful to me at least about that."

This time, Tatsumi could not help but feel his temper rise. However, he held on to his patience.

Tatsumi stared at Watari, the two standing there in the middle of the long pathway leading to Tatsumi's street. The two exchanged probing gazes.

One thing was certain for Tatsumi – Watari and he were respectively hurting…doubtful. The doubts and the hurt had nothing to do with whether one truly cared for the other but had mostly to do with the mistakes and hurts that they incurred and caused in their respective existence.

The two stayed transfixed in the spot where they now stood for many minutes, with Tatsumi affectionately tightening his hold of Watari's hand. He wanted to crumble but to do so would commit the same mistake that he did to Tsuzuki. He remembered afternoon tea and the revelations that he had while talking to his ex-lover and during his moments of solitude after Tsuzuki left him to enjoy the rest of the afternoon outside the office.

Tatsumi's eyes glistened with held-back tears – the only evidence of what he was going through at this time. He kept his gaze on Watari as he told the other with quiet intent, "I want you…us…to be together for a long time. An eternity and a day…more, if possible…. You may not believe it or me for whatever reason you choose not to do so, but I know how I feel. So please tell me what's bothering you."

Those enigmatic, expressive blue eyes stared back at Watari.

Watari then felt his defenses slowly but surely melting as he saw the secretary – the latter being the tower of reason and strength among them at the Shokan Division standing rightfully beside Konoe. There was something in Tatsumi's eyes that pierced through his soul.

Everything to Watari, whenever it had something to do with Tatsumi, was amplified…the other's azure eyes as they expressed a myriad of emotions and messages simply through one gaze, that soft smile which easily manage to placate his unsettled feelings, those fingertips gently caressing over his skin with ghosting touches, the ministrations between them ranging from gentle to rough.

Everything that had to do with Tatsumi rendered the normally calm and matter-of-factly Watari weak on the knees…irrational…even jealous.

"You have me for an eternity and a day, Yutaka. If there's going to be someone to end what we have, that person would be you – not me…so you're the one who's going to tell me what you wish."

"You're having me do the dirty work while you're washing your hands clean? Dump me now if you wish. I won't take offense by it. Better to walk away now while you can...resolve loose ends that you need closure from. Go back to Tsuzuki and end this farce with me."

A stunned Tatsumi then realized part of what was bothering Watari. How could he have missed the other's train of thought?

Gazing into the other's eyes for a long time, Tatsumi told Watari as he gave the other a rueful smile, "You're not Tsuzuki-san, Yutaka. Our relationship and the relationship that I had with Tsuzuki-san back then are different. One day, I'll be able to tell you everything as to why I turned my back from Tsuzuki-san. I'm not ready to tell you because I don't even understand why I did what I did back then."

"Do you still care for him? Do you love him?"

Tatsumi met Watari's seemingly daring gaze. In all honesty, he replied, "Yes. Yes I do. My feelings for him differ from my feelings for you. I watched over Tsuzuki-san to make sure that he was safe. I cared for him at a distance, yes. I also looked out for Kurosaki-kun. My care, concern, and love for them are not the same way as I feel for you."

Watari was stupefied, his emotions suffocating him and rendering him speechless.

"All this time, I have also watched over you, Yutaka. It was killing me inside to feel this way about you, yet I welcomed it even if the distance between us made the longing and the pain worse. When I hurt you on our first date, I couldn't forgive me for what I did. What makes you think that I would just simply go away now that I have you…now that things are right between us – or so I thought?"

Then a teardrop betrayed Tatsumi as it made the welling of his eyes worse.

The secretary took a deep breath to have a better grip of his unraveling feelings, the teardrop traveling down his cheek…the moonlight making Watari aware of its presence as the trail of tears gleamed lighter than his skin. "What I do know is that I would not dare intentionally hurt you…and I'm just afraid of making that mistake. I want to be selfish…to hold on to you as long as I can…to never let you go. I'm not perfect, and that very fact makes me afraid. I don't want you to leave the same way as I have left Tsuzuki-san."

"I thought that you still love Tsuzuki…" was all that Watari could manage to mumble.

"You could never sever such bonds, Yutaka. You should also not be threatened by them because those bonds – as few yet as strong as they are – made me who I am today. I've lost all who I loved dearly. If we weren't shinigami, the more that I'd be afraid of losing you so please don't hold those bonds against me. If there's someone who wouldn't know or be able to fathom how to get by an existence without the other, that person would be me. Not you, but me…."

Once another long period of silence between them passed, Tatsumi lifted his hand and touched Watari's cheek. He gently smiled at the other, his anger dissipated and the tears still glistening in his eyes. "It's getting colder."

Watari nodded and rested a hand on Tatsumi's hand, closing his eyes to enjoy Tatsumi's touch and the feelings conveyed by it. He then said in a choked near-whisper, "I'm sorry. Never been like this before…."

Tatsumi's soft smile became more empathetic. He leaned closer to Watari and kissed the other's forehead before having their foreheads touch and rest against each other.

After a little while, Tatsumi then drew away to gaze into the other's honey-colored eyes. "I've never been or felt like this before, either. I'd never know exactly how you feel. I'd never doubt about how you feel about me. However, I do know exactly how I feel about you. Please don't doubt my feelings for you or the fact that I need you as much as you need me…most probably even more."

Remembering his past and the fear that he had about how Tatsumi would react once it had been uncovered, Watari told the other, "There's so much that you need to know about me…things that might drive you away."

The blonde scientist's admission echoed the majority of Tatsumi's fears as well as other matters which he summed up by telling the other, "We're here in Meifu for a reason, Yutaka. The chaste don't live here, but it doesn't mean that we don't have the propensity towards goodness. I, most especially, did not live a chaste life. I have soaked my hands in blood during the last years of my life. If we go deeper than where we are now and you find out everything about me, I'm just afraid that I might hurt you and you'd leave."

Having their gazes meet, Watari asked as he closed in the distance between Tatsumi and him, "You don't have to tell me specifics right now, but generally-speaking what things are you worrying about…things that would hurt me…make me leave you?"

"My past…. My wants… My needs…. Things that one would normally never see on the surface…. Things that only I know and no one else... Things that Tsuzuki or anyone never had the privilege of seeing and knowing until you came along…. I don't want to make the same mistakes by letting go, but –"

"Didn't I tell you that night that you should let go? You should be who you are with me. And you think that being you is the very thing that would drive me away from you?"

"Then what was bothering you before we left the office? When you got upset, I thought…"

"You thought what?"

It hurt Tatsumi to voice out his fear but he had to. His chest tightened and he let out a burdened sigh in hopes to release some of the tension inside. "I thought that after our weekend, you'd want to end things between us."

Watari blinked. If he had heard everything that he had to tonight – ranging from the gut-wrenching to the preposterous – Tatsumi's latest words really caught him off guard. His mood changed as his mind tried to digest the other's words and make sense out of them. However, the more that he tried to see where his lover was coming from with the last-uttered statement the more it made him blink.

Finally, Watari could not hold back.

In his usual matter-of-factly way and acting as if he had not been having a heart-to-heart talk with the other, Watari spat out, "Where in all the realms did you ever come up with such a stupid and asinine idea as the one that you just came up with?"

This time, it was Tatsumi's turn to blink. An eyebrow rose and his lips were pursed. He snorted out a chuckle and shook his head before looking into Watari's eyes again. "Did you just call me a stupid ass?"

"I called your idea stupid and asinine. If it will satisfy you, then yes. Yes, I did call you a stupid ass," deadpanned Watari. "How could you possibly think that I wouldn't want what happened over the weekend when I was the one who pushed for it to happen…?"

Tatsumi's eyes narrowed, although the other could see that the gleam in those azure eyes was more due to frustration. "Then would you educate the stupid ass as to why you began having a fit when I asked you whether you're having second thoughts about us. All you could have said was no…that is if you're not leaving me after our weekend."

"No, I am not leaving you especially after the weekend we had together. I'm being an idiot because I saw you spend afternoon tea with Tsuzuki…with you sharing a cup and with you wiping the crumbs off him. I just…flipped…."

The whole conversation was too heavy for Tatsumi not to let out another burdened sigh and take off his glasses. "Why didn't you join us? I invited you to join me."

"If you were in my shoes and you saw what I saw, you'd do the same."

"I look out for everyone. You know that. It's my job and it's also a privilege because I consider everyone as my family. When it comes to you, it's different because the feelings go beyond that. You should've known that after this weekend."

"I did, Seii. I felt it strongly."

The two of them needed the silence that they let pass to gather their thoughts and emotions together since they were both caught off-guard…silence that Watari had broken as he asked, "We had an awesome weekend. The weekend was what I have been looking for from you. When I told you to let go, that's what you did. That's what we both did. Why were you thinking that I would leave you and forget about us after this weekend?"

"I was too rough on you. I know that we're shinigami and it's inconsequential but I care about you and much more."

The weekend in bed replayed inside Watari's head, the memories evoking the emotions that he felt. The mixture of the rough and gentle as well as pain and pleasure…from the bruising kisses every now and then, Tatsumi's nails digging on his back and ass, the hard and deep thrusts, the two of them extending the limits of their bodies to try something new, the ministrations that showed how his lover needed him in such a primitive way….

Watari could not help but smile as a certain and reassuring of peace veiled over his entire being and helped soothe him. "I did the same thing to you, as in I did exactly what I felt like doing to you. You did the same thing. I enjoyed it. In fact, I enjoyed it very much. It made me so happy that I couldn't wait to go home and be with you that way since we couldn't do it at work."

The secretary took Watari's hand once the latter offered it, holding on to it with affection. "I was in bliss. I couldn't think about anything but the weekend that we had and the days ahead of us. I couldn't wait to leave the office, which made me feel rather guilty because I have a lot of work to do and people who depend on me…and my head just wasn't there."

"Well, one thing's for certain. We're both stupid asses for thinking that one's going to leave the other. Why don't we continue walking home, especially now that it's getting colder and we got whatever's bothering us out of our systems?"

After planting another kiss on Watari's forehead, Tatsumi then stared into Watari's eyes once more and smiled. His free hand held the other's hand with tight and reassuring warmth, the two now resuming their walk towards Tatsumi's home.

The two walked home, both inwardly glad that the comfortable and blissful sense of peace that they achieved to have over the weekend slowly but surely returned to them.

Once Tatsumi's house was within view, Tatsumi glanced sideways and smiled as he saw that the other was feeling better. "There was one thing that I forgot to point out to you. One thing that would make you realize that you're the one who means most to me…and that would never change…"

With lighthearted curiosity, Watari blinked and gave Tatsumi a pursed-lipped smile, "And what's that?"

"After Tsuzuki-san, I've never been with anyone else save you. I gave and shared myself to you in so many ways that I've never done so openly with anyone – even Tsuzuki-san."

The fact that Tatsumi just disclosed dawned upon Watari and it hit him hard. After weighing those words inside his head, he knew that Tatsumi's words were true and for him to have such doubts about Tatsumi and their relationship were unreasonable…illogical. If there was an eye-opening fact that he had uncovered over the weekend, it was the fact that the prim and proper Tatsumi Seiichiro - for the very first time since in his life and afterlife - let go of every repressive fiber in his being to enjoy levels of intimacy that he had never felt free to explore or share...even with Tsuzuki.

And with Tatsumi letting go of such inhibitions, Watari learned so much about his new lover. So in spite of all of these truths, most especially after last weekend, how could he still have doubts about the shadow master? How could he still have doubts when both he and Tatsumi were still pleasantly aching and absentminded after a weekend's worth of lovemaking which ranged from gentle to primal?

Watari smiled warmly while the tears glistened in his honey-colored eyes, the two now standing before Tatsumi's door as Tatsumi unlocked the door. "We have an eternity and a day, don't we?"

The door opened but before they entered inside the house, Tatsumi smiled back as the secretary wiped away a teardrop or two which beaded at the corner of Watari's eyes with a gentle finger. "Yes, we do. One day at a time…taking things slowly but surely yet not missing any opportunities. We'll let things fall where they wish to lie. We'll talk. We'll do our best to be as honest with each other as we possibly could. We have an eternity and a day to know each other better than we did yesterday. Just remember that no matter what happens or what we've done in the past, I want to be with you…so please do your best not to doubt."

Watari nodded and closed his eyes momentarily, letting the comforting endearment of Tatsumi's touch sink in the core of his being. "I won't and so should you. I'd never leave you and I'd always want you to be who you are with me…just as you did this weekend."

Tatsumi gazed at Watari and asked, "So does this mean that we have at least a truce?"

Watari closed the distance between them and kissed Tatsumi for his answer, the secretary responding in-kind so fervently. The kisses continued as they entered the house and closed the door behind them, with Watari's back resting against the door…the kisses rising up in terms of passion and exploration.

The two eventually ended up in the bedroom, leaving behind a trail of clothing shed from each other and with a naked Watari lying on the bed as Tatsumi crawled on top of him.

Fingers interlocked, one holding on to the other with such affection and need as the kisses continued.

Tatsumi's kisses on Watari's body eventually traveled downward after he lavished kisses, nips, and suckles on the other's neck, earlobe, and behind the ear. The warmth of his breath tickled Watari and stirred the lust and feelings that the other had for him even more.

Taking his time, Tatsumi left love marks on Watari's skin…his affections concentrating on Watari's chest and abs while his fingertips ghosted over the other's inner thigh. Eventually, his fingertips caressed over the other's member…those touches blending in along with the ongoing ministrations.

Watari clenched the sheets, his body and face flushed as his lust and need potently coursed throughout his body…with him wanting this so much since they parted ways this morning. He closed his eyes, his senses reeling as he left everything that he was with Tatsumi to do anything and everything that the latter pleased.

Tatsumi's ministrations were hungry yet with a touch of loving meticulousness and attentiveness to the other's needs. He knew how, where, and when to tease the other. He stretched the other's limits, loving how the other moaned every now and then as well as how the other's body writhed underneath him. What he loved most was the fact that the other was more than willing to take that journey with him.

A feeling of peace finally settled and latched deep inside Tatsumi as he reaffirmed that Watari was bold about everything. The very thing that he had offered might scare him since he uncovered a part of him that he never knew that he had, but the other was not afraid of it. In fact, the other welcomed it.

The other's reactions and his feelings for the other reminded Tatsumi of his shadows – the innate part of him that scared him for a long time until he learned and accepted them, thus making him feel whole after years of running away from them and acknowledging their importance.

And so once more, Tatsumi did what Watari asked him to do and be. He let go…let all things fall where they wished to lie.

Everything was a picture of how things should be between them – from the oral pleasure that they had given each other, the thrusts that progressed in passion as they came closer to climax, Tatsumi's attentiveness with Watari's member as he took the other harder, faster, and deeper…and the culmination of that passionate moment between them.

The passionate moment and the tenderness that followed afterwards repeated itself with Watari this time taking charge and Tatsumi entrusting everything to the other.

Throughout the evening, one poured out the pent-up longing deep inside him on to the other…the two taking turns in expressing what he wanted to say to the other through lovemaking as well as the affectionate moments in each other's arms.

End of Chapter Nine

Normal Disclaimer

I do not own Yami no Matsuei and its lovable characters. However, I do own this fic and Chief Satori and other original characters.