A/N: I'm going to go against my principles and put up a pregnancy-related Trigger Warning for the second half of this chapter but I don't want to spoil too much so… proceed with caution? Read with one eye open? It's the latter half of the chapter, I'll put up an explanation as end note which you may want to check before reading the rest. The part has a sub-chapter heading which should make it clear when it starts.

/AA

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The Courage

Now that she knew, the pregnancy was always on her mind. She never considered any other options but to keep it, but of course the risk of miscarriage was high in the first few months. She bought all the books she could find on magical and Muggle pregnancies and tried to calculate her due date which apparently would be right in the beginning of January. It seemed that she should register with St Mungo's Maternity ward, too. She was a bit reluctant to do it given that she knew several Healers from work but when she finally managed to register after a few weeks she found them efficient and quite sensible, with good privacy protocols in place. The first visit didn't tell her much she didn't know, but they confirmed the pregnancy, gave her a bunch of leaflets with information, and told her to come back towards the end of the month to monitor her own nutritional levels. At least it explained why she was so tired all the time, and why she simply couldn't stomach certain food. Her sense of smell was heightened too which was problematic in crowds since sweaty armpits and too much perfume occasionally triggered her nausea, and she didn't even want to think about sausages, eggs, or anything spicy.

She didn't even try to do anything at work, she was too scattered to focus. Instead of just constantly missing Severus her mind now seemed split into two parts, one part missing Severus and one obsessing about a baby. What if it would be a boy? A son with bushy hair and too large front teeth? Or a girl with black stringy hair and a big nose? She'd always liked his nose, anyway. It gave his profile character. But still, a baby, she knew nothing of babies and now her biggest and easiest source of baby information was cut off since she really didn't want to talk to Mrs Weasley ever again if she could help it. Maybe Ginny knew some? But she didn't want to talk to others yet, it was too early, she'd have to come clean about it not being Ron's.

Work, or whatever it could be called, was also a concern. She was supposed to graduate in August but currently she was so far off track it wasn't funny. But if she delayed for too long she'd be huge as a whale and probably equally uncomfortable, and that also made it all difficult. At any rate she had some savings she could use for some time before she'd need to figure out how to get an income.

Right at the beginning of July she had another appointment with the Mediwitch, an older witch called Madam Whyte with greying hair in a messy bun and a kind smile. She was around twelve weeks along by her own calculations, which were confirmed by Madam Whyte.

"Do you want to know what it is?"

Hermione merely nodded. Perhaps that would make it all easier. Madam Whyte cast another spell which slowly settled over her stomach. Soon, a bright light appeared as if from her lower stomach, first a neutral white and then slowly shifting to pink.

The Mediwitch nodded. "Yes, a girl then, and just the one. Congratulations, dear."

"Thank you," Hermione whispered, completely in awe. It was real. She had a piece of Severus Snape in her stomach, and it was a girl.

~o~o~o~o~o~

She knew what she had to do but had no idea how to find the courage to do it. Luna had given her his address. How come she had it, anyway? Millicent had confirmed that he had left Hogwarts once term was over, so there was no point in going there to check. Still, the results from the last Mediwitch visit gave her the courage to seek him out. She had to tell him, he had the right to know and to decide if he wanted to be a part of it.

The following Saturday morning she decided there was no more point in waiting. He was probably at home. Since she'd never visited before and thus couldn't Apparate directly there she had to improvise a bit, and so she Apparated to Manchester, took a train to Cokeworth and a cab to Spinner's End where she paid the driver and got out, cautiously. The travel had taken a while and so it was mid-morning by the time she arrived.

The street was dirty and run-down, with a row of formerly-red brick terraced houses on either side. Most of them appeared to be horribly behind in upkeep, with debris collected in the small front gardens, windows missing some panes, and the front gates were askew or missing.

Apparently Severus lived in the house right at the end. Although his house appeared as run-down as the others there was a watchful feeling to it, as if not all was as it seemed on the surface. Cautiously she approached it, feeling the hum of his wards as she passed through the gate and approached the front door. After taking a deep breath she finally knocked on the door.

To her chagrin, the blonde woman opened. She looked as put-together as during the ball, and completely out of place in the neighbourhood.

"Yes?" she said coolly.

"Is Mr Snape… Severus home?" Hermione asked nervously.

The woman looked her over, clearly not at all impressed, before answering. "A moment." She pushed the door half closed and stepped inside to call for him and before long he appeared in the doorway. He took in her appearance and quietly told his companion to step inside and wait for him. He wore slacks and a white cotton shirt with the sleeves rolled up, his black hair dishevelled and his lips appeared flushed from kissing. Her heart felt too big for her chest, was it about to break? Someone else was doing that to him. He… he was doing that to someone else.

"Spit it out, Miss Granger, so that you may remove yourself from my doorstep." He looked down at her from the door opening, arms crossed.

So, he wanted to make this as awkward as possible, did he? Fine. "I'm pregnant."

He merely stared at her for a long moment, his blank mask solidly in place, and then raised an impeccable eyebrow. "My congratulations to Mr Weasley, then. Was that all?"

Her stomach sank. "No, wait, I —"

"Severus?" the woman called from inside his home. He turned his head to look over his shoulder but didn't answer.

"Goodbye, Miss Granger," he said quietly and shut the door in her face.

~o~o~o~o~o~

The Horror

Somehow another week passed. She skipped work, again, not able to muster the energy for it, and didn't answer any letters or Floo calls from her friends. She woke up late the next Sunday and got up to make a cup of tea. Luckily the worst of the morning sickness had passed but she still felt rather nauseous at the thought of food and she'd woken up with a cramping stomach.

Gradually the cramping became worse and when she next went to the bathroom she saw blood in her knickers. Bright red, and not just spots. Was she…?

"No, no no no…" she moaned.

She stripped off her clothes and stumbled into the shower. The hot spray of water helped a little with the pain but she soon curled up in a ball at the bottom of the tub, sobbing as the blood ran down the drain.

She had no idea how long she stayed there. The pain started coming on stronger, pulsing through her in waves. It all felt hopeless. She'd lost all of them, the Weasleys, Severus, her work, her parents, and now this new little life would never come to pass. Everything hurt but the pain in her heart felt worse than the pain in her stomach.

Vaguely she registered some noise at her door. Could it be the landlord? She couldn't think of anyone else that might show up and the wards would keep all of them out anyway. Another contraction hit causing her world to shrink again, shutting out all external noise.

"Granger?" a deep male voice suddenly called.

Where was her wand? If there were intruders in her flat she should defend herself, right? Before she managed to kick her brain back into gear someone burst into the bathroom and as another contraction hit she vaguely registered a swath of black.

"It hurts," she whimpered when the wave of pain receded. She looked up at the last person she'd expected to see there, the only person she'd wanted to see, the one who didn't want her. "Severus, I'm losing our daughter."

His breath hitched. A large, warm hand was placed on her shoulder, his thumb rubbing the back of her neck. "Our… daughter?"

She nodded and curled up tighter in a ball. "I tried to tell you, Severus. I tried. And now it's too late and I've lost you and it's all my fault she's gone."

"You're…"

The rest of what he was trying to say was drowned out in a wave of pain, causing her to wail. A potion was thrust in front of her and she drank it down without questioning it. It tasted like a general painkiller and didn't really seem to help at all.

"How… how far are you?"

"Fourteen weeks today, I thought the risk for miscarriage would go down then? I had cramps all day and then the bleeding started. I don't want to lose her, Severus! She's all I have left of… of you."

She could see him making the mental math but another contraction hit, causing her to cry out in pain.

"Breathe, Hermione. Nice and slow. Don't fight it. It's already happened, you can't stop it. There's nothing you can do, just breathe."

"It hurts and I'm so scared," she whimpered.

"I won't leave you."

She wanted desperately to believe him but didn't know if she dared. He cast a warming charm on the tub and asked her to lie down on her side, facing him. He whispered another charm and put his large hands over the small of her back, bending over the tub in a position which must have been rather uncomfortable. The heat felt wonderful, but before long she asked for one of his hands to hold on to as she rode out the contractions, something to anchor her.

"Imagine you're seaweed in the sea, near a beach," he began, his voice deep and slow. "Picture the seaweed. The sun is shining through the water, there are fish of all colours swimming around you, and the ocean waves keep you swaying. You can't stop the sea, can you? The only thing you can do is to relax and follow along when a big wave hits."

The rather silly mental image distracted her, at least. Slowly she managed to relax a little against his hands. She had lost her sense of time altogether. She clung to his hand and let his voice anchor her. Silent tears kept falling, she didn't have the energy to bother wiping them away. Pain surged through her in waves, each contraction taking her — their — daughter further from her. Pressure started building, causing her stomach muscles to contract as if to empty her stomach.

After an indeterminate amount of time, it was finally over. She felt completely shattered, broken and lost, yet his presence was like a tiny glimmer of hope that there might be a future, one day.

Severus cleared his throat. "I can put… her… at Hogwarts, if you wish. There is a good spot by the old oak next to Greenhouse Five."

She nodded, grateful, and he quietly Transfigured a piece of tissue paper into a box, and sorted out the mess in the tub.

He pulled her up into a seated position and handed her the shower head before digging around in her potions cupboard for a Blood-Replenishing potion, another dose of painkiller and a Calming Draught. The hot water felt calming as it ran over her neck, her back, her breasts and stomach. Numbly she accepted the vials he gave her, not even bothering to look at them.

"You were out of contraceptive potion?"

"I ran out and completely forgot, I got distracted," she admitted.

He studied her with a critical eye. "I will make some Floo calls. Don't get up without assistance."

She merely nodded in reply and tried to focus on the hot water running over her body, mixed with her tears and the blood.

From nowhere Luna arrived, how did she get there? She was coaxed into fresh clothes and led back to bed.

She must have drifted off, but she thought she'd heard her front door closing. Luna came in with some soup and talked in great detail about her next excursion to find the Crumple-Horned Snorkack.

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A/N: As a summary, Hermione suffered a late miscarriage. Severus came by completely unexpectedly and helped her through it.