"Sometimes I'm a bit nervous, if it's okay for you, how things turns out to be some kind of dialogue in here, so if you think this should better be switched to PMs in further reviews just drop me a line, cause I really like these interactions and I would miss something, if this would fall apart completely." Eh, I'm pretty open about most things. I wouldn't say anything publicly that I didn't want to. So it's up to you if you want to continue via PM.
"About the rest of the group and how they are reacting at her, I agree with you, that it's just natural, that they still have a problem to trust her. Trust needs time and she had changed sides not long before." Exactly, being a redeemed antagonist is a very, very venerable spot until the transition is complete. "But also you have decided to let them ignoring the possible horror Acxa has seen, while she was captured and how this is causing her troubles, fears and nightmares." They downplay it a bit because she is Galra and they are the tough guys. "For myself it makes me feel more sympathy for her character and it gives me more thrills, how things will go on for her." Awesome to hear that you can sympathize with her. This fic is going to be a little bit lighter though, so her struggles probably won't be as harsh as Azula's in my other fics. "The way you're playing with emotions is definitly one of your strong suits, in my opinion." Thanks! Emotional angst is one of my favorite things to work with.
"And you're going on with putting the pressure higher on her within this chapter. The others, beside Keith, doesn't hide their doubts about her loyality. But this behaviour is backfireing." Lol yeah, they may have pushed her to do something very risky without realizing it. "Trust is needed at both sides and if Acxa doesn't trust them, she wouldn't dare to share her informations or opinions frankly." Indeed, trust can't be a one sided thing. They gotta learn to work with each other and help each other out. "She was on the right track and she had pushed her own body and mind way beyond the limits to prove her loyality, courage and value for the team." That she did. She values loyalty and courage over safety.
"Keith has seen a slight hint, which nightmares she has to fight. She is truly traumatized by the things, Haggar had done to her in the lab and maybe he starts to defend her harder against the others" Yes, Keith is going to see a lot and he deals with it the best he knows how. "Maybe also the others will see things different after this mission, but we will see, what you still have in mind for her." That will be seen in this chapter! "For now it's good to see, that Keith has explained her, why he had snapped at her." Yes, that was important, communication is key for sure. "Hopfully she doesn't blame herself to bad for the panic attack. She'll need a lot of support and not only from Keith alone to fight these nightmares and fears." This will also be revealed within the chapter. She has her own reaction to showing intense emotions. "New best chapter in my opinion and just so much fun to read. I'm excited, which way the roller coaster will take for her in the next chapter. Keep on having fun with your stories" Thanks! Happy to hear that you enjoyed it again.
Once again, she aches all over, it takes her some time to recollect what she has done, how she has hurt herself. She has never been so sore after scaling buildings like that. And she has never had to take time to recuperate. But she is drained in the physical sense and in a mental one too. Acxa just hopes that she hasn't damaged herself too terribly. She also hopes that she has made the right move, she thinks that she might have scared the paladins in so harshly taking dominance. All the same it had felt so good. It felt like her. Despite the weariness that has settled into her bones, she almost feels Galra again.
Her door opens. She ignores the protests her body gives her and heaves herself into a sitting position. She props herself very heavily against the bedframe and stares at Keith. "Did we save them?" This much is still unclear to her, she doesn't know what had happened after the hatch shut.
"Yeah, it was kind of a hassle making a getaway with a bunch of Galra ships firing at us and chasing us down, but we managed." He hands her a snack bar and a cup of something dark in color and pungent in smell.
"What is it?" She asks.
"It's called coffee, I think you can use a cup or two." He winks. Though she doesn't know what he is winking for. She drinks it down and sets the cup aside, trying to decide how she feels about the drink. It is bitter, she thinks.
"So, uh. You want to talk about what happened back there?"
Acxa tilts her head, "I do not know what you mean."
"By the UV room. What happened there?"
The question takes her by surprise and she doesn't want to answer it. "Don't you want to know why I held Haggar captive."
Keith laughs, "I know why you did that." He pauses. "You were trying to prove yourself. I probably would have done the same thing." He gives his answer time to settle before adding, "for what it's worth, it worked."
Acxa smiles. At least she has some good news to go with the oppressive tiredness.
"Of course, we're putting you on bedrest again." Shiro remarks as he passes by. "No more missions for you." He chuckles
Taken aback, Acxa nearly cries out in protest.
"He's kind of the dad of our group." Keith notes. "He just doesn't want you to push yourself too hard."
Acxa folds her arms over her chest. "I don't need bedrest." She knows in her heart that half-Galra Acxa didn't. But this version of herself, was begging for it. For the sake of her pride she decides that she will put up a fuss the whole time as she inwardly thanks Shiro for letting her have a break.
"Why don't you lay down?" Keith asks. "You're really tense right now."
Acxa lowers herself back down to the pillow and lets Keith pull the blankets over her shoulders. To her pleasure, he begins massaging the spot between her shoulder blades. She lets out a soft sigh as he works away some of the strain. "Will you please tell me what happened back there."
She basks in the sensation of his hands on her back for a moment longer before replying. "I don't know, I guess…" she trails off trying to piece it together herself. "I guess that, seeing that room. It was like I was trapped in it all over again…" She curls her fingers around the bedsheets. "I felt like I—I wasn't on a mission with you, I was…somewhere else. It was suffocating."
.oOo.
Keith doesn't know how she says it so nonchalantly. He continues rubbing and massaging her back and shoulder blades, working his way down. She had essentially told him that she was having flashbacks. He doesn't know what to do with this.
Suddenly he isn't sure if it is healthy to bring her along on these missions. But he can't imagine her taking being sidelined well.
He traces his fingers over a collection of freckles that are more apparent now that they are on human skin.
"Are you really okay, coming on all of these missions." He asks, knowing exactly how she will respond.
But she surprises him. "I…I'm not sure. They remind me of things I don't like thinking about." She pauses. "But I can't just hide. There's no dignity in hiding. I have to face the witch and I have to get rid of her. That is how I can make it better."
"Respectable." He comments, but he doesn't know if he entirely agrees with this approach. "You don't have to do it alone." It is the best he can do for now.
.oOo.
"I know." She replies. She knows, but it is no less strange. Odd, indeed, to think that she has people who want to help her shoulder the weight of things. Odder still that she is no longer alone.
"You up for a trip to the cafeteria?" Keith asks.
She shakes her head. She doesn't know if her human legs can hold her up long enough to do so. But she doesn't want to seem resentful or bitter like that coffee stuff. "You can tell your friends to come up here though."
This brings a delighted sparkle to Keith's eyes. She considers, for the first time, the toll her feud with the paladins might have put on him and she quietly apologizes.
"What are you sorry for?"
"Making things hard for your friends."
Keith sighs, "it takes two to tango…or in this case, apparently five. I don't think Hunk counts."
"Tango?"
"Maybe I'll teach you to do it one day. I'll have to learn the dance first though." He says as he goes to fetch the others.
She doesn't like being alone, even if he will be back shortly. She has been alone for so long and it has left her with so much time to do so many horrible and desperate things. It has also left her with plenty of time to dwell on herself and preen out the of herself. Even so, she doesn't want to be alone again.
These days being alone means thinking about the weight of things. Up until now she has contemplated what she would do when her Galra blood returned to her. But now, with her human body hurting all over, she speculates what she will do if it does not.
What if she can't return to who she was? She looks at her hand and flexes her fingers. Skills, stamina, and endurance aside, does she like this body? Does she like the look of it? She hadn't put much thought into whether or not she liked her half-Galra appearance. With an unsettling feeling churning in her stomach, she concludes that she hadn't exactly. In fact her mixed blood had given her a good many insecurities; the Galra and humans alike though of her as some kind of freak, until she started feeling the same. Until she longed to look like the other Galra and less like her; until she wanted her skin to take on a purple hue instead of a blue one. Until she wanted her eyes to be fully yellow and her teeth to be sharper.
She realizes with a degree of shock and horror that this is what she had wanted all along. She had practically begged the universe to make her a full-blood; technically she never specified which half of her blood she wanted to fully take on.
Acxa hears the chatter as the Keith brings his friends closer and she is thankful for the distraction.
Hunk is the first person to enter the room, "I saved you some muffins and the last slice of pizza!"
She isn't certain, but he makes it sound like that was a noble thing to do, so she thanks him for his noble sacrifice.
"He never saves me the last slice." Pidge comments.
"She kind of saved our whole mission, I think that she at least earned the last slice of pizza." Lance notes.
A part of Acxa wants to be resentful, to ask him how he can be kind so quickly after accusing her of some degree of treachery. Frankly that kind of slight is cause for a drawn-out feud.
"Think of it as an apology." Allura makes herself cozy on the edge of the bed. "We shouldn't have written you off so fast. We're all trying to get used to each other and…it wasn't fair."
Acxa almost feels like crying, no one has ever apologized to her before. She didn't think anyone cared enough for her to do so. Allura holds her hand out and Acxa gives it a firm shake.
"Our team will be better if we all stop making assumptions." Shiro agrees.
Acxa nods. "Yes." She feels as though it is her turn to apologize. "I should have trusted you all. You know how much humans can handle better than I do."
Lance sighs. "That's the thing, every human can handle different things. I'm sure the Galra are the same."
"We…they are." Acxa replies. She picks up the slice of pizza, Hunk has so kindly saved her.
Lance holds out his hand, "friends?"
With her free hand she takes his and repeats him. So it is done, they have made some kind of human pact to get along.
.oOo.
He lets Acxa pick the album again. Led Zeppelin is tonight's choice. He holds her very close to him, it still haunts him that her nightmares can possibly bleed into her day to day life. He holds her closer still. And it disturbs him more that she downplays it. He considers how alike humans and Galra really are and wonders if any of them came back from battle with a frightening case of PTSD. Again he looks at Acxa, he still doesn't know just how much she has seen; even before Haggar he can only imagine what she has been through.
He has been through a lot himself. He kisses the top of her head. That kind of thing is what he wishes someone would have done for him. He wishes that he had an easier time making friends. But then, his own teenage angst and isolation is probably what helps him connect with Acxa. He understands. He was the outsider.
He feels her tilt her head up. He hadn't realized that she was still awake. "Keith?"
"Hmm?"
"Am I a pretty human?"
Truth be told he hasn't put much thought into that. He supposes that he thinks the answer is obvious enough. Her eyes are such a soft and inviting shade of blue and her skin a warm tan shade. Though her facial features are considerably softer than they were before, he thinks that it suits her. The black hair that frames her face is silky and smells nice. It is cut in a more jagged way that compliments her face. "Very." He assures and ruffles her hair.
.oOo.
She feels silly for having asked such a trivial and superficial question, but the answer he gives is so very comforting. After some thinking, she had come to decide with herself that she, at the very least, look decent. But she thinks that she is rather okay with her human appearance. Hearing Keith agree is reassuring.
She looks him up and down. He is lean and toned, a very large attribute of beauty amid the Galra. And his small collection of scars add the extra flare that is coveted among Galra men. He has the look of a warrior, the look of bravery. It is a flattering look. "You are too." She smiles. She wonders what his means of assessing her were. She hopes he has accounted for the scars she has earned, those are important and they show up so well on her human skin.
She runs her fingers over Keith's scars. She knows that the one across his chest is the newest. She had seen him get it, and it is one that he should take pride in. She kisses the raised flesh and nuzzles back into her pillow.