In the morning when woke up, I was facing away from Eli. Even though his arms were wrapped around me, I still felt awkward. After what I tried last night I don't know how I could ever face him. He rejected me, more than once. I was feeling a bit of anger towards him. I told him I was ready but he refused. Maybe he was the one not ready. I got up and started to get ready for school. I just new Alli was going to be hounding me for answers. Soon Eli woke up, he got up and started to dress without saying a word to me.
"You ready?" He finally asked.
"Yeah." I said without looking at him. We walked outside and got into Morty, and drove to school in silence. Finally when we were there Eli walked me to my locker, kissed me on the cheek and left. I knew he could feel the awkward tension between us and it was killing me. Alli ran up to me being her chipper self, "Did you do it?" She asked. I shook my head. "Why not?" "He told me no." I said and all the tension made me crack. I suddenly burst into tears. Alli hugged me.
"Everything will be okay Clare." Alli soothed.
"No it won't! What if Eli just thinks I'm ugly, or gross? Everything is just so... Weird now." I concluded regaining my composure. Just then I saw Eli coming down the hallway, he didn't even glance my way. "I can't be here." I said and walked outside to call CeCe.
"Hello?" She answered.
"CeCe, it's Clare. Can you come pick me up? I am not feeling too well." I lied.
"Sure baby girl." She said and hung up. About ten minutes later we arrived home. "Everything okay?" She asked.
"No." I said calmly.
"What's wrong?" CeCe asked, her voice laced with concern.
"C-could you not tell Eli?" I asked hesitantly.
"I won't."
"Okay, last night when Eli and I got back from prom, I wanted to uh... Sleep with him. He told me no, and this morning everything was just messed up." I said feeling guilty.
"Oh I see. Honey, maybe it's just not the best time for sex. Eli just wants to make sure that you are ready and comfortable with him. He doesn't want you to regret it, that would kill him." CeCe said trying to comfort me. I went upstairs to my room and listened to some music for a while. I heard someone pull in the driveway, then a door opening and closing.
"Clare!" Eli yelled when he ran into my room.
"Hey." I said.
"Why'd you go home early?" Eli asked knitting his eyebrows together.
"I wasn't feeling well." I lied. Usually he can tell when I'm lying, but not this time.
"Oh. Well I'm going to shower." He said walking out. On the inside my heart was breaking. I started to cry again, but then quieted myself so Eli wouldn't hear me. Maybe I was making too much out of this. I walked over and got into my dresser and pulled out a pair of scissors. I started to place light criss cross cuts on my arm, when I heard a voice. "Clare." He whispered. I looked up into his sad green orbs. I suddenly felt so dirty, I promised I would never do it again.
"I'm sorry." I murmured.
"Why'd you do it?"
"We feel different." I said, tears pricking the corners of my blue eyes.
Eli shook his head and I saw a tear slide down his cheek. "You promised me." He said in a hushed voice. I cried and hugged him.
"I'm sorry!" I choked out.
"You have to stop hurting yourself. Saying sorry isn't going to make it any better. If I ever lost you, I'd kill myself." He whispered in my ear. I looked into his green eyes with full on love and kissed him. It was like our first kiss all over again. Filled with passion, our tongues danced together in an astounding synchronization. My hands trembling as I locked them around his neck. I blushed as I felt his nimble fingers brush up and down my sides. Eli pulled away sucking on my bottom lip. "I love you Blue Eyes."
"I love you Green Eyes." I said smiling. We slept in my bed together that night. In the morning, I woke up to Eli placing feather light kisses up and down my arms. "Morning." I said.
"Morning." Eli replied and brushed his fingers up and down my arm. I sighed in bliss. "Guess what?" He asked.
"What?"
"I get to go to a Dead Hand concert with Adam today."
"I'm going to be home alone?" I pouted.
"Just for a few hours. I'll come back to you I swear." He said joking.
"Great." I said frowning.
"I can cancel if you want." Eli suggested.
"No, you go have some guy time." I said. The rest of the day went by painfully fast. Eli and I sat around and watched movies, while CeCe and Bullfrog were off to a radio convention. Sadly, it was time for Eli to leave.
"Call me if you need anything. I love you." He said and kissed me.
"I will, and I love you too." I replied and he left. First I decided to shower, I laid in bed after I was finished. Then I heard someone at the door.
"Clare! Open the fucking door!" No, no, no. It was my dad. I grabbed my cell phone and ran to the bathroom. I locked the door and called Eli.
"Eli? You have to come home." I whispered when he picked up.
"Why? And why are you whispering?"
"My dad is at the house." I whispered on the verge of tears.
"What? Clare, call the police, I'll be there soon." Eli said and the line went dead. I then dialed 911.
"What's your emergency?"
"Someone is breaking into my house." I said as calmly as I could manage.
"Help is on the way, just remain calm." The line went dead. I sat on the bathroom floor, my knees curled to my chest as I held my breath, then I heard the footsteps.
"I know you're in here Clare." My dad slurred, then began banging on the door. I started crying silently. Finally he got the door open. "There you are." He said and yanked me up by my forearms and drug me to my bed.
"Don't!" I yelled as he pulled down my pajama pants. I received a slap to the face.
"Just shut up." Dad said. After he got done violating me he left. I was still in bed, pants down, covered in blood, shaking, and crying.
"Clare!" Eli yelled as he saw me, and I felt like a dirty disappointment lying here freshly raped in front of Eli. Him of all people should not have to see this. I'd be repulsed at the sight.
"The cops never came." I said in a hoarse voice.
"Shh, honey. I'll take care of everything." Eli said as he went to run me bathwater then put my sheets in the wash. He then returned and pulled up my pants, and carried me bridal style to the bathroom. Eli gently took off my clothes leaving me in my undergarments. "I won't look."
"It's okay. I'm really sore and can't take them off." I said, Eli nodded and unclasped my bra, then ever so gently pulled off my underwear, and sat me in the warm water. "Thank you." I said and Eli left the room. As soon as left I started bawling. I had purple bruising all down my legs and on my bottom. I was so disgusted with myself. Sobs shook my body as Eli returned.
"Clare, I know you're not okay but if there's anything I can do just tell me."
"Help me out?" I asked. He nodded. Eli changed me into fresh clothes, I saw him blink back a few tears when he saw my bruises. That night I slept with Eli in his bed as he comforted me.
"I'll never let anyone hurt you again."