The sun was grazing the horizon as Hopper pulled up to the meager parking beside the Hawkins graveyard. He had maybe a half an hour until the entire area was pitch black. It was no matter, half an hour was plenty of time for what he needed to do.
Hopper tugged the keys out of his pocket and deposited them into his pocket, then grabbed the cheap floral arrangement he'd picked up from a farm stand on the way over. Hawkins in January, and old ladies were still selling flowers and honey from their kitchen windows.
He slammed the car door shut behind him and, clutching the flowers close to his chest to protect them from the wind, began the long trudge up the hill. Frozen grass crunched beneath Hopper's boots.
"Hey there sweetheart," he said, greeting the headstone with a familiar pat. He dropped the bundle of flowers in their wire slot, fully aware that they would either be frozen or stolen by sunrise. "How've you been?"
"Hiya, Chief," a voice called. Sam, the graveyard keep, approached him with his instantly recognizable limp and overalls faded purple to grey. "It's been a while."
"Not too long," said Hopper, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He felt strangely defensive.
Sam sucked on his teeth, considering. "Since… December, wasn't it? Used to see you here every week."
"Been busy."
"Oh yeah?" there was a glint in Sam's eye that made Hopper hesitate. "Busy with what?"
Hopper didn't answer. The kids in town said that tending to the graveyard for so long let Sam speak to the dead. Hopper didn't believe that for a second. There was just… something unnerving about the way Sam looked at him, like he was gazing right into Hop's core.
"What's on your mind, hey Chief?" Sam asked, pulling Hopper out of his near-trance. Hopper turned away from Sam, looking out at the trees at the edge of the graveyard. Bare branches rustled from the force of the wind. Hopper couldn't feel any wind at all.
"I've- been thinking," Hopper said, feeling like a puppet on a string, forced to speak. His face had become utterly loose, uncontrollable. "If she were still alive-" here Hopper had to stop, staring up at the grey sky and begging for a breeze to come and dry the tears out of his eyes. "If she were still alive- Would I rather her be happy, or safe?"
Sam hissed in a breath through loose teeth, clucking his tongue as he considered. "Could she not be both happy and safe?"
Hopper licked his lips. "Well- if I… If I had to- pick. One or the other. If in order for her to be happy, I'd have to put her in danger. But if I could ensure her safety- and I could- I'd be making her miserable."
"Seems a pretty odd thing to consider," Sam said, but continued before Hopper could respond. "I guess you just have to decide… Is safety worth suffering? To me… To me making someone safe is its own form of danger. But I'm afraid I'm not sure. What's this all about?"
"Don't worry about it, Sam," said Hopper. "Thanks for the help."
"The dead aren't ever really gone, you know that, right Chief?" Sam said, almost urgently, as if he had to get the words out before Hopper departed. "They die, but… They're never really… Never really gone. You know?"
Hopper stuck his hands in his jacket pockets. "I'm not sure I do, Sam."
Sam stepped forward and put an oddly warm hand on Hopper's shoulder. "I like to look at the headstones," he confessed, placing his own hand on his shoulder as if to comfort himself, "and calculate how old they'd be if they had never died at all. What they'd be doing now. I've got old bones who'd be in their 140s and poor little babies who'd be turning one year old this summer." Sam reached out and tapped the headstone in front of them. "She'd be starting 8th grade this September," he said, and began walking past Hopper, feet crunching on the frozen grass. "Funny how those things work out sometimes, isn't it?"
Hopper let Sam pass him by, a half-sob working its way up his throat. He outstretched a hand and was suddenly leaning against his little girl's headstone, a piece of carved rock the only thing stopping Hopper from falling to the ground and beating the earth with his fists.
A sort of warmth emanated from the headstone, one Hopper was sure he was completely imagining. It helped him anyway, to push back the tears that were threatening to rise to the surface. Not yet.
Maybe soon, Hopper thought to himself, turning and seeing that Sam was nowhere to be found. Not yet. But maybe soon.
He patted the gravestone to say goodbye and set off towards his car. He'd be back.
"Alright," Hopper said, before he had the door completely closed behind him. He dropped a new plastic bag from Melvald's in the entryway. Eleven looked up from where she was standing by the window, carving patterns onto the iced over glass with her little fingernails.
"Huh?" she asked. Hopper didn't know if she hadn't heard him or if she didn't know what 'alright' meant. Maybe both.
"I said 'alright.'" Hopper dropped his hat on the hat stand and tossed his coat on a hook with practiced ease. "I'll take you to Mike on Monday. Also, I'm thinking ice cream for dinner."
Eleven's eyes narrowed, she crossed her arms. "Really?"
Hopper let his gaze pass over her. She'd need a shower, of course, and clean clothes. And a hat, a big hat, to cover up her conspicuous haircut.
"Yes," he said, reaching into the grocery bag and pulling out a whole tub of mint chocolate chip, "to all remarks."
Eleven's smile was so big it made his chest ache.
For a moment, watching her giggle and gasp and lick all the ice cream out of her dish and then ask for more, Hopper was able to convince himself that he was doing the right thing. But all it took was one thought of Mike Wheeler, lying so small and so nearly unconscious in that hospital bed, and Hopper couldn't fight the sinking feeling that come Monday, everything was going to go horrifically wrong.
A/N: Thanks so much to all those who review! You're all so kind and wonderful and I really do appreciate each and every single one of you. I'm talking speedermeen, AliKatt, iAmCC, iKorak, Guest, and a big thank you to phieillydinyia!
If you enjoy this chapter, please consider leaving a review! I cannot put into words how much it means to me.
For more updates, follow me on ao3 at fillmoredawn and on tumblr at save-will-byers. Thanks for reading!