Meanwhile, up in Heaven alarms, were sounding.
Resting on a plane just above the greater universe, the Universal Supercomputer Yggdrasil existed. Surrounding the Universal Superstring, this great Divine system governed the entire universe, ensuring that reality itself continued to function. Of course, such a massive system had many sectors and staff assigned to each individual section. Most importantly to this particular story is the Sector covering Earth and much of the surrounding solar system. While this was a minuscule fraction of the universe as a whole the fact that this section contained intellegent life with souls capable of being Good or Evil made it a focus for much of Heaven's efforts, compared to say all the empty space where occasionally some random bacteria might evolve on an acid planet or something of that nature. Around 2% of Yggdrasil's resources were, in normal circumstances, dedicated to this sector of the universe. Which is a lot when you consider this system is running all of reality, and yet Earth is important enough to get enough attention to be noticable on a chart, if only barely.
Of course, right now a fair bit more effort was being put into this sector. The various Gods and Goddesses assigned to earth were running around in a panic. The cause was an an alien invasion. This was a wildly improbably event. Every single prediction the system had produced projected that First Contact was 99.999% likely to be a decade or more away! Something had completely thrown off the systems probability matrixes. Yggdrasil could predict the future with 80% efficiency on average, with the more narrow predictions getting more accurate. However, all predictions were at a mere 14% accuracy rate, and with it came a whole bunch of bugs into the system. Glitches in reality manifesting as oddly cute little creatures running around and messing everything up.
Working through this chaos was Skuld, Goddess Second Class, Type 1 Limited. She was in a ridiculously foul mood. Somehow she had stumbled upon the worst case scenario. A nightmare come to life, a turn of events that Skuld could hardly believe.
Belldandy had been assigned to permanent Earth detail!
Oh yeah, and the chaos caused by the explosion of bugs was a bit annoying. Smashing a bug down with her hammer, she called up a monitor.
"A wish?" She murmured, "What wish means she has to stay on earth for the foreseeable future?" She called up the records of the wish, but only got a jumbled glitchy mess. "The wish itself is corrupted? Oh come on!"
Well that settled it. Skuld would have to do some more direct debugging, heading down to her big sister to warn her about the invasion, and extract the wish from whatever idiot made it themselves!
Back in the Moroboshi residence the chaos on Heaven and Earth was being completely ignored, as the current inhabitants were focused on something much more important.
"Do you want take out or should we just eat leftovers?" Ataru opened the fridge, only to find it empty. "Wait a minute there was a whole pot of rice in here!"
"Ah sometimes the simple things are best." Cherry said, dropping the empty pot and chopsticks into the sink. Shinobu slapped him in the back of the head.
"How much can you eat?" She growled.
"I wouldn't mind take out." Belldandy said, "It's been a long time since I last had earth food."
"I can't imagine it compares to Heaven's meals." Shinobu said. "I mean…"
"Oh don't sell yourself short. Mortals are wonderful beings. If they weren't why wouldn't the gods care about you?" Belldandy said.
Shinobu face reddened. Why did this woman have to be so nice? She's a rival… or something… over Ataru's affections but all Shinobu can think of is how pretty and nice she is!
"Right then Chinese it is." Ataru said.
"None for the monk!" Shinobu said, "Actually why are you still here? Go home!"
"I would be a terrible monk if I simply left behind a goddess manifesting." Cherry answered.
"Right right." Ataru said, picking up the phone and dialing the local delivery place, "Hey I'd like-"
"There you are you idiot!" A voice shouted from the phone.
"Woaaahh!" Ataru shouted, dropping the receiver. A head popped out of the receiver, and in violation of spacial sense arms, legs, and the entire body came out. A young girl with dark hair and similar markings to Belldandy's on her forehead was now standing in front of Ataru.
"Bugs! Begone!" She shouted, and suddenly slammed a giant mallet over Ataru's head.
There was an awkward silence. Shinobu kneeled down to Ataru's twitching limbs, still visible from under the hammer. "Uh, Ataru? You OK?"
"He'll be fine. I just needed to clear some things up." A holographic screen popped up in front of the girl's head, "Ah-ha that cleared up the corruption around the wish!" She frowned, "Ataru Moroboshi…? What? Why is this guy granted… a harem!?" The hammer grew bigger, "Pervert! Die!"
A hand was placed on the girl's shoulder, "Skuld, calm down please."
"B-Belldandy… what are you wearing!?" The girl said.
"Oh it's an outfit Ataru likes. I think it's lovely." Belldandy said.
"It's perverted!"
"Who the hell are you and why'd you think that was a good idea!" Ataru jumped up, yelling at her.
"Ataru, Shinobu, Mr. Monk, this is my younger sister Skuld."
The address had been gained, so the King of the Oni began his march towards the champion, the one who would decide the fate of the earth. And trailing behind him was, naturally, the princess.
Now, one looking at such a cute and pretty girl in such a… revealing outfit, many would have wonder about what her thoughts were. As an alien, would her thoughts be anything like theirs? Or would she have some strange mindset completely unlike humanity?
Honestly, it was the latter. Her name was Lum, and the main thoughts on her mind were not about her impending duel for the fate of a world, but her boyfriend.
Her really, really disappointing boyfriend.
Rei was perhaps one of the hottest guys in the galaxy. A perfect match! Her buddy Ran was always going on about how lucky Lum must be to snag such a hunk!
Oh if only they knew. Lum had thought Rei would be great. So handsome, surely he must be the Fairy Tale Prince? Nope! Lum had once given him an I.Q test. The computer asked why they were testing their pet rock's I.Q. Lum then gave her pet rock an I.Q test. It scored higher. The only thing he knew what to do with a girl was ask when the next meal was!
Nope. No way was she dealing with that. Good looks were just not worth it when the only thing he knew how to do with them was ask for more food! So Lum had dumped him, and had been doing the usual sort of moping over lost love that any Earth girl would relate to. Sitting in her room, listening to angsty music, eating star flavored ice cream. She was pretty sure the entire reason her parents were taking over this world was to cheer her up with a tag game.
If only she could find someone! She didn't want just a hot guy anymore. Someone interesting! Even if they were a little weird, flawed, had not one other redeeming quality, whatever! Speaking of not one other redeeming quality, she looked at the photo of her Tag Opponent.
Ataru Moroboshi… Not quite ugly, but not exactly handsome. His goofy smirk looked funny. She wondered what he was like? Well, she'd find out soon.
Introductions were exchanged and Chinese was actually ordered. Would wonders never cease? The group sat around the table, Ataru of course placing himself between Belldandy and Shinobu. A bowl of fruit had been set up at the table.
"Hmmm…" Ataru grinned and reached over Belldandy's shoulder. Skuld glared at him and Shinobu slapped his hand down.
"Hands on your lap!" Shinobu said.
"But what if I want some fruit?" Ataru asked innocently.
Shinobu frowned, "Well then I'll get you some!" She reached over the table, "Just keep your hands there." She picked up a bunch of grapes. "Here!" She plucked one off and with a sudden bit of delicacy popped it into his mouth.
Skuld's eye twitched, "Are you doing this on purpose?"
"Doing what? I'm just trying to keep Ataru under control, I don't want this harem thing any more than anybody else!" Shinobu said in her skimpy harem girl outfit, feeding Ataru grapes. Hrmph! Ah, there's an idea. Maybe if she moved into his lap, she could keep his hands pinned down.
"Skuld, what did you come here for?" Belldandy asked.
"Well there was a huge eruption of bugs in Yggdrasil." Skuld explained, "Things have been going haywire up there, and I came here worried about you when seeing you were assigned to Earth!"
"Well I have to help fulfill Ataru's wish." Belldandy said.
Slam! Skuld's hands hit the table, bouncing an apple out of the bowl and into Cherry's mouth. "That's just the thing! This guy? He's not qualified for a wish at all!" The holographic screen popped up in front of Skuld again. "While his balance of sin and virtue still tilts towards the side of goodness, he's far too short sighted and frankly lecherous to be trusted for a wish." She examined the long string of characters… "Oh.. wait… I think that he's the cause of all the bugs too!"
"Err, Young Deity, what do you mean by 'Bugs'?" Cherry asked.
Skuld frowned, "Oh, wait. Uh… how familiar with computers are you guys?"
"They're those big bulky calculator things right?" Ataru asked, he had somehow pulled Shinobu onto his lap again, and she still was feeding him grapes.
"Yes, well, Yggdrasil can be compared to a giant computer that monitors and adjusts reality." Belldandy said, before also being pulled onto Ataru's lap. Shinobu didn't notice, Skuld sure did.
"Well, any complex system and you'll have errors. These bugs are when bits of Yggdrasil's functions don't quite work right. As a debugger my job is to find and correct them to ensue the reality runs smoothly." Skuld said, her hammer appearing in her hands, gripping it tightly. "So I use this debugging hammer to fix bugs and smash perverts molesting my sister."
"Useful tool." Cherry observed.
"Bugs always have a source, the cause of the error, and when coming here to get my sister and fix the garbled wish data, I learned the main cause of this sudden explosion of them!" Skuld stood up, "Like I said, your wish is invalid. You never should have been granted clearance for one, the error you caused is what made the system think you deserved one through random chance!"
"Skuld, what was this bug?" Belldandy asked.
"Well…" Skuld coughed, "You see, it's this slug's luck. He has, like, negative luck. He has the worst luck I've ever seen in anything. Honestly how are you still alive?"
"Many locals ask the same question every day." Shinobu muttered.
"Well, if he's so unfortunate, which would be better for him? Death granting release from his suffering? Or living to suffer more misfortune?" Cherry said philosophically.
"But I'm the luckiest man in the world now!" Ataru shouted, "I got a wish and am getting a harem, and I already have a Goddess and Shinobu in it."
"And that's all you'll get if I have any… say… in it!" Shinobu said. She began to sweat quite profusely as the sentence progressed as something like a migraine began to make threatening pulses in the back of her head.
"As I was saying, several hours ago Ataru's luck reached the lowest point possible." A scene appeared in the hologram. To be exact, it was the moment Shinobu had slapped Ataru and temporarily broken up with him for ogling another woman again. "At this moment his luck became so bad the system didn't have the capacity to process it. So an underflow error occurred!" At the blank stares of everybody but Belldandy Skuld sighed, "OK, imagine a giant strip of paper numbered 1 to 100. You're pointing to 1 and you're forced to point down to the next lowest number, but you can't do that because there isn't a number lower on the list than 1. So you loop the paper around and move down to point at 100."
Shinobu's eyes widened. "So what you're saying is that Ataru got so unlucky… he…"
"Became the luckiest person in the world." Skuld said, "For that brief moment in time, and this made the entire Luck Processing Unit go haywire, messing up all our probability matrixes and making the system think he qualified for a wish."
Ataru nodded, coincidentally rubbing his cheek up against Shinobu's breasts in the process. "Though, uh… doesn't that mean that if Shinobu slapping me is what made my luck 'loop' then this is all her fault?"
Everybody turned to look at her. Shinobu fidgeted in a way that might, under a different context, be construed as a lapdance. "I… uh… look! I mean, yeah, he got some weird wish and maybe some bug things. But come on! Ataru getting lucky for a bit can't be that bad?"
"Try an alien invasion!" Skuld shouted. "Thanks to the world's luck becoming topsy-turvy this planet got noticed by some aliens! And not just any aliens, but a group of galactic conquerors! So yes, it is that bad, the Oni are coming! An alien race that can fly, shoot lightning out of their hands, transform, breathe fire, and have super strength! They're coming to take over Earth and we have no idea what to do!"
"Do they have laser vision?" Ataru asked.
"No."
"Are they conveniently weak to a rock from their homeworld?"
"No."
"So their planet didn't blow up?"
"No they just want this one!" Skuld shouted whipping out her hammer and waving it at Ataru threateningly, "Our only hope… the only possible hope humanity has, is that before Oni invade a planet they always play a game of tag with a champion."
"How do they select this champion?" Shinobu asked.
"Randomly. It can be any person between the ages of adolescence and old age for the species." Belldandy said, "All we can do is hope that-"
The doorbell rang.
"Oh the Chinese must be here!" Ataru stood up, "If it's just a random schmuck getting the job I don't see why we should worry about it now." He went over to the front door, "Maybe you goddesses should find them and set up some deus ex ma-" He opened the door and was immediately ran over by a torrent of reporters.
"Mr. Moroboshi! Mr. Moroboshi! You're thoughts on being selected as the Champion of Earth!?"
"Mr. Moroboshi! What do you think of the Oni aliens?"
"Mr. Moroboshi! Uh… where is he?"
The mob of newsies looked around the room, before everybody's eyes noticed the two young women in skimpy clothing, the little girl, and the old monk all sitting at the table. None of them noticed that the lumpy rug they were standing on was, in fact, the boy they were hoping to interview.
"Looks like the idiot's luck has reset to normal..." Skuld groused.
Shinobu realized that everybody could see her. As in, the world over! In this slutty haremgirl outfit! "Noooo!" she screamed.
"Ma'am? Where's Mr. Moroboshi?"
"You're all standing on him." Belldandy said. She pointed down to the ground with a great big smile, happy for nothing more than the chance to be helpful.
Shinobu had ducked under the table, covering her chest.
"Right, well, uh, who are you two? Why are you dressed like that?"
"Oh! I'm Belldandy, Goddess First Class Type 2 Unlimited. I'm a member of his harem." She pulled up Shinobu. "This is Shinobu. She is also a part of his harem."
"He has a harem?"
"Well he is the Champion of Earth."
"But he's so weird and pathetic looking!"
"Yeah he has these weird footprint marks all over his face."
"That's because you all stampeded on me!" Ataru shouted, jumping out from under the shoes. In a flash cameras and microphones were shoved in his, Belldandy's, and Shinobu's faces. More questions than could be answered were dumped out.
Skuld was hitting her head against the table. "Of course. Of course the worst possible choice would be made the tag player."
"Ah-hem!" Silence, as a huge, huge, huge guy with tusks and horns walked in. "This the place eh?" A goofy smile popped up on his face. "Hey there, you Moroboshi?"
"Yeah." Ataru said.
A laugh, "Nice to meet you, so you want to hear the rules?"
"Err… something about tag?" Ataru said.
Laughter, "Glad to see you got it!" He slapped Ataru on the back, who face planted. "Now, you see, we Oni like to play a little fair. So we pick a Champion to take on ours in the game. The rules are simple, you'll be playing tag against my daughter Lum for a week."
Ataru's head snapped back up, "Daughter?"
Shinobu and Skuld both had a dark realization coming. Sure enough, the daughter floated in. She was a complete babe. Long green hair, tipped with cute looking horns that seemed almost like hairclips. A trim figure that Shinobu felt a flash of jealousy towards. Flatter stomach, wider hips, and bigger breasts. The figure was easily visible due to the fact that she was wearing a tiger striped Bikini and not much else more. With a pair of long boots topping the ensemble.
Shinobu could not help but wonder what she'd look like in a matching harem girl outfit.
"Hi!" She waved. "Nice to meet you."
In a flash Ataru was next to her, "Well hello there! I'm Ataru, nice to meet you." He grinned, "So where do you want me to tag you babe?"
Lum blinked, "Eh?" Wait, was this guy… "Well, you have to grab my horns."
"The horns?" Ataru said, suddenly frowning, "That's it?"
Skuld suddenly had an idea. It was.. It was an awful idea. And she hated it. In fact, it disgusted her on a deep personal level. But it could possibly be the best way to save Earth. She glanced over at Belldandy. How to broach this idea with her big sister?
Belldandy nodded, "Well! I think today's been a busy day, so perhaps we should all go to bed now."
For some reason, this suggestion actually worked. The reporters began filtering out. "Well then we'll see you tomorrow at the game!" Lum's dad laughed, slapping Ataru on the back again and making him taste the floor again. "Come on Lum."
Skuld pulled up Ataru, "Listen here!" She said, and then whispered her plan to him.
"Wait, really?" Ataru said.
"Yes! It should work!" Skuld said, looking a little green.
Ataru stood up, "Well, if it will help save the world…" He burst into laughter and ran outside.
"Oy! Wait a second!"
Lum had been about to head back into the saucer when she heard that guy's voice. "I'll be there in a minute." She told her dad before floating down to see Ataru waving to her, "What do you want?"
"What? Can't we chat for a bit?" Ataru said.
"Well… nothing says we can't." Lum said, "So what do you want to talk about? I'm not going to throw the match."
"Oh! No! Nothing like that. No way a babe like you would stoop to such lows." Ataru said.
Oh yes. He was hitting on her. Quite blatantly. Still, Lum felt her face redden a little. To have a man actually acknowledge her as something beyond a food delivery service was a nice feeling. "Well thanks."
"Was just thinking about what you were going to do after I beat you." Ataru said. Oh confident is he? "Maybe a date or two?"
"A date? Really?" Lum said, "Don't you have a girlfriend? I saw those other girls in your place."
"Oh they're part of my harem." Ataru said.
"... you have a harem?" Wait. This guy did? What on the Milky Way was so special about him that multiple women would throw themselves at him to be in a harem?
"Yup!" Ataru said, "And I think you'd be a great member too! Want to give it a try?"
Oh no. No way. She was not going to be some guy's callgirl! "What makes you think I want to?"
"Dunno, just thought I'd ask!" Ataru said.
Oh wow he was pretty brazen, which was actually almost admirable! "So, if I did become part of your harem what would that entail?"
"Err, we'd hang out, cuddle a little? Watch some movies?" Ataru said.
...well that sounded kind of fun actually. But no! She had her pride as an Oni! "Look, I'm not going to go with that sort of thing just on a whim."
At this Ataru's grin became wider, "Well how about a wager? If I beat you in Tag, then you'll join my harem? On a trial basis of course, but I know you'll want to stick around."
Again with the confidence. He was actually a little interesting, even if he had no hope of winning. "Well… why not? OK, fine, I'll join your harem if you beat me in Tag." Lum said. Of course, once he lost and the Earth belonged to the Oni she'd probably take him on some pity dates, he seemed interesting!
Meanwhile, in the bushes.
"Wait… did she really…" Shinobu said.
"A-ha!" Skuld said, "Now look, since Ataru winning Tag will make his harem grow, the Ultimate Force will make sure he wins!"
"Will that be safe?" Belldandy murmured.
"Huh? What do you mean? It'll just arrange Ataru's… luck… so… oh no."
"Yes. Normally the Ultimate Force manipulates luck as the safest way to enforce a wish. But Ataru's luck is so poor that… I think it has to brute force things." Belldandy gestured to her outfit, "This just appeared on us once we were accepted into the harem. I imagine there was no safe way to do so with normal luck manipulation while Ataru is involved.
So now, whereas normally the Ultimate Force would be a scalpel to do the single precise thing to bring about Ataru's victory… now it would probably be more like a stick of dynamite thrown into the mess.
Mercifully her clothes changed back to normal as soon as she was more than ten feet away from Darl- From Ataru. The moment she crossed that boundary it felt like she'd walked right into a wall of needles and kept on going. For a few steps afterwards she really, really wanted to turn around, head back to Dar- Ataru to give him a piece of her ass. Mind. She meant mind and any attempt to persuade her otherwise would very quickly wind up buried very deeply under a pile of denial.
Oh, now Shinobu knew the real reason that she wanted to turn around and go back to the tender (perverted) arms of her loving dear Darling Ataru. Of course she did. She wasn't stupid. She knew it was a justification, that she wouldn't really yell at him when she got there. No, they'd probably just hang around all night watching movies and chilling. This, incidentally, was a harder thing to do back in the 70s before Netflix was invented. (Though that fancy Laserdisc player Mr. Moroboshi had gotten helped) But anyway! The point was that Shinobu was no fool and she could see right through her brain trying to trick her, it was so obvious.
Obvious that she didn't want to return home and explain the news report to her parents, that is. What's that? You thought she was suppressing a long deeply suppressed erotic fantasy about being a member of Ataru's harem? No, no. Don't be daft. I mean, sure when they were little she had promised to become that for him, and sure when she eventually learned what that was she her heart skipped a beat or three (Before throwing him into the river for suggesting it). It didn't prove anything. Nor did her plans to go as one for that costume party last year before her parents bought her that cute and innocent Princess costume. (Serving as a stunning contrast to the "Arabian Princess" costume Ataru had suggested to her.)
Anyway, she was distracting herself from the real problem here: She'd been on the news dressed up like Ataru's haremgirl. In his room. With a Goddess who introduced them both as part of his harem. Oh gosh! Her mother must be throwing a fit and her father must be weeping at the shame his daughter has brought upon their family! Or making good use of his whetstone. Maybe both. Probably also trying to research the most efficient and painful way to castrate a boy.
Her imagination kept on throwing that kind of thing at her again and again, yet she knew... She knew that she couldn't put it off forever. Eventually she would have to return home. Face the music. Own up to what had happened. Try to explain something that seemed totally unexplainable.
"I'm home?" she called timidly into the house. No reaction. Shinobu winced and tread carefully inside. No sign of her parents. She'd been expecting them by the front door. It was unlocked so they must be in. "Hello?" she called out, though her tone betrayed that she had no real interest in anyone finding her. With a nervous gulp, she trod up the stairs to her room. One creaky step at a time. They must be in her room. Right? Waiting for her. Pitching out her clothes or angrily pacing around or...
"And that concludes our exclusive interview with the alien princess playing against Earth Champion Ataru Moroboshi!"
Or staring at the TV with rapt attention.
"Mother," Shinobu half sobbed, half yelped. "F-Father! I can explain -"
As one her parents rose to their feet, their backs still turned to her. "Explain"? Her father said. "You honestly think you can explain... How alien life evolved on another world to appear that similar to human?!"
If you listened closely you might just have heard the rug being pulled out from under Shinobu's feet. Eh? What?
"Now dear, it's entirely possible that they're using some form of advanced technology to mimic our appearance," her mother said. "Consider: Wasn't she just a little too cute in that tiger print bikini? Not to mention that aesthetic rather fits too neatly with the Japanese Oni creature."
"Ah but perhaps this is not the first time they've been to our world, and the Oni of myth was merely a record of our ancestor's encounter with them!" Her father said, adjusting his glasses.
"It still does not explain why their representative happens to be a scantily clad young woman with all the hallmarks of modern feminine attractiveness."
What... What was happening right now? Shinobu's head was reacting in much the same way as if she was watching a tennis match, turning left and right in quick succession as her parents went into tremendous detail and discussion about the myriad implications and ramifications of the Oni invasion of Earth.
"It makes you wonder though. Why play a game of tag? They're clearly technologically superior to us, if they're able to make crafts capable of travelling the enormously vast distance between galaxies." Father asked.
"There must be an ulterior motive. Perhaps they intend to broadcast it as entertainment for their home world? Look at the primitives struggle for their freedom! I bet they'll throw the match in the end, just for the sake of a good story."
"Hrm... that is the most plausible theory. The alternative is equally likely: An extremely alien system of morality that dictates they give us at least a fighting chance. Oh, to be able to interview one personally to find out more about their culture!"
"Yes, yes. Those reporters were asking such obvious questions. 'Do you have a boyfriend?' Bah! Does she even know the concept? For all we know their mating procedures could be almost anything."
"Err…" Shinobu said finally finding a space to speak, "Ataru did ask her on a date kind of and she said she'd do it if he won."
"Aha! Yes, that does make sense," her father nodded. "Of course, of course! He'd definitely want to have that alien in his harem."
"I hope he succeeds!" her mother said excitedly. "It'd provide us with an excellent chance to interview her directly. Ask some sensible questions. She'd hardly say no to the parents of one of her harem sisters, now would she?"
That's it, the world has gone mad! "W-wait! Mother! Father! You… this… the harem.. It's not! It's not what you think!"
"Oh?" her father asked. "Didn't that boyfriend of yours accidentally summon forth an eldritch being taking the form of a beautiful Goddess, then make the only wish he would have realistically made under those conditions resulting in you, and probably several other lucky select girls joining a polyamorous relationship focused on him, AKA: a harem?"
"How do you know that!?" Shinobu shreiked.
"They interviewed Ataru and his new goddess friend before Miss. Lum." Her mother said. "They stuck a camera straight into Ataru's room!"
"Apparently she cannot lie, even lies of omission. At the very least she was quite informative about the nature of reality so far as she is aware of it."
"Y-you can't be OK with that Dad! Shouldn't you be sharpening your sword or something over Ataru defiling me or something!?"
"Eh? Sharpening my sword? Why would I do that when you and that Moroboshi boy have had such a healthy swinger relationship for quite a while now?"
Her mother laughed, "Like Daughter like Parents am I right?" Thus revealing more about her parents' sex lives then Shinobu ever wanted to know.
Right... So bed seemed like a good thing about now. Bed and a healthy dose of repression. This was all a bad dream. All a bad dream. A nightmare she'd wake up from soon. Shinobu trudged out of the room, leaving her perve- parents to their riveting conversation on the implications of both gods being real and humanoid life on other worlds. And if that last part wasn't a sign this wasn't real life then what could be? Next thing it would turn out there were such things as Ice Princesses on Neptune, or perhaps the Lucky Gods themselves were also real.
"Night night..." Shinobu yawned, tucking herself into bed, closing her eyes -
"Good night Shinobu," Belldandy said, gently adjusting Shinobu's blanket.
...
Shinobu sat up bolt upright. This wasn't her room! This was Ataru's room! And these weren't her pajamas, either! It was her haremgirl outfit which was... Actually surprisingly comfortable as sleepwear come to think of it. "What am I doing here!?"
"Eh? You just walked in and laid down next to me!" Ataru said. "Not that I'm complaining, you're always welcome to walk right on in any time you want." He lovingly patted her rear.
After Shinobu had extracted her fist from his face she took several deep breaths. Nope. That wasn't enough. "Why am I here?" she asked Belldandy. Apparently the Goddess couldn't lie, not even lies of omission.
"I'm afraid it might be the effect of the Wish." Belldandy said.
"Yeah, what kind of harem doesn't all sleep together in a big happy bed!" Ataru said
"Don't worry," Belldandy smiled. "When you walk out that door in the morning you will be back at your own home. Now, admittedly this more blunt than usual. I honestly thought when you showed up the Ultimate Force had just guided you back here, but nope! Spatial warping!"
In other words, that was the only way to get Shinobu into Ataru's bed without his bad luck ruining it. A reality altering wish and spatial distortions.
"The problem is, this kind of spatial warping will have some side effects."
"Side effects?" Shinobu's head snapped up. "Like... Say, your parents starting to act like a couple of weirdos who are totally okay with me being part of a harem and thinking that I've been with Ataru all this time because they noticed I'm actually okay with having threesomes with him and hot girls?"
"I would not say that is a likely side effect," Belldandy said.
"But it's possible, right?!"
"Technically, it is within the realm of possibility," Belldandy admitted. Even she was sweating a little under the pressure Shinobu was exerting. "Though I strongly doubt -"
"Oh thank goodness!" Shinobu stood up, hands on hips and laughing. "That explains everything! Hahaha! It's not that my parents are weird! It's this weirdness that's having an effect on their behaviour!"
Belldandy opened her mouth, but Ataru put a hand on her shoulder and shook his head. "Let her have this." He said, in an unusual burst of wisdom.
Belldandy nodded after a moment. Just because she couldn't lie, that didn't mean she was completely compelled to dispel every fiction or misunderstanding she encountered. Otherwise whenever she walked past a library or heaven help her a political press conference... Oh dear.
High above the Earth in her own personal craft, Lum was having some trouble sleeping. It was the anticipation that was doing it. Tomorrow she'd be racing for the fate of the blue bauble below her. That makes it sound like she was trying to save it. But no. She didn't really care all that much about it. And that may make her seem unfeeling, but... It's almost impossible to really care about people when they're only a statistic.
Which meant that the one earth person she had met who wasn't a mere statistic… well…
He was stuck in her mind for some reason! It didn't make any sense. Sure enough she'd been wanting someone interesting rather than someone handsome, but that guy was pretty average looking and the only interesting thing about him was... that woman. Whoever she was, she was no Earth woman, that was for sure. What alien race did she belong to? Lum was wracking her brains trying to work it out... Or at least that was what she wanted to devote her brainpower to, but it kept on going back to that dumb, inane smile as he made that stupid harem challenge.
So that was it, then. That was the wager. Earth's freedom versus her becoming a harem girl. It didn't sound ridiculous: It was ridiculous! First of all there was no way that human was going to tag her horns, not in this lifetime. On the other, what kind of bizarre challenge was that meant to be in the first place? Lum couldn't even figure out where to start decrypting that!
On the whole then: Anxious. A lot to think about. Was it any wonder she couldn't sleep a wink? Oh, but she wanted to. Oh, but she tried. Sleep was as evasive as she would be tomorrow. Assuming she didn't curl up into a ball on the warm pavement on Earth and fall asleep right before the race. And then he's grab her by the horns, kiss her, and introduce her to her new harem-sisters and-
"Sleeeeeepppyyyyy!" Lum complained to nobody in particular. She let out a yawn while floating in mid-air. Ugh! "Computer... Sleep remedies!"
"Processing. Processing." The computer said, "Suggestion: Perhaps a change of sleepwear?"
"What sort of change?" she asked.
"A facemask may help with breathing, which is often attributed to lack of sleep."
Yes, that made sense. Something to wear over her face? Lum blinked very, very slowly and looked around. The only thing she could see was this yellow translucent cloth with a handy pair of looped strings. She picked it up and tied them in place around her mouth. She smiled faintly. That might actually have helped a little bit. Not enough, but a start.
"Anything else?" she said around a yawn.
"It is possible that unusual temperatures are affecting your sleeping ability. Therefore, recommend additional layers."
Additional layers...? Huh. Lum didn't really have much in the way of alternative clothing. In fact this was her only bikini, which did raise several issues regarding her personal hygiene. Still, her gaze did fall upon a pair of translucent looking yellow trousers that she got from... somewhere. Still, they did look comfy. Snug. Warm. So Lum pulled them on. Ooh! That was an odd feeling. She didn't usually wear clothes like this.
Of course, what Lum wasn't seeing was the effect that the Ultimate Force, already having marked her for Haremhood, was having on her already. Acclimating her to accept the 'uniform' of a harem girl before she was even officially a member. If she wasn't careful then she might even show up for the race dressed like this, and all but behaving like she had already lost.
That is, unless...
Knock knock knock! "Sweetie?"
"Daddy?" Lum's face reddened, feeling suddenly a bit embarrassed as being seen wearing this outfit. Though why she couldn't quite press.
"There's a real interviewer here, Galactic Press and everything, from some planet called "Niflheem" or somethin like that. Said she wanted to interview you, you up for it? I know it's late."
Another one? Well, Lum had enjoyed the Earth Media interviews. Being able to rant about her ex-boyfriend had been rather cathartic. Though asking about her three sizes had been a little personal. "Sure, let them in."
The door came open and Lum drifted over, bleary eyed and yawning to greet them.
The interviewer was a blonde woman in a black outfit and cape, with weird markings on her face. "Hello Princess I bring you- oh good lord of evil he's already got his hooks in you. I came just in the nick of time! My name is Mara and... I have a hell of a deal for you."