A/N: I don't own any of the characters, they're owned by Naughty Dog. Enjoy.
2036 - SUMMER
The sky is a dark purplish black with only a couple clouds drifting by. The stars sparkle all over the sky. I am stretched out on the roof of my place. Joel is up at the dam, helping to do some minor repairs. Everyone is freaking out because the power is out and most people, who aren't helping at the plant, have gathered in the community hall. I figured this would be a great time to really enjoy the night sky. I haven't seen it so clear like this in a while. When I can't sleep, instead of wandering the compound like I used to, I'll come up here.
I've propped my head up with my arms folded behind it. The roof is slightly cool against my back and I close my eyes as the warm night summer breeze brushes across my face.
"You look peaceful." Dina says, off to the side, standing on the ladder at the side of the house.
I don't use the ladder to get up here but she'd 'rather not break her neck' so I humor her by keeping a ladder laying on the side of the house.
"I s'pose I am." I say.
She lifts herself onto the roof and scoots over to me. After that night in Boise, I found Dina wanting to join me on the roof most nights and we would talk or sometimes we'd just lay up here. About a week ago, she came up here without a word, laid real close, like her head on my chest and arm hugging around my stomach close, and we just laid here. I could tell she didn't want to talk about it. I've gotten used to Dina being touchy feely with me. That just seems to kind of be how she is. It took a few months but I finally was able to mostly get used to it. There are still times where her affection catches me off guard.
It turns out that Jesse had broken up with her over something stupid. They've already broken up twice since I've been here. Sometimes she breaks up with him. Sometimes he breaks up with her, but they always rectify things are back together within a couple weeks.
I'm glad she doesn't really talk about their breakups with me. I wouldn't know how to console her anyway. I like to be the neutral party for when she wants to get away from Jesse.
"So, do you remember that night in Boise?" She asks.
"Yeah." I say.
"Remember all those questions that I asked you?" She asks.
"How could I forget?" I say.
I hadn't ever been so honest with someone in my whole life. It was terrifyingly liberating. I don't even know why I decided to trust her so fully with my responses. Dina wasn't a gossip but I'd only met her a handful of times so I couldn't really be sure that she wouldn't tell other people. But I never got strange looks or anything after that night so I can only assume that Dina understood my desire for privacy without me having to say anything.
"Well, I've got some more." She says.
I readjust my position to leaning onto my elbows and I furrow my brows at her. "Really?"
"Really. And these I will warn you are way more intense. Those just scratched the surface compared to these." She says, smirking up at me. "You interested?"
I contemplate for a second. She'll tease me mercilessly if I don't accept, saying I'm scared which I'm not. They're just questions. How bad can they really be?
"Ok. Same rules apply?" I ask.
"Of course." She says. "Are you sure? No turning back."
I really doubt she'd make me answer a question if I really was opposed so I'm guessing she's just teasing me again.
"I'm sure." I say, to which she smiles.
"Ok, first question, if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?" She asks.
"What's a crystal ball?" I ask.
"Oh wow, I know something that Ms. Brainiac doesn't? Interesting." She says, smirking.
"I don't claim to know everything. I learn new things everyday." I say.
Dina gives me a strange smile before nodding.
"A crystal ball is something used by witches. You know, like from those Harry Potter books you tell me about. It basically is a mystic ball that's supposed to tell you the future or something. The idea is that the crystal ball can tell you anything about your past, present, or future. Make sense?" Dina explains.
"Oh, ok. Yeah." I say. "Um…"
I think about what I'd want to know about. Myself, my life, the future, or anything else? I'm not really interested in the future but…
"I'd like to know what my father and mother looked like. Even if they're both dead, it'd be nice to have faces like everyone else. As much as Joel is more than what I deserve, it'd still be nice to know." I say.
"I know you care for Joel but there's nothing wrong with wanting to know what your parents looked like." Dina says, touching my arm lightly, as if understanding, before turning back up to the sky. "As for me I think it'd be nice to know how I die. Not to really stop it but to make sure that I have no regrets before I reach that point, you know? I would hate to come back as a ghost like from your stories."
I know she's mostly joking at the end but her response kind of makes sense. I don't know if I'd be able to die with no regrets though; after the things I've done it'd be hard to resolve my regrets no matter when I die.
"Next question, is there something you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?" She asks.
There are two ways I could answer this, but I'm not looking to make Dina feel uncomfortable. Both answers are true.
"Going back to the Fireflies. I want to make sure that they aren't still looking for a cure. As much as I want to believe that Joel wouldn't lie to me I'd understand if he did when he told me that they'd stopped a few years ago. I can't shake the feeling that whatever happened in Salt Lake City, it would've led to my death and maybe that's why he lied. I was very determined 'have my turn' after Riley; helping people was just an added bonus. But for Joel I am like the daughter that he lost and I don't think he could lose me, too. I don't sneak out and go to the Fireflies for him." I say.
Dina looks at me for a minute. She remains silent for a couple minutes, thinking of her own response, I guess.
"I guess my biggest dream is to…" Dina starts. "…go back home at some point. I haven't gone because I'm afraid I wouldn't make it there and back."
That seems like a surprisingly empty answer. I could swear that she wanted to say something else by her tone but I guess I can't really question her.
"You might be able to do that someday. Maybe we can go and then go find the Fireflies." I say, chuckling.
"Ellie…" She starts. "I wouldn't want to go with you, so you can sacrifice yourself, even if it was for a cure. That's something that Joel and I agree on."
Dina shifts up off her back and bring her knees up to her chest, resting her chin there.
"Dina, I…" I start. Damn it. I don't know what to say. I sigh, frustrated with myself.
"What?" Dina asks, obviously aggravated at my sighing.
"You wanted me to be honest. I just…" I say. "I won't go back. Not while Joel is alive and maybe if I find a reason I never will but I don't want to be selfish. If I could end all this suffering, shouldn't I try?"
"There's no guarantee that they would find a cure. If you're right about Joel lying to you about Salt Lake City there's a good chance that they would've had to kill you to get whatever they needed and science is never sure so there's a good chance that your death would be for nothing." Dina says.
"Even if it didn't directly lead to a cure, it could help them. Be a stepping stone of sorts. They said they'd seen nothing like it before I left Boston. Maybe they could learn enough where they could take something from the infected and eventually get there." I say.
"Why do you still sound so determined to 'have your turn'? Don't you like your life here?" Dina asks.
"I'm not. I just… things aren't that simple. If we could find a cure maybe that would lead to us creating more effective weapons against them and the world could get on its way back to the way it was before all this. If the only cost was me, why shouldn't I do it?" I ask.
"You didn't answer my question." Dina says, looking at me hard. "Do you like your life here?"
I crinkle my brows at her before answering. "Of course, I like my life. But if life could be better for everyone and the only cost was my life, shouldn't I do it? Isn't it my responsibility?"
"You sure do put a lot of responsibility on yourself." Dina says.
"I don't want to see everyone I care about die from this disease if there is something I can do about it. I'm tired of losing everyone to this. Aren't you?" I say.
"Yeah." Dina says, quietly.
We sit in silence for a couple minutes.
"Next question?" I ask.
"What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?" She asks, obviously still mulling over the last one.
I let her think and I think about my response.
"My greatest accomplishment was probably saving Joel. I never thought we'd get out of there and I was ill-prepared to handle something like that but somehow I managed it. And now those fucking cannibals won't hurt anyone else." I say, still remembering that creep leaning over me.
She hums, quietly. Silence settles between us again.
"Your turn." I say after some time passes.
"Right." She says. "Probably making it here to Jackson. I never thought I'd make it after my mom died."
I nod before resuming my fully laid back position and my arms behind my head.
"What do you value most in a friendship?" Dina asks.
Focusing on the sky, I debate the question in my mind, bouncing between a couple of traits.
"Loyalty. At the end of the day I need someone who's got my back even when things are rough." I say.
"Honesty." Dina says, without elaborating. "What is your most treasured memory?"
I eye her for a second, before ignoring the next question. "Alright, look. You say you value honesty most, but when I'm honest you get mad with me. How does that work?"
"I can value honesty and still get mad at hearing it. One doesn't cancel the other." Dina says, eyeing me with a look that is daring me to continue arguing.
"Still seems hypocritical to me." I say.
She only hums in response.
"Do you want me to leave? I mean it's my roof but I'll still leave if you're not interested in doing these questions anymore. I feel like us answering these questions while one of us is pissed kind of negates the purpose of these questions." I say, pushing up onto my palms again.
"You're going to run away from us arguing? That doesn't really seem like your style." Dina says, looking over at me.
"It's not. But I don't really know how to argue with you. Joel pushes his feelings down so far that the only way to argue with him is to let him come to me. I can be pissy while I wait for him to come around but that's about it. We've probably talked more tonight than him and I have the whole time I've known him. This-" I gesture between us. "-is different from any other relationship I've had. Some people need to get out their rage before talking rationally, others need to hash it out right then and there. I'm the latter but like I said Joel doesn't like to handle things until he's ready, which is so fucking frustrating."
She looks at me for a couple seconds and I'm about to keep going when a smile comes to her face.
"What's so fucking funny?" I ask, incredulous.
"This is our first fight." She says, simply.
I open my mouth to argue before thinking back over that past couple years that I've known her. Sure we've had disagreements in the past but we've usually been able to brush them off with little incident. It's never been this heated between us, that's for sure. My brows furrow together as I try to think of a time where either of us have gotten mad like this and I can't think of one.
"I guess… it is." I say.
"How have I not gotten mad at you yet?" She asks, mostly to herself.
"Yeah, my dumb ass should've pissed you off by this point." I deadpan.
She laughs at this. Her face looks dreamy as she stares at me with a smile on her face. I exhale in relief before resuming my laid back position once more.
"So my most treasured memory…" I say. "I've got a couple but probably that night in Boise."
"Now you're just trying to suck up." Dina says, smirking.
"I'm not. But you think what you want." I say, noncommittally.
"I want a different one. I already know about that night. I want something I haven't heard." Dina says.
"Isn't that against the rules?" I ask.
"I make the rules and I say I want a different one." She says, challenging.
"Alright, fine. Well after that is probably this time in Salt Lake City before I almost drowned. We found this herd of giraffes. It was probably one of the few times where I was in awe of the world; definitely one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen." I say, conceding another favorite memory.
"I thought for sure you'd say something about Riley. You really cared about her." Dina says.
"Yeah I thought about it but the last day with her was happy and sad. I treasure that memory but it is also kind of tainted by what followed." I say.
"I see." She says.
"Is it your turn yet?" I ask.
She looks at me, amused.
"Ha. Ha. My most treasured memory, besides Boise…" She says, I roll my eyes. "…is probably a night from my old home when I was about 7. All our chores were done and my parents decided to do this impromptu movie night or something. I didn't really know what it was but they said that they did it when they were young. We made a pillow and blanket fort, mom made cookies and popcorn, and we watched movies. We weren't able to use electricity for the next four days while the solar panels caught back up with what was lost but it was worth it. We did that about once a year after that but I still remember that first time, fondly."
"Sounds nice." I say.
"Yeah." She says. "What's your most terrible memory?"
I sigh. "Riley. And David. They were both pretty bad days."
"Who's David?" Dina asks.
"Cannibal." I say.
"Oh." She says. "Bandit night and mom for me."
I nod, understanding.
"What does friendship mean to you?" She asks.
"I've got your back. You've got mine. Period." I say.
She looks at me curiously for a minute.
"Friendship means that you're my family. It's just better because I picked you. Kind of like you said, I've got your back. I'd do anything for you." She says.
I hum in acknowledgement.
"What roles do love and affection play in your life?" She asks.
Eyeing her, I think over my answer. She turns onto her side and holds her head up with her hand. Her new position makes me feel slightly uneasy.
"Before I'd met you, the most affection I'd shown was when I kissed Riley. You definitely made me uncomfortable at first after not knowing anyone well enough until Joel and then he was very sparing with his affection. But I'm glad that I met you and you offered your affection so willingly. It's… nice. And it helps me to be more willing to show affection, I guess." I say, turning to look at her.
"That was really nice, Ellie. Thank you." Dina says.
I nod before turning my attention back to the sky.
"Love and affection are pretty central to my life I guess. I'm not about shying away from affection because my thinking is you have to show it while you can." She says.
"That makes sense." I say.
"How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?" She asks.
I look over to her confused.
"This is one of the questions?" I ask.
"Yes." She says.
"But I don't have a relationship. You know that." I say.
"Yeah, but that wasn't the question. The question was how do you feel about the relationship, even if it's non-existent." She clarifies.
"Oh." I say, mulling over the phrasing. How do I feel about our relationship? Or lack there of. "I guess, I feel abandoned and alone. Most kids who survive to be my age remember their mother but I've got nothing. Only a letter and what Marlene told me about her, which wasn't much."
I turn and shrug. Unsure of what else to say. How can you talk about something that never really existed?
She nods in understanding.
"My relationship with my mother was close. How could it not be considering her and my father were the only people I knew for the longest time? When she died the other half of my world died with her. I had lost my father only about a month before that so I'd felt broken beyond repair and I don't really know what motivated me to keep going. Probably her but more of a subconscious feeling that I knew she wanted me to survive. In a lot of ways we weren't all that close. We never talked like this. I have trouble understanding myself because we always focused on survival which I understand but I don't really feel like I knew her as a person other than as my mother." Dina says.
It must be strange having known your mother and not knowing who she was as a person. That's kind of what this world does to you, I guess.
"Alright, last one. Five characteristics that you consider positive about me. We'll go back and forth." She says.
"Caring." I say, after nodding in understanding.
"Resourceful." She says.
"Determined."
"Humble."
"Original."
"Brave."
"Daring."
"Protective."
"Loyal." I say.
"Honest." She says, smiling. "You really think those things about me?"
"You're the one who called me honest." I deadpan.
She rolls her eyes before scooting closer to me and throwing her arm across my midsection.
"I'm glad you said you like my affection. I was a little worried that you only put up with it to humor me." She says, burrowing into my side.
I remove a hand from behind my head and wrap it around her shoulder. She hums, contentedly.
A/N: Review if you desire. Have a lovely day. I leave you with a quote.
"The greatest illusion of this world is the illusion of separation. Things you think are separate and different are actually one and the same. We are all one people, but we live as if divided." - Guru Pathik (ATLA)