I recently looked back at the first few chapters of this story, and while it's great to see how much better I've gotten, it's also somewhat embarrassing to think about it being read. Maybe once I finish up here I'll do a rewrite or something.

Also, because of the recommendation of a reviewer a while ago, I'm going to put a small recap at the start of chapters from now on. I tried to avoid this, because I felt it needlessly adds to the word count, and when the story is being read as it should (all in one go) then a recap isn't necessary. However, due to the fact that the story is still in progress, everyone is reading the chapters as they come out, and my update speed is objectively suboptimal. Therefore, recaps. I'll likely delete them, along with most of my ANs, when the story is complete.

But for now,

ON WITH THE STORY!

~LE RECAP~

Last time, Truth gave Edward a lecture on his inefficiency, then told him he'd been chasing the wrong target and that he should have been searching for the Hallows. Edward does not take this well. Meanwhile, Fermier discovers that clothes are not part of a Homunculus' regenerative properties. Dumbledore gets kicked out, much to Croaker's delight. Fleming is a metamorph, how cool is that, and Unspeakable John Doe has just returned from his vacation for a new assignment…

"No."

"John—"

"No."

"Can you just—"

"No."

"Silencio. There. Now that that little bit of unpleasantness is over with, does anybody have any questions?"

Fermier spoke up.

"I understand John's involvement, due to his skill as a leader and the comedy value of sending him with Elric, but this is some rather potent magic at work, and quite possibly the most delicate situation we've seen in years. Who else are you sending?"

Croaker remained silent, but never turned his gaze from the scientist, who grew steadily less comfortable as he took the hint.

"Croaker…"

"Fermier, despite the way I let you run your division, I am, in fact, your boss. And as your boss, I say that you have spent far too much time down in your labs and not enough time out in the world. More specifically, you haven't spent enough time out in the world personally involved in cleaning up the messes your subordinate here," he gestured at Edward, who was currently the picture of innocence, "has been making. If nothing else, see it as a way to harvest Potions ingredients."

Edward returned from his scheming with Pride just in time to catch the last sentence.

"Ingredients from what?"

"The Basilisk you're going to be killing, obviously."

Ed frowned, trying to remember if Basilisks had been included in the many books he'd been forced by Fermier to read. Pride gave a sound of exasperation, and a moment later the knowledge was dredged up. His eyes widened marginally, and then he grinned.

"Awesome."

John Doe finally spoke up again, having now reconciled himself to the mission, in the same way a man makes his peace before the gallows.

"Am I the only one who doesn't know what we're actually going to be doing?"

Croaker handed him a file and resumed talking.

"Here's the details. For the past school term, Hogwarts has been experiencing a series of petrifications, committed by a self-proclaimed 'Heir of Slytherin' who has been allegedly making use of the infamous Chamber of Secrets and the monster dwelling within. That's the basics. What anybody with a brain and a bit of logic could also add is that the monster is obviously a Basilisk, and if the legends are true then it's nearly one thousand years old at this point."

He paused for a moment to let that sink in.

"What's less commonly remembered is that this same series of events occurred a little under fifty years ago, culminating in the death of one student whose ghost now haunts the school. It should be noted that at the time, one Tom Marvolo Riddle was in attendance, and was purportedly the one to catch the Heir."

Fermier looked mildly interested.

"Who was it?" he asked, leaning forward.

"The Heir of Slytherin, come to wipe Hogwarts clean of the impure of blood, or his terrifying monster?"

"Yes."

"A half-giant and his pet baby Acromantula," Croaker deadpanned.

Silence reined in the office before Ed spoke up.

"…And they bought that shit?"

Croaker nodded silently before dragging himself to the next point.

"Anyway. Tom's involvement is noteworthy not only because he managed to pull one over on Albus-my-middle-name-is-omniscient-Dumbledore, but also because after graduation he took the less-traveled career path of Dark Lord under the absolutely moronic anagram 'Lord Voldemort', despite the fact that he held neither a peerage nor French ancestry. Given the suspicions we've had about his disappearance Halloween 1981, any phenomena related to him is highly investigable. We've been unable to look into the matter before now because the current Headmaster has been blocking our every effort to try to get involved. For some reason, no news of the petrifications has leaked to the public either, so we can assume that the esteemed Chief Warlock wanted to solve the issue internally. Just yesterday, however, Lucius Malfoy filed and passed a movement through the Board of Governors to have Dumbledore removed from office. This is our one chance."

He steepled his fingers and glared at the three wizards in front of him.

"I need not remind you that the lives of hundreds of students—the future of the Wizarding World, and more importantly, the Department—are on the line." He glared threateningly at his subordinates. "Do not, under any circumstances, do anything that could jeopardize any lives, or link yourselves back to our department. Should your cover as an Auror investigative unit be blown, we'll be forced to deny that we have any relation to you in order to avoid any budget cuts, and you'll likely be shipped off to Azkaban to live out your days as a shivering, joyless husk of a human being." Croaker concluded, grinned cheerfully, handed Doe a piece of parchment with TOP SECRET stamped haphazardly all over it, and shooed them out of his office.

As the trio walked out of Croaker's office in deep thought, gleeful anticipation, and dumbfounded shock respectively, Fermier adjusted his glasses and smiled lightly.

"Well," the scientist said. "If nothing else, this will certainly be interesting."

Ed glanced sideways at his sort-of-boss.

"I thought you said this would be a hassle?"

Fermier's smirk widened.

"Oh, that was just to maintain the image. I do have a reputation to keep, you know. There's actually somebody I'd like to…speak with…at Hogwarts, and this is as good an opportunity as any, I suppose."

"I," Ed declared, marching briskly a step behind Doe, "Like these disguises."

He swished his red Auror's robes around experimentally as the two of them continued to climb the Hogwarts stairs. He'd been in the most fabulous mood ever since they'd gotten to the school. Honestly, he hadn't realized how terrible he'd been feeling until they'd gotten across the threshold and a wave of ambient magic had flooded his system. His head was clear, his coat was red, and the alchemic construct where his heart used to be was brimming with stored potential energy.

Bottom line? Ed was excited, enthusiastic, and just the slightest bit buzzed.

Stopping his enjoyment of the Auror uniform for a moment, Ed frowned and glanced behind him. Fermier had disappeared from their group after the brief initial meeting with the Deputy Headmistress, muttering about "things to take care of".

"Where did he go, anyway?"

"I'm back," said Fermier, just behind Ed's other shoulder. He leaned to the side to avoid the reflexive spinning punch, and fell into step with Doe.

"Where were you, anyway? Did you have a lead?"

Behind his glasses and longer hair, the scientist's expression was difficult to make out. However, from what Ed could see, it was decidedly smug.

"No, no, just meeting with a fellow in my field."

"Hello Severus."

"Who are you? Why are you in my classroom, and most importantly, give me a reason why shouldn't I hex you right now?"

Fermier smiled. It was not a pleasant smile, but more the one that would be expected on a man about to exact some very gratifying violence. Snape drew his wand under his desk and attempted to make eye contact through the highly reflective lenses of the Auror's glasses.

"Oh, nothing much. Just wanted to have a little…chat about your teaching practices."

Snape sneered as only Snape could sneer.

"The dunderheads are barely worth teaching. Most of them couldn't tell the difference between a poison and an antidote if you fed it to them." Patently false, of course. Snape had conducted several classes in that manner and they always managed to guess correctly after the fact from their Hospital Wing beds.

"Oh, of course, of course. I'm here on a more relevant note, Severus." Fermier said conversationally. "I'm here to ask you why, for the ten years you've been working as Potions Professor, the only NEWT graduates have been Slytherins and the odd Ravenclaw. I want to know why the only ones to make the Potions requirements for Law Enforcement or Unspeakable have been the little Pureblood bastards that you actually teach, leaving me to deal with assistants who are all the least critical thinkers in the entire population."

Fermier loomed over Snape's desk. When had he gotten that close? Snape's eyes crossed as he registered the wand directed between his eyes.

"WHY HAVE YOU BEEN DISRUPTING MY RESEARCH, SEVERUS?"

"I think we both learned a lot, and I'm somewhat disappointed we couldn't speak longer," Fermier concluded, a look of blissful satisfaction on his face.

"…Aaaalright then," Ed replied after a beat, his brisk pace just happening to direct him to the other side of the corridor, away from the scientist.

After leading them up numerous flights of stairs, through two secret passageways, and down what looked suspiciously like a fire pole, John opened a random door off the side of the hallway and ushered his companions inside the abandoned classroom. One liberal application of cleaning charms and a minor episode involving a bit of arson later, the room was serviceable and warded to high heaven.

Edward flopped down onto a newly-transmuted armchair, sighing in exhaustion that everyone present knew he was incapable of.

"Why is this castle so big, and why do there seem to be hallways upon hallways of conveniently abandoned classrooms for clandestine meetings?" he asked as a footrest sprouted from his chair in a shower of sparks. Doe and Fermier followed suit, transfiguring seats from the burned wreckage of what had been, at one point, a set of desks.

"Well," Doe explained, "There's only about four hundred people, maximum, in Castle Hogwarts even when school's in session. It used to be slightly over one thousand, but two major wars in the span of a century tends to wear down on a population, especially one as small as the magical UK's. Add in the fact that in the past three decades or so muggleborns have been, shall we say, discouraged from entering Hogwarts, and you've got a greatly diminished population. Even in its heyday, though, Hogwarts still was too large for its student body. The Founders were just too optimistic when they established a school here."

He shrugged.

"Or maybe Ravenclaw was just an enormous asshole who enjoyed confusing small children with overcomplicated architectural systems. Judging from the way she set up the Ravenclaw Tower entrance it's likely, but really, who knows?"

"But back to the point," Fermier interrupted, looking slightly defensive, "There's a lot of ground to cover, and our first step should be attempting to find the Chamber."

Doe rolled his eyes.

"Sure. Let's just set up camp and attempt to locate the secret ancient legendary room that nobody's ever been able to find, in a castle full of secret rooms. Great. I'm sure we'll be back at the Department for lunch tomorrow."

"Well, maybe not quite that soon, but we do have a certain advantage in Elric. He can scout around and find the Chamber with his shadow trick, then grab the Heir when they show up. We won't even have to leave this room."

Ed cleared his throat.

"Besides the fact that you seemed to be planning on making me do all the work here, there's a few problems with that. The shadows are only good for physical interaction for about a hundred meters. After that it's visual only. And even then I've got a limited range on how much ground I can cover."

Fermier growled.

"Elric, I've already been dragged away from my laboratories for this mission. If you're about to tell me that I'm going to have to waste even more of my time doing work then I can't be held responsible for the tests I'll be required to run on your regenerative capabilities."

Ed held up his hands in self-defense.

"Hey, I can only spread my consciousness so thin. It could probably go further if I tapped a few of the souls in my Stone, but the constant screaming of the damned might be a bit of an issue. There's only one workaround that I know of to the range issue, but I don't especially feel like binding my existence to Hogwarts until the end of time."

"Wait, wait, back up a bit," Doe looked slightly alarmed. "Constant screaming of the damned?"

They both ignored him.

Ed's boss frowned in apparent consideration of the idea.

"Fermier," Doe said in warning.

"It would save us a lot of legwork," the scientist protested. "That, and hasn't Croaker wanted to have an Unspeakable stationed here for study for ages?"

"And you think that having Elric in particular staying indefinitely at Hogwarts is going to be what Croaker had in mind?"

Fermier sighed in defeat.

"…No."

"Exactly. Now come on," Doe grabbed the head of Research by the arm and hauled him to his feet. "We've got a lot of searching to do, and the Professors are going to want to see the 'Aurors' doing their job anyway."

As the door swung shut behind the pair, Ed settled back into his chair and with the familiar feeling of falling into his own mind, let Pride slip to the fore. As his shadows quickly spread from the room in every direction like an ink stain on paper, Pride was gratified to see Doe barely suppress a shudder when the eyes opened up around him.

It had been a week and a half since they had arrived at the school, and they were still no closer to locating the Heir or the Chamber than when they had started. Elric had been able to cover nearly a third of the school from their staging room, close enough to reach the most heavily traveled portions of the castle, but far enough as to remain undiscovered. They had managed to sneak him through that first meeting with McGonagall, but there was no reason to push luck.

They hadn't even been able to search the dorms for clues, as upon giving the suggestion John had been shot down immediately by Snape, who refused to 'have my students' privacy violated in such a manner'. And without consensus from all four Heads, permission couldn't be acquired.

Ah, well. There were other ways to get information. Speaking of which…

"Hello, Luna," John greeted, nodding to the First-Year Ravenclaw as she stepped lightly down the hallway. "How did you manage to get away from the Professors this time?"

The girl gave a start of surprise as she was greeted, which he was almost certain was fake, but you never could tell with a Lovegood.

"Oh, hello mister fake Auror. I told Professor Lockhart there were a few Nargles that needed chasing." She replied.

Despite the mild bemusement, John couldn't stop his frown of disapproval.

"And he just let you wander off, despite the danger of doing so."

Luna nodded earnestly.

"I know, right? Nobody in their right mind would actually follow a Nargle. That would be tantamount to inviting an infestation. I think that Professor Lockhart might need to brush up on his Magical Creature research."

"That's not what…you know what, sure. Any news?"

Luna's usually distant eyes focused.

"I cast the detection charms you and the good Doctor Frankenstein requested of me in the Ravenclaw Dormitories. Either the Heir has some very good wards, or the house is clean."

She paused in thought for a moment.

"Or, the Wrackspurts could be in league with the Heir and are obscuring the results of my spellwork. You never know, after all."

John decided to ignore that last part and focus on what he understood.

"Alright then. I'd like you to keep an eye out, look for anything suspicious. Your father taught you how to recognize Imperius and possession?"

She nodded.

"Keep up the good work kid." He ruffled the hair of his former partner and best friend's daughter before she continued down the hallway. But as he watched her go, his eyes narrowed as they picked up a detail he had missed previously.

"Luna, why aren't you wearing your shoes?"

The girl froze, then turned around, a bright, cheerful, fake smile on her face.

"Oh, the Nargles took them again. I plan on getting new ones this summer."

He had almost, for half a second, hoped it was just Lovegood oddity. Really. But as he stared down the first year who thought she could slip the same line her father had used past him, he realized that some things didn't change. He walked over to her, crouched down, and put a hand on her shoulder. He blamed his next words on the stress of the past week, and his two partners' negative influence.

"Luna, would you like to learn some spells?"

Fermier was, all things considered, doing quite well. He had, in his off-time, read through the newer additions to the Hogwarts Library, conducted a few idle Arithmantic experiments with parchment "borrowed" from unaware students, and conducted a thorough survey of the entire staff. Most of the interviews had simply been cursory. After all, a long-time teacher like McGonagall or Sprout was unlikely to be the culprit, and the squib and half-goblin could be written off as well. The lack of efficiency ruled out Snape, and the most likely suspect, Lockhart, was simply too stupid to have not been caught yet.

That hadn't stopped him from raiding the latter's quarters. While no incriminating Dark Magic was found, a disturbing number of self-portraits and reflective surfaces led to different questions about the Defense teacher's stability.

Point being, there were no leads to follow among the teaching staff. That meant that either a particularly skilled Seventh Year had been playing around in the darker sections of their family's library, or Croaker had been correct.

He hated it when Croaker was correct.

Because at this rate, the only way they were going to catch the so-called Heir was if they caught them in the act, and while Elric helped enormously with the surveillance, the perpetrator had already managed conduct multiple attacks in well-trafficked areas. Not to mention that none of the portraits or ghosts had witnessed anything, and the ghost referred to by the general population as "Moaning Myrtle" was incapable of focusing long enough to share any details she might be able to give from her death at the hands of the Basilisk.

As he continued to consider the hopelessness of his ever returning to his nice comfortable laboratory, his mood plummeted and he barely noticed Doe rounding the corner until he had to sidestep what could have been an embarrassing collision.

Well, maybe some news from Doe would boost his spirits. Either he would have a lead, which would be good, or he would have been equally unsuccessful, which held its own particular kind of joy. Judging by the grim look on the Operative's face, though, it was more than likely the latter. He did a quick about-face and fell into step beside his fellow Unspeakable.

Prompted by Fermier's general expression of expectation, Doe breathed heavily out his nose and began to talk.

"You know Xeno's girl, Luna?"

"Of course. Part of your little informants' ring for the duration of our stay. How has that been doing, by the way?"

"Not well. We still don't have anyone in Gryffindor, I'm not sure if the Hufflepuffs would report one of their own even if something was suspicious, and there's too much lingering Dark magic on the Slytherin rooms to make a positive I.D." He shrugged. "Ravenclaw's clear though, so we can tentatively push about a quarter of the school off our list."

He shook his head, visibly dragging himself away from the discussion of the investigation.

"Not my point. You know how Xeno was in school. At least, before I met him."

Fermier nodded silently in acknowledgement.

"Well, Luna's exactly the same. Same levels of crazy, same word games, same attitude." His voice hardened.

"Same treatment by her housemates. Only this time around it doesn't look like there's a friendly Gryffindor willing to lend a hand and watch her back."

"And so you took matters into your own hands, I assume?"

Doe grinned wickedly.

"She's her father's daughter, through and through. Same Lovegood genius. It took her about ten minutes to teach her a few wards and charms. I may have also given her a few lessons on the finer points of cheating in a fight."

"So what you're saying is that we're going to be called up to Ravenclaw tomorrow to deal with a cut-and-dry case of self-defense."

"I can't just not help, Fermier. Xeno was my partner for years before he had to quit for Luna. I can't just—"

Any further justification was cut off by the crackling sound of an overpowered amplifying charm being activated.

"All students are to return to their House dormitories at once. All adults, return to the staff room. Immediately, please."

The pair stopped dead in their tracks.

"That was McGonagall using the broadcast ward," Doe said, somewhat unnecessarily.

"And you know what that means," Fermier responded with a grin. "Elric, did you see what happened?"

In the corners of the hallway, underneath torch sconces and inside the cracks of armor suits, violet eyes blinked open.

"Yes. Second floor, by the girl's bathroom. Lost her when she went into the dark. Wherever the passage she took went, it's out of my range."

"Right," Fermier said, taking charge. "I'm going to go to the scene and see whether I can't find which passageway she took. Doe, the professors are going to expect at least one of us to be present for the meeting, you need to head down there and see if you can't get some support. Ideally, Flitwick and McGonagall, but if you can snag Lockhart, that would be excellent. Elric, meet me at the bathroom, and make sure we don't have any straggling students."

As Doe disappeared behind a tapestry's secret passageway, Fermier broke into a light jog to his destination, following the subtle gestures of purple eyes. And despite the startled noises of students echoing through the halls imbuing the atmosphere with urgency and panic, he couldn't help a giddy grin from slipping through.

He'd missed this.

And that's a wrap! Next time, expect a very different Basilisk fight, Dumbledore just barely missing everything once again, and, of course, explosions.

Also, John Doe just got character development! Because Xenophilius could totally have been an Unspeakable, and I love the thought of Doe trying to deal with that. Also because Doe is becoming my favorite (he just tries so hard).

Very sorry for the massive update gap. Along with the writer's block slamming into my fingers, each of the scenes in this chapter have been written, rewritten, and/or scrapped for a different scene at least three times. Many thanks to those of you who have kept faith in me these past two years (two years, holy shit) and remember: I'm never going to give up on this story. In the event of my untimely demise, I plan on rising from the grave and guilt-tripping Lhurgoyf into finishing my work like in the plot of some B-list horror movie.

-Ambiguity