A/N Once again, Grey's is not mine!

Chapter Four

Three Weeks Later

"Sexy." Mark drawled lowly in appreciation as he handed Zoe a black coffee.

She raised an eyebrow at him with an unimpressed look.

"What?" Mark asked innocently widening his eyes and putting his hands up in surrender, "I was talking about the Mustang." He nodded towards Zoe's new car but the smirk that broke wide across his face told Zoe his true intentions.

Zoe rolled her eyes in disbelief but couldn't fight the grin, "I had to forfeit and buy a car. My legs just weren't cutting it." She informed him lightly, taking a sip of the coffee and humming in pleasure.

Mark chuckled into his bone-dry cappuccino and for some reason a thought struck her then. She had been considering it for weeks now.

"Did you love Addison?" She asked abruptly.

7AM in the hospital parking lot probably wasn't the best place for her to ask him this. But Zoe Shepherd had never been known as timely.

Mark almost sputtered out his drink, his eyes widening a fraction. But he quickly recovered his composure.

"What?" he asked, looking at her strangely.

"I'm just trying to understand." Zoe answered coolly with a little shrug of her shoulders.

And she was. Just before she left, Derek and Addison had been married. And Mark and Derek were best friends as they always had been. Mark the guy who loved her brother and was loyal to a fault.

How did it all end in an affair, a divorce and a barely intact friendship?

Mark was quiet. He had stopped walking and was staring at Zoe who stood a few feet away. It had taken her a few moments to realize he had stopped walking toward the hospital.

He didn't look shocked. He just stared at her inquisitively trying to figure out why she was asking him this.

"No one's ever tried to do that before," He finally answered, his voice tight. Zoe could tell he was trying to act all calm about it. "They just assume it was sex."

"She was your best friend's wife." Zoe scoffed in disbelief, "And you're Mark Sloan."

Mark had the ability to charm anyone into bed. He could get sex anywhere. There was a reason why he chose Addison to sleep with.

Zoe looked at him with a kind sympathy that made him flinch and she added in a soft voice, "It was more than sex."

They began their trek toward the hospital once again. Mark had stopped talking and looked pensive and thoughtful. He was quiet.

Mark Sloan was not a quiet man and his silence made Zoe uncomfortable.

Just as she was about to say something, Callie Torres came into view.

"Hey," She greeted with a nod and a grin.

The pensive look from Mark's face disappeared and was replaced with his usual flirtatious one.

"Hey Torres." He said with a wink as he waited for the elevator with her.

Zoe, not sure if she should follow or take the stairs as she usually did, stayed as well.

"Where's my coffee Sloan?" Callie asked teasingly, nudging Zoe with a smile.

"I don't have a coffee for you but I have something else." He raised his eyebrow and smirked that smirk.

Callie made an overdramatic disgusted face, "No thanks."

Zoe couldn't contain the laugh at Callie's response and Mark's disappointed confusion, "Is that a tail I see between your legs, Mark?"

Mark's response was quicker and smoother than Callie's laugh, "No but I can see why you'd be confused."

His female counterparts chuckled as the elevator arrived.

The doors open to reveal Zoe's brother and Meredith. They were standing closely to each other staring at each other fondly with love in their eyes and completely oblivious to what was going on around them. Meredith's lips were swollen and Derek's hair (that had always made Zoe so jealous) was mussed.

Mark coughed pointedly and Meredith, upon noticing the audience, jumped.

Smiling awkwardly, she moved out of the way to let the others on while Derek just stared at the floor.

Zoe greeted them anyways, "Hi Meredith."

"Hi Zoe." Derek gave the blonde a look at his girlfriend and estranged sister being on a first name basis. Meredith just shrugged innocently.

"Derek" Zoe greeted just as pleasantly.

"Zoe." He greeted back. His tone was formal but it wasn't radio silence. Zoe was grateful that it wasn't radio silence.

Apparently the moment was not broken between the neurosurgeon and his former intern because the two were staring at each other once again. Both with hints of smiles curling on their lips.

"People have a habit of having really mushy moments in elevators here." Callie informed Zoe in a whisper.

Zoe chuckled and said dismissively, "I don't really do elevators. I like the stairs. No mushiness for me, thanks."

Callie smiled brightly and looked up at Mark, "Can we keep her?"

Zoe liked Mark and Callie.

They were light and funny. They didn't take things too seriously. Which was something Zoe appreciated. She had lived in a dark cloud for such a long time. For a decade. Longer if she was being completely honest with herself.

She needed a little sunshine.

Callie was so genuine. Honesty was the thing that Zoe valued more than anything else. She had little time for lies and falsehoods. For people pretending to be something that they weren't.

And that wasn't Callie.

Callie was an amazing doctor. She was young but incredible. And so full of passion for what she did. She was fiery and no-nonsense and she knew what she wanted.

The gleam in her eyes as she reset bones was something Zoe understood. The determination. The adrenaline.

But Callie Torres was also vulnerable. And wasn't afraid to show it. That's what made Zoe respect her.

And then there was Mark.

Mark was such a surprise.

Zoe didn't think when she moved to Seattle to reconcile with her brother she would buddy up with his best friend.

She had never been close with Mark. They had always gotten along well. But their relationship had consisted of Zoe calling him an idiot and him making inappropriate comments once she grew breasts. Nothing more than teasing comments across the dinner table.

Mark was Derek's friend and brother. Not Zoe's.

He had always been the dumb jock with a pretty face that wasn't even good at sports. He had always been the guy who played pretend and that infuriated her.

But he seemed different now. She wasn't sure what happened to him in the time that she was away but he was seemed…different.

Still very much the man with the pretty face who liked to play pretend but different somehow.

Or maybe she had just never really known him in the first place.

But he had been one of the few people to accept her back. He didn't interrogate her with questions. He didn't make her feel guilty.

He had just met her every morning with a black coffee and that infuriating smirk.

The first morning it had been some sugary crap with a side of caffeine but after she practically gagged on it he had gotten it right.

Every morning since he had gotten it right.

"Mom called." Derek informed her as he rifled through patient charts at the opposite end of the nursing desk.

"Oh?" Zoe asked, looking up from her stack of papers.

"She called to see if we had murdered each other yet and which sibling survived." He informed her, using a short tone.

"How silly," Zoe commented idly, staring at him trying to make him look at her, "she should know I could take you."

It got the desired effect. He looked up at her.

He rolled his eyes but still looked and Zoe took that as a sign of progress.

Derek didn't say anything for a while and Zoe was trying to figure out if the conversation was done or not and if she could go back and see her patient.

"She said you've been home for 6 months. And you were spending time with the family back home." He didn't appear upset or annoyed. But it was clear he was looking for answers.

Zoe was glad she had waited. It appeared that the two of them were actually having a conversation that didn't involve yelling. Meredith Grey's lips must have been something special.

"Uh yeah," She said awkwardly, not knowing what to say. "You didn't exactly give me a chance to get to that part."

"You went there first?" Derek clarified, looking at her closely as he waited for a reaction.

Zoe didn't give him a reaction, she just nodded as she stated plainly, "Well I wanted to see Mom."

Derek scoffed and Zoe could practically hear him say in contempt, 'Well you went seven years without seeing Mom, Zoe."

He didn't say it out loud. But he did ask in an aggravated tone, "Well why are you here?"

Zoe smiled sadly. She didn't want to get angry at him right now. She didn't have the energy. And while they hadn't spoke in the past three weeks they hadn't argued.

There had been no arguments or shouting matches or even particularly cold looks. Sure there hadn't been any brother-sister bonding time but nothing was something.

So she tilted her head and smiled in sadness wishing he would admit to knowing, "You know why I'm here, big brother."

Derek was her big brother. He was her absolute favorite person growing up.

Derek was what she brought to show and tell growing up. He would wipe away any tears that she cried. And it was his goal to make her laugh until her eyes filled with tears every morning during breakfast.

Whenever she accomplished anything she would seek him out. Wanted to see the pride flash across his face.

When he moved away to college she was so sad. She practically lived for the holidays.

Derek was her favorite person. She hero-worshipped him.

And when she was 14 it all changed. Seeing her sister almost kill herself with pills wrecked her. She was in the bedroom that day. The bedroom that Amelia almost lost her life in.

She could still picture her older sister's pretty dark hair fawned out on the beige carpet. Her skin snow white. Her lips blue.

And Zoe just stood there, above her, motionless. She had no idea what to do. She was frozen to the spot.

She was frozen as her sister's life slipped away.

She was the perfectly perfect daughter. The one who excelled at everything. But she was frozen.

If Derek hadn't come in when he had…Zoe would have been down a sister. She would have lost her best friend.

Zoe changed after that day. She was obsessive. If she was driven and determined before, she was a whole new level afterwards.

She would barely sleep because she was up so late studying. Barely eat because she was practicing soccer so much. She practically ran the school newspaper. She was president of her class.

She was trying so hard to win everyone's approval.

She had to be the best.

And then John came along…and she just had been so tired.

She had tried so hard to be everyone's image of perfection that she didn't even know who she was.

And that was when she really changed.

And whatever her and Derek had was broken. The person who she became when she was with John was not someone Derek could love.

And then she went away and abandoned her family. And then everything was really broken.

And here she was now, trying to scramble the pieces of her life back together again.

It was a difficult jigsaw puzzle.

But the one piece she wanted – the one piece she needed – was Derek.

And that was why she had sought him out.

She loved her mother. She adored her mother. And her sisters were pieces of the puzzle too.

But it was Derek.

He had been her absolute favorite person growing up. And when she left she knew that it had been Derek that she had hurt the most.

"Go home, Zoe." Derek whispered. He wasn't angry or upset. But he looked like he pitied her.

Zoe smiled sadly once more, her heart clenching. This was all too much for her to handle. All of these emotions. These memories.

She had spent the past seven years working out everything that had happened. She worked hard to understand it and make peace with it all. But right now with Derek standing next to her, looking at her the way he was looking at her and thinking about Amelia on that floor, and John on that floor and Derek looking at her with such disappointment and hurt.

It just made her realize that she didn't belong.

She didn't belong in New York, she didn't belong in any of the places she had travelled to overseas and now she didn't even belong in Seattle.

"That's the thing, Derek." She whispered back, trying to control her emotions. She didn't want to start crying in the middle of the hospital. She was a trauma surgeon for fucks sake. "I don't exactly have one."

She didn't have a home.

She drank a lot that night with Mark. She made Joe a happy man with how much vodka she ordered.

She was five drinks in when Mark's face twisted and he asked, "Why do you think I slept with Addison?"

She laughed and took another gulp because dear god she wanted to get drunk quickly and efficently, "Why do you care what I think?"

There was no flicker of emotion on Mark's face when he replied, "I just…care."

Zoe thought for a moment before she answered, "I think Derek and Addison were unhappy. Miserable. And you three were a family - you only really had each other. So you knew how unhappy they were. Addison confided in you, didn't she?"

Mark swallowed, "Yeah."

Zoe chuckled but it was mirthless, "You could never handle a crying girl, Mark. And Addison is a crier." She paused and then added as thought about the redhead. "and she's beautiful and brilliant."

Mark smiled and Zoe knew he was thinking about her former sister in law, "She is."

Zoe looked at that smile, her eyes searching his. She just had to ask, her tone now serious even if her words were a bit slurred, "Did you love her?"

Mark looked down at his scotch. He wouldn't look at her as he answered, "I did." His tone faltered, "I think so. I don't know." He laughed and finished off his drink, "It's a much better story if I loved her right?"

Zoe shook her head at the plastic surgeon. He was clearly still struggling with everything that had happened, "Who cares what kind of story it is, Mark?"

Maybe that's why he was different - why he had changed. He had made mistakes too – mistakes that he was abandoned for. Just like her.

She felt a kinship with him in that moment that made her awkward and uncomfortable.

A kinship with Mark Sloan. She hadn't felt close to anyone in years. In all the countries that she had travelled to she never felt this.

Four weeks in Seattle and she felt a connection? She felt understood?

What the hell was happening to her? She finished her drink and sought Callie out. She needed to get back to her apartment.

Zoe's head was between her legs. She felt dizzy. The alcohol hit her hard.

She was trying super hard not to vomit in Callie's car. But it was hard when the world was spinning.

"C'mon girl, lets get you to bed." Callie spoke softly as she helped Zoe out of the car. "Which number is yours, Zo?"

"601." She whimpered out but protested weakly, "I can take myself."

"Like hell you can." Callie scoffed, snatching the keys from the tiny brunette's hands.

The trek upstairs was interesting to say the least. Zoe started humming 'Stayin' Alive' by the Bee Jee's and, at one point during the chorus, she started to jerk her hips to the tune. But then stopped and laughed loudly.

"I'm a good dancer." Zoe mumbled to Callie in an informative, serious tone.

Callie laughed, "Yeah, you should go on Dancing with the Stars."

Zoe snorted, "Dancing with the Surgeons." She snorted loudly as a thought came to her drunken mind, "Chief Webber doing the salsa."

Callie laughed again as they finally arrived at the apartment.

Zoe turned serious and protested weakly once again, "No, you go. I'm okay. Go."

Callie didn't listen. The Latino merely rolled her eyes and opened the door to the apartment.

The door swung open and Callie squinted in the dark.

"What the-" She began as she flicked on the light.

Light flooded the apartment. It was completely bare.

Bare walls. Absolutely no furniture. No pictures. The only noticeable thing was a case of bottled water on the kitchen counter.

There was no moving boxes that needed to be unpacked.

It was completely and totally empty. Devoid of life and personality and love.

Callie entered the apartment and went to search the bedrooms that were out of sight. She didn't care if it was rude - she was too flabbergasted to even consider the rudeness of the gesture.

The bathroom was empty. One bedroom was completely empty. The other had just a plain bed with one sheet and a poor excuse for a pillow. There was also a suitcase full of wrinkled up clothes in the corner of the room.

"Were you robbed?" Callie practically shrieked, gesturing wildly. "If so, these are the best damn robbers!"

Zoe shakily looked around, her tongue pressed against her cheek.

She felt like crying in that moment. So exposed. So out in the open. She felt as if her skin had been flayed off of her.

She didn't want anyone to see her like this.

"Zoe?"

"I wasn't robbed…" Zoe croaked out, "I just don't really have anything."

Callie was stunned into silence as she looked at the messy haired trauma surgeon's glassy eyes.

"Lets – lets get you to bed." Callie stammered out.

When Zoe woke up the next morning she felt god awful. Her head hurt like a bitch and her stomach was churning.

She hadn't been that drunk since the night she met John in freshman year.

At that thought, she had to hold back a retch.

She forced herself to come into work early so she could hook herself up to some IV fluids.

There she was now, in a secluded room in the hospital trying to fight off her severe and debilitating hangover.

And there was Mark Sloan - standing over her with a cheesy ass grin on his face and a black cup of coffee in his hand.

"Howdy!" He greeted cheerfully, grinning at her cheekily.

Zoe groaned in response and decided that one eye cracked open was adequate.

"You should never try and beat a Sloan in a drinking contest, sweetheart." He said, much too loudly, as he petted her head.

That pissed her off.

She squatted his hand away and recoiled.

"What the hell do you want?" She practically growled out.

She had enough. She wasn't this little girl who had to be looked after or pitied or cared for.

She had enough.

But Mark wasn't taking her seriously, he tsked, "grouchy grouchy grouchy."

"Seriously Mark," She began and her voice had rose to a volume level that made her head hurt even more but she couldn't stop herself now. "Why are you doing this? Why are you here with me? You don't owe me anything, Mark." She snapped.

Mark looked confused and shocked, not understanding what was happening, "What?"

"You don't owe me anything." She continued, her voice rising as she became more emotional. "I don't think you hanging out with Derek's little sister is going to win you any brownie points with him so if that's why you're here you can get the hell out."

"Derek and I are fine. I'm here because we're friends." He stressed the last word, his own voice rising out of frustration.

Zoe didn't care and snapped bluntly and curtly, "We're not friends. We're not anything. Go away."

She quickly pulled the curtain around herself, separating them from each other and effectively blocking her from his view once and for all. She didn't want to see his face. And she sure as hell didn't want him to see hers.

She was better off alone anyway.

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