Illyasviel walked aimlessly, her destination unknown even to herself. There was only one place she could head to right now, but even that castle in the forest no longer felt like home.

It was a base set up for Einzbern Masters, deep inside the forest in the outskirts of Fuyuki. It served no other purpose outside of the Holy Grail War, so naturally it did not have a welcoming feel to it. It was simply not built with hospitality in mind.

But to Illyasviel, it was more of a home than the castle in Germany could ever be.

Compared to the castle surrounded by unforgiving winter, this one did not try to confine her. Sella and Liz did, but it was not like they had authority over her like Grandfather did. The Fuyuki castle was no prison, leaving her free to explore the outside world as much as she wanted. It was a far cry from the callous structure she had been born in, which made her wish she could just stay here forever. Or at least, it had at first; now, even the Fuyuki castle felt foreboding and hostile.

And it was all because of a fake's words.

Deep down, Illyasviel knew why she hated that castle in Germany; in that place, she had spent time with him – the man who had claimed to love her.

Can you wait for me, Illya?

She recalled his warmth, embracing her petite body and protecting her from the cold. He had held her close, almost as if he was afraid she would be snatched away.

Even if you're lonely, can you hold on until I come home?

She remembered the genuine-sounding words he had said. He sounded like he had cared – truly cared – about her, and she had believed him.

Then Daddy will promise you.

"Liar…"

I'll come home straight away.

As he embraced her amidst the falling snow, Emiya Kiritsugu had told her that lie.

Illyasviel had left for Fuyuki to participate in the Holy Grail War, but a part of her had left to escape those memories. To escape the lies she had believed for so long. To escape the lies that had broken her.

A world where Kiritsugu abandoned everything for me… I don't want to believe in it.

Those had been her words in the face of a possibility she had rejected. Those had been her honest thoughts, unwilling to acknowledge that her suffering did not have to be. But now, those were the words that held her heart in a cold, unforgiving grip.

She did not need that possibility. Even if it existed, she did not want to know about it. But now that she did know about it, Illyasviel found herself unable (or quite possibly unwilling) to reject it.

It was a denial of her existence. It was a denial of her suffering. And yet, at the same time, it was an affirmation of his words. His promise.

His love.

The prison she had escaped from was not her home; the Fuyuki castle was way more befitting of the term. She knew this – accepted it as fact, even – and yet was swayed by the words of a child who looked like her. With just a few simple sentences, she had made Illyasviel long for the dreaded castle in the snow. The awful prison where Kiritsugu had left her forever.

Why? She asked herself in her head, screaming against the torrent of fond but painful memories. Why am I longing for that place now?

In a blunt, straightforward tone, almost as if scolding herself, Illyasviel answered her own question:

I want to go home.

She had denied his words, not his warmth. She had despised his lies, but not his love. She had ignored those happy memories, but she could not bring herself to forget about them.

In the end, she merely wanted to go home. She wanted nothing more than to return to those happy memories, to dive back into her father's warm embrace before setting off to search for walnut buds. Even if it was a dream, she simply wanted to relive that happiness again.

More than anyone else, she wanted to believe that girl's – that Illya's – words. Even if she could not accept what that meant. Even if acknowledging that possibility meant denying her own existence, Illyasviel could not help but want to believe it.

"… Berserker."

Within mere seconds of her uttering his name, the invincible bronze giant manifested himself before her. He did not move nor speak, merely waiting for his Master's commands.

"Hey, Berserker," she muttered, putting a hand on his iron-like skin. "What should I do?"

The giant did not reply. That was the norm, of course, but it did not matter right then.

"… You'll always stay by my side, right?" Illyasviel asked, a sad smile parting her lips. "No matter what happens, you'll protect me forever, right?"

Berserker remained silent. Even in the absence of words, much was conveyed with uncanny clarity.

"That's right," Illyasviel said, more to herself than anyone else. "Berserker is strong, so we'll never be separated. You won't leave me alone no matter what, and you won't lie to me. I'll be fine as long as I have you, Berserker."

She bit back on the rest of her thoughts. She shut out the reality of the situation at that point, unwilling to let her sole mental pillar collapse.

Berserk was, amongst everything else, a Servant. A Heroic Spirit summoned forth by the power of the Holy Grail. Upon the War's conclusion, even the final remaining Servant – which could only be Berserker – would disappear. Regardless of how loyal or powerful he was, Berserker would not be able to stay with her till the end. And that was assuming Illyasviel herself would even be alive at that point.

Shaking those horrible but inevitable truths from her mind, Illyasivel let her Servant lift her up and set her on his shoulder. He was not bothered by her weight in the least, and would never tire of carrying around the little princess – a display of strength Kiritsugu once demonstrated as well. Putting her arms around his neck, the Master of the Einzberns held on to her invincible – and only – protector.

"Take me home, Berserker."

The giant moved upon receiving that order, carrying the child towards the only place he could possibly bring her to. Illyasviel did not correct him, nor did she change her words; after all, she herself no longer knew where her 'home' really was.

That day, she held on to Berserker tighter than she usually did.

Illya stopped outside the Emiya household, her Servant in blue following closely behind her. Lancer had opted to stay in corporeal form on the way home, and she had not said anything against it. In fact, she had not spoken at all throughout the journey.

"… We've reached," she mumbled. "Thank you, Lancer-san, but I'll be fine."

"Hey, brat-" Lancer stopped himself before saying anything else. He did not even know what had happened earlier in the park, so there were no words he could say to her just then. "… If you need anything, just give me a holler."

"I understand," Illya nodded. There was not a modicum of energy in her voice. "Thank you."

Unable to say anything else, Lancer disappeared from sight, lingering in his spiritual form. Truth be told, after the girl had almost died due to his negligence, he would have wanted to stay in corporeal form all the time just in case of another sneak attack. However, there were other people in the Emiya residence at the moment, and further confusion was not what they needed right now.

"Oh, welcome back, Illya-chan!"

Peeking out from the living room, Matou Sakura greeted with a warm smile.

"I-I'm home," Illya greeted awkwardly, scrambling to remember the name of the girl she had met not too long ago. "It's nice to see you, Sakura-san."

"I'm making dinner right now," Sakura said cheerfully. Illya had never seen someone so happy to be cooking, except for maybe her onii-chan. Just thinking about it made her feel even worse about her current situation. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you went out to buy groceries, so I bought some on my way here."

"O-oh, I see," Illya stammered, hiding her empty hands behind her back. "I'm sorry, I… I lost the money on my way to the department store, so I… couldn't buy anything…"

Keeping her gaze directed at the floor, Illya stood unmoving at the doorway. She knew that she had to act natural so as to avoid arousing suspicion, but her body refused to comply; her lips would not move to form another lie, and her hands would not stop shaking. She was supposed to act natural, but how on earth could she after something like that?

You're living proof that what I went through didn't have to be my reality.

"… Illya-chan?" Sakura jogged over to the girl and kneeled down to meet her eyes. "Is something the matter?"

"N-no," Illya lied. If she had been a poor liar before, that Unique Skill had just gone up a rank. "I… I was just upset I lost the money, that's all…"

"… I see," Sakura replied, a knowing smile blossoming on her face. "I won't pry into it, but if you are troubled by anything else, you can always talk to onee-chan, okay?"

"Sakura-san…" Illya was finding it increasingly difficult to look at the older girl when she was smiling like that. The guilt of lying was already eating away at her conscience, but seeing Sakura give her that gentle expression despite knowing it was a lie only made things worse. "I… I…"

In the face of what might have been a confession, Matou Sakura simply shook her head.

"It's okay," she said. "You don't have to force yourself to tell me."

Illya knew she was not exactly the best liar around, but it was embarrassing how easy Sakura was reading her. She had not known a Matou Sakura back in her world, but if she was as nice a person as this girl was, she probably would not have minded her being around onii-chan. Much.

"I'm sorry," she said instead. She had already lost count of the number of times she apologized that day. "It's just… I don't know what to say… Or how to say it…"

"It's alright," Sakura assured her. "Just take your time. I know I'm not the one you want to talk to, so you don't have to tell me."

"N-no, it's not that," Illya protested. "I-I have nothing against you, Sakura-san…"

"Oh, I didn't mean it like that," Sakura replied, a little surprised by the girl's response. "I'm not blaming you; I just meant that my words won't be as helpful to you as Senpai's, Kuro-chan's or Miyu-chan's, so I won't be able to reduce your burden like they can."

"T-that's not true," Illya said, even though she could not think of a convincing rebuttal. "I-I just need some time…"

Realizing that she was just repeating what Sakura had told her before, Illya clamped her mouth shut, trying to save herself further embarrassment. Instead of laughing, Sakura leaned in a little closer and gave her a reassuring smile.

"Just don't keep it to yourself," she told the tiny girl. "It'll only hurt more if you keep it all bottled up. Even if you don't want to trouble other people, there are times you have to rely on someone else."

They were simple, straightforward words. It was a simple piece of advice, much like something an elder sister would say to her younger sibling. There wasn't anything special in her words, but the way Matou Sakura had said those words made Illya tear her eyes away from the floor.

So in that world, Kiritsugu chose you.

That girl – Illyasviel – had been addressing Illya, but she was in fact talking about herself. It might have been because of that encounter earlier, but it made Illya think that Sakura was speaking about herself with her own advice right then.

"… H-how could you tell…?" Illya asked, unable to help herself. "T-that I was, um…"

For a few seconds, Sakura did not reply. When she finally did, however, she replied with the warm smile she always wore on her face:

"That's because… I know what it's like to carry such a burden all by yourself, after all."

Why?

"Keep this a secret from Senpai, okay?" she asked, putting a finger to her lips like a child.

She was smiling. There was something in her eyes, her tone that told a different story, but she was smiling. Even though she was surely holding back painful memories, she managed a cheerful expression.

Exactly like what Illyasviel had done.

Why does everyone in this world… smile when they're hurting inside?

"Oh, it's almost time for dinner," Sakura said, getting to her feet. "Let's go, Illya-chan!"

Her chest hurt. The more she saw that beautiful smile, the more Illya's chest felt like it was being crushed. The more she listened to her kind, gentle words, the more she was forced to remember that girl's parting words:

I saw a nice dream thanks to you!

Jovial words despite a broken heart. Cheerful masks despite a fragile soul. Illyasviel von Einzbern – the Master of Berserker – and Matou Sakura were far better liars than Illya was, and their actions both enraged and confused her in equal measure.

Before she had been roped into the world of magic and Class Cards, Illya had been a normal, everyday girl. She wore her heart on her sleeve, and she believed that if she was earnest with everyone, they would do the same to her. She lived a child's life – carefree, naïve and open with her emotions.

When she was happy, she laughed. When she was sad, she cried. She could not understand why anyone would want to hide their true feelings, instead putting on a mask to deceive everyone else. It was an act that felt like they were lying to themselves – a deception akin to killing their own emotions. It was an act she would never understand, and it was something that hurt her far worse than she thought it would.

Just as Sakura turned to head back to the kitchen, Illya remained at the doorstep, her body refusing to take a single step after her. There was something hot searing her cheeks again, but this time she did not reach to wipe them away.

"… Ruby," she mumbled. "Why do people lie about their feelings?"

"… That's probably because they're afraid, I think," Ruby replied, tactful enough to not make any jokes just then. "Even if it's not quite the same, you've also hidden your feelings towards your brother, right Illya-san? Maybe humans just tend to be afraid of letting others know how they really feel."

"Do you think she's afraid too?" Illya asked. She did not clarify, but Ruby probably understood.

"Shall I show it to you?"

"… Huh?" Illya asked, confused by the unexpected response."

"We Kaleidosticks have an additional ability," Ruby explained. "Beyond providing the wielder with vast amounts of mana, we can also 'download' and transfer knowledge from an alternate version of the current wielder into their mind. It's a feat made possible only by the annoying geezer who created us."

"Then… I can… see what she experienced?" Illya asked.

"Theoretically, yes," Ruby replied. "But Illya-san, after all the things the other Illya-san said, are you sure you want to?"

Illya paused. She wanted to say 'yes', but there was a part of her that simply refused to give that reply. As much as she wanted to know the truth, she was – as a ten-year-old should be – too afraid to take that step.

"… We still have time before the raid on Ryuudou Temple," Ruby reminded her. "Please take your time and think it through before making your decision, Illya-san."

She heard those words. She understood what Ruby meant, but Illya was unable to give her a reply.

So in that world, Kiritsugu chose you.

A world where her father abandoned her. A world where she had been left alone, forced into a battle where she had to kill her own brother. A world where she – where the girl known as Illyasviel von Einzbern – was unable to smile from the bottom of her heart. Just as her counterpart had refused Illya's existence, Illya found herself unwilling to face Illyasviel's reality.

For the second time since she arrived in this world, the Emiya Residence no longer felt like home.

Dinner was, if anything, an extremely awkward affair. Miyu and Saber were a given, but hardly anyone else said a word throughout; Illya and Kuro hardly even paid attention to their food, and Shirou could hardly move his chopsticks properly half the time. Something was clearly amiss – a fact that seemed to escape Fujimura Taiga's notice.

Sakura, being tactful enough to read the mood, did not say anything about it. Everyone around her was hiding something, but it was not as if she could blame them; she too had been deceiving Shirou – the person she cared for more than anyone else – so she had no right to ask them what they were not telling her. Like she had told Illya before, she could only wait until they were ready to let her know-

You don't care about them.

A fleeting thought. A voice that was not her own invaded her mind, leaving behind that single accusation.

You only care about-

"Sakura?"

"E-eh?" Sakura jumped, almost dropping the dish in her hands. "W-what's the matter, Senpai?"

"Ah, it's nothing," Shirou replied, clumsily washing the plates. "I'm just really grateful for your help today. I was supposed to help, but I ended up letting you do everything…"

"It's alright," Sakura replied. "You were exhausted from playing with Kuro-chan, right? It couldn't be helped."

"A-ah, yeah," Shirou stammered. He had neglected to mention that 'playing' with the girl had almost cost him his life, but it was probably for the best. "S-she's really energetic."

"You're family after all," Sakura giggled. "Back then, Senpai too…"

"Hmm? Did you say something?"

"O-oh, it's nothing!" Sakura denied, a faint pink coloring her cheeks. "B-besides, Senpai never lets me handle the cooking alone, so I finally got the kitchen all to myself today. I'm one step closer to taking over as head chef, so I'm actually really happy!"

"Ugh, when you put it like that…" Shirou mock-groaned. "Maybe I shouldn't have taught you so much…"

"It's already too late, Senpai," Sakura said triumphantly, putting away the last dish. "This student is already going to overtake her teacher!"

Despite everything that happened earlier, Shirou smiled. He had known Sakura for years, and had grown accustomed to seeing her around the house every other day. Much like Fuji-nee, Sakura was effectively family, with a major difference being she was not a freeloader.

And, of course, the fact that she was a year younger than he was.

Unlike Fuji-nee, who acted like a childish elder sister, Sakura was… different. She was supposed to be just a kouhai from school and someone that Shirou cared for like a member of the family, but the young man was finding it increasingly difficult to do just that.

Well, Sakura's at the age to be falling in love, he thought. I wonder if she already has- w-wait, what am I thinking?

"I'll be on my way now, Senpai," Sakura said, slipping on her shoes. "Please don't fall asleep in the storehouse like last time, okay?"

"I'll try," Shirou replied sheepishly. "Say, where's Fuji-nee? I didn't see her around."

"I think Fujimura-sensei said something about wanting to talk to the girls," Sakura said. "She said something about a date."

"Well, whatever," Shirou sighed. "I'll walk you home. It's not safe around here lately, after all."

"I appreciate the offer, Senpai, but not today," Sakura said with a light shake of her head. "I think it's best if you go and talk to Illya-chan instead; she seemed pretty troubled today, so she could really use your company."

"Illya was troubled?" Shirou asked. "I thought she was just tired from…running out to buy groceries."

"She's trying her hardest not to worry you," Sakura said, smiling gently. "But she's surely hoping for you to comfort her. I know because I'm a younger sister, too."

"… Hey, does that mean you're comparing me to Shinji?" Shirou asked with mock anger.

"Eh?" Sakura looked surprised for a few seconds, as though his answer had been unexpected. "N-no, that wasn't what I meant! I wasn't comparing Senpai to Nii-san; I was… w-well, you're both big brothers, so I suppose there're some similarities…"

"Ouch," Shirou groaned. "That one hurt."

"I was praising you, Senpai," Sakura corrected with a laugh. Compared to how she was when he first met her, she was a lot more cheerful now – a detail that tended to make Shirou's cheeks uncomfortably warm. "Nii-san is actually quite nice to me. He's not good with showing it, I think he admires you, Senpai."

"I wonder…" Shirou muttered.

"Well then, I'll be going," Sakura said, stepping out of the door. "Good night, Senpai."

Waving goodbye to the kouhai as she closed the door behind her, Shirou stood where he was for a few seconds without moving. He had not been putting much thought into it before, but after being reminded by Sakura, he was reminded once again of the odd situation he was in.

"An elder sibling, huh," he muttered.

"Let's go on a date tomorrow!"

Unsure of how to respond to that, Illya just blinked a few times in confusion. Sitting close to her, Kuro, Miyu and Saber shared the same reaction at the sudden suggestion.

"Um… Fujimura-sensei," she said at last, having finally found her voice. "What do you mean?"

"You see, there's this place I want to take you girls to," Taiga replied. "And there's someone you absolutely have to meet there."

"Uh, well…" Illya mumbled. "W-we're not exactly 'free' tomorrow…"

"Where would we be going anyway?" Kuro asked. "We're not interested in amusement parks or playgrounds, you know."

"Oh, it's not like that!" Taiga said, missing Illya's flinch at the word 'playgrounds'. Then, with her usual goofy grin dropping a few degrees, she went on: "We're not really going to play."

"Then-"

"We're going to see Kiritsugu-san."

Amongst other things, the raid on Ryuudou Temple is happening next chapter, so it won't be another breather chapter. Not entirely, anyway.