You know when you have a plan and than life totally fs you up. Like when you plan on being a straight A student and than the next thing you know you are praying for D- in math. That's exactly what happened here. This chapter was supposed to be updated much earlier and to be longer. But unfortunately, that's not the case. For the past 2 weeks I have had days where I sleep for 3 hours and than totally get knocked out for like 10 hours. And than repeat it again. School has been chaotic, the competitions are coming really soon, so my practices are harder than usually. I had at least 5 tests per week because where I live you have to have at least 2 grades by the end of October in every subject, and I have 13. Plus we lost a week and a half because of excursion. I'm really sorry for not updating. When it all settles a bit, I will update much more. I promise. I hope you enjoy.

Light coming from the window made it hard to see when she opened her eyes. Sakura wasn't sure what woke her up, warming rays of sunshine or scent of food that filled her room. For the first time in a while she was feeling rested, none of her nightmares occurred as far as can recall. Than it hit her: Shikamaru.

She quickly ran down the stairs only to find her friend making pancakes.

"You look much better today."

"Yes, I saw you examined me carefully." She said sarcastically since he didn't turn around. "What are you doing here this early in here?". She was now sitting at the table watching him make her breakfast.

"First of all, I don't need to see you to know you are better. And besides, you ran down the stairs. Second of all it's noon so it's not that early. I stayed the night because I wanted to make sure you didn't have the nightmare again." He looked at her over his shoulder, but quickly turned around to make sure that the pancake doesn't burn.

Sakura stiffened at his words. This is not good, not good at all.

"Nightmare? I don't remember having it." She wasn't lying, she really didn't remember.

There were a few moments of silence before Shikamaru brought pancakes to the table and sat on the chair which was placed on the side next to the one Sakura was sitting at. She looked at the pancakes. Not because she was hungry, but because she couldn't make an eye contact. If his eyes emitted lasers, Sakura was sure she would have a hole in her head already.

"How long have you been having them?"

She sighed. There was no way around this. "Only for a few days, since I got sick. But I really don't remember having it last night so they probably passed since I'm all better now. Your mom is a miracle worker" She turned her head so she was facing him, but didn't make eye contact since her eyes were closed and she had a small smile on her lips. "Tell her thank you for me".

"Why didn't you tell me as soon as they came back" His eyes never left her, stern look present in them.

"We hadn't seen each other in these few days." Sakura finally looked him into the eyes. "Look, I completely understand your concerns, I really do, but there is no reason for you to worry yourself with it. I will not allow myself to get to the stage I got last time. I won't allow all of you to worry about me. Not again, not like that. I promise."

She was looking him dead in the eyes. She wasn't kidding and she wanted to make sure he knew that. And he did get the message. After few moments of silence and just looking into each other's eyes, Shikamaru closed his eyes and sighed. When he opened them again he didn't have the stern and almost angry look in his eyes, rather he was sending her soft gaze filled with concern. Before speaking up, he put his hand over hers and squeezed it lightly. "Sakura, you always fail to realize that I, along with everybody else, will never stop worrying about you, like you never stop worrying about us. It's the way it works, especially in the world we live in. I want you to tell me things like this. You don't have to go trough this alone."

"I know. Thank you." She acknowledge his words. They were still looking at each other, not moving their hands. Once Sakura realized how their hands were positioned she became red, where as Shikamaru widened his eyes. They moved their hands quickly and broke eye contact.

"These pancakes look really delicious" sounded Sakura's poor attempt to break the awkwardness that filled the room. Her still being red was not helping one bit.

Shikamaru coughed slightly. "Yes. I mean thank you. Let's eat."

"Mhm. Itadakimasu"

They eat in silence, enjoying delicious taste that pancakes left in their mouth.

"This was delicious Shikamaru. You should really consider becoming housewife, it really suits you. I will buy you a really beautiful apron for your birthday. I was thinking pink, but maybe purple would look beautiful too. Do you have a preference by any chance?"

Shikamaru smirked. "No, not really. I will leave that hard task to you. It's too troublesome."

Sakura picked up the plates and went to wash them. Shikamaru was still sitting at the table. He knew Sakura wouldn't let him clean up, so he just sat there in the comfortable silence. Even tho she was really sick yesterday, Sakura moved swiftly and with such grace it was hard not to admire her. Yes, she was just cleaning the dishes and placing them back where they belonged but all her moves were calculated and while she was moving around her hair was giving off that beautiful shine as the sun gently fell over it.

"So you still don't know who the mole is?" Shikamaru was pulled out of his thoughts with this sudden question.

"No, we are not actually getting anywhere. It's as if the mole disappeared. He is ether laying low or is so skilled we can't find any clues. Neji, Ten Ten, Sai, Shino, Kiba, Yamato and I are the only ones in ANBU who know about the mole. Kakashi, Shizune and you are probably the only ones know outside the ANBU. We all have those who we are supposed to keep an eye on. Ten Ten is keeping an eye on Asu Mahumi, Neji on Zero Vermilion, Shino on Hatsumi Gabukimi, Kiba on Etsu Fuhino, Sai on Taki Nakimilu and Yamato, Kakashi and I are on overall lookout since all the members from Root have been covered. But we can't be careless. Shino occasionally sends his bugs on the lookout as well but we are talking about ANBU after all, so his bugs can't spend too much time around them. We need to make a strategy because we are just chasing our tails like this." Shikamaru has put his head between his hands and was staring down at the table where as Sakura has finished with washing her hands and is currently leaning on the sink, resting both of her hands on the edge of it. She wanted to tell Shikamaru about her joining ANBU, but something was holding her back. She sighed. It's now or never.

"You will hopefully have another thing that may help with the investigation soon."

Shikamaru's head perked up, but his eye's narrowed when he saw the look in her eyes. He was no fool and she knew that. Sakura closed her eyes, mentally preparing herself for what may come.

"I have an ANBU test in around 3 weeks and if I pass, you will have a bait for the mole." Eyes still closed she heard loud thud- his hands hitting table she guessed. Her suspicions were proven right when she opened her eyes and found Shikamaru with his fists on the table almost gaping at her, showing his total and utter shock. In other conditions, Sakura would be laughing her ass of at his facial expression but current conditions made her stomach tie in a knot. A dragged out "What" escaped his mouth, his disbelief noticeable in every syllable, making Sakura cringe.

"I talked to Tsunade-sama and she gave me few conditions for these 3 months I had to prepare. Please don't make me explain my reasons. I know you are smart enough to figure them out without a problem."

"You didn't tell me that you want joining ANBU for 9 weeks?" His voice was laced with hurt, which startled Sakura.

"No, no, no. I mean yes. I didn't know how to tell you, I-I… I wanted to, really. But Neji said you wouldn't be happy and you already have so much on your mind I didn't want to add to your stress even though this is not something to stress about because it's really good thing. There will hopefully be a bigger surviving rate with my new seal and all and, and….. Sorry" Sakura was rumbling frantically trying to explain everything. But the lack of his response turned her blood to ice. The last thing she needed was for him to be mad at her.

He abruptly stood up, chair almost crashing down to the floor. His eyes were piercing trough her.

"Not something to stress about? Not something-" Shikamaru stopped middle sentence and sighed, closing his eyes and trying to collect himself. If he acted like this, it will prove her right and add more to her argument. Slowly opening them he saw Sakura leaning on the sink, her eyes filled with concern. His heart squeezed at this. He hated seeing her like this.

"You should have told me Sakura. I thought we had an honest relationship where we can tell each other everything. Yes, I do not like an idea of you joining ANBU at all, but I could never be mad at you for wanting to protect others. That's one of yours most precious traits. Neji knows about you joining ANBU, probably Ten Ten as well. Neji has a lot of things going on in his life too, yet you chose to tell him, but not me? I'm not jealous or anything of that sort. This is not a small thing Sakura. You didn't care about my opinion? You guessed I would be stressed or whatever. Why didn't you come to see me and talk to me about it. This is not something you decide over night, so why didn't you came to me to discus it, Sakura? Pros and cons. Everything. I think you know me better than to assume I will try to talk you out of it, for I know there is no way of changing your mind if you make a decision. We could have gone trough this together. I could have helped you with studying, tell you more than there is in the books."

Shikamaru was hurt. The stupidest person would realize that. Sakura felt just like that. Like the most stupid person to ever live. How could she keep this a secret. Now that she asks herself that, her mind turns empty. They did have the most open relationship, he did know her that well. She felt so idiotic for assuming he would react like the others. She hurt him. She really did this time. It was all visible in the way his eyes were looking at her. It was visible in every line on his face. Sakura hated herself right now.

"Shikamaru, I-"

Shikamaru raised his hand, successfully stopping Sakura. He shook his head.

"I'm glad you are doing better. I have some business to take care of now. I'll see you at the exam." Without another word he started heading towards the door.

Sakura stood rooted in place, just looking at his back. She didn't know what to think, what to do. She couldn't just let him leave like this. She couldn't let him leave mad at her. The sound of door closing snapped her out of her trance and she started running towards the door. Sakura pulled the door open, but Shikamaru was long gone. She couldn't even feel his chakra signature anymore.

Oh God, what has she done.

Nothing special, I know. Chapters after this will be better. That is all for now. I'll talk to you soon. Kisses