I have to break my promise, because I realized that revealing how Kyle feels about Kate when I've barely written either of them interacting with each other is a dumb idea.

Instead, I came up with an idea for a chapter that would help us get more of an idea of Kate's personality. This chapter involves a little bit of backstory and a whole lot of beauty pageant shenanigans.

OWTF!

It was a normal day in South Park, Colorado. People were doing drugs and drinking in the middle of the day, adults were at work, and kids were playing inside and out. That included the familiar four that seemed to be the epicenter of everything that happened in their 'quiet little mountain town'. They were actually just walking through town, and they happened to pass a woman handing out fliers.

"Hello, boys!" she greeted them, stepping into their path. "Do you have sisters?"

"Why?" Cartman asked.

"The Little Miss Park County Beauty Pageant is in two weeks, and we're looking for contestants!"

"No thanks," Stan commented, starting to walk away.

"The grand prize is 5,000 dollars."

That got their attention. All four rushed to take a flier from the lady.

"Thank you, boys! I hope to see your sisters at the pageant!"

"Do we know any girls who can do the pageant?" Stan asked. "Shelly's too old and she's a bitch."

"(Karen's too young,)" Kenny added.

"I don't have a sister," sighed Kyle, before he turned to Cartman. "Looks like your sister's our only option."

"Dumbass, Kate's not a pageant girl," Cartman snapped. "She's not girly at all."

"Well, it couldn't hurt to ask."

"…and, yeah, will you do it?"

Kate glanced down at the flier and back up at the boys. She was lying on her stomach on her bed, where she'd been reading and listening to music until her brother and his friends had dropped in.

"Hmm…" She wrinkled her nose as she considered their proposal.

"Please, Kate?"

"Okay. It'll be fun to make those beauty queens weep at my feet when I completely and totally crush them."

"YES!" Cartman cheered. "FUCK YOU, KYLE! I TOLD YOU SHE'D DO IT!"

"NO, YOU DIDN'T!"

"YUH-HUH! I DID!"

"I believe you thought I wouldn't do it," Kate commented, sliding off her bed and putting her book on the bedside table. "You're majorly self-centered and pessimistic."

"Kate!"

"What? I've lived here for less than three months and you didn't think I noticed that?"

"Stupid whore…"

"Ignore him," Stan assured Kate. "We have two weeks to get you ready for the pageant, so clear your schedule."

"I have no schedule," Kate replied. "In case you forgot, I'm something of a shut-in outside of school and theater."

"(You got this!)" Kenny cheered.

"We'll be here at eight tomorrow morning," Kyle told Kate. "Be ready to start getting ready for the pageant."

"Dude, we don't know how to get her ready," Stan sighed as they walked down the street.

"We can look it up online, Stan!" Cartman sniped. "Besides, anything's better than her as herself. She has no idea how to do pageants."

At Kyle's, the boys surrounded the computer to look up how to do a beauty pageant.

"Okay, so according to this, the pageant has a bunch of smaller competitions," Kyle informed the boys. "Casual, formal, sleepwear, swimsuit, a question-and-answer segment, and a talent competition. We have to have a separate outfit for every segment and meet the dress code for each one."

"Dammit, these things have a fucking dress code?!" Cartman whined. "We might have to get another girl or two involved to help out."

"Yeah, we don't know anything about fashion," Stan agreed.

"That can come later. For now, we have to work on other stuff, like her answers for the Q and A segment, her talent, and her 'walk', whatever that is."

The next morning, Stan, Kenny, and Kyle arrived at the Cartmans at 8 on the dot. They had some ideas for Kate's talent, but they needed to figure out what it was, first.

Kate was in her room, digging through her closet for something.

"What are you looking for?" Kyle asked.

"My pumps. I can't find my silver pumps or my purple dress."

"Kate, there's guidelines for how you need to dress," Cartman groaned.

"I know. I looked up the pageant last night. It'll be easy."

"Yeah, with us training you!"

"Got 'em!" Kate turned around holding a pair of silver heels and wearing a victorious grin. "These'll work great for the formal section, and maybe the talent portion, too."

"Yeah, what's your talent?" Stan asked.

"Singing and playing piano. That's what I'm good at."

"Oh…" Kyle mumbled.

"Look, you guys are sweet to try and help me, but I know what I'm doing. This ain't my first rodeo."

"You've done pageants before?"

"Yeah, back when I lived with both of my birth parents."

"What pageants did you win?" Cartman asked, confused.

"Tiny Little Miss Jersey, three years running!"

"JERSEY?!" the boys gasped.

"OH, HELL NO! MY SISTER IS NOT FROM NEW FUCKING JERSEY!"

"I haven't lived in New Jersey since I was five! That was when my mom left my dad and we went on the road!"

"Oh. No wonder you look so pale and un-orange."

"No, I just take after my mom. My dad's pure New Jersey. Trust me."

That was that. The boys left the pageant-girl stuff up to Kate, who simply needed to refresh her mind on the proper practices of a pageant princess. They knew some of what she was doing, but most of it was going to be a surprise. Their job was to be her backstage support team and not much besides that.

On the day of the pageant, the boys were dropped off at the community center along with Kate and her stuff. There were a lot of girls who were wearing enough makeup to supply a circus clown for a year, and some were even wearing padding in their chest area.

"Oh, God, these girls are professionals," Kyle sighed. "Kate, it's been years since you were a pageant girl. Are you sure you can win?"

"It's not a glitz pageant," she sighed in frustration. "It's not a natural pageant either. That means it's basically a free-for-all."

"Damn," Cartman sighed. "This is gonna be so lame."

"Fucking leave then!" snapped Kate.

"No way! I want my cut!"

Kate rolled her eyes and headed in, registering as Katherine instead of Kate, and went backstage where she began to get ready. She waved the boys away, saying she needed them in the audience more than she needed them backstage.

"Next up we have Number 32, Katherine!" the MC said, gesturing to the stage.

Kate walked out in her knee-length purple dress, her hair in an elegant bun and her makeup applied lightly but masterfully. She curtsied to the audience like pro.

"Katherine enjoys reading, acting, and hanging out with her friends."

Kate turned around and blew a kiss over her shoulder to the judges.

"Damn, she's a natural," sighed Kyle in a lovesick voice.

"Kyle, that's my baby sister," Cartman hissed.

"She's our age! She's not a baby!"

Kate came out for casual (a tight T-shirt and artfully-ripped jeans with stylish sneakers) and sleepwear (a set of pajamas that looked like some Japanese owl character name Totoro). After that, there was an intermission and the boys were able to talk to Kate before the swimsuit competition started.

"You think you can just waltz in here and steal my crown, Trailer Trash?!" they heard a girl yell. A blonde wearing an electric-blue bikini that was obviously padded in the chest area was getting in Kate's face. "I'm the champion, so back off."

"No, you back the fuck off, bitch!" Kate snapped back. "I'm winning this thing, and I'm not afraid to take you down to make that happen!"

"Is that so? Where are you from, hon?"

"South Park."

"Figures," the girl sniffed. "All girls from South Park are violent sluts."

"You wanna try that again?" Kate was getting up in Blondie's face, more pissed than the boys had ever seen her. "Talk bad about my town again and I'll drag you out of here by your bleach-stained hair."

"HOW DARE YOU?!" Blondie screeched, lunging for Kate. The Jersey girl sidestepped her attack and gave a winning smile.

Behind that smile was pure malice.

The swimsuit segment went off without a hitch, much to everyone's relief. Blondie (whose name turned out to be Quinn) was almost too fake for the stage. It was a little disgusting, actually, and Kate did much better. She hadn't been trained, but pageantry was in her blood.

"…now, Katherine, here is your question," the MC said. " 'What is the worst kind of person in this world, and why?' "

Kate took a deep breath as she considered her answer.

"The worst kind of person in this world is the kind that's horrible on the inside. They're the kind of people who seem like nothing but perfect on the outside, but behind closed doors, they become the monsters we warn kids about. They're the men and women who abuse their spouses mentally, emotionally, and physically. They're the people we hear about on the news, that they seemed like such nice people how shocking it is that they would hurt anybody. To be human is to be imperfect, but those are the kind of imperfections we can do without."

The judges stared at Kate, flabbergasted at her answer. They'd obviously been expecting something about fashion, not some big social commentary.

Naturally, the talent competition was a snap for Kate, too, launching her into the top spot and to victory.

"Great job, Kate!" Stan complimented.

"Thanks," she replied. "I'm going to put the money in the bank for when we hit high school. We're really going to need it then."

Well, maybe it wasn't great for everyone…

That sucked. Next chapter will be better.

By the way, when Kate gave her answer, she was speaking from personal experience. Her father was not a good person, and that's why her mother left him. Kate knew her father was abusive, which is why she hates to even mention him most of the time. She hates him for what he did to her mother, and she wants nothing more than to put a bullet in his head.

So long and thanks for all the fish!