So, good news!
I finally got my own computer again! I am officially no longer using an account on my mom's, so I can update a teensy bit more frequently. Chances are that I wrote most of this in the car. I haven't done that since I went to Universal back in January, when I wrote the first two chapters of a Fairy Tail fanfiction.
Anyway, so this is a random idea I had. I know I already did a chapter with a play, but I think this one will be better. This is a chapter centering around the drama outside of a play, rather than the play itself. What's the play, you may ask? Romeo and Juliet, the only Shakespeare play I've ever been in. I played Lady Montague, but that's beside the point.
Premise: Kate gets cast as Juliet in the school's production of Romeo and Juliet. She ends up betting her acting career and the name of Shakespeare in South Park on selling out the play. Drama ensues.
One of the most coveted stage roles when it came to Shakespeare was that of Juliet in Romeo and Juliet. It was the type of classic role that required an actress who knew what she was doing, and one that could go from extremely happy to sobbing sadness on a dime. In other words, it took a talented and well-rounded individual to pull off Juliet Capulet. That was the type of person Miss Jay, the new drama teacher, was looking for and found in Katherine Marie Cartman.
"All right, everyone," she declared. "Rehearsals begin tomorrow afternoon at four, so don't be late!"
"Yes, ma'am!" everyone agreed.
"I'll see you then! Get some sleep and start memorizing the script!"
Kate ran out of the auditorium, feeling extremely excited. Her brother and her friends were waiting for her outside the school.
"How'd it go?" Kyle asked.
"I'm Juliet!" she cheered, jumping up and down. "I'm so ecstatic!"
"Watch out for socks!" Cartman warned.
"I said ecstatic, not static!"
"Let's go home. I can't believe Mom made me wait for you."
"Miss Jay said I was the best option for playing Juliet!" She pretended to hold a flower. " 'Romeo! Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name, or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet.' "
"Romeo's probably going home," Stan replied.
"What?" she inquired, confused.
"You asked where Romeo was. I said he's probably going home after auditions."
"Oh, no! 'Wherefore' means why, not where. She's asking why his name is Romeo, meaning why is he a Montague."
"That's dumb," Cartman sneered. "Why does she care what he is?"
"Because Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy about a three-day love affair between two horny teenagers who are forbidden to be together because of a feud between their families."
"Wait, I thought it was a romance," Kyle commented.
"A seventeen-year-old boy seducing a thirteen-year-old girl after he gets rejected by another girl and marrying her in secret? Yeah, real romantic."
"(Juliet's only thirteen?!)" gasped Kenny.
"Yep. Romeo's a creeper, and Juliet's a victim of lust."
"You're so fucking weird," Cartman snorted. "Shakespeare is just a guy with a fetish for writing hot girl characters who are under sixteen."
"He was a creative genius who is unappreciated today!"
"I guarantee you nobody is going to go see this stupid play!"
"Wanna bet?" Cartman stopped and turned to face his sister.
"What are the terms?"
"If I win, you can't make fun of anybody for a week. That includes me, Kenny, and Kyle. And I get to punch you in the face."
"And if I win, you have to admit Shakespeare is lame and give up acting and one other thing to be chosen when I win!"
"Deal. I win if we sell more than three-quarters of the seats. If we don't, you win."
"Deal."
The two shook and Cartman ran for home. Kate staggered backwards, realizing what she'd just done.
"Did I just…"
"Stake your acting career and the reputation of Shakespeare in South Park on if you can sell out an elementary school auditorium?" Stan finished. "Yeah, you did."
"Shit. I don't care if I have to give up acting, but to blaspheme the name of Shakespeare…" She stepped forward and looked up at the sky. "My, what a tangled web we weave."
"We'll help you," Kyle offered.
"You will?"
"Yeah, you have rehearsals, so you can't advertise the play. We'll go out and promote the play."
"You think you can beat Cartman?"
"(Princess, I know we can,)" Kenny assured her.
"Thanks, guys. I'll be sure to tell the rest of the cast about our bet."
"What bet?" Wendy asked, walking up behind them.
"I bet the name of Shakespeare in South Park and my acting career on us selling out at least three-quarters of the auditorium," Kate sighed.
"With who?"
"Cartman." Wendy's eyes widened and she gripped Kate's shoulders.
"Katherine Cartman, you do not make bets against Eric. He will lie and cheat his way to victory, and nobody will care except you."
"I've got backup."
"Well, as 'Lady Capulet', I am obligated to ensure my stage daughter succeeds. You have the backup of the rest of the Girls."
"Thanks, Wendy." Kate turned to the boys. "Let's go. We have work to do."
The following afternoon, Kate arrived at rehearsal five minutes early. Most of the rest of the cast was there, including Seth Parker, her costar and the most popular boy in the fifth grade.
"Hey, guys," she greeted them. "I have some news."
"W-what is it?" Butters asked from his place in the corner. He was playing Count Paris.
"I… made a bet with someone. If we don't sell out at least three-quarters of the auditorium every night of the performance, I have to blaspheme the name of Shakespeare and… give up acting."
"WHAT?!" gasped Seth, leaping to his feet. "Kate! Why would you make such a bet?!"
"My brother was annoying me and I wanted him to shut up."
"N-no, Kate!" Butters stammered. "You don't make bets against Eric. He'll humiliate you in the worst way he can. Ask Kyle."
"I can handle it, Butters," Kate assured him. "I have a team of people working on promoting the play. They don't want Cartman to win, either."
"Right!" Wendy agreed, coming to Kate's side. "We have to work our asses off to make sure this is the best production of Romeo and Juliet—no, the best production ever put onstage in South Park!"
"Are you all with us?!" Kate asked.
"YEAH!" the cast cheered.
"Right! Let's get to work!"
For a few weeks, everything was going well. Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and the Girls were promoting the play like crazy on the outside, while Kate and the rest of the cast were working their asses off, like Wendy had said. Their play was going for a Steampunk theme, with a full-on tango in the middle of the party scene and real food and drink onstage. It seemed like they were going to win the bet.
That was before the big announcement from Miss Jay.
"All right, everyone!" she sang, clapping her hands. "I have some big news!" The cast gathered around. "Now, I know you've all been working hard, and apparently, someone else does, too. He's suggested we move the play to the big theater in town and perform it there! It's three times the size of our little auditorium!"
Kate got a chill up her spine as she stared at the drama teacher in horror. Her eyes moved to the back of the auditorium, where Cartman was sitting in one of the seats with an evil smirk on his face. He mouthed 'fuck you, bitch' and flipped her off as he slipped out of the room.
"That fucking son of a gun!" Kate swore, roundhouse-kicking a dummy she had in the basement. She and Kenny were prepping for patrol. A recent rise in crime had left her unable to be as effective, so she and Kenny had decided to train for half an hour before patrol each night.
"Don't you mean son of a bitch?" Kenny asked, retrieving his costume from its box.
"No, because Mom isn't a bitch. I have no idea who his dad is."
"Jack Tenorman."
"Oh. Who the fuck is that?"
"He used to be a member of the Denver Broncos who lived here in South Park. Then his son, Scott, got on Cartman's bad side. He and his wife ended up being made into chili that Cartman fed to Scott."
"What the fuck?!"
"Anyway, I heard something from Clyde. He said that Cartman's planning to publish your diary in a daily column in the newspaper if he wins."
"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! HOW DOES HE KNOW WHERE MY DIARY IS?!"
"That's not important. What's important is you have to win!"
"Kenny, how does Cartman know where my diary is?"
"He… he snuck in your room while you were at the library one time. He found it and read a few entries aloud to me and Kyle—" Kate's face crumpled and she sat down.
"I'm going to lose," she whimpered. "Cartman's going to make sure of it, and he's going to completely and totally humiliate me."
"Hey." Kenny gripped her shoulders. "I believe in you, Princess. You're the best goddamn Juliet South Park's ever had, and you're going to sell out all those seats. I promise."
"I don't set much stock in your promises, Kenny. You promised me you wouldn't ever kill yourself and you did." He sighed and sat down next to her before slipping an arm around her shoulders.
"Hey, you're my partner and my sort-of girlfriend. I'm legally obligated to make sure you succeed."
"And since you're my partner and my sort-of boyfriend, I'm legally obligated to trust you have a plan?"
"I do."
After the play was moved to the large theater, the cast had to relearn all the blocking due to the increased size of the stage, as well as rechoreograph the tango. It was still going well, but strange things started happening. For one thing, somehow, the costumes disappeared, meaning they had to remake them until the originals were found in the Dumpster behind the school. Props went missing all the time, and a bar of lights nearly crushed Seth and Butters while they were rehearsing their swordfight. While nobody came right out and said it, they all knew Cartman was behind the occurrences.
Kate was a nervous wreck all through Tech Week, and on the night of Grand Dress, Kyle came in to give her the number of presold tickets for opening night.
"Well," he sighed. "So far, we've sold about half the seats. A bunch of people will probably buy tickets at the door."
"Kyle, I can't lose this bet," she said, her eyes filling with tears. "Do you know what Cartman's going to do as per the third prize in our bet?"
"No, what?"
"He's going to publish my diary in the newspaper."
"That son of a bitch!" Kyle almost snapped his clipboard in half. "Don't worry, Kate! I won't let that happen!"
"Kyle, he's too good at this. I can't win."
"No! I won't let him beat you!"
"The only way to sell out every night is to give them away for free." Kyle suddenly grabbed Kate's cheeks.
"That's it! You're a genius, babe!" He pulled her in and kissed her. "God, I love you! I've gotta go!" He ran out of the room, leaving the brunette feeling dazed.
On opening night, Kate was doing her pre-show ritual, hoping it would bring her luck, before she headed into the cast room. She sat down in one of the chairs just as the door burst open and Kyle dashed in, Kenny and Stan hot on his heels.
"KATE!" he panted. "We did it!"
"Did what?!" she asked, alarmed.
"We sold out for tonight and the next two nights! The final night is still up in the air, but we did it!"
"Oh my God!"
"I didn't do anything!" Stan claimed.
"Yes, you did!" Wendy squealed, running over and hugging him before giving him a kiss on the cheek. Kate put a trash can in front of Stan just in time, since he threw up right after.
"It was Kenny's idea," Kyle told Kate.
"(And Kyle paid for it,)" Kenny added. Kate hugged them both and then kissed each of them. Both boys turned bright pink and she did, too.
On the final night of the performance, they sold out exactly three-quarters of the auditorium. It seemed like they weren't going to win, but then Cartman bought a ticket, just so he could gloat when Kate lost. That put them over the top and they were able to win.
"And never was there more of a tale of woe than that of Juliet and her Romeo," finished Token, who was playing Prince Escalus. The crowd clapped and cheered as the cast came out for bows. Cartman went backstage, where the cast was waiting to hear the results of the bet.
"So, how badly did Kate lose?" Cartman asked.
"She didn't," Wendy sneered.
"What?!"
"I didn't lose, you fat fuck," Kate repeated. "You bought the last ticket I needed to win."
"WHAT?! HOW THE FUCK DID YOU DO THIS?!"
"Simple. I had help."
"YOU SONS OF BITCHES!" Cartman yelled, lunging for his friends. Suddenly, a fist made contact with his face and he fell backwards.
"As per the terms of our bet, I punched you in the face," Kate declared. "Now you can't make fun of anyone for a week. If you do, I'll tell Mom you read and tried to publish my very private, personal diary, okay?"
"Fine," Cartman grumbled.
"Now get out of here, you fucking fatass."
The ending is pretty good, I think.
Anyway, guess what? There's now an official Tumblr for this story! Check out katherinemariecartman on Tumblr to ask me questions and see Kate's official design!
So long and thanks for all the fish!