BA-DA-DA-DAAAAH!
THE FINAL CHOICE IS HERE!
You may have all noticed that this chapter was uploaded three days before Valentine's Day. Originally, I wasn't going to publish it until the actual Valentine's Day, but some things came up and I might not be able to publish that day. I thought it'd be safer to upload as soon as possible. I finished this up last night and was debating internally all morning on whether or not I would publish it today. I made my choice, as you can see, and this was a lot closer to the holiday involved than my Christmas special.
Now, a few things to note—not a lot of people voted on my profile poll. I had more votes in the reviews than I did in the profile poll, which only had eight in total. Also, yes, the discussion from the last chapter has a direct influence on this one. This is a longer chapter for all you beautiful people who have been reading this story. I hope you'll continue to read it even if Kate didn't end up with your choice. See you in the endnotes.
OWTF!
"And don't forget—our Valentine's Day Dance is coming up in two weeks!" Lauren Reed chirped over the intercom.
"I guess that means we're both asking Kate again," Kenny sighed to Kyle. "I hope she doesn't pull the 'let's go as friends' card again."
"Me, too," Kyle agreed. "I love her, but she's been pulling us around with that card since fourth grade. We're sophomores now, and it's getting old."
"And before you boys start flocking to the prettiest girls in the grade to ask them, this year's dance has a twist! It's a Sadie Hawkins Dance!"
"A what?!" Cartman muttered.
"Girls ask guys, dumbass," Kyle grumbled. "That means Kate's going to ask one of us."
"Or ask Kimmy to avoid a fight like she did in seventh grade," Stan added.
"I'm still pissed she pulled that bullshit."
Kate, on the other hand, was walking with Quinn towards the boys when she heard the announcement and the subsequent musings of her male friends. She bit her lip. She knew full and well that they were tired of her skirting around the issue. In their eyes, she was an indecisive person who was afraid of hurting somebody's feelings, and that was true. She was scared of losing one when she chose the other, or the one that didn't get picked would resent the one that did. They'd react differently based on their personalities. However, Kate had a little secret.
She'd made her choice in seventh grade.
Her fear of losing friends had kept her from announcing it, but she'd chosen.
"Hey, guys," she greeted them.
"Hey, Kate!" Stan replied. Kyle and Kenny glanced at each other.
"You guys heard about the Sadie Hawkins Dance, huh?" she sighed.
"It kinda puts the ball in your court, Kate," Kyle stated simply. "It's your choice who you take."
"And I'm asking Bebe, so don't count on my bailout," Quinn told her female friend.
Shit. That's right. Nobody knows I made my choice.
"I already know Kimmy's asking somebody, so I'm gonna have to make a choice between the two of you," she laughed nervously.
"Wait, Kimmy already has somebody?" Cartman asked, confused.
"She's asking Scott Tenorman."
"As in our brother, Scott Tenorman?"
"Yep."
"Fuck. Well, I'm not gonna have a date. No girl in her right mind would pick me."
"They might. You're not as misogynistic as you used to be." She turned to the others. "I'll call you guys later, okay? Quinn needs to help me shop for the dance."
"I do?" Quinn asked before Kate grabbed her arm. The brunette dragged the blonde down the hall, the former beauty queen struggling all the way.
"Is it just me or is Kate acting weird?" Stan asked.
"She's always weird," Cartman snorted. "That's just why Kinney and Kyel looove her so much."
"No, I mean weird as in, since when does she blow off hanging out with us in favor of shopping with one of North Park's Demon Queens of the Mall?"
"That is weird, even for her."
"Maybe she made her choice and she's afraid to say it," Kimmy sighed.
"Why would she be afraid to say her choice?" Kyle asked.
"You guys know Kate considers you her closest friends. Picking one means possibly losing the other, and she doesn't want that to happen."
"Wait, so you're saying the only reason she hasn't given us an answer is because she thinks we'd flip out?"
"Well, more specifically, she's worried about you and your tendency to take everything way too far. Like when you blew up part of Canada?"
"Shut up!"
"I had to work overtime for three months to clean up that mess! And it wasn't just in Hell, either! I actually got called to Heaven to help sort out the mess up there!"
"Sorry! Jesus Christ!"
After school, Kate and Quinn headed to the mall. Quinn was still confused as to why her un-girly friend had asked her to go shopping, but she didn't pry. The two were in the South Park Mall, where several other girls from their school were shopping. Kate was looking in the half-price rack that no other girl would dare even touch for fear of being infected by the cheapness that was the dresses. Quinn had to admit that the half-price racks were probably the best place to find a dress that time of year.
"I hate Valentine's Day Dances," Kate sighed to her human best friend.
"Why? Because you can't pick a guy?"
"No. Because you're expected to either go with a date or not go at all. You're going to have a date this year, and I won't."
"So? Just go in a three-way date with Kyle and Kenny. Nobody's feelings will get hurt and you don't have to choose."
"I can't do that. They already think I'm indecisive as hell, and I don't think that would help. No, I'm going alone." She pulled a dark purple dress with a sweetheart neckline off the rack. "How about this one?"
"Yes. Purple is your color." Quinn grabbed a medium blue, knee-length strapless dress. "And this one for me?"
"Hell yeah, Q!"
"And there's one just like it in red! Ooh, I should text a picture to Bebe!" She snapped a picture of the red dress and sent it to Bebe, who responded with, OMIGOD BABE ITS PERFECT. WHAT STORE?
Within minutes of Quinn's reply, Bebe showed up and nodded—both at the dress's price and the style. Kate smiled as the three of them made their way to the register, where the clerk looked surprised that they'd bought from the half-price rack.
"We have several lovely full-price dresses, too," she said pointedly.
"These are perfect," Kate insisted.
"All right, ladies." The clerk rang them up and they headed to the shoe store. Kate bought a pair of strappy silver heels, as did Quinn. Bebe went for the same thing, but in gold. She claimed it went better with the red dress, and the other two girls had to agree.
"So, any luck picking between Kenny and Kyle?" Bebe asked as the three of them sat in the food court.
"No, not yet," Kate lied.
"I get it—it's hard. I had a crush on Kyle back in third grade. I guess he's my hetero-crush, with Quinn being my true love."
"Aw, babe!" Quinn sighed.
"Anyway, Kenny's sexy, but he's a pervert. Kyle's a gentleman with a perfect ass, but he's got that fucking temper. Kenny has a sense of loyalty that would put a dog to shame, while Kyle has been pining for you since fourth grade. Wait, they both have."
"I know!" Kate groaned. "It'd be so hard to pick… if I hadn't already."
"YOU WHAT?!" the two blondes gasped.
"Shush! I don't know who's listening!" She glanced around. "Let's go back to my house. I'll call Kimmy, Heidi, and Wendy to join us."
"What's this about?" Kimmy asked.
"KATE PICKED!" cheered Quinn. "WE DON'T KNOW WHO, BUT SHE PICKED!"
"Who did you pick?" squealed Wendy.
"I'm not ready to say," Kate confessed. "I picked a long time ago." She cleared her throat. "In, um… seventh grade."
"THEN WHAT WAS THAT BULLSHIT WHERE YOU ASKED ME TO THE SADIE HAWKIN'S DANCE?!" Kimmy growled.
"You have to tell whoever it is," Bebe urged. "Otherwise, you could lose both of them instead of just one."
"I know! I know!" Kate held her head in her hands. "I need a plan!"
"Ask whoever it is to the dance," Heidi suggested.
"No… I'll tell them who I picked at the dance. But they can't know I picked before then, got it? That means no telling Cartman, Scott, or Stan, or anybody else, for that matter."
"You have our word," the girls declared. Kate smiled.
Little did they know that Cartman was listening in. He'd been listening since he heard Quinn declare that Kate had picked. He smirked and crept away from his sister's door, sending a text to Kyle, Kenny, and Stan to meet him at the park.
Just found out some news that you fuckers will love. Meet me at the park in twenty minutes; I'll explain there.
At the park, Cartman found his three closest friends waiting for him, Kyle looking very annoyed.
"What's this about, fatass?" he asked.
"Oh, nothing, except that you and Kinney's little love triangle with Kate is going to end on Valentine's Day."
"THE FUCK?!" Kenny yelped. "HOW DO YOU KNOW?!"
"I heard Kate and her girlfriends discussing it. Quinn started squealing about how Kate had 'picked'—"
"Whoa, whoa, wait," Stan interjected. "When did that happen?"
"Oh, according to Kate, she made her choice in seventh grade but was afraid of losing one of you over it." He smirked. "Who knew my sister could keep a secret?"
"Jesus fucking Christ…" muttered Kenny.
"You said it," Kyle agreed. He held out a hand to Kenny. "How about we agree that no matter who Kate picks, we stay friends with her and each other?"
"Yeah," Kenny said, nodding. He and Kyle shook hands.
"Now, don't tell Kate you know what I told you. She'll murder me for eavesdropping."
"Thanks for telling us, Cartman," Kyle said.
"Yeah, thanks dude," Kenny added.
"You guys are welcome. Now you owe me."
"FUCK!" Kyle swore. "I knew there was a catch!"
"Oh, don't worry, Kyle. I won't make you pay up… yet."
Over the next couple weeks, the boys and girls walked around like Kate hadn't made a choice yet. Things were normal between them. Nobody was the wiser, and Kate felt relieved that nobody asked her about who she was going to ask to the dance. It was all going well.
Then Lauren Reed—Kate's arch-nemesis since freshman year—had the balls to ask Kenny to the dance.
It had happened out of the blue. Lauren was basically the stereotypical slutty mean girl—pretty, with a good figure and decent-sized boobs, but she actually had a fucking brain under her head of raspberry-tinted red hair. Given her reputation, everyone assumed she'd ask Josh, but the Monday before the dance, in the middle of the goddamn cafeteria and right in front of Kate, she sat down next to Kenny and started cozying up to him—boobs on his arm and everything. With her boobs right on his bicep, he almost said yes.
Until he saw the look in Kate's eyes.
A look of betrayal, hurt, and shock.
It sent a pain directly to his heart, and he shook Lauren off his arm. She let out an offended gasp and walked away, flipping Kate off as she went. Kate stuck her left thumb through the index and middle fingers on her left hand as she bit her right thumb—both directed at Lauren, who looked confused and angry as hell. Everyone at the table started laughing, but Kate still felt like she'd been stabbed.
Would either of them really move on from me that quickly?
Kate wasn't the only one who had drama in her life. Kimmy was having family drama with her aunt Aphrodite and her cousin Eros. Yes, the Greek gods themselves. Kimmy wasn't technically a demon, you see—she was actually the goddess of hellfire, eternal damnation, and glitter. She'd added the glitter part herself, but whatever. By birth, she was a goddess of the Underworld—the only daughter of Hades and Persephone themselves. The family drama came from the fact that Aphrodite was unusually interested in getting Kate and one of the boys together, which Kimmy objected to for a number of reasons. She kept an eye out for any possible godly intervention.
"Are they here yet?"
Kate was bouncing on her toes, nervously looking through the crowd for either of her suitors. Kimmy rolled her eyes and put a hand on her human best friend's shoulder.
"Calm thy tits, mortal," the goddess sighed. "They'll be here."
"I know, but I'm so fucking nervous. What if he says no because I took so long?"
"He won't."
"But what if—"
"I will repeat what I said earlier—calm thy tits and stop asking 'what if'."
Kimmy started looking around and eventually spotted, on the other side of the gym, a woman with shoulder-length red hair and a man with pale skin and black hair. The woman was also pale, but she had an abundance of freckles and a small stature. The man was towering over every attendant of the dance, which nobody seemed to notice except Kimmy. She narrowed her eyes.
"Kate, I'll be back in a minute. Don't drink the punch."
"I know better than that, Kimmy."
"I know. Bye!"
Kimmy ran across the gym to the man and woman—her parents.
"What in Tartarus are you two doing here?" she hissed.
"We came to chaperone the dance!" Persephone replied brightly. "Oh, and Aphrodite is here. So are Eros and Psyche."
As if on instinct, Kimmy scanned the dance and found three godly auras—one in the middle of the dance floor (Aphrodite) and the others on the sideline. The goddess let out a groan; her family had refused to listen to her, yet again. This time they were targeting her best friend.
"I'll be back soon."
Once again, Kimmy ran across the gym, this time returning to where she'd left Kate. The brunette was nowhere to be seen, and Eros made his way over to his cousin.
"Hey, Kimberly!" he greeted her.
"Where's Kate?" she asked.
"She said she needed some air," Psyche replied, fanning her face. "I hate being in the mortal realm like this, away from my kids."
"Yeah, yeah, you're 'Mother of the Eon'. You guys don't need to interfere; Kate already made her choice."
"Aw, dammit," Eros grumbled.
"I only want you to hit her with an arrow if she tries to chicken out, deal?"
"Deal."
Kate blew on her fingers in the chilly February night. She was reminded of the early days of being Melodyshock—back before all this drama happened and she fell in love. Her heart ached to tell the boy how she felt, and she would—as soon as he arrived. The former Jersey girl took one last deep breath before heading back inside.
"KATE!"
She turned to see Quinn, who grabbed her arm.
"Oh my God, Kate—they're here. They're both here, and on the dance floor."
The song was a fast one, and unsurprisingly, the dance floor was packed with people. Kate looked and spotted her chosen guy near the center. She inhaled a shudderingly deep breath and began weaving her way through the crowd. She almost got stepped and twerked on, but she managed to avoid it until something made her stop dead in her tracks.
He was kissing Lauren.
CRACK.
Kate swore she could hear the sound of breaking glass as her heart shattered into a thousand pieces.
I waited too long.
Th-thump.
He's gone.
Th-thump-thump.
Tears were pricking at her eyes as he jerked away from Lauren and spotted her. She turned and ran through the crowd, not caring who she barreled through or when he yelled her name. She stumbled in her heels, but she managed to make it outside. She was almost to the road when she felt a hand grab her wrist and turn her around to face him—the guy who'd just broken her heart. Her soon-to-be-ex-crime-fighting partner and soon-to-be-ex-crush.
Kenny McCormick.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" she sobbed. "GO BACK TO THAT FUCKING WHORE!"
"Kate—"
"It was you, you know." He let go of her wrist and stared at her in complete shock. "I picked you, but of course, the night I decide to let you know that, you choose Lauren 'Dick-Sucker' Reed over me." She gulped back some tears. "Now I know how it feels to have your heart shattered into a billion pieces—" He grabbed her by the shoulders and looked her in the eyes.
"Katherine Marie Cartman, what makes you think I'd choose the 'Dick-Sucker' over you?"
"Because you're you. You like the sexy stuff, and I'm not sexy. I'm indecisive as hell and I don't tell anybody anything and I don't know how to give blow-jobs or have sex or—"
"Hey. I want more than sex in a long-term relationship. Besides, I don't mind indecisive as long as they eventually reach a decision."
"You were kissing her."
"She kissed me, not the other way around. Besides, Lauren tasted like dick. I prefer something a little more… refreshing when I kiss a girl. Like minty lip balm. That was the best part of when I kissed you back in fourth grade—the taste."
"Oh my God."
"Kate, you're the only girl I want to kiss and be with." She let out a half-hearted laugh. "I'm serious, Kate. Fuck—I've been in love with you since we were nine years old. It didn't matter to me who you picked, as long as you were happy. And well… now you're not. And it's my fault."
"Kenny… I love you, too. I think I fell for you when you kissed me in the Nightmare City of R'Lyeh. I picked you a long time ago."
Kenny smiled widely, releasing Kate's shoulders and tilting her chin up so their lips met. She wrapped her arms around him as if she was afraid to let go, and he hugged her just as tightly. He deepened the kiss so that they were full-on making out. When they finally broke apart, Kate dug into her purse and pulled out her phone. She turned on the camera and looked at herself.
"I'm a fucking mess," she groaned.
"You're a sexy mess," Kenny whispered, wrapping his arms around her from the back.
"Ha-ha. You're so funny."
"Nah, I just love you."
"Guess we'd better go let everyone know."
Suddenly, a flash went off from near the gym. They both shielded their eyes before they caught sight of the photographer—Wendy.
"I CALLED IT, STAN!" she laughed, looking at her boyfriend.
"Yeah, yeah," Stan muttered, rolling his eyes. Kenny grabbed Kate's hand and pulled her towards the gym.
Inside, they found their friends at a table in the corner of the room. Kyle looked at Kenny and Kate's joined hands and sighed.
"Well, you won," he admitted. "Congratulations, dude." He and Kenny shook hands.
"There are some ground rules for dating my Squishie," Kimmy said, walking up to Kenny and narrowing her eyes. "First of all, no sex before she's eighteen. Second of all, you will treat her with the respect she deserves. Third and finally, you will never hurt her in any way—physically, emotionally, spiritually, or mentally. That includes cheating. Break any of those rules and I will rain down hellfire on your head."
"Noted," Kenny squeaked, glancing at his new girlfriend. She shrugged.
And thus the triangle ended.
FINALLY!
Yes, Kenny won the poll. Sorry for all you Kyte fans (and thanks to SpaceCatSophie for coming up with that ship name; think you got one for Kenny and Kate?), but if you wanted it, you should've voted. Unless you did vote, in which case, thank you for your input.
I'm going to be honest—this chapter took longer to write than any other chapter so far (other than "Marjorine"—I promise it's on the way). I think it was because I was waiting for the final votes to come in before I put up the chapter, just to be on the safe side.
Yes, Lauren is based off every mean girl character ever. She's meant to be a true foil to Kate, who is rather more modest and down-to-earth. Then again, I'm biased since she's one of my OC babies. Lauren's just a goddamn bitch (and a pillowcase).
The two gestures Kate gave Lauren were basically flipping her off from different places.
The thumb between the index and middle finger was a sign called the Fig, and it's how you flip someone off in Japan, Russia, China, Romania, and a few other places in Eurasia. For a good example of it being used, check out Shimoneta: A Boring World Where the Concept of Dirty Jokes Doesn't Exist. Or, as I like to call it, What Would Happen if Matt Stone and Trey Parker Made an Anime About Censorship. Or, you know, South Park: The Anime. IT'S 18+ IF YOU'RE INTERESTED—YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
The biting of the thumb is from the Shakespearean times, most famously used in Romeo and Juliet to spark the fight at the beginning of the play.
Wow, long author's note. I hope you all enjoyed my little ending.
So long and thanks for all the fish!