A belated Pride Month chapter, centered around Bebe and Kate.

Surprise!

I'll have more of an anecdote at the end, so meet you there!

You are straight. You are straight. You are straight.

I repeated those three words in my head over and over. If I repeated them enough, then maybe they'd become reality. It didn't feel right, but it didn't feel wrong, either. It made me feel a little sick to be thinking them, but I kept doing it.

Maybe I should explain.

My name is Bebe Stevens. I'm thirteen years old and I go to Southwest Park Junior High. I'm considered fairly pretty and popular among my peers, and I'm the girl most of the boys want to date. I had a few boyfriends in elementary school, but nothing that really stuck. I was one of the first girls in my class to begin going through puberty, having grown breasts in fourth grade, and everyone started treating me differently. Thankfully, things went back to normal, but that experience changed me. I became a bit more self-conscious about how everyone treated me. I got a little depressed, but I got over it.

And now…

Now I'm starting to have feelings for a girl in my class. Her name is Heather Thompson, and she's from West Park. She's really pretty and I'm starting to feel about her how I felt about a couple of my boyfriends in elementary school. It's awkward and awful and I don't know how to deal with it. There's nothing wrong with being gay—don't get me wrong, gay people are the fucking best—but I'm not gay. I still like guys, too! I can't talk to my friends about it because they'll judge me. Even if they claim they don't, I know the girls. They can't keep their damn mouths shut for the life of them. Not even Wendy.

This is some serious, life-changing shit that I'm going through, and I need to talk to somebody. I need to talk to somebody who won't gossip or spread rumors, but somebody who can help me work through this emotionally. Tweek and Craig—even though they're gay, I don't think they'll get what's going on. The other boys are too immature and would call me a lesbian. I don't think I can talk to an adult about this, either. My family's pretty strictly Catholic, so I don't think my parents would accept or understand.

Who can I talk to?

As I walk to English class, I glance ahead of me and see Kate Cartman talking to Kenny McCormick. She's a pretty nice girl, and I know for a fact that she's not one of The Girls (as our group was called in elementary school). In fact, she made it a point to avoid being roped into our group because she hated rumors and gossip. Instead, she hung out with her brother and his friends. She wasn't gay (as far as I knew) but she understood the nuances (is that the right word?) of what that meant.

Kate is my best choice.

I walk into English and remember that Kate sits beside me. Kenny's also in our class and sits behind her. I think he has a crush on her, but I'm not sure. Anyway, our teacher tells us to pair up for a project and I quickly take advantage of the opportunity to talk to Kate.

"Hey, Kate!" I say to her before Kenny can tap her on the shoulder. He shoots me a look but I ignore him. "Wanna be my partner?"

"Um… sure," Kate says. Kenny says something to her that I don't quite catch and she flicks his forehead in response. I pull her to a corner of the room where we can work in private and she pulls out her phone.

"Thanks for being my partner."

"No problem. Now, we need to pick a topic."

"I wasn't paying attention. What's the assignment?"

"Our assignment is to pick a classic literary character and psychologically analyze them. We then write up a script and perform a session in front of the class."

"Oh. Okay. Any ideas?"

"Well, I've always liked the idea of Alice from Alice in Wonderland actually having a form of schizophrenia and delusions."

"Sounds great. Let's do that."

"Well, writing the script will take a while, as will the research."

"True. Why don't we meet up at your house after school?"

"That sounds great. Wait, you're not going to make me do all the work, are you?"

"Nope!"

She gave me a look of suspicion but didn't say anything.

"This is your house?"

I look up at the green house in front of me and realize with a start that I've never been to Cartman's house. Actually, that's a good thing. Cartman is an asshole, but Kate has assured me that he's over at Clyde's, working on the same project as us. We head upstairs to her room, where she takes out her laptop and logs in. For about an hour, we're working on nothing but the project, talking about the Cheshire Cat and Mad Hatter and every other wacky creature Alice met along her journey.

Then, I work up the courage to ask.

"Kate… can you like boys and girls at the same time?"

Kate stops and looks at me.

"I-I'm just wondering, because it seems like you can only either be gay or straight. You can only like one or the other, and I'm wondering if it's possible, or if there's a word for it…?"

"It's perfectly fine," Kate says, smiling. "And, yeah, it's normal. It's called being bisexual. Or pansexual. If you're either of those, it means you like both, and if you're pan, it means you like anybody. Why the sudden curiosity?"

"Oh, well, it's because… I like this girl in our class—Heather Thompson. But… I also like guys."

"And you're worried about how people will take it?"

"Exactly."

"Don't be."

"Easy for you to say. You've never worried about what people say. I've always been the pretty and popular girl, and that reputation is important." Kate blinks, then walks over to her bookshelf. She pulls off a black book and sits on the floor next to me as she opens it. The first page is a picture of a baby.

"This is me when I was born, in New Jersey," she tells me. "I spent the first five years of my life trying to fit in with the other kids my age, but it didn't work. I didn't figure it out until much later, but it wasn't their approval I wanted. It was my dad's."

"Your birth father?" She turned to a picture of a three-year-old standing next to a guy who was jacked, to say the least.

"Yeah, him. I was never good enough, and I cared what he and the others thought. I tried to be the daughter he wanted, but it was never enough. When my birth mom took me across the country, I still wanted approval and acceptance, something I already had with her. For three years, I was sure that I was the reason my mom left my dad, and in a way, it was true. It was because my dad tried to… you know."

"Oh, yeah. I remember from the trial."

"When I found out about the real reason we'd left New Jersey, it clicked in my head. I had spent my whole life caring about what other people thought, and I realized I didn't want or need it. I needed the approval of myself. I had to stop caring what people I barely knew thought of me. That's what you need to do, Bebe. Just accept it and other people will accept it, too."

"I don't know if I can…" She closed the book and took my hands in hers.

"Bebe, I want you to repeat after me. 'I'm bi and I'm proud.' "

"I'm bi… and I'm proud."

"Louder."

"I'm bi and I'm proud."

"Louder!"

"I'm bi and I'm proud! I'm bi and I'm proud!"

It felt good to say that. It felt good to know that I wasn't weird or abnormal.

Kate was right.

"Mom, Dad?"

"What is it, honey?" my mom asked.

It had been two months since my talk with Kate, and I had accepted that I was bisexual. However, I had yet to tell my parents about it, or anybody else for that matter. Kate had encouraged me to start with my parents, and I had decided to take her advice.

"Do you guys love me?"

"Of course we do, sweetheart!"

"Yes, of course!" Dad echoes.

"What if… what if I said I wasn't straight?"

"You're gay?!" Dad gasps.

"No. Well, kind of." I take a deep breath. "I'm bi. I like boys and girls. I get if you guys don't like it."

"We're just a little surprised," Mom assures me. "A-are you sure?"

"I wasn't until a couple months ago. I had a talk with Kate Cartman because I knew she wouldn't judge me, and she told me it was okay if I liked boys and girls."

"You're not dating her, are you?" Dad asks.

"God, no. She's straight. But she did help me put it into perspective."

"I'm glad you felt comfortable telling us, Bebe," Mom says. "It's going to take some getting used to, especially if you get a girlfriend."

"I know. I feel like it's who I am, though."

"We'll do some research on what it means so we don't come off as too insensitive to you."

"Thanks, Mom."

And that is the story of how I, Bebe Stevens, came to terms with my bisexuality.

Here's the anecdote I promised.

Sexuality is kind of a weird topic in today's world. I know people of all sexualities, and all of them are absolutely wonderful people. However, I also know a lot of people are afraid to come out of the closet/car/window, and that hurts my heart. I'm one of those people who says 'let love win'. Love is love, and no matter who it is you love, you should be free to be with that person. For an absolutely beautiful song about the subject, look up the song 'Everyone is Gay' by Great Big World. It was a major inspiration for this chapter.

Also, this is why Kate wasn't shocked about Bebe having a girlfriend in the high school chapters.

So long and thanks for all the fish!