Adult life one-shot chapter for you lovelies for our thirtieth-chapter special. Chapter twenty was high school, thirty is adulthood with children. Based around the movie Grown-Ups 2, but not an exact copy… more like a rewrite and highlight reel. Also, you finally get to meet the kids I made for each of our friends months ago. YAY!

"Kenny…"

Kate's voice drifted through his head. Kenny let out a moan at the sound of his wife's voice.

"Hey, babe."

"Kenny, you need to wake up."

"In a few minutes. I wanna hear your voice, baby."

"Kenneth James McCormick, you need to wake up, now."

Kenny opened his eyes. If the wife used his full name, it was time to obey. He glanced up and realized there was a large deer standing over them. Kate was staring up at it in shock and confusion.

"How the hell did that happen?" he whispered.

"Beats me."

Most people, in their situation, would've been screaming or running away or both. However, the McCormicks weren't most people. They had two immortal family members, not to mention they lived in South Park, Colorado. So, something like a grown buck in their bedroom wasn't that terrifying to the married couple of 17 and a half years.

"I'm going to count to three and roll out of bed. You follow and get the bat out of Becca's room."

"Got it."

"One… two… three!"

Kenny rolled out of bed. However, it appeared that the buck had been drinking a lot of water and had a tiny bladder, because he pissed all over the blonde man before running out of the room. Mason, their only son and fifteen years old, poked his head out of his room and watched him go by.

"How the hell did a deer get in the house?" he asked.

"Get a handle on it!" Kenny yelled, running after the deer.

The other two McCormick kids—Rebecca, seventeen, and Charlotte, nine—emerged from their rooms to see what the hell was going on just as their dad and Mason dumped baskets of laundry on the deer. Charlie gasped and the deer bolted down the stairs, avoiding the wide-open front door and heading for the kitchen.

"Daddy, I left the front door open so wild animals could come in," Charlie confessed, clinging to her dad's arm.

"And they did, sweetie," he said gently before yelling up the stairs, "Becca, get the bat!"

"Don't hurt him, Daddy!"

"He can't stay here. This isn't Uncle Eric's house."

"Yeah," Becca agreed, tossing her dad the bat. "If it were, Chris would've skinned the deer already."

"And I told you he inherited his psychopath tendencies from your uncle." Kenny was about to hit the deer when he realized it was staring at the bear in his youngest's hands. "Uh, Charlie, he wants the bear."

"He wants Mr. Stuffington?"

"Yeah, and I think he's gonna get Daddy or Becca if he doesn't get the bear…" Charlie pursed her lips, considering her options and her father and older sister's seriously bad luck.

"Okay. Mommy can sew him up later." She ran and threw the bear out the door, the deer bounding after it before tearing it to shreds.

"Good tag-team!" Kate complimented her kids. She then noticed her bra was hanging from one of the antlers and sighed as her kids went back inside to prep for their last day of school.

"Hey, is that your bra, Mrs. McCormick?" the mailman asked.

"I hate this," she muttered to Kenny.

"Hey, at least everyone knows my wife has the best tits in town." He affectionately squeezed her ass as they went back in.

Once the kids were off to school and Kate off to work (following an awkward exchange about Kenny's amazing parenting), Kenny headed out to meet up with Stan, Kyle, and Cartman—all three of whom had just seen their own kids off to school. Kyle was arguing with Cartman—as usual—and Stan was looking happy.

"Hey, Kenny," the black-haired man greeted him. "You won't believe what happened."

"I think my story's a little more unbelievable than yours."

"Oh, yeah? Did your wife forget your anniversary?" Kenny's eyebrows went up.

"Anal-retentive, organized-to-the-point-of-insanity Wendy forgot your anniversary?!"

"It's a free pass! She's always nagging me about remembering important dates and she forgot one of the most important ones!"

"Dude, you just need to remember shit."

"Maybe, but I'm going to milk the hell out of this free pass. So, what happened at your place today?"

"Charlie's animal-loving got a little out of hand."

"Wait—something got in?"

"Fucking deer got in. And it ripped apart Charlie's bear."

"Damn. She okay?"

"She's fine. Charlie's my easy kid. Becca's got all her school drama going on, and Mason's started his girl-crazy phase. Charlie is still my baby."

"You're such a fucking pussy, Kenny," Cartman sneered.

"At least I get pussy, fatass. And it's your sister's."

"HEY!" Cartman narrowed his eyes.

Yep, our boys were the same as always—just in adult bodies now.

"Rebecca McCormick?" former president Garrison droned.

"Present," she sighed, raising her hand slightly. He nodded.

Becca, at seventeen and the oldest McCormick child, was about to enter her senior year. Many people refused to believe that she was only in high school; most thought she was in college. She'd inherited her mother's face and body with her father's eyes. Her hair was a light brown color that got sun-streaked during spring and summer, a trait that she shared with Mason. Charlie, on the other hand, had Kenny's eyes and his hair color. Mason had their father's tousled style and their mother's green eyes. All of those traits inherited from their parents, most shared between at least two of them.

And yet only Becca was immortal.

Becca had inherited her father's ability—or, rather, inability—to die. Her family could remember every time she or her father had died, but nobody else could. It was endlessly frustrating and had caused her to miss a lot of school. Hell, she was lucky to be on the honor roll like she was! If she could have, she would have gladly traded her 'gift' for permanent death, but according to her father, only an immortal could kill another immortal, and he wasn't going to kill her.

"Becca!"

She turned to her right to see her cousin/best friend, Libby, smiling.

"What's up?"

"We're about to be seniors! Can you believe it?!"

"I can. It's awesome."

"Dad says that since I'm a senior, I need to pull off a huge prank to make my mark."

"And my mother said the opposite. In fact, if I pull a prank, she's going to make sure I stay locked in my room until college."

"Well, that's just Aunt Kate for you. Super serious."

"I wouldn't say that. More like she's cautious. Your dad pulled a lot of shit when they were kids and she doesn't want me going down that road."

"Okay, fair."

The bell to signal the end of homeroom rang and the two headed out. They met up with Dylan Marsh and headed to their next class. After they were seated, the door opened to reveal a… kid? A kid none of them had seen before that looked more like an adult than most of the teachers.

"You must be Mark Tucker," the teacher greeted the student. "I'm Ms. Jennings. Take a seat and we'll get started."

Mark had black hair and dark eyes, already sporting a slight beard and mustache on his upper lip. Without thinking, Becca cowered in her chair. She'd heard from her dad that Craig had a son who was coming to live with him and Tweek for the summer, but she hadn't thought he'd be this… intimidating. The large boy forced another student out of his chair and sat in the cluster that housed Dylan, Becca, and Libby.

"You're Craig's son, right?" asked Libby. "I know your dad."

"I guessed," Mark grumbled. "He's a fag."

"Okay, then…" Becca mumbled. His eyes were on her, and she felt uncomfortable.

"You seem nice."

Who the hell was this kid?

Kate let out a hiss of sympathy as Wendy finished her tirade.

"Wendy, it's not that bad—"

"Easy for you to say! Dates are very important, and this was our anniversary! I can't believe I forgot!"

"You and Stan have been married for eighteen years now. One of you was bound to forget an anniversary eventually. Kenny and I both forgot about our eighth because I thought I was going into labor with Charlie."

"Yeah, but I always make such a big deal about Stan not remembering important events. He's never going to let me live it down…"

"It'll be fine. Look, I got Kenny to agree to that start-of-summer party tonight, and the theme that you came up with."

"Eighties?"

"Eighties. Bring Stan and the kids, and we'll all just have a fun start to our summer. Okay?"

"Okay. Have you told Kenny the news yet?"

"Not yet. He's had his hands full with work at the garage, and today's his day off. I'll tell him at the party tonight."

"You better."

Kate hung up and sighed, banging her head on the desk. She then stood up and headed out of her office, passing her secretary, Tammy Warner, on the way. Tammy cleared her throat, catching the social worker's attention and making her turn around.

"Is something wrong, Tammy?"

"Mrs. McCormick, there's something I need to tell you about your husband."

"What about him?"

"Well… I dated him. A long time ago. And he really liked me, you know. In fact, he spent a lot of money taking me to concerts." Kate opened and closed her mouth. "I just thought you should know that, just in case."

"O-okay…" Kate felt confused and uncomfortable. She'd hired Tammy a month earlier, following Rosemary's resignation. And in that time, Tammy had been a good worker, but Kate hadn't known about her history with Kenny. Not to mention that what Tammy was talking about couldn't have happened after she came to South Park since Kenny had started liking Kate shortly after that.

"Anyway, I'll hold down the fort here. Where are you off to?"

"Lunch and then Amy and Charlie's recital at the elementary school."

"All right."

The social worker and mother of three made a note to keep an eye on Tammy.

School was out now, and Dylan felt a sense of relief as he walked out with Becca and Libby. Mark was following them, since he'd decided they were worth his time, and then he stepped in front of the three.

"Let's do something fun," he said, smirking.

"Fun? Like what?" Libby asked, tilting her head.

"Follow me."

Not knowing what the hell he was talking about, the three friends followed him off school grounds. They ended up at a pickup truck—Mark's truck—and he drove them up towards the quarry. There, he led them through a hole in the fence to where a college rager was happening. Libby's eyes widened.

"No. No. This is a bad idea."

"It's a good idea," Mark insisted, crossing his arms. She swallowed and nodded. "Play cool."

"Won't your dad be wondering where you are?" Dylan inquired.

"Nah, he's busy." Mark took off his shirt and joined the partying college students. "WHOO!"

SPLASH!

He dove over the edge and landed in the water. Becca watched him with trepidation, her throat turning dry. She couldn't do a dive like that. No way. She'd snap her neck and end up in hell with Aunt Kimmy again. Her dad had specifically warned her away from the quarry for that reason. And because any other number of things could go wrong out there. She'd come back but have the horrifying memory of death.

"Hey, babe," a college dude slurred, throwing an arm around her. "You a senior?"

"Well, technically, yes, but—"

"Sweet."

"I'm in high school." He blinked, too drunk to actually process what she was saying. "Never mind."

"Hey, some of those old assholes from town are gonna jump!" she heard another guy say. She looked at the top of the cliff and then quickly covered her eyes.

She did not need to see her dad naked. Ever.

Dylan and Libby shared that sentiment, doing the same.

Mark was mad.

Amy panted as she burst into the dressing room of the auditorium. The other girls all glared at her for being late—all except for Charlie, who gave her a gentle smile. She was grateful for the blonde-haired girl as she changed into her leotard and laced up her slippers.

"You want me to take care of your hair?" Charlie asked.

"Yes, please. Red and curly doesn't want to be tamed today."

Charlie managed to get Amy's hair into a bun before their ballet teacher—Miss Natalia—came into the backstage area. The beautiful woman clapped her hands and got the attention of all the dancers.

"I am proud, my little hummingbirds. You have all worked so hard to prepare for today, and I want to see you all shine out on the stage."

"Except Lamy Amy," muttered Theresa behind the redhead.

"Amy the Jew," sneered Helen, always the racist.

"Ignore them," Charlie whispered to her friend. "Remember, you can do this today. You have the solo."

Her stomach twisted. Today was going to be her most important recital yet—not just because she had a solo, but because of who was in the audience. Her dad was there (as always; he had yet to miss a performance) and her grandparents and her uncle, but there were also her dad's friends and their respective families, including Charlie's. But the one person who was coming today who was more important than anybody else was her mom.

Amy's mother was named Mikayla, and Mikayla did something for the government. Not the local government—the federal government. As a result, Mikayla (or Mickey, as Kate called her) was often out of town. When she was there, she spent all the time she could with her husband and daughter, but she'd never been to one of Amy's recitals because they almost always happened while she was gone. Mickey was finally home long enough to attend the recital, and Amy wanted to make her proud.

She followed the other girls onto the stage and gazed into the crowd as Miss Natalia introduced the class and their performance. Her eyes first spotted her grandparents and uncle… then Charlie's parents… the Marsh family… Mr. Cartman… Finally, they landed on her father, who had his phone out to record her performance, as always. Shakily, she looked to his left and then his right… and there she was. Mickey was smiling, her strawberry-blonde curls allowed to bounce free.

Mommy made it.

The music started and Amy began to follow the steps she knew by heart. She was happier than she'd been in a while, and she knew it reflected in her dancing. As the song shifted, she did, too—right to the front. Her father mouthed 'what?' as if he were in shock. She performed the part she'd worked so long to get before her solo was over and she'd rejoined the others.

And it was over.

"Holy shit!" Kyle cheered, carrying his daughter to the rest of his friends. "Did you see my little girl?!"

"We all did, Kyle!" laughed Kate as Charlie joined them. "She has serious talent!"

"Mommy, I don't want to do ballet anymore," Charlie told the brunette.

"Okay, sweetheart. You don't have to."

"Amy's way better, anyway."

"For a Jew," muttered Cartman. His sister punched him. "What the fuck, Kate?!"

"Don't ruin this."

The group headed out for ice cream to celebrate, Kate checking her phone to see a text from Becca.

Met Craig's son. He's hanging out with me, Dylan, and Libby, but I'll be home soon.

"Apparently, Craig's son got here safe," she told her husband.

"Eh. I saw the kid earlier. He was at the quarry—" He shut his mouth, but she was already giving him the 'you-fucking-moron-just-because-you're-immortal-doesn't-mean-it-doesn't-hurt-when-you-die' look. "I was careful, babe. Trust me."

"You said that eighteen years ago and I found out about Becca two weeks later."

"Yeah, but now we're good. We have Becca, Mason, and Charlie—they're all we need." Kate bit her lip. "Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong."

Night fell and it was almost time for the party at the McCormicks to start. Kenny smiled at Mason and Charlie's costumes—Bowser and a disco queen, respectively. He himself was dressed as John Bender from The Breakfast Club; Kate was dressed as Audrey from Little Shop of Horrors, complete with blonde wig and dress.

"What's The Breakfast Club?" Charlie asked her dad.

"It's considered one of the greatest movies of the eighties. You're too young to watch it."

"But I watched Little Shop of Horrors with Mommy and she said it was okay."

"I have failed as a father."

"No you haven't," Kate sighed, coming downstairs. "You're a great father. To every baby we've had." Tears filled her eyes.

"Shit, Kate, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I-I need a minute." She ran back upstairs and he went after her. After waiting a moment for her to breathe, he joined her on the window seat in their bedroom. She was sniffling and he grabbed the box of tissues off the nightstand.

"Hey. Kate." She didn't look at him. "Lift up your head. Wipe off your mascara. Here, take my Kleenex—wipe that lipstick away. Show me your face—clean as the morning. Know things were bad, but now they're okay."

She laughed and took the tissue, wiping the tears away and blowing her nose. He was smiling, too, but it was only because she'd stopped crying. Blinking away the remaining tears, Kate looked up at her husband with a smile.

"I know you were worried—you actually sang part of a showtune to cheer me up."

"Babe, you've been acting weird for a while now. What's wrong? Is… is this a hormone thing?"

"I… I guess you could say that. I'll be like this for a little while longer, though." He stared blankly at her. "Kenny, I'm pregnant again."

His mouth dropped open, and no sound came out until it seemed like it all came out.

"Wait, what? No, you can't be. I mean, we haven't been—unless—no, you wouldn't. But there was—God, was it the fucking resort hot tub?"

"Thanks for the word vomit, and yes, it was the resort hot tub. During Spring Break."

He hugged her, both terrified and excited to have a new baby on the way. After that, he headed downstairs and broke the news to his friends, all of whom gave him looks of sympathy.

"Wendy said two is enough," Stan sighed. "You and Kate have three and now a fourth on the way. Lucky."

"I'm glad I only have two!" snorted Cartman.

"Yeah, because Heidi was the only woman willing to carry your kids to term and not get them aborted," Kyle taunted.

"Oh, yeah? Says the Jew whose wife hasn't slept with him since she got pregnant ten years ago!"

"Mickey and I's sex life is none of your business!"

"I only have the one kid," admitted Craig, looking at Mark in the corner of the backyard. "And he's enough for me."

Silence. And then…

"This party fucking blows, Kinney."

Before the blonde-haired man could respond, people began arriving at the backyard. Soon, the party kicked into high gear and everybody was having a good time. Kenny watched Amy dancing with Charlie, both replicating the moves they'd no doubt seen in some of the eighties music videos Kate liked to watch. When it was time, he put the two young girls to sleep and headed back downstairs to dance with his wife.

He was having a good time.

Until the college douchebags showed up.

These were the same ones who'd forced him to jump naked at the quarry that day. And they'd come with reinforcements—the kind that said they meant business. Their leader was Supreme Douchebag Vince, as Kenny had called him earlier that day, and he was sneering at Kenny.

"You're such a goddamn pussy, old man. Hiding behind a big party so we can't find you after what you did."

"What's going on?" Kate asked, walking up. She had her hand on her phone. Supreme Douchebag Vince gave her a once-over and smirked approvingly.

"This your daughter, townie?"

"This is my wife, motherfucker. And you'd better leave."

"And why is that?"

"I know your college isn't in our town and you don't know shit about South Park. But the one thing to remember is we love drunken mobs getting into fights. And by the looks of things, you're starting—"

Vince landed a kick to Kenny's jaw, knocking him backwards.

The fighting started. Couples tag-teamed opponents and kids bit at anybody they could. Kenny watched Becca kick a guy in the gut, sending him flying into three other assholes who went down like bowling pins. Kate was using the skills her uncle/stepfather had taught her as a child and taking down dipshit after dipshit.

There is something so fucking sexy about her when she fights.

Vince, of course, was only targeting Kenny. The blonde struggled to keep up; he'd stopped being Mysterion shortly before Becca was born so he could spend more time with his wife and daughter and it was showing. Kate at least took kickboxing to keep in shape. He was regretting not joining her once Vince laid him out flat.

"Excuse me," he heard Charlie say. He managed to open his eyes to see his daughter, still in her pajamas, holding her repaired stuffed bear.

"Hello, little girl," Vince sneered.

"You won the fight. Congratulations—here's your prize!" She handed him the bear.

"Thanks. It's ugly like you." Charlie skipped off and Vince started mocking the bear.

Then Kenny heard hooves.

My kids are fucking geniuses.

By the time it was all over, most of the college kids had run away in fear. They'd realized not to mess with South Park residents—a very valuable lesson. Most of the partygoers had left, and Kenny headed up to bed. After all, the next day was the beginning of summer, and he had a feeling it was going to be a good one.

Okay, so this isn't the best chapter. It's a little all over the place and it's kind of random, but hey. It's loosely based off an Adam Sandler movie. You can't ask for Pulitzer material from that and an author with ADHD.

Families are as follows:

McCormicks—Kenny, Kate, Becca, Mason, Charlie, and Baby Number 4.

Cartmans—Cartman, Chris, and Libby (Heidi is the mother; Cartman and Heidi are divorced).

Marshes—Stan, Wendy, Dylan (son), Jordan (son), and Max (daughter).

Broflovskis—Kyle, Mickey, and Amy.

Tuckers—Craig, Tweek, and Mark.

And, yes, the Mickey in this story is my 'New Kid' from Stick of Truth and Fractured But Whole. She works for the government as essentially a propaganda machine, but they pay her well and only make her really work overseas.

Sorry you didn't get to see most of the kids, but I'm planning to do some stuff with them later if anybody's interested.

So long and thanks for all the fish!