Shizuo glared at the door to Izaya's apartment. He'd been standing outside for nearly 20 minutes but he couldn't work up the nerve to knock. He was half convinced he'd walk straight into a trap.
He still couldn't believe that he'd done something so unforgivable, even if it was Izaya he'd done it too. Being face to face with the man would force him to think about it. He took a steadying breath and knocked on the door, might as well get it over with.
Izaya opened the door almost immediately, his face suspiciously blank. Shizuo hesitated. Izaya looked fine on the surface but his skin was paler than normal and he seemed exhausted, the band around his throat seemed to stand out more than usual as well. Izaya sighed.
"Well come inside."
He turned and disappeared back into the apartment but left the door open. Shizuo frowned but stepped in and closed the door behind him. He'd been to Izaya's apartment before but he always had an odd feeling about it. Sure, it was a nice place but it felt unlived in, like a picture in a magazine or an office building.
He toed off his shoes and looked around, he could hear Izaya in the kitchen and he followed the noises. Izaya grabbed two tea cups from the cabinet and poured some tea.
"It's a fresh batch."
He handed Shizuo a cup and stepped past him to head to the living room.
Shizuo frowned. Izaya seemed abnormally quiet and serious. What if he'd poisoned the tea? Well he'd poured it from the same pot so if he avoided his Shizuo would know. He followed Izaya back to the living room. Izaya was sitting on the couch and Shizuo took the chair to the side. He figured he'd start the conversation off.
"So, what did you want to talk about?"
Izaya's mouth twisted slightly like he was holding back a grimace and he took a sip of his tea while he thought. Shizuo was glad to know the tea wasn't poisoned at least.
"First would be the… 'bond'."
He practically spat the last word and Shizuo could understand why. Izaya had definitely gotten the worst possible end of the stick.
"Ah yeah… The book said you'll die if you don't accept it but I'm not sure what that really means. Do you have to just accept that it's a thing or does it want us to spend more time together?"
Izaya heaved a deep sigh.
"I don't know. That's the problem really. There's too many unknown factors. I've done hours or research on the legend and I could barely find anything. Nobody even knows if the band only affects the wearer or if the other person is also affected in some ways. For all we know it could be putting thoughts in your head without you even noticing."
Shizuo feels cold at the thought. That… makes a certain amount of sense. If the bond wanted them together and it accomplished that through… basically servitude then it actually might be affecting his brain as well. It would explain his actions from the other day, not that they weren't still his fault though.
"Actually, that might be true."
Izaya really did grimace then.
"In that case you should try to examine your own thoughts before taking action. If it seems out of character then it's probably the bond."
His eyes flashed as he suddenly made eye contact.
"Not that I'll suddenly forgive what you did even if that was the bond. It was inexcusable."
Shizuo looks away, hunching his shoulders uncomfortably.
"Yeah I know. And I know sorry won't cover it either."
Izaya narrowed his eyes slightly like he was thinking something over. He looked stiff.
"At least you can recognize that at least. Well apologies are meaningless but I might be nice to see you grovel a little."
Shizuo felt a spark of annoyance and he couldn't help but growl a little.
"Izaya…"
He said it as a warning, cutting the sentence short on an insult or an order… or both. But Izaya's eyes widened and the collar seemed to shine. Izaya quickly turned his head away.
"No need to take things so seriously Shizu-chan."
But his voice had a definite waver to it. Shizuo's brow furrowed in concern.
"Ah, what did I do wrong just then?"
Because it seemed like the collar had definitely reacted and in a way Izaya hadn't expected. Izaya turned to him with an obviously forced smile.
"Nothing you could control Shizu-chan. Fate just seems to hate me an unusual amount."
Shizuo scoffed at that.
"Some might say you deserve this."
Izaya tensed like a bowstring.
"Some might say I deserve anything that happens to me but let me remind you that there are much worse people than me that go free and undisturbed every day. Murderers, child abusers, terrorists,"
His gaze cut to Shizuo and his eyes were cold.
"Rapists. They all are much worse than I am and plenty of them go undisturbed. If fate had a grudge against 'bad people' than its hit list must be very disorganized. I've never claimed to be a good person but I'm far from the worst."
Shizuo's stomach twisted with discomfort. Izaya was right. He'd spent a long time blaming Izaya for his problems. Izaya set a gang against him or Izaya provoked him to violence but it was really his fault because he never could control his temper and Izaya just took advantage of that.
Izaya had never once said he was a good person, even when they first met and Shinra had called him an asshole as an introduction. Izaya hadn't denied it. Shizuo often called Izaya the worst but there were definitely worse people out there.
"You're right."
Izaya nodded, that annoying smirk on his face.
"Of course, I'm right."
Izaya hesitated a moment and then his features softened a little.
"Given that we're apparently meant to be I think we should attempt to get along better. We'll have to meet to talk more often."
Shizuo felt his suspicion flare up once more. He tried to keep his voice calm.
"About what I did… I understand if you want me to make up for it somehow, anyway you want."
Izaya sat back against the couch.
"Well I'd like it if you'd let me back into the city, you said you wouldn't order me anymore but I'd appreciate you rescinding your previous order."
Shizuo's mouth tugged down slightly. Izaya looked relaxed but it seemed to deliberate. He didn't want to have Izaya in the city till he was sure that Izaya wasn't going to try something but… Izaya might be serious about this truce and if Shizuo didn't trust him then things could turn sour… it was a lose – lose situation either way.
"Not yet."
Izaya opened his mouth to protest but Shizuo wasn't finished.
"I can't be sure you aren't lying to me. I do want to trust you but given both are track records I think it would be best if I wait till we've talked more than once. I'm sorry."
Izaya frowned and his shoulders tensed.
"Fine. If that's how you feel."
His eyes flashed to the wall clock.
"I have an appointment with a client soon so you should leave."
Shizuo sighed, this was a bad sign. Izaya was on the defensive but he had to respect his wishes for now.
"Fine. Text me when you're free to meet again."
Izaya waved his hand dismissively and scooped up both their tea cups to bring to the kitchen. Shizuo watched him go with a feeling of unease but he didn't wait around. He slipped on his shoes and left without a word.
Izaya shuddered at the sound of the door closing. He let the counter hold his weight as he sagged in relief. The whole conversation had left him shaken and it had been exceedingly difficult to not let Shizuo see him upset. It had gotten worse as the talk went on but the way Shizuo had growled his name… the flash of instant arousal had nearly broken his composure. He hated this.
The band forced him to react to Shizuo in anyway it wanted, and it may be controlling Shizuo to an extent as well… that thought was terrifying. If the band forced Shizuo into certain actions, without Shizuo even being aware…
Izaya took a shaky breath. That was the worst possible scenario. Shizuo was too perceptive for his own good it seemed, he hadn't granted Izaya the permission he needed. He'd have to sit through more pointless uncomfortable meetings before he could kill Shizuo off once and for all.
He was tempted to just hire an assassin now but he had no way of knowing if the band would disappear or if he'd be forced out of Ikebukuro forever. He may even die as well if Shizuo died… the thought was sobering but he couldn't just let this slide. Maybe if he found a way to keep Shizuo away from him then Shizuo could live but for now he'd keep to the plan.
Speaking of the plan; he sent Celty a text asking her to make a delivery. Shinra was sure to suffer if Celty did as well. Izaya wouldn't get her hurt but he could keep her busy with more dangerous jobs for now. He'd put the bigger plan for Shinra into action later.
Another knock sounded at his door and he forced his walls into place, he had a client to meet with after all.