CHAPTER EIGHT

I tried to get some rest but my mind refused to let me sleep. I was on a high from my evening with Jacob and it was difficult to not think of him or the kiss we shared at my front door. I couldn't help but wonder where exactly he was out there in the woods. I closed my eyes and hoped that wherever he was, that he was safe.

I fell asleep thinking of him. A peacefulness within me that I had not felt for a long time. My peace was short lived as my sleep became haunted with the vengeance from my looming nightmares. It was inevitable that they would return for me eventually and it seemed that my time of blissful sleep had run out.

I was once again in the dark forest. Freezing cold and afraid. A loud noise came from behind me, jumping me. I spun around, and stood frozen with fear as my eyes came to rest on Victoria's crimson red gaze. Her red hair like fire, blowing in the wind behind her. Suddenly, a large russet colored wolf... Jacob... Came running out of the forest, charging at her. Victoria spun around and flipped, in one fluid movement, over the top of him. She landed gracefully on her feet and grabbed Jacob from behind, wrapping her powerful vice like arms around him and squeezing. I heard the horrifying sound of his bones crushing, and watched as Jacob fell to the ground, whining in severe pain. I screamed as he laid there. His wolf form now still and unmoving. My scream pierced the night, echoing through the trees that surrounded us.

"Now you will know what it feels like to live without the one you love." Victoria hissed at me, before sinking her razor sharp fangs into my neck. I screamed again, my very veins now burning like fire from the venom that coursed through my system.

My eyes flew open at the sound of my own scream echoing off the walls in my room. I had my purple comforter clutched in a death grip, as my screaming continued. I burried my face in my pillow and the tears started. The dream had been so very real. The thought of Victoria killing Jake was enough to cause my head to pound and pain to rip through me, feeling like razors were cutting me up from the inside out. I gasped, clutching my stomach, feeling like I couldn't breathe as I struggled to sit up, trying to focus on just breathing in and out.

My mind played the image of Victoria crushing Jacob over and over again, making my stomach churn and my tears spill one by one down my face. I was half expecting Charlie to come bursting through my door but then remembered that he was working the night shift at the station. I put my head in my hands, feeling so damn fed up with this. I was tired of being tired. I was tired of being caught up in this vicious cycle.

I suddenly heard a noise come from my bedroom window and snapped my head up, barely able to see the hand in front of my face, as I reached over to turn my lamp on. My heart beginning to pound like a jack hammer with fear as I thought of Victoria being out there. My fear soon vanished when I saw Jake climb in through my half opened window. He crossed the room and reached for me, pulling me to him before my mind could even fully process what was happening.

"Bells..." He said, wrapping me securely in his arms. His warmth enfolding me and becoming like a shield for me. To protect me from all this. I melted into his embrace as the tears streamed down my face.

"How did you?" I started to ask.

"I heard you screaming." He replied.

I slowly opened my eyes, lifting my head to look at him. It was then that I realized he was dressed in only his cut offs. He was shirtless. The heat radiating off of him and spreading to me from his touch. I looked down at his chest, placing my hand there and feeling the heat again when I trailed my fingertips up to his neck. I felt Jacob shudder slightly underneath my hand. I stopped and glanced up at him, seeing his eyes meet my own.

"You've always been warm. It's part of who you are, but now..." I paused, bringing my hand back to his chest and marveling at the heat. It was amazing. I looked up at him, feeling him shudder once more beneath my palm.

"It's part of who I am now. A wolf thing." He whispered to me. I shook my head in protest.

"Maybe so. But I think it's more of a you thing. Just who you are Jake."

I removed my hand from his chest and wiped away any remaining tracks of my tears.

"Are you okay?" Jacob whispered, his eyes searching mine for the truth. I didn't respond, knowing I would surely lie and he would be able to see right through me. He always knew... everything.

"Tell me what you need." He said softly to me. His tone full of concern and longing.

I found myself floundering for words to answer him. What did I need? I had a hard time answering that question myself these days, but standing here with him made me believe that I had found the answer to that question now. Jacob had become like a magnetic force that I couldn't go against. The feeling itself terrified me. It shook me to my core to think I could feel that strongly about anyone other than Edward.

There had been a time, not so long ago, that I feared no one would ever be able to mean that much to me. I was proven wrong with the evidence of my misguided thoughts now standing in front of me. His mere closeness becoming a comfort for me.

I knew what I felt for Jacob was more than just friendship. What we shared ran deeper, much deeper, and that scared the hell out of me even more. I feared I couldn't do this again. Get so attached to one person. To become so wrapped up in one single individual, and place your already mangled heart in their hands with trust they wouldn't further destroy it.

I slowly pulled back away from him, feeling sick to my stomach as I turned and stared out my window into the night. I couldn't risk that kind of hurt twice. I wasn't so blind not to have learned my lesson the first time. How can you give yourself so completely to another and hope they don't one day decide to shatter you? It surely was risky business to fall in love with your best friend, and I knew that this risk may be worth taking.

I felt Jacob come up from behind me, wrapping his arms around my waste and pulling me back into him. His bare chest now pressed into my back. I closed my eyes, swallowing hard, silently fighting with myself to just let go. To stop fighting this so damn hard. There was something here. Right in front of me. Anyone would be so lucky to have Jake's affection, to be called his own. And I would be lying to myself if a part of me didn't want that person to be me.

I knew all I had to do was give in, and he would do the rest. It would all come so very simple. So very easy.

My heart raced and I knew he could hear it, because his arms tightened around me, pressing me even tighter to him. Yet somehow, it was never close enough with Jake. I could get lost in him without even trying. I had a bond with him I could not explain. He was so in tune with me. With my every thought or worry. It astonished me to think he understood me so well.

I leaned my head back into him, feeling Jacob rest his chin on my shoulder while turning his head slightly and pressing his warm cheek to mine.

"Bells." He whispered my name in that adoring way. The way that made me question how real what I had shared with Edward ever was, because even though that was intense, what Jacob and I shared was all consuming. Like without the other we didn't work right. Almost as if he completed me.

I closed my eyes, feeling the fear run through me at my realization, though I had known this for a while now. Jacob and I were entwined somehow. We were linked to each other and what we had ran bone deep. I knew with certainty it could not be broken.

"You know I would do anything for you, right?" I heard him whisper when I opened my eyes. I nodded to him. His words resonating with me as I turned in his arms to face him.

"Jake..." I whispered, trying to find the courage to tell him what I was feeling. I had so much I wanted to say, but was scared out of my mind to do so. I wasn't ready yet, and the last thing I wanted to do was screw this up somehow. I needed some time. "Thank you... For coming."

A loud whistle came from outside. Jacob tensed as he glanced at the window. "Bells... I."

"I know. You gotta go. It's okay." I said, taking a deep breath and noticing the uncertain look he wore, "I'm okay. Really Jake. Go."

His look still seemed uncertain and I knew he was feeling guilty for leaving me. I hugged him and placed a kiss on his cheek when he released me, trying to ease some of his guilt. I watched him head toward my window, pausing briefly there and glancing back to me.

"You sure?"

I nodded, reassuringly to him "Yea. Hurry before you get Sam angry."

"Okay." He sighed before jumping down out the window. The sight of it nearly giving me a heart attack. I scrambled over to the window just in time to see him land securely on his feet below. He took off running back into the woods. My eyes following him until he slipped into the shadows of the night. I closed my window, taking a few steps back as the cold air invaded my body causing a shiver to run through me from the absence of him. Jacob wasn't just warm. He was like the sun hitting your skin for the first time in the Spring. Making you want to bask in it for as long as you could. I hurriedly climbed back under the covers and managed to catch a few more hours of uninterrupted sleep, thankful for each one of them.

The daylight poured into my room as I got up and made my bed, quickly gathering my clothes for the day and running for bathroom. I had less than an hour to get ready and get to school. I needed to hurry. The clock was ticking as I grabbed my school bag and jacket, quickly running down the stairs and somehow managing not to fall on my face along the way. I kissed Charlie and told him I would see him later, before I dashed out the front door and headed for my truck. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Jake leaning up against his bike in my front yard. I was so distracted by him, that I nearly dropped my school books onto the wet ground.

"Morning Beautiful." He said, striding over to me with a helmet in his hands.

"H- Hi...Hi." I choked out when he reached me. He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, a blush forming there almost immediately.

Charlie came out the front door then. Still holding his morning cup of coffee. "Jake... Be safe with her. Please?"

"Always." He replied, his tone nothing but genuine.

Charlie nodded back with a wink to me and shut the front door without another word. I was surprised that he hadn't said no to me climbing on the back of a two wheeled death machine. I couldn't help but grin upon realizing just how much my father seemed to trust Jacob with my well being.

Jacob took my things and loaded them on the back of the bike. "Ready?" He smiled at me with his signature dimpled grin.

"Yea... Absolutely!"

He placed the helmet on my head, carefuly checking if it was tight enough, before he mounted the bike and nodded for me to join him. "Come here, Bells."

I gingerly climbed on the back and wrapped my arms securely around Jacob. My hands coming to rest on his midsection. He placed his hand on top of mine, reving the engine and kicking up the kickstand.

"Hold on, okay." He huffed as we took off.

It was by far the best ride to school I had ever experienced! It was exilerating! I felt so alive and free as we flew down the open road. Despite the small voice in the back of my head reminding me that there was only a few feet between me and the pavement below, I felt one hundred percent safe with Jacob. I tightened my arms around him as we sped toward school. We were there in no time and I was truly dissapointed to have to even go in after a ride like that. He helped me take off my helmet and I ran my fingers through my hair, feeling it was still smooth and tangle free, thankfully. "Do I look okay?" I asked him, grabbing my bag off the back of the bike. Jacob chuckled and stepped closer to me.

"You always look beautiful." He said, touching a lock of my hair. I had to somehow force myself to walk away from him and into first period. "I'll see you... later?"

"Yea... I'll pick you up... if you want?" He said with his grin lighting up his whole face. My heart warmed to see him this happy.

"Okay, I'll see you then." I nodded and began to head in.

I paused briefly after taking a few short steps, biting my lower lip nervously and debating on turning around and giving him a public proper goodbye before he left. I glanced around at the many groups of talking students and taking notice of how every high school girl was shamelessly gawking at him, as I turned on my heel and saw Jake pause by the bike in response. I swiftly approached him again and didn't hesitate to hug him in front of all my fellow classmates, hearing a few whispers around us, each of them I'm sure drawing the wrong conclusion. Truth was, I just didn't care. I pulled back, my face mere inches from his as I placed a kiss on his cheek, before releasing him with a grin of my own and hurrying off to first period.

I didn't dare look back. I knew if I did, I would surely be late for English. I could feel Jacob's eyes on me though, without even having to look back.

I quickly ran into the building to be greeted with a beaming Jessica. "Hi Bella!" She squeeled, taking my arm, and strolling into class with me. I could hardly focus on anything Mrs. Litmore had to say. I was usualy entranced in her class, being the bookworm that I was. But today, I found myself staring out the window a lot, and glancing up at the clock every 15 minutes.

At lunch, Angela sat next to me, her chatter filling some of the time. "Bella..." She hedged, with much enthusiasm. "Who in the world dropped you off this morning?" I blushed furiously, looking down at my sandwich.

"Um... That was Jacob."

Angela's mouth practically fell open. "Tell me he has a brother! Or A cute cousin or something! Bella... He's gorgeous!" She beamed. I just shook my head. If they only knew, I thought to myself, with a small laugh escaping me. Angela qucikly hugged me then, a sincerity in her embrace.

"No- but... seriously Bella. I'm really glad to see you're better. Last few months were rough. I missed you." She said.

Angela and I had been close throughout this school year, and I had seperated away from her when Edward had left. I glanced behind me at the empty table, a sudden pain coming over me. I shook my head, refusing to succumb to the pain from the memory of them sitting there at that very table. I smiled half a smile at Angela from hearing the genuineness in her tone.

"I missed you, too." I told her, quickly excusing myself to head to the ladies room before 5th period began. I brushed through my hair, steeling a glance at my reflection in the mirror and taking notice I now looked a hell of a lot better than I had a mere month ago. The bell soon rang and I rushed to class, barely making it into my seat before the teacher noticed I was 30 seconds late.

The rest of the day flew by and I was grateful to hear the final bell, grabbing my bag and walking out of school with Angela. She was talking to me about her week off and how she had been, and what Colleges she was applying for when she suddenly stopped talking. Halting herself and me in the process. She gasped and stared straight ahead. I looked back at her with a bit of concern.

"Ang... what- what is it?"

She nodded ahead of her and I followed her gaze till my eyes met Jacobs. He was leaning casually against his bike, an instant smile coming to his face when he saw me.

"Bella." Angela gasped, mouth wide open. "He- He's... picking you up, too?"

I nodded and gave her a small hug. "I'll talk to you tomorrow Ang."

I saw her simply nod to me in return as I headed for Jacob. A smile forming with every step I took. I was vaguely aware of all the girls staring shamelessly at him again. Some of them blushing a scarlet red if he made eye contact. It was moments like these that made me feel a bit proud. And dare I say...threatened... all at the same time. He scooped me up in a huge hug before helping me with my helmet. I could feel peoples eyes roaming over us as we left.

When we got to my house, I climbed off the bike, taking off my helmet and handing it to him. "You know, you made quite the impression today at school." I laughed.

"Really?" He asked, laughing himself.

"Yeah... See anyone that might interest you?" I asked him, playfully teasing.

Jacob closed the small distance between us, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me to him. My breath caught in my throat as he reached his hand up and caressed my cheek, his eyes meeting mine when he spoke. "Yea... I'm holding her... right now."

My head spun, feeling the intense warmth spread through his sweatshirt and Jacket. The words came spilling out of my mouth, before I could think better to stop them.

"Well... she must be really lucky to have you." I replied, feeling my nerves get the better of me.

Jacob leaned in closer to me, his warmth wrapping me up, and taking me to somewhere far away.

"She means... a lot to me. So much so that it scares her." He said softly to me. I kept my eyes locked with his, not surprised in the least to hear him pinpoint what I was feeling so well.

"Why?" I breathed, as his lips drew impossibly close to mine, lingering there for moments on end.

"Because... she's been hurt... really bad before... And falling for someone new scares her to death. But the thing is." Jacob paused, his eyes searching my own. "If she only knew how much she meant to me. She would know that I would never hurt her. Not for anyone, or anything in the world." He finished in a whisper to me just before his lips found mine. I closed my eyes again, getting lost in him. His lips molded to my own as I kissed him back softly. Jacob wrapped his other arm around me and pulled me closer to him, erasing any chill from the cool air around us. My head spun and my heart pounded as my body warmed to his.

I felt him slowly pull back, breaking the kiss. "Do you know?" He whispered, kissing my forehead sweetly.

I open my eyes, trying to formulate words and say something... anything... After a few more seconds passed I was able to find my voice again.

"What?"

"That I would never hurt you?"

I nodded to him, my mind reflecting back to who else had once said that. To someone else who had uttered the same thing, only to leave me like nothing in the end. I swallowed hard at the choking feeling building from within me.

I couldn't do that. It wasn't fair to Jacob or to myself. It was something I needed to work on.

I looked up into Jake's Eye's. "Jacob- " I sighed, "I'm trying."

"I know, Bells." He replied, kissing my forehead again and walking me to the door. I had hoped he would stay, but he had patrol to run tonight.

"I can come back... after... if you want me to?" He offered.

"No-No, you need your rest but I'll see you for dinner tomorrow night at your house... right?"

"Yeah, six tomorrow night."

Charlie pulled in and waved to Jake and I standing in the doorway. "I'll see ya , Bells..." He said, quickly kissing me on the cheek, and offering me a smile, before stepping off the steps, and giving Charlie a nod when he passed by. I watched him and waved as he drove off on his bike. My heart ached a bit to see him go, I touched my chest realizing for the first time that my heart ached at his absence... instead of aching for Edward. I stood in the doorway staring out after him, not even hearing Charlie ask me how my day was.

"Bella... Hello... Bella?" Charlie asked me again. I snapped out of it.

"Um... yeah what?"

Charlie put an arm around me."I like this..." He said, with a smile. I wasn't exactly sure what he was referring to until he clarified.

"What?"

"You and Jacob. I really do. How was your day?" He asked me as we walked into the kitchen, so I could get started on dinner.

"Today was good." I said, digging out the pots and pans. Charlie stopped me.

"Hey kiddo, lets say we order out. My treat. What do ya feel like? How about Chinese?"

"Sure... okay."

Charlie picked up the phone, walking into the living room and ordering takeout. His words coming back to me. "I really like this... you and Jacob." I felt a sharp pain in my stomach as I thought of Edward suddenly. His face coming clear to my mind. I sat down at the kitchen table, trying to shake off the thought.

Heavy guilt lashed at me from it. Jacob didn't deserve me constantly dwelling in the past and I was determined not to reside there anymore. He deserved to have all of me, not just a piece of me. Charlie came back in, hanging up the phone and seeing my concentrated stare. "Penny for your thoughts there, kiddo."

I smiled, trying to dismiss this feeling, but it stayed there. Dinner arrived shortly, and Charlie and I ate together while he went over some paperwork from the station he had to filll out and turn back in tomorrow. My school work was already done ahead of time. Which left me with entirely too much free time on my hands after dinner. I decided to stay busy by cleaning. Charlie watched me as I busied about, looking at me as if I'd gone mad when I vacuumed under his feet in the living room,and then scrubbed the kitchen floor with lemon pine sole and a scrub brush, on my hands and knee's no less. In two hours, the house was spotless, including the bathrooms and even Charlie's room, which I vacuumed and dusted as well. When I was finished, I put all the supplies away and told Charlie I was gonna take a shower and head to bed.

"Bella it looks great in here. Thanks, you didn't have to do that."

"I know but I wanted to. Keeps me busy. Good night dad. I love you." I said, heading up the stairs. I took a long hot shower, letting the heat relax my muscles. But even as I stood under the cascading water, I craved another kind of warmth. The kind that only came from Jacob. I sighed, resting my head against the shower wall. I needed to take a break from this... whatever it was... I needed some time. And I needed to do it without hurting Jacob. I needed to know where the hell I stood with myself before fully moving on with someone else. I owed that to myself and I sure as hell owed that to Jacob.

I dressed for bed and laid down, staring wide eyed at the ceiling above and hoping rest would somehow find me tonite.