Shizuo paces the floor as it gets closer to Izaya's visit, a nervous energy jittering under his skin. He can't say he doesn't want Izaya here, he does, that's the problem though. He wants it too much. The bond keeps pushing them into things they aren't ready for and Shizuo's convinced it's pushing Izaya away more than anything. He doesn't know how all his feelings twisted around so quickly, or even if they actually have, maybe his real feelings are just being shoved completely aside in favor of what the bond wants him to feel. He really hates how confusing this all is.

He sighs and drops to sit on the couch, rubbing his temples in a futile attempt to clear the forming stress headache. He doesn't know how Izaya can do this. After everything Shizuo has done, the power he now holds, Izaya should have stayed away, Shizuo would have. Maybe Izaya is braver than him, or he understands something Shizuo doesn't, whatever the case it's clear Izaya doesn't think Shizuo will hurt him anymore and that small acceptance is nearly dizzying.

Shizuo know what he's feeling isn't love, there's too much blood between them, but if things keep going like they this then he thinks he will start to feel that way. It's a terrifying thought. Loving anybody, let alone Izaya, is dangerous. He could hurt them too easily and he'd rather die than hurt somebody he loved. He's pulled out of his dark musings by a knock on the door. He sighs and quickly stands to let Izaya in.

Izaya smiles when he opens the door, holding up a paper sack.

"I got us take-out~ Simon says hi."

Here he gets a slightly suspicious look on his face.

"I don't know how he knew I was meeting you though."

Shizuo smiles and takes the bag as Izaya slips off his shoes.

"Me neither, he knows a lot of things though. Thanks for grabbing dinner."

He's never thought about where Simon hears his information.

Izaya nods and sits on Shizuo's couch. Shizuo feels a sharp ache as he looks at him, Izaya fits so well in his apartment. He wants this. Immediately he shakes the thoughts away and sits next to Izaya, starting to pull out the food as Izaya starts to ramble on about something. He really does try to listen as they eat but most of it flies over his head and he finds himself just watching Izaya. He's really cute when he's excited, a bit of sauce gone unnoticed on his chin from eating too fast and Shizuo smiles as he leans forward to wipe it away. Izaya's words falter and he gives Shizuo a frown.

"What?"

Shizuo just shakes his head.

"You had sauce on your chin, it was bothering me. You can keep talking, don't worry."

Izaya huffs and rolls his eyes but he keeps going, something about some new psychological study that Shizuo could never even pretend interest in. He's happy Izaya is having fun for once though. Izaya keeps talking, moving onto other subjects and Shizuo's eyes fall to Izaya's hand on the couch. It's unoccupied, just laying there innocently, and Shizuo can't resist the urge to grab it with his own, wrapping their fingers together even as Izaya jolts slightly, hand twitching in Shizuo's grasp.

"Shizu-chan..."

Izaya sighs and tries to pull his hand away but Shizuo holds tighter.

"Hold on, it's not the bond this time, it's an idea. Maybe physical contact will help keep the bond happy, maybe it'll stop controlling us as much."

Izaya still looks skeptical but he stops pulling his hand away.

"I don't know... I guess it can't really hurt but if you even get this idea to take it further than hand-holding I need you to pull away. Can you do that?"

Shizuo nods, determined to control this.

"Yes."

Izaya bites his lip.

"Even if I'm being prodded along to actions we don't want?"

He pauses, that would be harder but all he has to do is remember Izaya's terrified face from before to steel his resolve. He swallows past the sudden lump in his throat.

"Yes."

Izaya relaxes a bit at that and they fall into comfortable silence, hands clasped together. It's nice, it would be better if Izaya was closer so they didn't have to extend their arms so far but he understands why that can't happen... yet. He hopes this works, and not just because he wants to hold Izaya's hand all the time. He doesn't know what it is but just sitting in peaceful silence with Izaya feels like the best stress relief in the world.

Izaya can't say he isn't a bit nervous, Shizuo's hand completely engulfs his and the heat of it seems to thrum through Izaya's whole body. It's... nice. Still, he worries that the contact will make it easier to slip up but an hour passes and then two and all he feels is a sleepy contentment. It is getting late and they both have to work tomorrow but he doesn't want to leave. He wishes he could go back to hating Shizuo, wishes this whole thing had never happened, but it did and all he can do is deal with things as they come.

There's a continuous flutter in his stomach that has to be from the bond, Izaya refuses to think otherwise, the longer they hold hands. He shouldn't be this flustered over something so small and innocent but he is and it's awful. Shizuo's been telling a story about his childhood for a little while and he's been listening vaugly, absorbing anything important but not really putting too much attention in. He's mainly focused on keeping a sharp eye on his own thoughts and feelings, no way is he letting himself get lead around tonight, luckily the bond seems calm and no suspicious urges tug at his consciousness.

When Shizuo waves him out the door about an hour later he's able to manage an honest smile as before he makes his way home. It's been a surprisingly good night, the food was good and he's slowly come to find that Shizuo actually can be good company. His good mood isn't even ruined when Celty pulls up next to him.

"Hello, Courier-san."

Celty nodded and held up her phone.

-You didn't check your texts did you-

Izaya frowned.

"Ah, I've been a bit busy tonight."

He goes to dig his phone out of his pocket but Celty interrupts him.

-Shinra's hurt. He wants to see you.-

His good mood evaporates on the spot and his eyes widen minutely. Silently he nods and Celty pats the back of her motorcycle. Izaya climbs on and they speed off, worry and remaining betrayal warring back in forth in his chest. This is going to be a long night.