The Legends Still Live On
Bogen Neunzehn-komma-zwei: Herumalbern am Set!
Kapitel Ein: Affen Herum!
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With a white drop behind their backs and with a flash, the entirety of the Anglerfish crew was photographed together along with a certain blond-haired fighter ace and his closest comrades. All wore their standard combat uniforms, and all appeared in a great rush, as if spiked on by a great emergency. Only two people on set were the exception: Mako, David, and Erich, the former two having adopted looks of nonchalance even with everything else flying around them, and the ultra-ace being unconscious in the arms of Miho, who held Bubi close with one arm while wielding a Mauser M712 Schnellfeuer with her other arm.
They all presented a textbook scene of chaos, such that it would not be surprising to find that particular picture on an online encyclopedia article about the concept of chaos. The rest of the girls besides the aforementioned Mako held extreme poses to make themselves seem to be sprinting at a very brisk pace while simultaneously keeping an eye out for hostiles. All of the boys held various weapons that appeared to have been hastily brought up to a firing position, giving the impression that they were being forced to fire on the move due to an imminent sense of danger. Anton wielded a Maschinenpistole 40, Herz had the Fallschirmjägergewehr 42, Nathan had the Luftwaffe's M30 Drilling, and David used a Sturmgewehr 44, which was somewhat humorous given his lack of expression that stood in stark contrast to everyone else with a weapon.
Everyone on the set soon heard a distinguished clapping sound, somewhat in between a slow clap and an applauding clap, and the set cast took that as their cue to break character as they gradually fell out of their scene and identified the source.
"Good job, very nice!" Captain Ami Chouno gave her congratulations to the cast upon stepping forward ahead of all the coordinators and directors. She was adorned in her formal uniform, a dark green in color. "Keep this up and we'll have quite the library of photos to use!"
Miho awkwardly chuckled in her usual manner before responding, "Thanks. I was actually really nervous about this…" A light blush adored her cheeks, due to her ever-lasting shyness. It was not because she still had Erich pressed against her, his head practically rested on her assets like they were a pillow. At least, that was what she told herself.
"That was still quite the scene!" Ami continued to praise Miho, seemingly more energetic and peppy than usual, which seemingly sounded like something that was pretty hard to do due to the very unique first impression she gave off with her Type 10 main battle tank the first time she met the Ooarai folks. "We'll add all of the explosions and tracer fire in CGI, and then we'll sent it out on a poster to capture everyone's attention onto the Arts of Warfare! This is gonna be big news!"
"What were we even supposed to be fighting in that picture, anyways?" David wondered. All of those with weapons had let them be taken back by the producers, as they were props that belonged to the studio. As such, the cast was left to standing around and talking, either with each other or others.
"Aliens," Mako deadpanned an answer out. "It's always aliens."
"Oh, you want to bet on this?" Anton chose to butt in with a competitive flare in his eyes. One of his hands had already started digging around his pants for his wallet. "I'll set down ten bucks for zombies!"
"You're on, American," Mako slapped her bet down in monetary form to make her guess of aliens official.
"I'm putting in ten for a modern-day battle against terrorists," Herz inserted his piece into the growing betting pool.
"Hey, let me get in on this!" Nathan made to enter as well into the betting pool. "Commando raid gone south!"
"You've got to be an idiot to believe it's anything besides a pilot rescue behind enemy lines!" Yukari joined in and placed her own bet down.
"Oh, my…" Saori looked on at everything with a slight giggle in her voice, clearly amused by the impromptu lottery her friends all created. She was preoccupied with wiping her face down to remove her makeup. She got a glance of Hana out of the corner of her eye still struck up in her pose for the picture for some odd reason. Nevertheless, she chose to handle it with a friendly calmness she always displayed. "Hana, they've already taken the picture, so you don't need to stay like that anymore."
Back with Miho, things had not really changed from before.
"Hey, Bubi?" Miho asked Erich, still against her chest, with a gentle, soothing voice, as if trying to wake him from a slumber. "Bubi… You can get off me now, the picture's been taken already."
Erich chose to snuggle closer into the light brunette's assets, and he let out a satisfied sigh. His head was rested directly on her rack, and his hands were not too far off, having taken residence a little higher up at Miho's shoulders. "So soft," the blonde muttered, evidently pleased as he rubbed his face against her cleavage.
Miho's brain chose to stop working for a bit, its last order being to make her face blush deeper and stare down at Erich while looking completely lost as to what was happening.
"Oh, that's fantastic!" Ami declared when she caught sight of the two German commanders of Ooarai and their unique positions. "That's a picture I won't miss pass up taking!" She quickly brought up a handheld camera and started shooting a lot of quick snaps aimed at both Miho and Erich.
It seemed that was what was needed to snap the light brunette Panzer ace out of her stupor as she looked to Ami with a totally-caught-off-guard look on her face. "Wha…?!" was all she could say.
"You'd be surprised to know that there's a huge market for photos like this!" Ami revealed as she continued snapping pictures relentlessly of the German pair of aces. "Now bring him closer to you!"
"Just what kind of market even cares, let alone that much…?" Miho muttered with a more resigned attitude now, knowing she wouldn't get out of her situation. Not only did she have Ami repeatedly blinding her with her camera's flash, but Erich chose to fulfill Ami's suggestion for Miho himself, via his closer cuddling of her cleavage.
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Some time later, Ami finally left the Ooarai folks alone. After all, they were not the only school there that day.
There was also an entourage from Pravda in the studio. The attendees for the Russian photoshoot included the usual suspects: Katyusha, Sasha, Nonna, and Nudelmann. All wore their standard combat uniforms except for Katyusha. The diminutive Russian tanker had forgone the traditional Soviet tanker jumpsuit and associated tanker cap that she usually preferred, instead wearing the usual Pravda tanker getup of a dark green skirt and a long-sleeve shirt of the same shade with a red Russian cross on the left-hand side of the collar, the latter article of which covered a red shirt underneath.
But another was also granted attendance, solely because Sasha adamantly refused to take part in the shoot if the fifth attendee was not allowed, and he was, somewhat reluctantly, backed up by the other Russians. The special case was Volodya, Sasha's pet bear.
"All right!" Ami spoke up in her loud voice with her camera in hand. "You guys are already making me feel excited for this shoot! Let's get the first one!"
Ami snapped the first photo when given the go-ahead. It was honestly something to be expected out of Pravda: Katyusha was standing in a heroic pose with her arm stretched out and pointing off in the distance, while Nonna and Nudelmann crouched on either side of her, making sure to stay below the tiny Russian tanker's height level. Sasha was standing up behind Katyusha with arms crossed and a predatory smirk on his face. Volodya, the Russian bear, was seated on his rear behind everyone else and perfectly calm, despite being, obviously, a bear.
"Great!" Ami praised. "You're all looking good! Especially that bear! Now the next one!"
The next photo was taken with another touch of the trigger on Ami's camera. This one brought all four Russians close together, each surrounding Katyusha. Nonna and Nudelmann once again remained crouched down to her level, but they had relatively serene grins on their faces this time. Sasha was standing up still, but his arms were gently rested atop Katyusha's head and he had a more friendly face for the camera this time. Katyusha herself still tried remaining dominant-looking, but it was clear in her eyes that she was comfortable as well. Volodya was sent off set by Sasha beforehand due to the blonde Russian ace not seeing a need for the bear in any more photos. One was enough to satisfy the mechanic.
"Fantastic! That one really captured the unique relationship you all have!" Ami praised once more with even greater encouragement. "Now let's step up the game! Do more of what you please with these next ones!"
The next picture turned out to be quite amusing, as Nonna and Nudelmann chose to take the helm together and make the best of it, much to the chagrin of Sasha and Katyusha. The four Russians remained close, but they were rearranged into a new pose. Nonna had Katyusha rested on her hip like a small child, while she had her other arm pulling Sasha close to her other side. Nudelmann rounded it out with taking a spot behind Sasha and using his height to tower over him. One hand belonging to the Russian crack-shot was on the shorter blonde Russian ace's shoulder while the other was rested on Nonna's shoulder, such that everyone was practically ensnared within his arms. Overall, it looked much like a family photo, even down to the obvious discomfort on the children's faces, such roles having been taken on unwillingly by Katyusha and Sasha.
"Whoo-hoo!" Ami applauded, absolutely ecstatic with how things were turning out. "Go further! Express your relationship! Give me more!"
The four Russians next split off into pairs to do two different actions in the same frame, and both of those scenes were of a more romantic nature. Nudelmann brought himself and Nonna to the floor, with the former on top. Both of the sharpshooters were looking about ready to fuck each other's brains into a blaze of euphoria, not even seeming to care that they were on camera.
Simultaneously, Sasha held Katyusha close while he held a look saying he wished to absolutely devour the tiny Russian tanker, with the same connotations that the two taller Russians on the floor had more heavily suggested. Katyusha, however, grew increasingly restless out of nervousness as the blonde Russian ace craned his neck down in an attempt to close the gap between their lips.
Needless to say, Katyusha's nerves overwhelmed her and forced her to jump back out of Sasha's reach with her cheeks blazing red. "Stop! This is getting too weird for me!" she blurted out, unable to take any more.
Sasha gave off an exasperated sigh, but made no attempt to get back in striking distance of the diminutive Russian tanker. "I hope you're not going for a career as an actor," he said with an expression displaying that he had somewhat expected the scene to unfold like it did, but was nevertheless disappointed still. "Because you're horrible at maintaining your role."
"Eh?" Ami wondered, utterly lost as to why Katyusha broke character. She shook her head after a few seconds and turned her attention to Nonna and Nudelmann. Both of the Russian sharpshooters were clearly dedicated to their roles, having both managed to rip apart each other's clothing with their only objectives being to fuck each other senseless. "… Okay, now that's too much."
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"Anyway, moving on from that detour," Ami spoke up later to the entire studio after resolving the prior 'incident' with the Russians. That meant that Ami was in a fantastically great mood once more. "I also called up the Americans from Saunders to join us!"
"Heeeeey!" Kay greeted everyone in the way only an American could: loud and boisterous, but with a genuinely friendly wave as she walked into the area with a sizable entourage. With her were her two lieutenants, Alisa and Naomi, along with the big three for Saunders' Jägermeistern program: Chuck, Ray, and Christian. All wore the usual combat outfits for their respective branch.
"Yo, I heard y'all were having a photoshoot!" Chuck spoke up with an enthusiastic smile. Only the two captains were in such a cheery state. The other four Americans were relatively quiet and distant, preferring to observe rather than talk.
"You heard right," Ami confirmed for the Americans. "I've got plenty of ideas for you all to try out!"
"Okay!" Kay cheered with a fist pump. She then moved to grab her shirt bottom. "So, are we stripping?"
"Hey, what the hell, Kay?!" Alisa sprung into action upon seeing Kay begin to strip down. She grabbed her captain's hands and stopped her from removing her shirt. Ray immediately looked away when Kay suggested stripping, and Christian and Naomi held no particular reaction to the attempted strip-down. The two American sharpshooters were relatively used to crazy shit happening wherever Kay was involved.
"Oh, come on!" Kay began to reason, having been convinced to stay clothed for the moment but not intending to remain as such. "You know that we're gonna be doing stuff like this anyway! It's tradition!"
"What kind of tradition says to strip down for a picture?!" Alisa asked in an incredulous manner.
"Pin-ups," Christian inserted his piece into the conversation in a matter-of-fact manner.
Ray tried to smack him, but the American crack-shot ace quickly leaned away from the incoming attack to avoid. "Hey, shut it!" the night fighter pilot insisted. "Last thing we need is to give her ideas!"
"Well, hey, it is era-appropriate," Christian retorted with an amused grin. Indeed, the idea was historically appropriate, considering the vast amount of pin-up shots on American aircraft over the decades, beginning with the World War Two era. Ray scowled at the crack pilot, but was forced to accept a historical fact.
"So, are we doing this or what?" Chuck asked around with his ever-lasting enthusiastic smile. He was totally not bothered by the idea of shooting pin-up shots. "'Cause I've got a P-38 to use as a set piece if you need it."
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Later, Ami had snapped the photo so desired by Kay. It was, of course, a pin-up shot, starring all three of the American girls in their bikinis lying at rest on various parts of a completely bare P-38K-1, mostly around the center by the canopy. Kay took it upon herself to strike an intentionally sexy pose, while Naomi and Alisa didn't care as much to partake in that endeavor and simply looked at the camera with rather bored expressions.
The three American pilots were also in the photo, but they took on background roles to make the shot seem more centered around the girls. Each of them were dressed in coveralls and playing the roles of mechanics, meaning they had a number of tools on themselves. That also explained why the twin-engine fighter was disassembled in some areas, namely the nose, but also the engine covers.
"Well, that's one with emotion alright," Ami observed the picture she had just taken with a pleased look.
"Would you look at that," Erich observed the Americans with arms crossed from beside Miho. The folks from Ooarai were simply bored with not having anything to do, so they elected to see what the set was currently like. "The Ami are still such Angeber."
"Well, did you honestly expect anything less out of them?" Miho asked with a side-glance aimed at the blond-haired ultra-ace along with an up-twitch of her lips. "They are, and always will be, complete show-offs."
"I agree, it seems that the Yanks have absolutely no integrity," the Ooarai folks heard a distinct English accent from behind them. They all turned to try and find out who it was.
"Oh, the fucking irony," Anton drawled out with displeasure upon identifying the new arrivals. "Of course the folks from the country representative of displaying zero integrity would show up."
Those that arrived just then included the usual suspects from Saint Gloriana: Darjeeling, Orange Pekoe, Assam, Douglas, Dennis, and Arthur, who had spoken up to announce their presence. The girls each wore swimsuits while the guys remained clothed in their school's Jägermeistern outfits. Both Darjeeling and Orange Pekoe had gone with one-piece swimsuits while Assam, like the Americans, went with a two-piece bikini. And since they were British, all of them had a cup of tea with them.
"And a good day to you lot," Arthur returned unfazed and undeterred by Anton's snipe at him and his countrymen. Dennis and Douglas gave each other knowing looks, silently reaffirming their common understanding that Arthur and Darjeeling were big enough assholes to deserve that jab.
"How do you do, everyone?" Darjeeling greeted everyone with her usual grace after taking a sip from her tea. "Might you be aware of this saying? 'The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it.'"
"Emerson said that one," Orange Pekoe instinctively supplied from her place beside her commander.
"Anywho," Erich rolled his eyes at the usual behavior of the British. "What are you all even doing here?"
"Ah, yes!" Darjeeling brightened up considerably at the blond-haired German's prompt. "I heard you lot were having a swimsuit photoshoot!"
"Whoa, wait, there's no way that I'd-" Miho intervened to try and avoid Darjeeling's idea as much as she could, but she was cut off.
"Swimsuit photoshoot, I'm liking the sound of that…" Ami held a finger to her chin thoughtfully as she grew a foreboding smile.
"What?!" Miho's voice raised an octave or two in disbelief.
"That's it! Swimsuit photoshoot!" Ami eagerly proclaimed the next coming set. She was so hyped up about the idea that she even took two of the Ooarai girls into her arms to carry alongside her as she rushed off to prepare herself. Unfortunately for Miho, one of those girls was her, the other being Mako who had a look saying she could care less. "You girls hurry up and get changed! I'm joining the cast, too!"
"Ugh, ich gebe keinen Scheiß mehr…" the light brunette Panzer ace of Ooarai huffed out in defeat after being overruled. As she so eloquently verbalized in her native tongue, she was beyond the point of giving a shit anymore and just let herself go into an autopilot as her consciousness retreated to the safe havens of unawareness.
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Several days later, both Erich and Miho were walking to another day of school together. The blond-haired ultra-ace was looking at a photo in the meantime, an actual print photo.
The picture itself was a swimsuit shot, the very one Captain Chouno insisted on at the photoshoot some days ago. Those within the shot included the Anglerfish crew in its entirety, Ami, and the three British girls from Saint Gloriana. Both Miho and Darjeeling were in the center crouched down, each having a hand pressed against the other's hand with Darjeeling having a cup of tea in the other. At the far left was Mako seated on the ground looking just as impassive as usual, accompanied by Yukari just behind her who gave a mock salute to the camera. Behind her was Assam who was standing fully, and just beside her was Orange Pekoe looking like she was trying to politely stay out of everyone's way. Beside the British ginger was Hana, looking as kind as always. To the far right in the back was Ami giving a thumbs-up, and just in front of the Captain was Saori with her hands on Miho's shoulders. All except for Mako and Orange Pekoe had varying degrees of smiles aimed at the camera.
"Yeah, Anton was definitely right on one thing: Darjeeling is totally shameless," Erich noted in observation of the shot. "No one else would take the center as slyly as she did and still have the gall to look completely innocent about it. Though I think I would now add Hauptmann Chouno to that list, as well."
"Mmm-hmm," Miho made a sound of confirmation, but it was relatively distant in its tone. The light brunette Panzer ace's mind was far away still from the photoshoot, the cause of which was her basically saying 'fuck it' and shutting down mentally when she heard she wasn't getting out of doing the swimsuit shot.
Erich cast a sidelong glance at her with a raised eyebrow, curious as to what she was thinking. He shook his head a few seconds later upon finding what he wanted to know. That is, that she wasn't thinking of anything. Turning back to the photo in his hand, the blonde grew the smallest of amused smirks when he thought back to the pandemonium of that photoshoot.
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Part of Projekt Jägermeistern.
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The author doesn't claim to own "Girls und Panzer" or any other references made. "Girls und Panzer" belongs to Actas. Any references made belong to their respective owners.
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