The Legends Still Live On
Bogen Dreiundzwanzig: Willkommen in Russland
Kapitel Ein: Es ist Winter in Prawda!
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Aboard the Kiev was a very common sight to those aboard the Russian school ship: snow, and a lot of it. The snow was extremely heavy, as was typical when sailing in the Arctic. It took almost no time for the snow to start creating massive piles of the frozen rainfall, reaching the same height as most grown men. And that wasn't even the end of the snowfall, meaning there was plenty more to come.
And yet, despite the extreme amount of snowfall that would sway nearly anybody to go out and play in the fluffy white frozen rain, some people were still working. Like Katyusha, for instance. The diminutive Russian tank commander was stuck doing paperwork within the Stavka, the slang term for Pravda's overall command center, which was really just a single office, even if it was large. Though Katyusha insisted that it was her command center, and that she was simply generous enough to let Sasha use it as well.
Though it was clear by how the room was arranged that Katyusha was the one in charge, as the diminutive Russian tanker had a large wooden desk and a spacious leather chair with a large window to her rear. The chair was so spacious that Katyusha needed a few pillows to elevate herself and had to sit closer to the chair's edge, just so she could reach the desktop.
Sasha, meanwhile, had a notably smaller work area in one of the corners of the room. He had a smaller and simpler desk and chair available to him, as well as no luxury of looking outside. It wasn't much, but it was sufficient for doing mere paperwork.
Paperwork was exactly what was kicking Katyusha in the ass currently. She seemed to constantly huff out in annoyance while letting her pen fly across the sheets of paper placed before her.
It was an amusing sight, at the least, for Sasha and Nonna. The taller of the two had offered a cup of tea to the Russian fighter ace, who accepted, having long since finished his own paperwork. Now, he was simply sitting back with Pravda's crack-shot IS-2 gunner with a cup of tea in hand as they both watched Katyusha get owned by paperwork.
The midget Russian paused when she thought she heard something outside. She turned to gaze out the window and found a highly-desirable sight: there were many of Pravda's students out there playing in the snow. Having snowball fights, building snowmen, making snow angels, and more. It was so enticing to Katyusha to go out there and join them, because why should she waste the day away doing paperwork, of all things, when she could go outside and have a fun day in the snow?
With that thought in her head, Katyusha jumped out of her chair and practically sprinted to the door in excitement. Nonna saw what the diminutive Russian's intentions were, and she nodded to Sasha.
That was the cue for the blonde Russian ace to roll his eyes before pushing a button under his desk. As a result of the button being pressed, a plank of wood that Katyusha was conveniently running on at the moment flipped in the direction of her desk, catapulting the diminutive Russian back to her work area. The trap was aimed so well that Katyusha had landed directly back in her chair.
Smugness grew on Sasha's face at the sight of his self-designed, self-engineered trap working flawlessly. To reward him for his efforts in building the trap upon her request, Nonna gave the Russian fighter ace another cup of tea.
Katyusha remained stunned wondering what the hell just happened for several seconds, until she caught that look on Nonna's face. The glare the taller Russian was sending the shorter Russian was one that basically said, 'you better do your work or so help me I will lock you in this room and make you stare outside at everyone playing in the snow, reminding you of what you couldn't have because you refused to do your work.'
At that harsh message, the diminutive Russian tanker hurriedly began to do her work. She was blowing through her work so fast that she was literally making it rain as she tossed paper after paper behind her without a second thought to them after quickly finishing whatever was needed on there. Nonna moved behind her to catch and collect each sheet of finished paperwork as it was tossed behind Katyusha's chair, the tall Russian sharpshooter deciding to organize them later when she had adequate time.
Sasha watched the two Russian girls for a while before lazily rolling his eyes, bored. Normally, it wasn't so boring to watch the two tankers, but the Russian fighter ace felt like doing something else now, something having to do with the snow outside. He then got up and left the room without a word, preparing to head outside.
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Eventually, Katyusha finished all of the paperwork that was required of her, and after getting dressed up for the weather in record time, she headed outside into the snow. Her snow outfit included an old Red Army winter coat as well as a ushanka in addition to her usual outfit. Many of Pravda's students were already out and about messing around in the snow, and upon seeing the great Katyusha herself join them, they gave her a hearty welcome.
What Pravda's students did not expect, however, was for Katyusha to charge at and kick a snowman, destroying it with one swift blow. Nina certainly wasn't prepared for that, and she grew upset from her snowman being mercilessly leveled by Katyusha.
The diminutive Russian Panzerkraft Kapitan started to shovel snow together into a snowball. Once it was big enough, Katyusha then started rolling the snowball along the ground, getting even more snow packed onto it and making it larger and larger. Soon enough, Nina joined in, having forgotten why she was previously upset when she saw the massive snowball Katyusha was pushing around, and joining in to help.
After getting sufficient snow, the two small Russian tankers then started to build a new snowman. Some sticks, a couple of coins, and a pair of gloves were added into the snowman to make it seem more life-like. By the time the snowman was finished, it effectively represented a stoic Nonna, but there were some gross exaggerations, in particular with how large her chest was as well as how fat and lethargic she looked in general.
That wasn't deemed a problem to Katyusha and Nina, as the both of them started to laugh at their wintery interpretation of the IS-2 crack-shot. They found their interpretation of Nonna to be utterly hilarious.
What neither of them realized, however, was that the real Nonna was crouched behind them, taking in the snowy version of herself with her usual serene, calm look. By the time Nina and Katyusha realized the tall Russian girl was right behind them, it was comical how quickly they stopped laughing and immediately started to grow terrified of what awaited them as retaliation.
That was when Nudelmann came to the rescue. Well, in a way, as he ushered the three girls back from the snowman Nonna. The reason behind their removal from the area surfaced a few seconds later as a strange sound, overall similar to that of a large-displacement radial engine, but notably different.
A little later, it was made clear that the girls were moved to allow Sasha to land his plane, the fighter-sized aircraft humorously chopping up the snowman Nonna with its propeller as it halted after taxiing. But the oddest thing about Sasha's La-5 was that it was completely made of snow.
Katyusha and Nina were too in awe with the fact that an actual working aircraft made of snow had been created to even care that their snowman was destroyed by the very same creation. Nonna shot a questioning glance to Nudelmann, who shrugged noncommittally, answering her unspoken question: it was Engineer Sasha they were talking about, after all. Of course he could build an actual working aircraft using snow. As if to confirm the notion, and show off even more, the Russian fighter ace chose to let out a burst of fire from the two nose-mounted cannons on his snow fighter.
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Later, Katyusha, Nonna, and Nudelmann left Sasha to run rampant on creating more machines out of snow. He was on an engineering role, so the other three Russians chose to leave him to his element. They chose to head over and try some other snow activities.
Katyusha grew enamored when she caught sight of a small igloo, and she immediately rushed to enter the small snowy architecture. Two girls were already in there chatting, but when Katyusha made her grand entrance, they gladly welcomed her into the dome of snow, bringing the total number of girls within to three.
After a little while, though, a large shadow was cast over the entrance of the igloo. The source was revealed when Nudelmann dipped his head down to peer into the igloo. It was a bit unsettling to the three girls inside because of how tall and imposing the Russian aerial sharpshooter appeared to be.
The girls grew even more antsy when Nudelmann chose to invite himself into the igloo. It was a challenging process because of how tall the black-haired Russian was. It required him to squirm and weave like a snake to try and get his body into just the right position to allow himself entry into the igloo.
Eventually, Nudelmann managed to wedge himself inside the igloo. The snow dome was already small, but with the Russian crack pilot inside, it felt undeniably constricting within the snowy walls. Nudelmann had to curl up into a ball just to fit inside, but even then, there was practically no space to move at all. Not even toes could be wiggled without discomfort.
It was a great understatement to say the girls within the igloo were uncomfortable. Nonna watched the scene from outside, and her shoulders shook in silent laughter at how ridiculous and comical the scene looked. She even had a camera out to record the events, because she knew she would get a lot of use out of a video of the scene.
But Nudelmann's nose started to twitch, and his breath grew unsteady as he looked about ready to let rip a sneeze. That was something that seemed about equivalent to hearing a cannon fire in one's direction, as such a moment was typically the point of no return.
Nudelmann let nature take its course and let out the ruler of all sneezes. The sound waves from said sneeze were sharp and intense enough to cause the igloo to crumble in on itself and collapse, burying the three girls that were in it with snow in the process.
The commotion with Nudelmann and the igloo attracted a lot of the other Russian students due to how loud the Russian crack pilot's sneeze was. While many of Pravda's students came over in curiosity as to what happened, Nonna kept on recording the scene with her camera, knowing that somewhere on the internet her video would soon resurface within a Russian fails compilation for millions to see.
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Later still saw a large snowball fight break out amongst the Pravda student body. The fight eventually formed two distinct opposing forces, but the force compositions were haphazard in nature; the people on each side were randomly picked. Curiously enough, Sasha and Nudelmann weren't present. But that was perhaps a good thing for the rest of Pravda, because the two fighter aces always took snowball fights to the next level of intensity.
But no, that wasn't the case as of yet. Instead, it was just the rest of Pravda's students having a fun team-based snowball fight with each other. The intensity of this snowball fight was not very high at all.
Just as Nonna stood up after gathering some snowballs of her own, she watched as Nina nailed Katyusha in the face with a snowball. Katyusha whipped her head back and forth to get the snow off while Nina whooped in celebration of landing a hit on the Kapitan.
At that sight, Nonna quickly whipped three snowballs into her left hand, each one resting between her fingers. Then, the Russian sharpshooter quickly threw the snowballs at Nina. All three snowballs hit the smaller Russian somewhere in the face: two hit her directly in each eye while the other impacted her mouth.
After releasing her load of snowballs with her left hand, Nonna then turned around and whipped out another snowball with her right hand. She tossed it over her shoulder without looking, and then started to walk away. The snowball bonked Nina on the top of her head, which proved to be the hay that broke the camel's back as the smaller Russian toppled over from the quick wintery fury she experienced.
Some of the Russians on Nina's side just looked at the smaller Russian while shaking their heads. They knew that something like what she experienced would befall them if they ever hit Katyusha with a snowball, so none bothered to take that risk.
Soon enough, the snowball fight continued to rage on as everyone began to pelt each other with snowballs again. During this time, Katyusha had taken Nonna as her steed, sitting on top of the taller Russian's shoulders and throwing snowballs at the enemies down below. The Russian sharpshooter had her arms full of snowballs, providing the diminutive Russian tank commander on her shoulders with a constant source of ammunition.
The two leaders for the Panzerkraft team made a very successful duo, as Katyusha landed snowball after snowball on target while Nonna stayed mobile enough to ensure they didn't get trapped by the enemy. The Russian sharpshooter also took advantage of blocking any snowballs coming straight for them whenever possible.
A large, distant, echoing boom was soon heard, however, and everyone stopped undertaking combat with each other as confusion set in. The sound they had just heard was comparable to a cannon in its note, a rather large one to boot, which threw many of the Russians for a loop. Katyusha and Nonna, however, grew looks of dread when they discovered there was only one reason why that sound would be produced. And they knew the two culprits behind it, too.
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Much farther down the ship was where Sasha and Nudelmann were positioned at. They were in the middle of a rather large clearing, because they needed the vast amount of space to launch the kind of attack they wanted to enact.
After pulling the trigger and unleashing the large, echoing boom that radiated across the land, Nudelmann looked back to Sasha. Both of the Russians had earplugs on, needed to protect their eardrums from the heavy boom, but they still expressed their enthusiasm for winning this snowball fight with a high-five.
They were almost guaranteed to win this snowball fight, because Sasha had built a 305 mm Br-18 howitzer using snow, and because it was the Engineer building it, it fucking worked just like the original models that were famously used to defend Leningrad during the war. That was why such a large clearing was needed for the Russian boys' attack: the massive artillery cannon was simply too big and heavy to move on a whim.
And, because it was Cannoneer Nudelmann firing the wintery super-heavy siege howitzer, the massive 305 mm snow-shells were guaranteed to land in the middle of the other snowball-fighting Russians and utterly annihilate all of the opposition. Overkill? Yes, without a shred of doubt. But that was the Russian way. Or at the very least, it was the Pravda Jägermeistern way.
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Soon enough, night fell upon the Kiev. Though the Russian school ship was traveling within the Arctic, it was that odd time of year where the day and night cycles were in transition with each other. Normally, there were either extremely long days or extremely long nights at the poles, but because the equinox was near, the lengths of day and night respectively were close to the duration experienced elsewhere on the planet.
Because night had fallen, all the Pravda students had headed home, including the foursome of commanders for their Arts of Warfare programs. Many ached from the sudden strike by a 305 mm snow howitzer, but it was still a fun day, they all agreed despite that massively heavy artillery strike out of nowhere.
Though Katyusha came inside willingly, Sasha stubbornly wanted to stay outside. He was still on an engineering high and didn't want to be interrupted from it. Nudelmann ended up having to drag the struggling blonde Russian fighter ace back inside. Passing by Nonna, who was helping Katyusha undress from her winter clothes, the Russian crack pilot gave her a nod, silently saying he could handle Sasha.
Nudelmann dragged the resisting blonde Russian fighter ace to the shower stalls. After undressing him in a rough manner thanks to his resistance efforts, he threw Sasha into one of the stalls. He then slammed the door shut and chained it to ensure it would stay shut.
Sasha beat on the other side of the door for a while in an attempt to escape, but soon enough he stopped, realizing there was no way he was going to get out. He knew he couldn't climb up the stall's walls to try and escape, either, because the walls were too slippery. So the Russian ace begrudgingly turned on the hot water and began to shower like Nudelmann had wanted him to do.
The hot water was pretty damn refreshing after spending a day in the cold. It was so relaxing of a feeling that Sasha stopped washing himself off and instead leaned against the stall wall to let the hot water envelop him.
Nudelmann had started up a shower of his own in the stall next door, but he noted a lack of scrubbing sounds from Sasha's stall. So as he undressed outside his stall, he grew a dastardly smirk and took out a thermos bottle. He entered his stall and peered over the wall next to him. Being as tall as he was, he could see Sasha slumped against the same wall from his side.
It might've been cruel to do this, but Nudelmann knew Sasha would eventually get over it. So the black-haired sharpshooter opened up his thermos bottle, reached over the wall with it, and dumped its contents straight onto Sasha. The contents within consisted of nothing but fresh snow, which explained how the action was cruel.
As soon as the frozen substance impacted Sasha's pale skin, the Russian ace screamed bloody murder in reaction to the massive temperature change he experienced. Being doused in fresh snow was infinitely worse when standing under a stream of hot water, because the temperature difference between the two made the cold absolutely burn.
But like he had already determined beforehand, Nudelmann knew Sasha would get over it.
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Snow continued to fall down to the ground outside, even in the black of night when nobody was outside any longer to play in it.
But still standing tall in one of the snow-covered fields were a vast array of creations, all made of snow. There was a KV-2, and parked alongside the towering Russian heavy tank was an IS-2 mod. 1944. Parked behind the two Russian heavies were an La-5FN and a Yak-9UT resting on their taildragger landing gear.
Judging by all of the machines created in perfect detail using only snow as well as functioning perfectly – well, as perfectly as Russian machinery could function – it must've been quite an eventful day for Sasha.
The great handiwork from the Russian amateur engineer just further reinforced the notion that if snow has piled up, people will go play outside. Even in high school.
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Part of Projekt Jägermeistern.
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The author doesn't claim to own "Girls und Panzer" or any other references made. "Girls und Panzer" belongs to Actas. Any references made belong to their respective owners.
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