This was a hard chapter to write - the despair and emptiness broke my heart, but it needed to be done. Some things are just too much to come back from whole. Guilt and regret can press in on you in ways you couldn't have imagined, and it's so hard to let it go. It festers inside you, swallowing up all the light you possess, and then hopelessness sets in...

I just want to say I love you all for traveling this road with me. I know sometimes it's long and arduous, but it means the world to me that you're right there beside me, pushing me to keep going.

Hiro Mashima owns Fairy Tail.

CHAPTER 31: LOST IN THE DARK

WENDY'S POV

Freed and Bixlow had barely made it back to the guild when the alarm for Lucy's house went off. The loud noise shocked everyone out of their seats, faces going white with fear until Master yelled, "Go!"

As one, we vaulted for the door, Laxus zipping into his lightning form, Jet shooting out just after at an incredible speed. Evergreen's wings fluttered, and then with Demon Mira at her side, they blasted into the air, followed closely by Freed and Bickslow.

"Charle!" I shouted, then felt my feet leave the ground as my Exceed friend swept me up.

Down below, I could see the rest of our guild members scrambling towards Lucy's home, their legs moving as quickly as they could go. We were all of the same mind...nothing mattered but getting to our guild mates. Off in the distance, I could see the yellow trail that was Laxus racing past buildings to get to Lucy and the others, and I couldn't help the fear that rose in my heart.

What would we find when we got there? In the back of my mind, I wondered if we'd be too late to stop him. Would Lucy be gone? Or would she be...

No, I couldn't bear the thought of losing Lucy again. Seeing her the way she'd been before had broken my heart. I didn't think I could handle it again. Even if we somehow managed to get there before he took off with her, what condition would she be in?

This shouldn't have happened. Our plan had seemed so solid. We'd been certain that this was the way to catch him, and we'd all worked so hard. After the way we'd found her the last time, we'd been determined to keep her safe, to never let anything happen to her again. But somehow, we had failed her. And now, when she needed us most, it felt like we were so far away.

I bit back a sob and fought to keep my cool as I silently urged Charle to go faster. I couldn't believe this was happening again. Why did he return? Why wouldn't he leave her alone?

Minutes later, Lucy's apartment building came into view, and a chorus of growls went up in our group as we took in the state of things outside. Neighbors peeked out of their windows, their faces etched in terror at the beings that crawled the property surrounding Lucy's home. Smoke animals, I figured, and big. But that made no difference to us. We were Fairy Tail, and we'd take them all down.

Laxus was the first to reach the outskirts of the building, then Jet. Moments later, our group was dropping to the ground next to them, each of us drawing our magic out to fight our way inside when all of a sudden, the creatures dissipated, forming several small clouds of smoke and shooting off into the distance. The sudden absence of the beasts was startling, leaving me wondering if it was some kind of setup, a trap of some kind to make us lower our guards.

But as I let my senses search the area, I could find no trace of danger. Looking to my side, I could see Laxus doing the same, and judging by the bafflement on his face, he'd come to same conclusion. There was thankfully no sign of the attacker nearby, but there was also no way to track him down. He was just gone.

"Let's go!" His face morphing into a mask of determination, Laxus bolted forward, and we followed closely behind. We were anxious to see to our friends, but what we found in Lucy's home brought us to a screeching halt.

I looked around the room in horror. It was worse than I'd imagined, so much worse than I could have anticipated. There was Levy lying prone on the floor just past the doorway, then a glance to the left revealed the slumped form of Cana, streaks of blood painting a path down the wall above her head, and there...across the room sat a whimpering Lucy beside the still forms of Natsu and Happy.

A sob slipped from my mouth as I watched Lucy, her hands pressed over Natsu's stomach as she rocked herself like she had in the hospital. It was an eerily similar sight, her body huddling in on itself, her mouth whispering another version of her mantra. "Don't die...don't die...don't die..." Over and over again she uttered the same soft words, and each time, it cut into me like a knife. What had he done to them all?

Everyone was frozen until Laxus began calling out orders. "Wendy go to Natsu. He looks to be the worst off. We'll get the others ready for you."

He got no further as everyone jumped into action, the small group splitting off to help Levy and Cana as I made my way over to Lucy. As I got closer, I began to realize that she hadn't even noticed we were there. She seemed to be so occupied with what she was doing that she could see and hear nothing.

"Lucy?" Gently, I reached out to her, setting my hand on her shoulder.

The moment my hand made contact, her eyes bolted wide open, and she screamed, falling backwards and skittering across the floor until she was safely tucked into the corner. Instantly, tears sprung to my eyes as she began her old chant. "Don't touch me...don't touch me..."

I bit my lip on a fierce need to cry and turned away from her. I wanted so badly to go to her, to give her some measure of comfort but I couldn't. Our other friends needed me, and I know Lucy would have understood that.

So leaving Evergreen and Mira to deal with her, I fought back my tears and focused on Natsu, pressing my hands lightly onto his stomach and pouring my magic into his body. Slowly, I felt his wound begin to close, the skin knitting back together until finally I knew he was out of the woods.

We had come close to losing him...really close. He wasn't completely in the clear just yet. He'd still need several blood transfusions until he was 100%, but right now, I was just grateful he was somewhat stable. I knew it could have gone very differently if Lucy hadn't found a way to push past her fear of touching other people and help him. She had saved his life.

ROGUE'S POV

I burst through the door, Gray just behind me and came to a complete stop. The sight that greeted me was chilling, furniture overturned and destroyed, bodies lying around the room, people that I knew Lucy cared about, and all the way across the room, I could hear her. My heart clenched in my chest at the sound of her cries, and before I knew it, I was flying across the room, dodging the numerous people between me and her.

"Lucy!"

Moments later, she came into view, and I could see her all huddled up in the corner. It killed me to see her that way again, to see how far she'd fallen because of my mistake. I never should have left her.

I called out to her again, and this time she finally seemed to hear me. Her head lifted, and then she was jumping to her feet and running towards me.

She threw herself into my arms, clinging to me as if she would never let go. Her body shuddered as she buried her face in my chest and sobbed, and I felt that old familiar feeling of guilt settle in my chest. This was my fault. If I hadn't left...If I had just stayed with her, this wouldn't have happened.

I pulled her close to me, sheltering her trembling body with my arms and winced when she whimpered, "Don't leave me again...Please don't leave me..."

"I won't," I assured her, fighting to bite back the waves of regret I felt. There would be time later for me to trudge down that cursed road. Berating myself for my near fatal mistake would have to wait, because right now, she needed me.

Her arms wrapped around my body, her hands clutching at my shirt almost desperately, and she cried. Her tears slashed through me, her fear ripping holes in my already tattered soul, each one deeper and more painful than the last. How could I have let this happen? She had been through so much already, and now this.

I held her tightly and watched as the rest of her guild piled into her small house, their faces etched with pain and anger. The place was a disaster, but more than that, it was the place where they'd almost lost people they cared about. I couldn't help but wonder how they would handle all this. They seemed an inordinately close guild, and seeing their comrades injured so severely couldn't be easy.

Across the room, I could see Gray sprawled in the floor, the brunette who'd sat with Lucy draped across his lap and unmoving. The man's face was devastated, his eyes awash with tears, and as he lifted his head and our eyes met, I found myself struck with the depth of shame in his expression. He was drowning in his despair, in the knowledge that his decision had drawn us away from the women long enough for Tatankan to attack.

A part of me snarled at his remorse, ached to blame him for all that had happened, but the truth was he wasn't the only one at fault. I'd been worried about leaving Lucy, but I had ignored my instincts and gone anyway. So who was I to look down on him? We had both made the mistake, and now we both had to live with the consequences.

Giving him a pained look, I let him see that I had accepted my part in the whole thing. I bore him no ill will, because my own conscience was just as tainted as his. We had screwed up together, and together we would find a way to make this right.

His eyes lit with understanding, and with his face hardening with resolve, he nodded. I knew he would struggle with his sin, and so would I, but I also knew he would put it aside in favor of being there for his friends. Right now, they needed him, and he would do all he could to help.

But sometime later, I knew he would pull that painful remorse out, and he would let it take him. He'd let it wash over him, because he believed he deserved it.

I'd been there, and it wouldn't matter that we hadn't meant to do the wrong thing. It wouldn't matter that we'd had only good intentions. Regardless, it would haunt us. It would sneak inside in those quiet moments and rip us to shreds. Time couldn't make it better, distance couldn't soften the blow. There was just no stopping it.

It wasn't something you could hide from because it would sink in, become a part of you. Before you knew it, you'd no longer be able to recall a time before it, a time when you didn't carry such a weight. It just started to feel like it had always been there.

I could no longer remember what I'd been like before my own experience with such guilt. It colored everything in my past, polluting every happy memory with that one transgression, and before long, I quit trying to remember. What was the point in looking back if all I could see was horror?

But avoiding it didn't help. It couldn't erase that awful stain, couldn't rewind time and give me back the life I'd had, the life she'd had. That was long gone, and with it, any hope I ever had of having a real life. There was no getting it back, and it would be the same with Gray. Because you couldn't come back from something like this the same.

Looking at him, I could see he knew it too. His eyes held the weight of that discovery, and my head tipped in understanding. I was more familiar with his pain than I'd ever wanted to be, and for the first time in a long while, I realized I'd found a sense of camaraderie with someone.

It was a bittersweet pill to swallow, one that confused and confounded me. Because there was a part of me, one that wallowed in self-centeredness, that refused to feel bad about being thankful for that connection. It spoke in a soft voice, teasing me with the notion that someone could finally understand me. I'd lived so many years now with no one who could relate to what I'd gone through, and the thought of having having that was tempting, but I fiercely stuffed that vile side down.

This wasn't a path I would wish on anyone, least of all someone as good as Lucy's 'brother'. I had been around him only a fraction of time thus far, but it had been easy to see what sort of man he was. Honor ran deep with him, loyalty foremost in his mind, and that would normally matter a great deal. But all the goodness inside him couldn't save him from this.

We were both stuck with what we'd done, and there was no changing that. But as we shared one final glance, I decided I would do everything I could to help him. He had messed up, but he didn't deserve to live out his life as I had...distancing himself from everyone he met, hiding his true thoughts and emotions, wrestling with secrets that sought to destroy him.

It was too late for me - that much I knew - but maybe I could keep him from the same fate. It was a long shot at best, but I had to try. And maybe while I was at it, I could even clear away a few of the numerous blemishes on my soul.