CHAPTER FORTY- EIGHT
(BPOV)
I stared out my bedroom window into the night, my eyes heavy and red rimmed. I hadn't slept in three days.
I missed Jacob so much my body physically hurt from his absence.
Charlie had become concerned enough to take time off from the station. He had been unable to sleep himself since he'd seen Jacob in the state he was. I knew he was waiting for an explanation and I was afraid to give him one. He already knew what Jacob was, but he didn't understand what was happening now. I had dialed Billy and asked him to come over, knowing Charlie needed to wrap his mind around all this somehow. I waited to see his friends truck pull into the yard and rose to my feet, wandering downstairs just as Billy wheeled himself in through the front door, his concerned gaze sweeping over me.
"Bella, are you holding up alright?"
"She's barely slept or eaten anything in three days-" Charlie answered, throwing a disapproving look my way.
"I can't keep anything down. I've tried."
Billy drew closer to me, his hand reaching out for mine.
"You look real pale, dear. I brought you something from home. Something I thought might cheer you up a little."
He reached down beside him, pulling out Jacobs black sweatshirt and handing it to me with a smile. I took it from him with a heavy sigh, holding it close to my chest and smelling the woodsy scent that surrounded me from it.
"I found it in the garage. Don't know how long it's been out there, but-"
"Thank you, Billy." I replied, leaning down and placing a kiss to his cheek. "This helps more than you know."
"I figured it would - just till he comes back. He is coming back. I know my son, Bella. Hell itself couldn't keep him away from you."
I slipped into the heavy sweatshirt, tucking my hands into the long sleeves as I sat down on the couch in the living room. Charlie wheeled Billy in with us and sunk down into his worn recliner, his look of frustration evident to see.
"I know you're upset, Charlie. But I assure you, Jacob doesn't want this anymore than Bella does."
"Help me understand this, Billy." Charlie asked, rubbing his eyes in tired fashion.
"Jacob's wolf is no longer his own. He's fighting for control of him again. The spirit warrior that has used his body as a host is battling him for submission and if Jacob gives in to it then-"
Charlie glanced over to me, seeing me shudder from Billy's explanation to him.
"So it's all up to Jacob?"
"Yes."
"Is there a chance he'll... lose the fight, Billy?"
I sucked in a sharp breath, pressing myself further into the couch when Billy's solid gaze roamed over my face from across the room.
"No- Jacob is strong and he has far too much of his mother in him to lose. He knows his limits."
"This spirit warrior...what does it want with him?"
"A chance to be reborn. A chance to live through Jacob."
Charlie shuddered himself from hearing this, his head coming to rest in his hands as he tried to process it all.
"This is some scary shit, Billy."
"I know, Charlie." He agreed, placing a hand on his shoulder. "But I have absolute faith in my boy."
My stomach churned as I thought of Jacob running further and further away from us, his face so clear in my mind. I sucked in a sharp breath as a sudden wave of nausea hit me. I swallowed hard, feeling the room start to spin as I stood and ran for the bathroom. I nearly tripped over Billy, stumbling down the hall till I reached the toilet and emptied the contents of my stomach. I shook as I gathered my hair in my hands, waiting for it to pass from me. An urgent knock came to the bathroom door as I splashed some cold water on my face, staring blankly at my paled reflection in the mirror.
"Bella? Are you alright?" Charlie asked, his tone panicked now.
"-y-yes. I-I'm fine, dad. I just- need a minute." I hoarsely replied, wiping my face with the hand towel as I steadied myself against the counter.
My body ached and I mentally kicked myself for not getting the flu shot this year. I was clearly coming down with something. This was the third time I'd thrown up in two days and I felt chilled to the bone even with Jacob's thick sweatshirt covering me now. This was the last thing I needed on top of everything else.
I brushed my teeth and turned on the hot shower, seeking warmth from the water and feeling a little better when I emerged a few minutes later. My skin was nearly translucent and it made me tremble to see, remembering the last time I had been this pale.
Billy's worried tone from the kitchen caught my attention as I opened the bathroom door, his words to Charlie making my tears return.
"Has she slept at all?"
"No, Billy. Not a wink in days. She can't settle her mind down enough to get any kind of adequate rest. I'd be lying if I told you that I wasn't worried for her. She can't keep going through this."
"Jacob would be here if-"
"But he's not... is he?" Charlie huffed in agitation. "Look Billy, you know I love that kid, but Bella is suffering every time he leaves-"
"I'm sorry, Charlie. I wish I had more answers for you. I understand the worry you feel. I feel the same way for Jacob. Grown now or not, to me, he is still my little boy. I would gladly trade places with him if I could."
"I know you would, Billy." Charlie sighed. "I just don't know how much more of this Bella can take. If she gets any worse, I'll have to call Renee."
"She wouldn't understand any of this." Billy argued in return.
"I barely understand it myself. But maybe some time away from Forks would-"
"No, Charlie. If she isn't here when Jacob returns again, it could be the end of his fight. He won't have the strength to defeat this without her."
"Then what is Bella supposed to do in the meantime? She's starting to look the way she used to, Billy. And that scares the hell out of me. I can see it in her eyes... the fear... the emptiness."
I drew in a steadying breath and walked out to join them, the conversation coming to an abrupt end when they saw me enter the kitchen. Charlie quickly grabbed a blanket from the couch and wrapped it around me, seeing me shiver and my hair still damp from the shower.
"I can't seem to get warm." I sighed, offering Billy an apologetic look. "I'm sorry I-"
"Nothing to be sorry for, Bella." Billy replied, his hand caressing my cheek with half a smile that never touched his eyes. "Feeling any better?"
"Truthfully... No." I replied, tucking the blanket around me as Charlie handed me a steaming hot cup of tea.
"Here, honey. Maybe this will help to get you warm."
I took a sip, feeling the warmth from the steam as it touched my face and making me ache for Jacobs embrace.
Billy noticed my distant gaze and patted the top of my hand. His eyes ever observant of me.
"You need to get some rest, Bella. Going on like this is making you ill."
"I think I'm coming down with something. Haven't been able to shake these chills and the look of food makes me sick to my stomach. I didn't get my flu shot this year. Probably should have." I admitted to him.
Billy nodded once, his gaze studying me in a way that made me feel like I was an open book. It was a familiar look I knew well. It was the very same thoughtful and intuitive expression that Jacob would gaze at me with. Billy's eyes reminded me so much of Jacobs that I had to look away for fear of my tears returning if I didn't.
"Billy's right though, Bella. You have to get some rest somehow. Going on like this will catch up with you. Jacob wouldn't want you to do this to yourself."
"No, he wouldn't." Billy agreed.
"I've tried to sleep. I can't."
"Sarah used to knit when she was restless like this. Years ago- when I was out of this chair and still able to phase. When I took off like Jacob- She would knit for hours after dark, when the kids were sleeping, to keep her mind busy. After a while, it would tire her out enough so she could finally get some rest. Those times were real hard on her, too."
"You left Sarah like this? For days?" Charlie asked in disbelief.
"Yes I did. But my escaping was for different reasons. None of them that I'm proud of."
"Sarah was a saint." Charlie sighed. "Wish she were here now."
"Me too, my friend... me too. She would of helped Jacob in any way she could."
I glanced up to see Billy's gaze looming with emotion when he spoke this, my heart clenching at the sight of his pain over her, even after all this time.
"You're doing all you can for him, Billy. Like you said, it's up to Jacob."
"I called the elders again yesterday, looking for any new answers, but they offered me none. They said that once a spirit warrior enters a host, no outside source can help them."
"Some help they are." Charlie stated bitterly.
"They have given us all the knowledge they have, Charlie." Billy reminded him. "What they tell of this is true."
I stood from my chair, heading for the hall closet in search of some thread and knitting needles my grandmother had left to Renee years ago. She had never taken them with her when she left Forks. Back when I was just a mere child. I tore through the many filled boxes in the small closet, digging through this and that until I finally came across the smaller sized box that held them. I took it out to the kitchen with me, placing it on the table and digging deep to find the colors I needed to start knitting.
Billy smiled when he saw me hunker down in the chair again, wrapping the blanket around me as I began to knit the two colors together.
"Sarah must have been on to something, so knitting it is." I whispered, offering him a returning smile as my hands got busy.
Charlie chuckled with a shake of his head as he watched me weave the yarn together in a specific pattern. The hours passing by as we all sat around together, patiently awaiting Jacobs return.
A/N: Hello again all my awesome readers! Time for another update :-) Please feel free to tell me what you think of this chapter! Love hearing from all of you.