Well, here we finally are with the next chapter. I'm sorry it's taking me so long to update now, but you know how life is...always keeping you from doing the things you really want to do. lol

Anyway, school is going quite well - clearing an A in all my classes at the moment! WOOT! Now, on to the story!

Hiro Mashima owns Fairy Tail.

CHAPTER 36: IT'S NOT OVER

ROGUE'S POV

I followed silently as Sting led the way through Magnolia, taking only back roads and little short cuts to get back home. It would take us longer but as he put it, it was the best way to keep us from being ratted out to Minerva. Still, I couldn't find the interest to care. At the moment, all I could think about was Lucy.

How was she? Was she scared? Did she miss me being with her?

I tossed my head lightly to the side, cursing my foolishness and shoving the notion away. Why would she miss me? I'd let her down...worse than anyone else. And yet, I still couldn't make myself comfortable with the idea of leaving. It was all I could do to simply put one foot in front of the other. It was like my very body was rebelling against me, my feet feeling heavier than normal, as if even they were reluctant to go.

But what good would such resistance do? She had sent me away. Her guild could take care of her just fine; that's what she'd said. She didn't need me anymore. And why would she after what I'd done?

My eyes dropped to the ground, absently studying my shuffling feet as my jaw tightened once more. I'd been afraid something like that would happen, that she wouldn't be able to forgive me for abandoning her in her time of need. Now, all my fears had been realized. I'd lost her respect, and worse...her trust.

Pain curled in my body, sitting squarely upon my chest like a weight I wasn't strong enough to lift. I couldn't believe how much it hurt walking away. I never could have fathomed how horrible I would feel in that moment, taking that last glimpse of her.

But it was her choice. It always had been.

From the very beginning, I'd only ever wanted to help, only ever wanted to make things better for her, and for a while I had. I'd made her smile, helped her sleep through the night, eased her into opening up again. I'd done well with her, and it had made all those dark places inside me fade just the tiniest bit. Somehow, being around her, helping her had brightened something within me.

Now, that was all gone. I'd done something unforgivable, and she had lost faith in me. I could understand. I didn't fault her at all for sending me packing. My promise had given her hope, and when that vow had been broken, her hope had shattered right along with it. It made sense that she would want me gone. My presence now would only remind her of my failure to keep her safe.

Before I could bite back the urge, a ragged sigh fled my mouth, and Sting turned with a knowing look. "You okay?"

Not even a little. It was the truth, but that was an answer I'd keep tightly locked away. "I'm fine."

The words sounded surprisingly normal - curt and to the point just like the me from before, but it no longer felt...right. It was as if someone else had said them, playing the part of who I used to be. It was startling to be frank, realizing just how much I'd changed over the last week with Lucy. I'd transformed somehow, shed the skin of the past and become someone I didn't really recognize anymore. Only now, the mold of the old me didn't quite fit anymore.

I was...different now, in ways I'd never thought possible. And she was responsible. She'd done something to me, made me care, made me hope for just a moment in time. But now, that couldn't have mattered less. Because without her there to keep doing what she had done before, there was no point...no reason to stay this way.

So, it was time to go back, time to squeeze back into the life I'd had before. I knew it would never be the same again, not after such a loss. And it was a loss. Though I didn't understand it all, I had grasped that much. I had lost something important to me, someone important to me...just like when Skiadrum died.

But how was that possible? How had that brave, broken slip of a woman come to mean so much to me already that her absence would feel similar to the pain of losing my own father so long ago?

I shook my head again. The answer was obvious, right there in the very words of the question I'd asked. She had braved everything she'd been given, endured pain the likes of which I'd never known, and still, she kept going. She lived with true terror, the knowledge that the man who'd taken her still walked free, and yet she'd found the strength to get up every single day and keep moving forward.

There was something astounding about that, something beautiful in the way she fought so hard to find her way. The way she tried to reconnect with her friends, her family. It was truly admirable, leaving me about a snowball's chance in hell of keeping my distance. Like a skilled thief, she'd crept her way past my walls, slipped through some secret passage I hadn't known was there, and made herself a home in the small circle of people I gave a damn about.

But just when I realized how much she mattered to me, how much being by her side really meant to me, it was all over. The time to be her friend, to really be there for her, had already passed, and I was left with nothing but regret.

Once more, I'd failed. Once more, when it really counted, I'd dropped the ball. There was no going back, no changing the past into one where I'd made the right call. There was nothing left but the knowledge that I was the one to blame...and now, Lucy knew it too. She had sent me away because of it, sent me back home with only the tattered remains of the promise I'd broken.

Now, no matter how much I hated it, I had no choice but to find a way back to the man I used to be. Somehow, I would have to return to who I'd been, erect my walls once more and higher than before so no one could ever get to me again. Where I was going, there was no room for sentiment or emotion, no allowance for weakness of any kind. So I'd have to put that away, pack it in that trunk deep within my soul where all the other secrets lived and lock it up for good.

Because, even though I'd found something at Fairy Tail, even though I'd decided that was the kind of life I wanted, it didn't matter. It would never be mine. Now that Lucy was done with me, that option was gone, because the only guild I'd ever feel comfortable taking a chance on was the one she was a part of.

Abruptly, Sting came to a complete halt, and lost in my thoughts as I was, there wasn't enough time to stop. So with a curse shooting its way through my mind, I plowed right into the back of him and stumbled back. My eyebrows came together as I righted myself. What the hell was he doing?

"Why did you stop like that?"

It was quiet for a time as he seemed to scan my face, his eyes narrowing in his intent study, and then he frowned. "Do you intend to do this the whole way back?"

"Do what exactly?"

His brow furrowed, molding his normally carefree face into a scowl. "This..." he muttered, waving his hand at my head in annoyance. "...moping bullshit."

Bullshit? Was he serious? With all that had happened, how could he act so casual, so callous? Lucy had nearly been taken, and I was all but drowning in a sea of regret, and he called it bullshit?

I stood there in silence, having to fight the urge to shove his head through a brick wall, but I knew that wouldn't solve a thing. Sting would be nothing but a pain in the ass if I did that, taking it as a cue to start a full-on scrimmage, and I just couldn't deal with it at the moment.

Keeping a straight face, I took a step to the side and walked around him. "I don't know what you're talking about."

No more than two steps away, he latched onto my right arm and spun me around, and in one fluid motion, had me slamming into the wall I'd just contemplated putting him through.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about! You're moping about that..." He trailed off, as if he'd seen something in my expression that gave him pause, then finished quietly, "That girl."

It didn't matter that he was right. It didn't matter that Fro and Lector were nodding their heads in agreement or that they were all standing there, their expressions poised with expectations. I wasn't about to discuss this with them. It was private. It was a wound that only I could see, and I would carry it for the rest of my life. It was a blight, just one more to add to the many already on my soul, and it had nothing at all to do with them.

Giving him a push backward, I brushed a hand over my clothes, then reached down for Frosch. I didn't bother with words, hoping they would get the point. I simply turned and started back toward home and the guild I'd come to hate with every ounce of my being.

"Son of a-!" Loud steps sounded behind me, and then he shouted, "Goddammit Rogue! When are you gonna realize it wasn't your fault?"

I stopped just in front of him, my head drooping marginally. Why couldn't he let this go? Why did he always have to press? "Yes, it was. And I don't wish to talk about it any further."

That said, I resumed my trek, pointedly ignoring his sputtering behind me...until he all but snatched my attention away with a barely audible growl.

"It wasn't because she didn't trust you, you idiot!"

I slowed as if in a trance, then turned, saying nothing for a time while I sorted through what he had said. "What are you talking about? You heard what she said..."

"Yeah I heard what she said," Sting fired back with a roll of his eyes. "And what she didn't say."

"You're not making any sense."

A sharp groan burst from his mouth, and he drove his fingers into his hair in frustration. "She said what she thought she needed to say to get you to leave."

My mouth pinched at his evaluation of Lucy's words. He was right on target, and it set my stomach churning once more. "I don't need you to remind me of her intention. I am perfectly aware of it all."

"Apparently not!" he snapped. "Otherwise, you'd have known she was getting rid of you to save your own ass!"

I paused with my mouth open, trying to understand what he'd just told me. Lucy hadn't sent me packing because she didn't want me around? She'd been trying to spare me the trouble with Minerva? Could that be possible? Could she truly still want me around?

All at once, I spun around. If there was a chance, even a small one that he could be correct, I had to go back. No matter what happened, I couldn't leave her to bear her burden alone. She'd trusted me before, and I'd let her down. I wouldn't do it again.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"

Once more, Sting grabbed for me, his hand closing around my arm as if to pull me back. But this time, he just happened to catch me right as I realized something else. I whirled on him with a slack jaw, disbelief riding me hard. "You knew... This whole time, you knew she was trying to protect me, and you let me believe she didn't trust me anymore."

A chill whipped its way through my body, wrapping itself around my heart like a winter wind. He couldn't have done such a thing to me. He wouldn't have cut me so deliberately...would he?

Seconds ticked by, and my shoulders tensed, each moment heightening the fear that it was true until finally he spoke.

"Look, it's not exactly what you're thinking. Alright? I did know that's what she was doing, but-"

"How could you do that? How could you let me feel...let me think I..." I couldn't even finish, couldn't force the words out around the bile in my throat. He'd been willing to betray me, let me suffer...and for what? To keep me away from Lucy? From Fairy Tail? Did he really hate them so much?

Without another word, I faded into shadows, taking Frosch with me and leaving Sting there in the road yelling for me. I didn't care about his apologies, didn't care that he still thought he'd done the right thing. All that mattered to me was getting back to Lucy and straightening everything out. I didn't want her for even a second believing she was on her own.

And if anything had happened to her while I was gone...Sting would be the one to answer for it.

LUCY'S POV

All was quiet in the room as I slipped from my bed, and keeping my steps light so as not to disturb Natsu, I shuffled over toward the cabinet in the corner. I couldn't afford to wake Natsu at this point, couldn't have him messing up my plans.

I knew he would be angry. He'd be hurt and sad, just like the rest of the guild, but there was nothing else I could do. I'd come to the end of my ability to endure it all, and it was time to let go.

The demons that chased me were too strong, the memories too painful, and I was tired...tired and scared. I knew my friends would never give up, they'd never let me go, and it could very well get them killed. Too many times now I'd cost them, too many times they'd had to fight for me. I couldn't do it again. I couldn't let them risk everything for me again.

All that was left to do was say goodbye. I was already on my way out. My time was up. Tatankan had made sure of that, but my family would never be able to accept it. They'd never stop trying to save me, and that road could only lead to heartache.

They deserved to live out their lives, to love and laugh, to soak up as much happiness as they possibly could from every single day. And they would never have that with me around. It would never end, not without casualties and not without the people I loved getting hurt.

And that, I couldn't bear.

I loved them too much, and I had cost them far more than I had ever given. It was time to make up for that, to save them from themselves. I could keep them safe. I just had to quit running, quit hiding from the truth.

Tears coursed down my cheeks, and I fought not to sob openly. I would miss them. No matter what happened next or where I ended up, I knew I would miss them desperately. Gray with his incessant habit of stripping and his slightly chilled hugs, Erza and her secretly girly side, Happy's silly antics and his obvious love for Charle, Cana's infectious laughter, Levy's big eyes brightening as she talked about a good book, Natsu's smile. I would miss them all.

There was something opening up inside me, a great chasm ripping through my heart at the thought of what I was about to do, but I had no other choice. I couldn't do this anymore, especially now that Rogue was gone. He'd been my anchor, the strength I'd needed to keep going, my faith that I would make it through...and now I was alone, drifting through the tumultuous seas in a rickety boat with holes opening up everywhere I looked.

I was doomed, and I knew it. I could feel it deep in my bones, a timer counting down till my end came, but I wasn't waiting around. Tatankan would come for me. Even here at Fairy Tail, I wasn't safe. He would come, and he would hurt my family.

I couldn't let that happen.

So, with shaking hands, I grabbed a pen and paper and wrote a simple note. I bit back my tears as I took a deep breath, then reached up into one of the top cabinets. With Wendy and Porlusica around, we had a scarce supply of medication. We'd really had no need, but Master had made the call long ago to keep a limited amount on hand for the instances when neither healer was available, and now, I was grateful for his foresight.

I reached up, grabbing hold of a bottle I'd seen Mira use a while back when Elfman had been injured during a mission and Wendy had been out. It was something Porlyusica had made, little round pills to help with pain and keep the patient comfortable until a healer could get there.

I took the bottle, and turning for a peek at Natsu, slipped into the bathroom. It would all be over soon. I could finally rest. Tatankan would never take me again, and no one would get hurt. Everyone would survive, everyone I cared about would finally be safe.

Slowly, taking care to keep quiet, I unscrewed the cap and spilled the tiny circles out into my hand. I wondered how long it would take, how soon I would close my eyes for the last time.

I stood there, staring down at my hand and finally let the tears return. This wasn't how I'd envisioned my life. This wasn't what I'd wanted. No, I'd always thought I'd fall in love, get married, have children, and now...that was all gone. In the blink of an eye, everything had changed. I'd lost every dream I'd ever had.

And the hardest part was knowing there was no going back. There wasn't enough time in the universe to heal the damage done, to fix what was wrong with me. The Lucy Heartfilia I'd been before was gone. That woman had died the day Tatankan had come into my life; I was simply finishing what he started.

I lifted my eyes, taking one last look at myself in the mirror, and whispered a soft, "Goodbye."

A/N: Okay, let's all agree that we're not gonna kill the author for this cliffhanger? Cause that would mean no more updates! ;)