Well hell...it's about time, right? *bows apologetically* So sorry this took me so long. I intended to have it up much sooner, but life is forever getting in the way of my writing. I would have had this done the night before last but my dog got hurt quite badly, requiring surgery, and we've been busy taking care of him. So, I do hope you'll forgive me for my absence, and still keep sending the love.

On a happier note, Christmas is nearly here and I've been working on an 'Un-Christmasy' Christmas story for you. lol I know that makes no sense, but I promise, it will all be explained when I post the first part. Trust me - it'll be fun.

Lastly, thanks to my Bestie, the super awesome Nicole4211 for checking over my story and alleviating my debilitating fear that everything I write sucks major ass. Love you!

Hiro Mashima owns Fairy Tail.

CHAPTER 37: YOU FOUND ME

ROGUE'S POV

I swept through the Fairy Tail guild still wrapped in shadows, my presence only acknowledged by the other dragon slayers in attendance. Distantly, I saw their heads lift, their eyes tracking my movement as I shot up the stairs, but I couldn't find it in me to care about the curiosity they'd all shown. All I could think of was Lucy, getting to her, working things out. Everything else could wait.

Just outside of the infirmary door, I let my body reform, and without missing a beat, I pushed through the door. I stepped into the room, feeling the muscles in my shoulders loosen, all the tension from leaving Lucy behind leaking steadily away with the knowledge that she was so close. I felt like I could finally relax.

A soft smile pushed its way onto my face as I moved toward her bed, anticipation negating all the walls I'd begun constructing on my way home. Until I saw her bed. I came to an immediate stop, frowning at the empty spot where she should have been.

Where had she gone?

Almost instantly, my hackles rose, and I found myself fearing the worst. Could Tatankan have returned already, taken advantage of my absence once more to get to her?

My gut tightened, that pit that had only moments before calmed now raging out of control, and I whirled around, seeking evidence of her disappearance.

She's couldn't be gone. She couldn't be.

Over and over again, my mind repeated the phrase, chanting it as if it could stop whatever was coming. Because I didn't want it. I didn't want this ache in my chest or the fear climbing up my throat. I couldn't do it again.

Nausea swirling in my stomach, I scanned the room, and in my distress, nearly missed the fact that Natsu was still there. I studied him for a moment, watching for the rise and fall of his chest before I let myself relax. There was no way Tatankan had taken Lucy if Natsu was still there. Though their relationship had been anything but easy of late, there wasn't a doubt in my mind that the fire slayer would fight tooth and nail to keep Lucy safe.

But that didn't explain where she was, and no matter how I willed myself to calm, it didn't work. Something still wasn't right. The sight of Natsu had eased the tightness in my chest a bit, but I knew it wouldn't fade completely until I could set my eyes on Lucy herself.

Setting Frosch on Lucy's bed, I closed my eyes and drew in the air around me. It took no more than a fraction of a second for me to pick up her trail, and I was relieved to find it untainted by anyone else. She hadn't been taken. She'd moved on her own. But why?

Had she been trying to use the bathroom? If so, why hadn't she called someone to help her? Of course, it wasn't like she couldn't do it herself, but she'd been through a traumatic event today. So, why wasn't someone with her?

My eyes narrowing, I followed her scent and tracked her across the room to a set of cabinets and a connecting counter. I couldn't fathom why she'd be headed there until a scrap of paper caught my attention. I frowned as I reached for it, wariness welling up from somewhere deep within me.

My heart pounded in my chest, and suddenly, I didn't want to look. Everything inside me screamed for me to turn away, an alarm blaring in my head in warning, but I couldn't ignore it. My fear of the unknown couldn't outweigh my fear of something happening to Lucy. Hand shaking, I lifted the tiny slip of paper and almost choked when the words all but leapt off the page at me.

I couldn't breathe, couldn't seem to find an ounce of oxygen left in the room. Her note tore into me, every sentence an attack I was wholly unprepared for, a lance ripping right through my fragile heart. Disbelief followed a moment later as if trying to save me, and I ached to hold onto it. I wanted so badly for this letter to be a lie. I would have done anything at that point because the truth was too hard.

I stared at the page, wishing with everything inside me for the words to change, but it didn't make a difference. No matter what I did, how I prayed, they stayed exactly the same. I swallowed hard, fighting to push past the fear threatening to devour me, pleading with my body to move, but I was frozen.

She couldn't do this. She wouldn't do this to me. I didn't want to believe she would leave me like that, not like...

My throat closed at the thought, a wild sense of déjà vu jolting me down to my core. How could this be happening all over again? I couldn't breathe, couldn't swim my way back up out of the pit of despair I'd found myself in. The darkness inside me was returning, sucking me back under, and there was nothing I could do.

Distantly, I recognized that I was close to panicking, an attack the likes of which I hadn't seen in a while. It had been years actually, and I couldn't believe it was happening again. The signs were all there, the tightness in my chest, my throat closing up, and though I recognized what was coming, I couldn't seem to stop it.

I knew I needed to move. Somehow, I had to find Lucy before it was too late, but I couldn't make my muscles work. All that hard-won control I'd hidden so effectively behind was gone, and now I was as helpless as a babe in the woods. And where would that leave Lucy? By the time I managed to climb out of the state I was in, it would be too late.

And then I heard it. Her voice was faint, barely a whisper, but it was enough to jolt me into action. All at once, the paralysis fled, and I could move again.

The note fluttering to the floor, I raced the rest of the way across the room and flew at the door that separated me from her. I wasted no time using the doorknob; instead, I simply crashed through the entrance. Behind me, I could hear a startled yelp at the sudden noise, but it all felt so distant compared to the woman standing before me.

I said nothing as she stared at me, her ravaged eyes wide with surprise, and then her lip trembled and she shook her head. "I'm sorry..."

"Lucy...no. Don't do this." I could see the desperation in her eyes, the fear and acceptance of her fate, and I wanted to howl with regret. I should have been here!

I took a step toward her, and she moved back, her tears flowing down her cheeks like twin rivers. "I have to," she whispered.

Her words crashed like a frigid wind into my heart, and I stood there helpless as painful shards of ice shredded through all the walls I'd built. She couldn't believe that. She couldn't honestly believe this to be her only option.

"No you don't." My voice cracked as I eased closer, and I felt a flash of fear as she shuffled further away.

It was all so surreal. This agonizing turn of events couldn't possibly be happening. My mind refused to believe it, and yet I couldn't ignore the resignation on her face. But I wasn't ready for it. Once more, I hadn't seen it coming, and I couldn't help but feel responsible. If I'd only been here.

I wanted to pull her into my arms, beg her to forgive me for leaving her the way I had. I would say anything, do anything to stop her, because I couldn't do this again. I couldn't lose her too. "Lucy please...you can't do this to me."

She winced at my plea, pain flooding her face and dragging a heart-wrenching sob from somewhere deep inside her fragile body. Still, she shook her head. "I...I'm so sorry, Rogue."

"Luce?" Natsu called from behind me, his voice tinged with concern as he rounded the corner. "You okay?"

The blonde's tears fell faster as she cast her gaze to the floor. I knew she hated him seeing her like this - so broken and empty. She looked finished, and that scared the hell out of me. "Lucy," I tried again, but then her head raised, her eyes swimming with regret, and before she could make a move, I realized what she was about to do. "NO!"

Her hand lifted at just that moment, and I lunged at her, fighting to close my hand over her fist before she could make it to her mouth. She howled as I clutched her tightly to me and forced her hand open, spilling the dozen or so pills on the floor at her feet.

"Oh my God..." Natsu said as he stumbled back, his horrified voice cracking painfully.

I knew how he felt. Every soft place inside me was demolished in the wake of her suicide attempt, every bit of goodness within my body sinking into despair at the sound of her frantic cries. I had been so sure she would never do this, and it killed me that I'd been so wrong.

"You have to let me go!" she sobbed pitifully. She bucked against my hold, yanking for all she was worth, but I refused to let her go. "He's never going to stop!"

Her fear was almost palpable, her words like knives to my soul, and I wished with all I had that I could spare her such grief. But I couldn't let her do this. I couldn't let her throw her life away, so I just held her.

She fought me while Natsu looked on in utter despair and others of her guild piled through the door, and still, I held on tight. I wouldn't let her go again. I didn't care what she or anyone else said. I wasn't going anywhere.

Finally, she lifted her head, and my chest tightened at the devastation in her gaze. "Rogue, I can't...I can't do it anymore," she pleaded as tears poured from her eyes. "He's going to kill you. He's going to kill all of you...because of me..." She sobbed almost violently, her hands clutching at my shirt the way she had in the very beginning. "I can do this. I can end it. You just have to let me go..."

My head was shaking before she even finished talking. How could she think I would do that? I would never sacrifice her to save myself. I would trade myself a million times over before I allowed anything to happen to her.

"No, I won't let you do this. I'd rather die than see you hurt yourself like this." And that was truth. It may have started out as a way to assuage the guilt I carried over the past, but it had grown to something more. I was no longer there to make up for my sins. I was there because I wanted to be, because I needed to see her through this.

My words seemed to infuriate her, igniting a spark of something other than despair in her eyes. "Don't say that!" she wailed, pushing against my chest with her fists. "Don't ever say that! I couldn't bear it if something happened to you!"

"And what do you think it would be like for me?"

Anger billowed up inside me, heat flooding my system and washing away the deathly chill from before. It took every last scrap of control I possessed to keep from yelling at her, and even then, my voice still rose. I couldn't believe her reasoning. It was okay for her to sacrifice herself to protect us, but us doing the same for her was unthinkable?

"What do you think it was like for me to walk in here and see you like this?" I shook my head at her, not even bothering to shield myself from her gaze. "You thought you were saving us, but killing yourself won't save anyone, Lucy." I grabbed her arms and spun her around, forcing her to see the faces of her family. "That would have destroyed them. It would have destroyed me," I added softly.

She stood there shaking, her eyes taking in the mournful group before her, and then a pitiful sob shot from her mouth. All at once, her knees buckled, and she sagged in my arms, her determination faltering in the face of the people who loved her. I lifted her up as she cried, cradling her like I had so many times before, and began moving toward her bed.

We would have to have a conversation about this soon. Very soon, if I had any say in it, but for now, I would let her grieve. She'd had it all worked out. She'd be free from her fear, free from Tatankan, and her family would be safe. And now, that was all gone, and she'd have to find a way to live. She'd discovered what I'd learned a long time ago.

Dying was easy. You got to close your eyes and let it all go. You didn't have to live with the consequences, didn't have to face the ones left behind or the pain you caused by skipping out. But living? Living was tough. You had to face your fears, find the strength to get back up when you fell flat on your face. It was hard and frightening and in my experience, lonely as hell.

But one thing was sure. Lucy wouldn't be alone. I'd vowed before that I'd be there for her, and I intended to keep that promise. No matter what, I would be by her side, ready to help her any way she needed me too. No doubt she would argue the point, feeling guilty about troubling me, but it would make no difference. She could cry, scream, beg for me go back home, but I wasn't going anywhere.

And as I laid her on her bed again, and she pulled me with her, I found peace again. It settled into my soul, soothing all the panic from before, and for the first time in the last hour, I could breathe easy. She was safe, a little worse for wear, but she was alive and I'd make damn sure it stayed that way.