Hello again! Finally updating this story too, and let me tell you, it feels great. I've missed it so much.

A quick question for you all concerning this story. I had a reader a long while back suggest a song for this story. While I had my own to represent this tale, her suggestion was incredible, and I'd like to mention it so that everyone could hear it as well. Unfortunately, I accidentally deleted her name and the title of the song. I believe it was "Winter Sleep" by Olivia Lufkin, but I'm not sure. So if by chance, any of this is sounding familiar, please let me know. I'd like to give credit where credit it due.

Now on to the story, which by the way, made me cry again. Thankfully, not gut-wrenching sobs, but there were definitely some not-so-pretty snotting going on.

Hiro Mashima owns Fairy Tail.

CHAPTER 39: PERHAPS LOVE

LUCY'S POV

I watched as Rogue made his way back to me on the bed, his face etched with consternation and shadows dancing along his skin. I'd had only a glimpse of them before when he'd spirited me away from the hospital, but now, they were everywhere. It was startling but somehow also beautiful to see his magic brought to life, though I'd rather not have seen it as a side effect of his fight with Sting.

I'd heard very little of their argument, but the bits I had been able to glean made me sick to my stomach. They were arguing about me, about what I'd done...or tried to do. Rogue very clearly blamed Sting for what had happened, but I couldn't understand why.

Sting wasn't even here. The man had no bearing on my choice one way or the other. So why would Rogue hold him accountable?

"Rogue," I called, my voice sounding timid in the now quiet room.

He lifted his head and met my gaze, but this time, his expression was closed off. It was as if time had began to rewind, back to the beginning of all this madness. I could no longer read him like I had previously, and I couldn't help but wonder if this was my punishment. He was hiding from me, in a way he hadn't done in a long time, and that hurt. I couldn't say I didn't understand because the truth was he was completely right to treat me this way. I'd made a choice without consulting anyone else, and I'd meant for him to just live with it.

At the time, I hadn't really thought that far. All I could imagine was the people I loved getting killed...just to keep me safe. And who was I to ask that of them? Who was I to require such a sacrifice?

I knew Fairy Tail. I knew they'd never let me go. They'd fight to the bitter end. And some would get hurt like they had this last time; some might pay with their lives.

How could I live with that? Knowing I could end it all - the pain, the stress, the burden on my guild. They were all fighting for me, putting their lives on the line for me. I didn't want that. I wanted them all safe, and the only way I could think of to guarantee that was to take myself out of the equation.

But looking into Rogue's eyes, I felt my heart ache. I'd hurt him. And not only him. So many people had been harmed by my decision. Natsu, Erza, Cana, Gray...

God...Gray. The thought of him sent a bolt of pain to my chest. He was never going to understand this much less forgive me for it. He would never look at me the same. All at once, my eyes burned. I could see it on Rogue's face, the same pain I knew would be on Gray's, and it struck me like a fatal blow. I'd done that. I'd put that devastation there.

My throat constricted, tightening with the knowledge of what I'd done. How I wished I could take it all back. I would do it all over again. Somehow...

And yet, I still had no other way to keep them all safe. They were still in danger, and there was nothing I could do to spare them.

My eyes filled as I looked up at the man who'd stopped me. I didn't know how he could look at me. He'd left thinking I was on the road to recovery, that I was safe and happy in the care of my guild, and I'd taken advantage of his absence to try to end my life.

I'd betrayed his trust, in the worst way possible. "I-I'm sorry, Rogue." Fear and shame swamped me, trapping the words I needed to say at the base of my throat. He deserved so much more than a paltry apology. He'd been my rock, the very strength I'd needed to climb out of the darkness I'd found myself in, and I'd belittled that gift with my actions.

And yet, I couldn't say that. I couldn't say a thing, so I turned away, left those horribly insufficient words as my acknowledgment of guilt. And it would never be enough.

That ever-present ache in the back of my throat grew, predicating the tears I knew were just around the corner, but I fought it. I had no right to lay my pain on him again, not after how I'd let him down. So I stuffed it all down, I pushed and shoved until every last ounce of it was safely ensconced in that box I put everything else in these days, and I waited.

I knew it was coming. He'd earned the right to berate me, to ridicule me for being weak, and I would take every bit of it. Because it was the truth. I was weak.

A sigh sounded beside me, and then I felt the bed dip. "Lucy, look at me."

He sounded so calm. In spite of the fight he'd just had with Sting, he still sounded like himself, and that was all wrong. He should be furious with me. Not only for what I'd done, but for ruining things between him and his best friend.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't look at him knowing all the problems I'd caused for him. He'd been free of me and my mess, and now I'd sucked him right back in. I'd put him back in danger, not only with Tatankan but his own guild master as well.

"Lucy," he called, gently grasping my chin and lifting my head. "Stop this."

Stop what? I wanted to ask. Stop being afraid? Stop being ashamed?

I didn't think I could.

"I need you to look at me."

Why would he even want that? Why would he want to even be near me?

My eyes pricked, and I blinked frantically to stave off the tears that were always threatening to flow. How could I face him after all this?

"Please Lucy."

His soft plea pulled at me, tugging at my already pained heart. How could I deny him anything after everything he'd done for me?

Tentatively, I lifted my gaze and felt my stomach churn at the emptiness of his face. This was it. This was where he turned his back on me for good. Maybe it was for the best. He shouldn't have to live like this.

But the moment our eyes met, the stillness of his expression broke. It was as if a mask simply fell away, leaving his emotions for all to see.

And what I saw there demolished the last of my resistance. I sobbed, a great, gut-wrenching wail, and I threw myself at him. It wasn't a conscious thought. It just happened, and he caught me in his arms and held me like he'd done a hundred times.

"I'm sorry...I'm so so sorry..."

The words ripped from my soul in a torrent of tears, and I clung to him as if he'd disappear the moment I let go. I didn't deserve this man's care, didn't deserve the strength found in his embrace, but I wanted it. I needed it. I was lost without it.

"Shhh...I've got you.

ROGUE'S POV

Lucy trembled against me, her frail body shaking with the force of her gut-wrenching sobs. She was killing me, causing my throat to grow thick with emotion. I'd wanted her to see the pain she'd wrought, to understand the consequences of her actions, and yet, I hadn't been prepared for the backlash of the insight.

She was crumbling before me, the fragile remnants of her heart being crushed under the weight of what she saw as another failure. Her shame was palpable, tinging the air in the room with its acrid scent.

This wasn't what I'd wanted. Never could I wish for her to be broken down even more than she'd been before. I simply needed her to never attempt to take her life again. Seeing her so close to ending it all had ripped a hole right through me.

"Please...don't ever do that again." I pressed my face to the side of her head, closing my eyes in a bid to erase the horrific vision. It played in my head like a clip set on repeat. Over and over again, I'd see that note, feel my stomach drop with the knowledge that she wanted to end it all. It took everything I had to keep from grabbing hold of her and never letting go.

Nothing in my life could have ever prepared me for the depth of emotion she had caused within me. The thought of losing her was more than I could handle. I couldn't do it again. My throat tightened, and I fought to finish before it completely closed up on me. "I swear I won't leave you again. Just...don't..."

I couldn't even say the words. I couldn't bear to acknowledge out loud what she'd nearly accomplished, what she would have done had I not busted through that door and stopped her. I'd come too damn close to being too late to stop her.

A plaintive sniff came from the woman I held, and then she lifted her head. Her eyes wide, she whispered, "Rogue..."

"I'm sorry..." I brushed a hand over her head and took a breath, trying valiantly to halt the welling in my eyes. "I should have been here."

Sting had kept the truth from me, but he wasn't all to blame. I'd made Lucy a promise, and I'd broken it. I was the one that let her down when she needed me the most, and she'd nearly left us all for good.

Instantly, her head shook. "Don't apologize. It's all my fault. I did it. I betrayed your faith in me." Her voice broke at that. "I wasn't strong enough to-"

"Don't say that!" I told her firmly, softening my voice when she flinched. How could she not see it? What she'd gone through...I couldn't imagine how she survived. I couldn't imagine the fight she must have put up, the pain she must have endured. I'd seen her there at the end of it, and even I couldn't comprehend it all. To me, she was incredible. I ran my thumbs across her cheeks, wiping at the tears slipping down her face. "It's not true, Lucy. You're the strongest person I know."

All at once, she pulled her head from my hands, rejecting what I'd said with her actions, and pushed herself against my chest. "I'm not strong, Rouge. Strong people don't try to kill themselves," she corrected softly, burrowing her head in the crook of my neck. "I'm a coward."

Even before she finished, I was shaking my head. There wasn't a chance in hell that was true. "It's not cowardly to want to protect your friends."

She stilled against me, and a sense of foreboding filled my gut. Something was coming. She was going to say something I didn't want to hear.

"I wanted to die..."

No no no! Everything inside me rebelled against it, screamed my denial of what she'd said. I didn't want it to be true. She couldn't do that to me. My arms tightened around her shivering form, trying not only to calm her but to also trying to shield my reaction to her revelation. I wanted to sink beneath her skin, infuse her with my own will to live. Could my shadows do that?

"I just...couldn't do it anymore." She sniffed loudly, and I felt her tears slip down my neck. "I was so afraid, so ashamed, always waiting for him to take me again."

"He won't," I declared vehemently. It would be a cold day in hell before that bastard got close to her again. "I'll never let that happen."

She sighed, clutching me tighter. "But I sent you away, and then...it wouldn't stop." Her voice rose in pitch as her anxiety increased. "The fear...the darkness. It was just too much." She wept against me, soaking my shirt with the evidence of her anguish. "I'm not strong enough to do this, Rogue. He's...he's in my head all the time!"

She shattered my heart with her confession, and though I knew she hadn't meant for it to convict me, it did. Because the truth was – she did what she did because I wasn't here. I'd let my own guilt over failing to protect her from Tatankan's second attack cloud my judgment, and I'd let her convince me that she'd be alright. I let myself believe she'd chosen to send me away because I doubted myself. I should have seen it!

Lucy had it all wrong. She never betrayed me. She couldn't see that I was the one who'd messed everything up. I'd betrayed her by breaking my promise, by leaving, by letting other people get in the way of my duty to her.

"I swear to you, Lucy. It won't happen again." It was all I could promise her. I wouldn't lie and say I could erase that sorry bastard from her mind. If I could, I'd have done it long ago, but no matter what I wished to do, I had my limits. But I could promise to be there. I could make good on my promise from before. Releasing a weary breath, I closed my eyes, allowing myself a moment to draw in the soothing scent of her hair. "I won't ever leave you like that again."

I couldn't. Something told me that doing so wouldn't just kill her, it would kill us both. I couldn't let her down again. I'd failed her too many damn times already, and I would die before it happened again.

Lucy tensed at my words. I knew she would deny my part in her near death, but I knew the truth. It was my cross to bear, and no amount of words would ever salve my guilt.

No matter what, I would be there for her. I would stay right by her side, giving her whatever she needed to get by, to survive, to grow stronger. I would be as close as her own shadow from now on.

Pressing my lips to her head, I silently renewed my vow. I'm going to be here for you, Lucy...every damn day until that son of a bitch is dead.

CANA'S POV

I opened the door to Lucy's room cautiously, not knowing the kind of reception we would receive. It wasn't that I thought Lucy would be angry to see us, but considering what had happened, there was bound to be some sort of reaction to our presence. And maybe we should waited, but it was an impossible feat. I couldn't have stayed away if I'd wanted, and I knew it was the same for Gray. We had to know, to see for ourselves that she was really okay.

We entered the room quietly and came to an abrupt stop just inside the door. Neither of us made a sound, too stunned and touched by the scene before to risk breaking into such a tender moment. The two of them wrapped in such a gentle embrace was one of the most beautiful sights I'd ever seen, and I kept still, fully intending to give Rogue and Lucy their time, but I'd discounted Rogue's abilities. I should have realized there was no way we could ever be silent enough to get past his extraordinary hearing.

"Hello Gray...Cana." Rogue leaned his head down, whispering something in Lucy's ear too softly for me to catch, then straightened and stood to his feet, giving us our first uninhibited view of our friend.

She looked out at us, her gaze locking with mine, and I found myself fighting back tears at the depth of emotion in their depths. Everything from fear to despair sparked there inside her dark brown eyes, and it took me a moment to understand. She was afraid of what we'd say of what she'd done, of how we'd react.

Swallowing hard, I forced a smile on my face. There was no way it reached my eyes, but it was the best I could come up with at the moment. My lip trembled, the smile threatening to fall as she began to blink fast. I could see the tears gathering in her eyes, and I knew if they began to fall, so would mine.

Slowly, her attention shifted, moving from me to the man standing beside me. She bit her lip, her eyes brimming with emotion, and then, just as her gaze fell on Gray, the dam broke. The tears she'd managed to keep at bay poured from her eyes, streaming down her cheeks like twin rivers.

I bit back a sob as Gray drew in a sharp breath and took a step forward, only to stop once more.

"Lucy…"

His voice cracked, his own eyes flowing as he shifted in place. It took no genius to see what he was doing. His desire to go to her was apparent in his body language, in the way he leaned toward her, in the way he fought to remain where he was. But he'd learned not to rush into thing. This time, he was taking it slow. In spite of how badly I knew he wanted to rush over there and take her in his arms, he was letting her decide what to do.

I knew it had to be killing him to stand there like that waiting for her reaction. He loved her so much, and he wanted nothing more than to be there for her. It had been so hard for him in the beginning when she'd be afraid of him. But they'd come so far since then, building their relationship back again, and it would destroy something inside him if she pushed him away now.

We all waited for what felt like ages, and pressing a hand to my trembling mouth, I prayed. More than anything in the world, I hoped she would go to him, call for him...something to show him that he hadn't lost her again.

And then she did.

A soft cry broke through the wall she'd erected, and then she slid from her bed and flew at him, her expression morphing into one of regret and sorrow. Gray let loose a heart-rending sob as he rushed to meet her, and then he caught her in his arms, burying his face into the crook of her shoulder. They clung to each other, and I couldn't keep from crying right along with them.

"I'm sorry Gray…" she wailed, the pitiful sound only just reaching my ears, but Gray just shook his head.

"No," he croaked, his arms tightening around her smaller frame. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't...like you had to…" He trailed off, his voice breaking once more before he could finish the sentiment. "I wish I had known...I would have been here. You know I would have been here."

The words brought his tears once more, and with his, both mine and Lucy's as well.

"I know...I know you would have. I just...I couldn't do it anymore. I-I'm sorry."

Her cries ripped right through me, and I turned away, trying to pull myself back together. Between the two of us, Gray needed this moment to break down the most. He shouldn't have to worry over me as well. Right now, the only thing he needed to focus on was his sister, and I would find a way to do what I could to support them.

Softly, the two continued talking, this time low enough to evade my ears, but that was okay. This was their time, and brushing my tears away, I made my way over to Rogue. His eyes were locked onto the pair of siblings across the room, and though he tried to keep his thoughts from his face, I could see he was touched by the scene.

He might not want to admit it, but he cared for my friend more than he'd like everyone to believe. It was there in his gaze though, and as the old saying goes, the eyes were the window to his soul. And try as he might, he couldn't hide it anymore.

Still, I wondered just how deeply his affection went. Was she a friend that he had tasked himself with protecting or was there more? Did he in fact love her? Had Lucy gotten under his skin?

I could only hope so, because she needed a man like him - kind, understanding, gentle. And from everything I'd seen of him, he would care for her with the utmost respect and dedication.

"Why do you continue staring at me?"

My lips curved just a bit at his question. I was entirely certain he wouldn't be asking if he'd known what I was thinking. "You love her, don't you?"

His eyes widened, and just like I'd known he would, his face shut down. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Still he couldn't seem to pull his eyes away from her.

"Are you sure about that?" I asked, following his line of sight to my two closest friends. "Because it looks an awful lot like you know exactly what I'm talking about."

He shifted beside me, only sparing me a glance before turning his attention back to Lucy and Gray. "I'm trying to protect her."

"I know you are. And if that's all it was, I'd agree with you. But I've seen you with her, Rogue." Turning toward him, I placed a hand on his arm. "And I think you know this is more."

Those deep red eyes drifted down to my hand and then up to my face, and there, shining in their crimson depths was my answer. He hadn't figured it out yet, but it was there. And that was all I needed to know.

Gently, I let my hand drop, and just as I was about to turn my head toward Lucy and Gray again, he spoke.

"And when do you intend to inform Gray that you are in love with him?"

The quietly uttered words had me freezing in place. I couldn't even look up at him; I was more than a little stunned at his perception. No one else had ever questioned my friendship with Gray. They'd all just assumed that we'd carried our closeness over from childhood, but recently, I'd begun realizing it was more. At least on my side of things.

But having never gotten anything more from Gray, I'd resigned myself to being his friend, and I'd been fine with it. Now though, with everything that had happened, I was starting to rethink that. It had never been more clear to me that time was short. We never knew how much we had left, when we'd lose the people we loved, and I wasn't sure I could continue to be content with things the way they were.

Taking a deep breath, I admitted it out loud, confessing my feelings for Gray for the first time to a man who'd been virtually a stranger only a couple weeks ago. "I don't know."

He turned to me sharply, his brows pulling together in surprise. "You admit it?"

"There's no point in denying it."

He seemed thoroughly confused by my response, and I could only shrug. "I've been thinking it might be time to tell him for a while now." Looking over at the man we were talking about, I sighed. "With everything that's happened, I've realized that I might not have as much time as I thought I did. Anything could happen."

"No," he refuted, his stance going stiff and several wisps of shadows forming around him. "Nothing is going to happen. I'll kill him first."

At first, I thought he meant Gray, and my head turned so fast it made a sound. But one look at his face had my worry evaporating as quickly as it'd come. He wasn't looking at Gray or even Lucy anymore; his gaze was fixed somewhere in the distance, some place only he could see, and I realized rather slowly who he meant.

Somewhere out there, Tatankan still roamed, and Rogue was making his position clear. One day, the man who attacked Lucy would return, and when he did, he would meet a force he'd never faced before. I had seen what a man would do to protect the woman he loved, and there wasn't a doubt in my mind Rogue would do exactly as he'd said. He would keep her safe...and if what I'd seen was any indication, it just might be for the rest of her life.