The Legends Still Live On

Bogen Siebundzwanzig-komma-ein: Extras Neun und Zehn

Kapitel Sieben: Harte Maßnahmen

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Aboard the Kiev, it was not uncommon to see some… strange occurrences. After all, it was a Russian ship, inhabited by Russians, who were famous over the Internet for being some of the strangest people on the planet. With those parameters, it was nearly guaranteed that something odd and ridiculously out-of-place would occur at any given time.

But when some of the members of Pravda's Arts of Warfare programs went to the ad-hoc airstrip that day, they were in for a real treat with regards to strange Russian phenomena.

"Um…" Ivan, the short-statured I-16 pilot, looked on at what was going on with a greatly confused and lost expression. "… Just what the heck is going on here?"

He was greatly puzzled by the fact that there was a large human centrifuge – not unlike those used to train cosmonauts for sustained high-g experiences – set up on the airstrip proper and spinning at a respectable speed.

Klara and Alexei were there as well, and at Ivan's inquiry, Alexei saw fit to explain. "Kapitan Katyusha said she was using centrifugal force to try and get taller," he divulged as the three watched the large Soviet-era centrifuge spinning at an impressive speed with the one and only Katyusha aboard.

Inside the podded end chamber of the centrifuge, Katyusha was tightly gripping a pole on the inside with her legs. With how the pole was mounted – nearer to the center of rotation than Katyusha herself – the diminutive Russian was being flung outward as the machine rotated, and it was hoped that this would help Katyusha get taller. The logic was that the laws of physics couldn't be broken, so the plan was seen as foolproof. Although, Katyusha wasn't afraid to admit that her thighs were burning right about now, what with how tightly she had to wrap her legs around the pole.

"Where did that thing even come from in the first place?" Ivan asked, gesturing with a hand to the human centrifuge, which was still spinning with a stable hum and periodic whoosh every time the chamber came past. It wasn't terribly surprising, honestly, for a situation like this to surface. Ivan was more concerned with how something like a human centrifuge found its way aboard the Kiev and into the usable hands of Katyusha.

"I believe it was something Sasha found while looking through the storage facilities below deck," Klara recalled with a finger to her lips. She then removed her finger and smiled in amusement. "And, well, you know how the Komandir Sotni is when he gets a new toy to play with. Kapitan Katyusha simply decided to take advantage of that and have him utilize it on her."

Indeed, it was Sasha at the controls for the centrifuge. He, along with Nonna and Nudelmann, were positioned along one side of the airstrip in a small temporary booth, where Sasha had control of the machine while the other two taller Russians were there as assistance. It was a well-known habit of Sasha's that he liked to play around with the machines he found, just for the hell of it.

"Supposedly, that particular one was originally used for cosmonaut training back when the Soviet space program was still around," Alexei chose to further explain as he, Klara, and Ivan remained mesmerized by the spinning centrifuge. "Pravda had actually played a part in the program, having provided prospective cosmonauts a chance to gain experience at an earlier age than what was otherwise possible. Hence why we have one of those things here."

"And then I assume the collapse forced Pravda to shelve all of their cosmonaut training?" Klara guessed, referring to the 1991 collapse of the Soviet government that hammered the nail into the coffin for communism in Eastern Europe, and subsequently resulted in mass poverty and crime throughout the region from a lack of a stable economy.

"Da," Alexei confirmed with a nod. "There was no point in having the program around any longer considering there was hardly any money for living, let alone anything of that extravagance. So Pravda shelved everything from before down into storage below decks, including items from other programs that were also cut after the collapse."

"Huh," Ivan hummed in acknowledgment. "I didn't know that…" The I-16 pilot then thought for a bit, and then asked another question. "Wait a minute, how do you know all that?"

Alexei shrugged. "Sasha told me," was all he said, as if it was the answer to everything.

After another moment of thought, Ivan shrugged in a dismissive manner, figuring that Sasha would be the kind of person to do such in-depth research. He was someone who liked learning for the sake of learning, most preferably in a hands-on way.

Then, completely randomly, the end chamber on the still-spinning centrifuge separated abruptly from the boom. That resulted in the pod that Katyusha was inside veering away in a straight line after the separation, down the airstrip, luckily. The remainder of the centrifuge spun notably faster now that the radius of its rotation arc was smaller, and it spun at that speed until the shocked-frozen Sasha snapped out of his stupor and shut down power to the machine, the centrifuge's rotational speed beginning to gradually slow down in response to entering its cooldown period. Nudelmann and Nonna were similarly frozen with shock, as was Ivan, with eyes wide at the dramatic complication.

"Ukh…" Klara winced, imagining the pain Katyusha must be in by now as the pod roughly tumbled down the dirt airstrip.

"Da uzh, eto yavno bylo bol'no..." Alexei commented on how it definitely looked painful to be within that pod, also wincing.

Over by the booth, Sasha, Nudelmann, and Nonna had all stepped outside and walked a bit down the airstrip as they watched the pod come to a stop.

Sasha raised his eyebrows and abruptly yet awkwardly said, "Ah-yes, I just remembered that I have to go and… make another modification to the Ishak, so I'll see you later!" He then ran off, hoping to not be the one to suffer Katyusha's, admittedly well-deserved, wrath. Though to be fair, he had performed an inspection on the centrifuge beforehand and had not recommended utilizing it since, for one, it had been sitting for some time without use, and two, was a Soviet piece of equipment. And like all Soviet equipment, it was not something to rely on. But Katyusha didn't listen and insisted on utilizing it anyway for this latest plan of hers to get taller.

"And I must go and assist him," Nudelmann claimed, using his oft-recognized place as Sasha's assistant to get out of having to be the one to get Katyusha out of the pod. He then ran off after Sasha, leaving Nonna as the only one there.

The IS-2 gunner narrowed her eyes at the fleeing pair of Russian boys. "Traitors…" she muttered, clearly understanding that they meant to give her the short straw this time. The tall, raven-haired Russian girl looked back further down the airstrip where the centrifuge's separated pod had come to rest and nervously gulped. "Well, here goes nothing… Please don't be too mad, Katyusha…"

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After getting her out and helping her heal, Nonna measured Katyusha's height once again.

"Well, it appears that you lost two centimeters…" the IS-2 gunner revealed, trying to smile but appearing suitably nervous of how Katyusha would react.

The more diminutive Russian was boiling in anger, face flushed red with fury at her plan backfiring so horribly on her. "I want you to find Sasha…" she slowly spoke, clearly conveying just how pissed she was and how close she was to completely losing her cool. "And send him to Gulag."

Nonna stepped back as calmly as she could, swallowing thickly with dread, knowing that this was an order from Yekaterina, the heavy-handed leader of Pravda, and not Katyusha, the child-like best friend of Nonna. "Tak tochno, tovarishch kapitan," the IS-2 gunner responded affirmative after an unsure pause, almost forgetting to salute in the process. She only remembered to do so after a second, before she walked off, silently hoping that the diminutive blonde would calm down and not do something she would regret by the time Nonna found Sasha and Nudelmann.

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Part of Projekt Jägermeistern.

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The author doesn't claim to own "Girls und Panzer" or any other references made. "Girls und Panzer" belongs to Actas. Any references made belong to their respective owners.

Feel free to ask any questions if you have them. Please note, however, that questions asked without being signed in will not be answered. The author would prefer to address questions outside of the story, and leaving questions while signed in provides that ability.

Special thanks to ChillingComrade for his Russian expertise.