Chapter 19

He held the brochure in his hands. It was a ridiculous prop. There was no one who would believe he was just randomly standing in the lobby. Truth told, he wasn't quite sure why he was standing in the lobby. It wasn't as if he hadn't seen her.

He'd seen her in the hallways of the station. She'd even joined him and James for drinks a few times. But she only stayed for one and the conversation was always about work. He knew this current distance was his fault. He'd pushed her away, what did he expect?

He hadn't really noticed the gap, or maybe felt it, until Lyn had called. Of course, Val had already known about her news. They'd smiled at one another, but he'd felt the chasm between them widen.

He looked up just as she came through the door and met his eyes, "I won't have the toxicology results yet."

"No, I was just wondering if you fancied a bite to eat, on the off chance."

She smiled kindly, "Oh, sorry, I'm booked."

He paused for a moment then shrugged, "Ah, nevermind." Perhaps coming had been a mistake, perhaps their moment had passed.

"Did you want to talk?"

He nodded, "It'll keep."

She took the flyer from him, smirking at its content, "How to donate a body for medical research?"

He rolled his eyes, knowing she'd seen right through him, "I just picked it up in reception. Our Lyn is on me to sort out my will. Her partner being a financial advisor."

They walked towards the door, "Some cultures believe you can't enter heaven without all your bits intact."

He opened the door and let her go through, "Some of us don't believe in heaven."

She stopped outside the door, regarding him curiously, "You know who asked me about donating their body, Morse. I told him he should help the living and consider donating his organs instead. He said he wouldn't inflict his organs on anyone."

They laughed, eyes meeting. Robbie looked away first and sighed, "All those years…still things change, don't they? Walk you to your car at least?" He held out his arm and she lightly took it.

At her car, Laura dropped her hand from his arm. He looked down at his arm, mourning the loss of contact. "Do you think you might like to have lunch one day this week?"

She tilted her head, "I'm pretty busy this week."

He raised his eyebrows, "I'd make it dinner if that would work better?"

She nodded, "Maybe." Tilting her head towards her car, "I have to go."

"Sure, I'll see you."

He watched her get into her car and drive away. She'd been the only person he wanted to tell about his news. And now it seemed she might not be available to tell.

He was alone at his desk. All of the thoughts in his mind battled with one another. After all these years back in Oxford, he was more lonely than he'd ever been. Val was in his life but no one else was. He finally realized it was his own fault. In clinging to the past, he might have destroyed any possibility of a future.

Reaching for his phone, he dialed her number, smiling to himself when she answered. "Laura, I know you're busy but all work and no play…"

On the other end, she smiled. "Actually, it's perfect timing. I need to get away from this place and I could give you your results."

His heart leapt in his chest, "Thirty minutes? Lunch?"

"I can't do lunch but I can do coffee."

"I'll take what I can get."

He got there first, ordered the coffee and waited. It was hard to believe how exited he was. He hoped to broach the subject of resuming their Sunday dinners. He stood when he saw her and waved.

She handed him a folder and started talking before she even sat down. "Prepare for the weird Robbie. Jeremy Swain's cause of death is a first for me in a homicide: starvation."

He fought a smile, happy to have her to himself. "Starvation?"

"And/or dehydration."

He sat back in his chair. "How long would that take?"

"Umm, they say three minutes without air, three days without water and three weeks without food. But it's a moveable feast, to coin a phrase. From his body weight and general health I am estimating he died between four to ten days ago. And he last ate at least two weeks ago, closer to three."

"That would fit with when he disappeared. But he can't have been in the ground that long. He must have been kept hidden somewhere, tied up and gagged. What about this missing finger?"

She handed him the papers. "Left hand, little finger, severed at the base of the proximal phalanx, after death."

Robbie grimaced. "Small mercies." Laura grabbed her bag and moved to leave. "There's something else if you've got five minutes.

She nodded, sitting down again, "Sure.

Robbie motioned to the server and pointed at his cup. He held up two fingers.

She sat back down and looked at him. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Actually I have some news and when I heard it, you were the only person I wanted to share it with." He smiled at her. She looked at him blankly. "Our Lyn is pregnant."

She smiled at him. "Congratulations. That's great news."

"Thanks. She's very excited. She's actually on me to consider retirement. Move up near them so that we can all be together."

She took a sip of her coffee, "And are you considering it?"

He met her even gaze, trying to keep the nerves from his question, "I don't know yet. I feel like I have a life here but maybe up there I could have more. It wouldn't just be about the job."

She shook her head, "Fresh starts can be a good thing. What does James think?"

"I haven't told him yet. You're the only one I've told. You were the first person I thought about telling."

She smiled at him, reaching for his hand, squeezing it gently. "Is that why you stopped by the other day?"

Nodding, he turned his hand squeezing her hand. "Yes." When she didn't pull her hand away, he pushed forward, "I've missed our Sunday dinners."

She smiled, sadly, pulling her hand away. "They were nice."

"Perhaps we could start again?"

Taking a last sip from her coffee, she pushed back from the table. "You should probably make a decision before we talk about that." She stood, smiling down at him, "And you need to tell James."

Before he could respond, she was gone. He watched after her, perplexed by her answer.

His mind was playing out the conversation with James as he opened the door to his flat. The conversation had gone better than he'd expected. Whether it was because James had taken it well or because he'd built it up in his mind too much he wasn't sure.

Either way, James had been excited for him. Told him he should take the early retirement and be near his grandson. He still hadn't made a decision but knowing James was encouraging somehow made it all seem a bit easier.

The only thing which still perplexed him was Laura's response to it all. Other than encouraging him to tell James, her response had been decidedly neutral. Laura was many things but neutral was rarely one of them. Even when he'd suggested going back to their Sunday dinners she'd remained distant, not answering just encouraging him to speak with James.

He was grateful for her encouragement. It seemed she always knew exactly what he needed. A fleeting thought bounced round his brain as he thought she was always what he needed. A brightly wrapped package sat on the entryway table, stopping the thought before it could take root.

He lifted it, carrying it deeper into the flat. As he turned it in his hands, Val spoke. "Your landlady brought it in."

"Who's it from?"

She nodded toward the bow, "There's a card."

He set the package on the dining table and pulled the envelope from the package and opened it. Pulling the card from it, he recognized the handwriting instantly, Laura.

"I hope mine is the first present the grandfather to be gets. Laura"

Shaking his head, "She could have just asked for Lyn's address. I would have given it to her."

"Or perhaps the gift is for you and not the baby."

He scoffed as he pulled at his tie, "Why would she get me something? I don't need anything."

"There's only one way to find out."

Turning away from the package, he started unbuttoning his shirt. "No, I'll post it to Lyn this week."

"And if she asks if you liked the gift?"

"I'm sure Lyn will tell me what it is."

Val rolled her eyes, anger flaring in her. "Or you could just open the damn thing and find out what your friend gave you."

He turned back at her, surprised as much by the tone of her voice as he was by the curse. "Why does it matter? The gift is for the baby, not for me."

"If it was a gift for the baby, she would have given to it for you at the station. She made a point of dropping it off here which means it's for you." Seeing the indecision in his eyes, "I'll go. Open it, don't open it, but stop avoiding the fact you have feelings for her."

Without another word, she disappeared. One second she was there the next she wasn't. He stared at the space where she'd been, her words echoing in the room. He turned, headed to the bedroom, tugging at clothes as he did.

Dumping them into his hamper, he changed into pajamas. No need staying up at this point. Being alone would only make his mood darken. He brushed his teeth then turned back the covers and climbed into his bed.

For a long time, he lay staring at the ceiling. His mind a tangle of thoughts none of which would coalesce. Each lingered just out of reach preventing him from sleeping. Finally, he threw the covers off and launched himself from the bed.

It only took a few steps to make it to the table. He ripped at the paper on the package, tearing the box open. Inside, wrapped in tissue paper, was a battered copy of Winnie the Pooh. He opened the cover and saw Laura's handwriting once again.

"Something to read to your new family member."

He smiled as he traced his fingers over her words. He remembered one of his first conversations with Val after he returned. She'd quoted from this book. Had she'd known then Laura would be the one? Tears filled his eyes as he made his way back to bed.

He settled into bed, opened the book, and began reading. "Here is Edward Bear…"