The Legends Still Live On
Bogen Siebundzwanzig-komma-ein: Extras Neun und Zehn
Kapitel Sechzehn: Ultimative Kombination
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"Achoo!" sneezed someone who sounded ironically like a child.
Because the voice was childlike in nature, it was obvious whose it was: the one and only Katyusha, who was presently blowing her nose with a tissue being held by Nonna. The rest of her typical inner circle was present as well, with Sasha and Nudelmann. The two boys were quirking their eyebrows up in bafflement at the midget Russian's odd behavior.
"Please do not tell me you're actually affected by the cold…" Sasha said, crossing his arms and lowering his raised eyebrow. He was referring to the present temperature of where they were outside, which was well below freezing up in the Arctic circle. It was uncharacteristic of any Russian aboard the Kiev to be burdened with a cold due to the temperature, even more so for the hardened members of the Arts of Warfare programs that commonly fought in such frigid conditions.
"Sasha, do me a solid favor and shut up!" Katyusha turned and retorted, her voice sounding a little runny from her cold. Nonna gently grabbed her chin with one hand and turned her head back to face her, letting the taller girl finish cleaning up the shorter's nose.
"He does have a point, however," Nudelmann stated, lowering his own eyebrow and crossing his arms. "You've always endured cold like the rest of us." By that, he referred to how none of them were so much as fazed by readings of double-digits below zero on the thermometer. It was a Russian thing, to say the least. "It's real concerning, then, if you are being affected now."
"It's no colder than it normally is up here," Nonna noted as she stood back up to her full height, crumpling up the tissue now that Katyusha was done with it. "But the fact still stands that you're freezing and in need of a way to warm up." The diminutive tank commander lifted a finger and prepared a sharp retort to the contrary, but the tall IS-2 gunner pressed on. "Don't even try and argue with me, Yekaterina."
Katyusha's retort silenced itself in her throat upon hearing the seriousness in Nonna's tone, and she lost any spark to argue upon that realization. The usage of her full name by her inner circle normally indicated that whoever said it was dead serious about whatever it was they were bringing up to her.
"… Fine…" Katyusha relented, albeit grudgingly. She then put on her thinking face, with one fist under her chin, and spent a few seconds brainstorming up ideas to keep warm.
"Whatever your idea is, please just promise us that it won't involve any of our untimely deaths," Sasha commented upon seeing the midget Russian start to think, something he could've joked about as being a rare sight.
"I'll be sure to plan your untimely death the next time you say or do something that annoys me!" After her sharp retort, Katyusha then sneezed again, which made her statement fall flat on its face. Nonna immediately pulled out another tissue and bent down to help clean her nose. "Spasibo…" she muttered a thank-you with a runny voice before blowing her nose once more.
Feeling the body heat given off by Nonna's close proximity made the diminutive tank commander start thinking harder as an idea started to blossom.
Katyusha snapped her fingers upon determining her idea was a good idea. "I've got it!" she proclaimed in enlightenment. She then turned to Nudelmann. "Let's do that!"
Both Sasha and Nonna raised an eyebrow. Nudelmann didn't, for a reason that neither the blonde pilot nor the sharpshooting young woman knew.
"Tak tochno, tovarishch kapitan," the giant-in-height Russian professionally responded before immediately opening up his outer shirt.
"'That?'" the tall IS-2 gunner asked, lost as to what Katyusha's current train of thought was.
"Is there something going on here that we don't know about?" the blonde flying ace inquired, with not-all-that-innocent thoughts running through his head.
What followed was one of the oddest things Sasha and Nonna had ever seen, which was saying something: as Russians, they had both seen a lot of odd things happen over the years. For instance, they both recalled that one time where someone drove a T-34-85 through a wall into a classroom, and the crew getting out and falling into their seats without a second thought as to the looks they were getting. Upon being asked, the students responsible for it simply said that they were running late.
But now they both witnessed Katyusha jump up and wrap herself around Nudelmann's torso, manipulating herself so the front of her torso was pressed against the giant Russian's back with her arms coming over his shoulders, locking over his upper chest, and her legs wrapping around his lower torso. Afterwards, Nudelmann put his outer shirt back on to cover her up.
What remained was a Nudelmann that looked somewhat grunt-like, appearing to have a massively hunched back. Either that, or he appeared to have a massive mutilation of his back.
As he began to walk on, the giant Russian noticed Sasha and Nonna staring at him. Nonna had a blank face, only because of a lot of experience in doing so, but the intrigue on Sasha's face was obvious.
Nudelmann didn't bother questioning them, and simply raised an eyebrow. "Well?" he prompted. "You coming?"
That did the trick as the other two came back to attention and accompanied Nudelmann. They hung back a bit from the giant Russian.
Sasha took the opportunity to hold a whispered conversation with Nonna. "So what do we call them now that they're one?" he wondered to her. The IS-2 sharpshooter glanced at him. "Katyunudel? Mannusha?"
Having no desire to hear two of her closest friends talked about in such a way, Nonna made him shut up by deftly yanking his ear.
"Oy oy oy oy!" the blonde protested in pain as the black-haired Russian girl kept downward pressure applied. "Okay, I get it! Let go!"
Without a word, Nonna let go. Immediately after, Sasha maintained at least a two-meter distance from her as he rubbed his ear, just outside of her range of reach. He gave a nasty look to the crack shot, who was completely unfazed by such a gesture.
"Are you two quite finished?" Nudelmann asked from ahead of them, sounding unamused.
Both Nonna and Sasha gave one last glance to each other before speeding their pace up to walk alongside their giant comrade.
One thing that stood out to them both was the sound of light snoring coming from Nudelmann. Not him specifically, rather his tiny concealed passenger. Sasha scoffed, finding it annoyingly typical of Katyusha to fall asleep while the rest of them did all the work. Nonna instead simply hid her smile, finding the action cute.
"AAAAAKH!" all of them minus Katyusha heard soon. The necks of Nudelmann, Nonna, and Sasha all whipped around to the source, an utterly terrified Ivan. The short-statured I-16 pilot – also known by the sarcastic nickname Ivan Grozny, or Ivan the Terrible – was pointing directly at Nudelmann. "It's Sasha's Monster!"
They all watched Ivan run off screaming bloody murder about Sasha's Monster to everyone he ran into. The blonde Russian fighter pilot found the entire scenario understandable concerning Nudelmann's very unnatural appearance with Katyusha wrapped around his back underneath his shirt, yet also very insulting.
"What the devil made him think I would do something as sick as create a monster?!" Sasha launched into a brief tirade as he, Nudelmann, and Nonna all continued on. "The only monster I would ever create would be mechanical in nature, not through a resurrected corpse or because of a chemical accident or some other weird shit!"
"But you admit you would create a monster?" Nonna asked, having randomly fixated on that tidbit as soon as it passed the blonde pilot's lips.
Sasha shot a look at her, as if it was obvious. "Have you been living under a rock?" he verbalized just how obvious it was. He flung his arms out with his next sentence. "Of course I would create a monster if it came down to it! Just not one that's all disgusting like what that guy thought! I leave that level of sick stuff to Schwarzwaldspitze! They've got plenty of experience in that area if that incident with their Biology Club was any indication!"
Nonna probably shouldn't have asked her next question, but she did anyway, "Which incident specifically? There were several."
Sasha looked at her as if she was the biggest idiot on the face of the planet. "Which incident-does it even matter?!" he retorted, still in ranting mode. "The fact that they had multiple incidents only proves my point even more!"
Nudelmann just ignored his other comrades for the rest of their journey. They were both idiots anyway.
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Part of Projekt Jägermeistern.
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The author doesn't claim to own "Girls und Panzer" or any other references made. "Girls und Panzer" belongs to Actas. Any references made belong to their respective owners.
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