CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX

(BPOV)

I had known he was gone from the moment my eyes opened. His warmth was no longer wrapped around me and I knew what that meant. I slowly sat up in my empty bed, glancing all around the room to see it was completely empty. I tried not to panic at first, but as I ran down over the stairs and felt the emptiness of the house, my panic grew to all consuming and I couldn't stop the tears that came or the scream that left me as I searched for my phone, dialing Charlie at work in the hopes he had seen Jacob and it wasn't all in my head. Before Charlie could even fully respond, I hung up the phone on him, unable to still the disarraying thoughts of his return only being a damn dream. I clung to the memory of his arms gathering me in the front yard just hours ago, remembering how his voice sounded, how tight he held me.

That had been real... hadn't it? All of it had felt so very real to me. He had been there... His touch... his voice... his eyes searching mine.

The grief of it all being just an illusion tried to swallow me whole as I ran outside, the wind whipping around me when I cried out his name.

"Jacob!"

I saw nothing moving toward the tree line and as the minutes passed, my world began to feel as if it were crumbling in around me.

Had I really dreamed his return?

I felt disoriented when Leah suddenly appeared in front of me then, her hands on my shoulders and her words coming out fast and muffled sounding. Like she were far away.

"Bella- It's okay."

Charlie's cruiser whipped into the driveway then with the lights on, telling me he broke every speed limit under the law to get back home after receiving my call. His look was beyond frantic and his eyes wide when he reached for me.

"Bella! Honey- What-"

"None of it was real, dad! None of it was ever real! I thought- I thought he came back but-"

"...wh-"

"He was never here! He's still gone!" I cried to him.

"Bella... shh. It's alright honey. Jacob was here-"

His words sunk into me as he ushered me back into the house, my head spinning when the realization of what had really happened became clear to me. Jacob had come back to me, but he had left again. Just like before.

I sank against Charlie, letting out a strangled sob as I thought of the endless days and nights without Jacob that had almost proven to be more than I could stand the last time.

"Dad! He left-"

Charlie held me tight to him, his strained reply cutting through the sound of my tears.

"I don't know, Bella."

I could hardly stand as he tried to calm me down. I fought against him then, his comfort making me fear that this reality was now my truth. Jacob was gone. He had left again. Charlie tried to hold onto me, to console me, even as I tried to push him away, my tears falling and my body growing numb. That's when I heard it, the husky strained voice that called out to me- that said my name. The sound of it pulled me out of my terror, causing me to look up and meet the dark brown eyes behind the voice.

Jacob stood in the entry way of the kitchen, his presence making me think I was truly crazy. That I had lost my damn mind altogether. He had left me... and now I was seeing him. His gaze roamed over me and I saw his hands flinch at his sides in response, his face falling and full of his own pain when I spoke.

"No- You're not real! Oh god! You're in my head!"

I had been here before- my mind playing tricks on me to the point of hallucinations over my grief. I couldn't go through this again. Jacob was in front of me before I could even blink, his warm hands sliding up my arms, and pulling me into a tight embrace.

"I'm real, honey."

The feel of his warmth made me know he wasn't an illusion, that he was real and that he hadn't left me.

The next hour was filled with my fathers angry words to Jacob, all of them harsh and demanding. His hostility stemmed from my reaction. He was pissed that he had taken off and I tried to defend Jacob because I knew with just one look that he had left with good reason. That he wasn't neglectful - but that he had been dealing with something I was unaware of. Charlie's assumption was based on the fact that he didn't know any better, and I couldn't help but stand up on Jacobs behalf. I could tell by Jacobs demeanor alone that he had been through something- that something had happened when he left. His face was full of a heaviness I hadn't seen before and the way he held me to him told me without the need for his words, how sorry he was.

When Charlie left us to take a drive and Jacob told me about Rana, my heart broke for him. She was a tangible connection to his mother and now that was lost like she had been. He had told me how sorry he was for leaving and I forgave him without hesitating. He told me how Sam had helped him bury her on their lands and I knew how much that meant to him.

"We were at odds over it, Bells. I pushed him to allow her on the Reservation and he refused. It made us all separate... The pack went in two different directions. Leah and Seth and Embry were with me and Quil, Jared and Paul sided with Sam. We fought-"

"You and Sam?" I asked, shuddering at the thought of them doing so.

"Yeah - but it was stopped... before things got anymore out of hand- Rana helped... and it cost her everything- her own life." The regret and sadness in his voice made me move myself closer to him, his eyes meeting mine with remorse in them.

"You wanted to keep her close, Jacob-"

"It was selfish-"

"You are the furthest thing from selfish. You give of yourself all the time." I replied, placing a kiss on his lips. "She was part of your mothers life- a huge part- and you wanted to save her because you knew that's what your mother would have wanted."

"But leaving you-"

"Jacob... I know the responsibilities you have with the pack and how important they are to you. You can only do so much."

He pulled me into his lap then, his hands cradling my face with his whispered reply.

"Bells- I know you understand about the pack and the duty that comes along with it, but when you need me- I want to always be there."

The sound of Charlie's cruiser pulling back into the yard stopped our conversation and I saw Jacob tense in response.

"He needs to be understanding." I sighed, moving myself off his lap when the front door opened and a less irritated Charlie strolled in, his eyes narrowing only a little when he saw how close Jacob and I were on the couch.

"Will you be staying here the rest of the day? With Bella?" Charlie pointedly asked Jacob. "Because I had to leave work earlier than planned this morning- they need me to pull a double down at the station. I won't be home till after dawn tomorrow and I don't want her here alone."

"I'll stay here with her, Charlie." Jacob replied, his tone more timid than normal. "You have my word."

Charlie paused upon hearing this, his disbelieving huff loud as he walked off from us into the kitchen. He soon returned with a cold beer in hand and sat down in his recliner, flipping aimlessly through the channels in search of something to watch. He barely acknowledged either of us, giving Jacob the silent treatment most of the day. When dinner time rolled around, I offered to cook a nice meal, and invite Billy over to join us, hoping that it would serve to break some of the tension between them.

"Lasagna will be ready in about a half hour."

"You really didn't have to cook a big dinner, Bella." Charlie sighed. "I could have ordered a few pizza's. Food is food."

"I like cooking for the men I love." I replied, hearing a knock on the front and hurrying to let Billy in. His laughter and smile proving to be as infectious as it ever was. He tried to engage in conversation with Charlie, but his mood made that difficult.

When the table was finally set, and we sat down to eat, Billy began to notice the way Charlie avoided any conversation with Jacob and I saw his own mood swiftly shift.

"Okay old man- I know something is bothering you. Why don't you just tell me what it is already. You're not one to hide your emotions very well."

Charlie dropped his fork down with a shake of his head, his reply short and blunt with Billy. "I think you damn well know what has me upset, Billy."

Jacob paused his eating, pushing his plate away with a sigh as he stood from the table. "I can go-

"No..." I protested, taking his hand in mine. "You're not leaving. Dad- you're being irrational about all this."

"I am not being irrational!" Charlie yelled, slamming his fist down on the table. "Jacob should have been here-"

"Charlie, he would not leave Bella the way he did unless it was important- and it was."

"He gave me his word that he would watch over her and he left her alone, Billy! You weren't here! You didn't see how terrified she was! I trusted him with her, Billy!"

"... dad, please."

"Do you remember a woman named Rana, Charlie?" Billy interrupted. "She was really close to Sarah."

Charlie paused, his gaze wandering over to Jacob as he sat back down at the table, the sadness on his face evident. I moved my chair closer to his, abandoning my plate of food and taking his hand.

"... vaguely... why?" Charlie sighed in reply.

"Jacob left Bella because he was helping her."

"She hasn't been around in years, Billy. Last I knew she and Sarah had a disagreement over someone she was seeing and they split ways."

"Yes- but the truth is- They separated because the man she was involved with was a cold one. Sarah knew that about him- that he was like the Cullens and she warned Rana, but she wouldn't listen. Rana was turned into a cold one against her will and she never returned to La'Push after that- not till now. Jacob didn't abandon Bella!"

Silence settled over the room as Charlie met my gaze, his face paling from Billy's words now when he continued.

"You know how much he loves her, Charlie. There is nothing he wouldn't do for her. So, please Charlie...don't be angry with him. He doesn't deserve it."

Charlie glanced our way, seeing my head now resting on Jacobs shoulder, his hardened gaze softening some when he took in Jacobs countenance. I wanted things back to the way they were and I hoped that telling Charlie the truth would make him see reason.