The Legends Still Live On

Bogen Siebundzwanzig-komma-sechs: Zufälligkeit

Kapitel Ein: Wörtlich Schwanzjagen

XXXXXXXXXX

'Hello! And welcome to the middle of bumfuck-nowhere! Population: me, and whichever of you idiots still want to stay with me after this sentence.'

Today's order was that of a dachshund – with dark-colored fur all over – thinking to itself. If possible, it would definitely try and talk to itself, but because it was a dog – and dogs don't have the ability to speak intelligibly – 'Hey, you take that back, asshole!' – correction: can't physically speak through no fault of its own, but still has the speech of a sailor – it suited it best to keep its thoughts to itself if it didn't want the author to intervene.

'Jeez, you just wanna suck the joy outta everythin'. But thank you for finally bein' quiet and lettin' me speak!' The dark-furred dachshund glanced up at the skies as it idly walked about, full of its own unique mood. 'But anyway, back to what I wanted to say… Actually, I forgot what I wanted to say… Dammit… Well, then I'll talk about somethin' else! Like the weather! The weather is beautiful today! Sunny skies, not a single cloud in sight, and that perfect temperature! Not too hot, and not too cold!'

Curiously watching the hound from nearby was a small, ginger child. The physical appearance of her highly resembled the likeness of St Gloriana's Orange Pekoe. To leave it simple, she could be called Mini-Pekoe.

The small child was captivated by the gallivanting dachshund, and not just because it looked funny. It exuded an aura of happiness to her, which was what drove her to physically approach the hound out of curiosity.

'Hm, who's this?' The dachshund saw her grow a huge smile in response to how it didn't run away from her at first glance. Its uniquely sky blue eyes widened upon making the connection of what was about to happen next. 'Oh, shit.'

It was only just barely that the hound managed to evade the overextending embrace of the little ginger by juking to the side. It then tried to run, with Mini-Pekoe following after it as she refused to accept defeat. 'Hey, no! Don't frickin' try an' strangle me, ya damn humie!'

After a small chase ensued, it ended when the dog saw another small girl cut it off up ahead. 'Oh, great. Now there's two of 'em!'

This little girl bore a strong resemblance to Darjeeling with her braided blonde hair, so just call her Mini-Darjee. Just go with it. Anyway, she was also holding out a hand, as if she was ready to snag the dog as it ran past.

That action was what made the dachshund stop, rather. Looking back quickly, it saw how Mini-Pekoe was still behind him, now stopped and ready to pounce on the hound. 'Ah, shit…' Looking back forward, it noticed Mini-Darjee holding something in her other hand, something big enough to be slung over her shoulder-

'BONE! BONE! BONE! WOW, that's a massive frickin' bone!' The hound immediately averted its gaze onto the gigantic bone slung over Mini-Darjee's shoulder, panting excitedly and making it no secret how much it wanted the bone. The small blonde child waved it once with her hand, side-to-side, and the dog's gaze followed. Then she started waving it in a vertical direction, inviting the dachshund to stand and sit as it was waved.

'Come on, come on. Gimme the damn bone, humie…' Soon enough, Mini-Darjee chucked the big bone up into the air towards the dog. In answer, the dachshund jumped up to snatch it out of the air with its teeth, clamping down on the middle of the bone.

'YES! Oh man, this is the tastiest bone I've ever chewed!' Then the hound began chewing it in earnest, curling back up on the ground and savoring the treat. 'Wow, did I just enter the gates of Valhalla just now? Because this bone tastes like it's from a God!'

Both Mini-Pekoe and Mini-Darjee closed with the dachshund, sitting beside it and petting it. The dog was too lost in paradise to even care.

Until they then started mounting it like they were trying to ride a horse.

'Huh? Hey, hey, wait! Your fat butts ain't gonna fit on me!' The hound, not too kindly, began bucking trying to force the pair of them off. It wasn't very difficult, as the two little girls hadn't thought of getting a better grip.

That didn't stop the pair from trying to chase after the dog again, forcing it to dash off, too fast for the girls to keep up. 'No, it's not cool to get help! Walk by yourselves, ya little gargoyles!'

Mini-Pekoe and Mini-Darjee could only watch as the dachshund ran away from them, too fast for them to keep up with. Both of them were incredibly put out by how mean the hound acted. They just wanted to play a game of horsey with it. Was that too much to ask for?

XXXXXXXXXX

Later, the dark-furred dachshund chose to take itself on a walk. It was a walk in both the traditional sense of going for a stroll, and a 'walk' as it would pertain to a dog.

Meaning… it was doing 'the business.'

'Hey, piss off, ya creeper! You don't see me invadin' your privacy when you're takin' a shit, do ya!?'

No, but people do see you drinking out of the places they shit in.

'Oh, you're just the biggest asshole I've ever met.' The hound soon moved on, away from the literal steaming pile of shit it left behind and continued to stroll about. 'But I do so enjoy goin' out for a nice little stroll. The sun's shinin', I can hear birds whistlin', the breeze feels nice, it's just a perfect day.'

A rogue tennis ball bounced across its path, and, acting on its fetching instinct, the dachshund quickly snatched it up in its jaw.

Little footsteps approached as if in a sprint. 'Oh great, I've already got a bad feelin' about this.' The hound turned its head to see who had come this time.

It wasn't necessarily wrong to think what it did, because like before, there were two small girls. One of them bore a resemblance to Pepperoni with her short dark hair and overly hyper attitude, so just call her Mini-Peppa. The other appeared more like Anchovy with her long light hair, glasses, and more subdued demeanor. Mini-Chovy would work for a name. Just bear with it, guys.

'Yup, I was right, alright.' The dachshund chose to none-too-kindly spit the ball out in the direction of the two small girls before turning to walk off. 'Frickin' brats, man. They always wanna grope ya and slobber over ya like animals.'

… You do realize the irony in that statement, right? Please tell me you do…

'No, I don't. And I'd appreciate if you didn't sidetrack me by trying to spell it out for me.'

Thinking quickly to avoid having the cute doggy walk away, Mini-Chovy quickly came up with the idea to throw the tennis ball as hard as she could in the direction of the hound. Not directly at it, but throwing in such a way that the ball would sail above it, within its line of sight.

'BALL! BALL! Gotta get the damn ball!' It worked, as the dachshund immediately acted on instinct and took off after the ball at top speed to fetch it.

Upon bringing it back, the hound didn't hesitate to plop it down before Mini-Chovy's feet. It wagged its tail happily, which was the little Italian girl's cue to throw it again seeing as it was ready to play fetch again.

As the hound ran to fetch the ball again, it couldn't help but think. 'Wait, wasn't I just about to scram from these losers?' It was on its way back with the ball in its mouth when it decided. 'Eh, I guess it don't matter. I can do whatever the Hel I want, and ain't nobody gonna stop me from otherwise.'

And so began a lengthy game of fetch for the dachshund as it whimsically fell into its basest instincts.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Mini-Chovy, Mini-Peppa!" Carpaccio called out some time later from a distance. She had a dinner bell with her and proceeded to ring it a few times. "Dinner time!"

As quick as lightning, the two little Italian girls got up from where they were previously seated on the grass petting the hound. "Ah, it's gotten so late!" Mini-Peppa noted with wide eyes as she dragged Mini-Chovy behind her by the hand. "Come on, Chovy!"

Being the lesser of the two when it came to words, Mini-Chovy had really nothing to say. She did, however, join her friend in waving back to the dachshund. "Ciao, Signor Cane!" both of them said a farewell together, also, to Mr. Dog, as they chose to name it.

The hound's tail drooped as it slowly stood up, tennis ball grasped in its teeth. 'Never thought I'd say it, but I'm kinda sad to see 'em go now… Those brats were actually pretty fun… Ah, well. Maybe I'll see 'em again.'

Looking around to try and find something else to do, the dog found pretty much nothing left for it to do. 'I've already taken my shit, which was my whole point in comin' out here in the first place. I also had some fun, which wasn't planned but I'll take it…'

It spat out the tennis ball a distance away and started trying to chase its tail. 'Ah, screw it. I'm just gonna chase my tail now. That's always fun. And I will get ya this time, ya damn tail! YA HEAR ME!? I WILL GET YA!'

After some time spent chasing its tail, the hound heard a sharp whistle pierce the air. Its body immediately snapped rigid and with its snoot pointed in the direction of the sound's origin. The source of the whistle was-

'Oh man, what's the Charming Blonde Prince of the Skies doin' here?' The dachshund tilted its head to the side to study the newcomer in all his easygoing glory.

"Hey, what's a nice guy like you doing out here at this time of night, huh?" Erich-Dietrich Hartmann spoke with a soothing voice and an equally-disarming smile as he approached. The blonde German ultra-ace was quite fond of dogs, so oftentimes whenever he found a dog, he usually stuck around and spent some time with them, whether it be playing around or helping it piss off all the other nearby animals or something equally immature.

Coming to a stop and kneeling in front of the cooperative dark-furred dachshund, Erich noticed its unusual eyes. They were sky blue. "I have to say," he began, reaching out to pet it, "your eyes are just stunning."

'Oh, this'll be good.' The hound internally grinned in mischief at what it knew was about to happen as soon as the blonde touched it.

"I've never seen any like them before," Erich finished up his previous comment. It did strike him as odd that such eyes were on this dog, as it was just completely unnatural as far as he knew.

At the moment his hand met the dog's head, a white light shimmered around its body, covering it like a curtain and blinding Erich for the moment.

When his sight returned, he found himself still kneeling, but now his hand was resting against the cheek of an adolescent girl, looking about his age if he guessed right, with short blonde hair and those exact same blue eyes he had only moments ago seen on the dachshund. Said girl was on her hands and knees, and that's when Erich began noticing a few more details about her.

One was her hair. Two locks of it had their tips tinged in the same dark color as the dachshund's fur was. Also, he noticed a tail – the same as that of a dachshund – poking out of the small of her back. The other detail he noticed was how she was wearing the Ooarai girls' uniform.

When he brought his gaze back to her, he noticed she appeared a little disoriented like she was just waking up, but that cleared up pretty quickly. When she made eye contact with him, a brief second of unrecognition passed before she made the 'oh shit' face.

Erika-Dietlinde Hartmann was cursing her familiar six ways to Sunday in her head, where he was currently laughing his tail off. Damn her familiar for exploiting the broken rules of interactions between dimensional counterparts. He knew he had to turn control back to her if it was her will, but just being touched by a dimensional counterpart could also throw her back in control, even if she herself wasn't ready for it. This was why she couldn't trust him having free reign, because then shit like this happened where she ended up face-to-face in an extremely awkward situation with someone she recognized was basically another version of her. The blue eyes and short blonde hair plus the facial structure told her so.

The awkwardness was magnified when she recognized the position they were in, with her on her knees and him with his hand on her face and both of their faces close enough to each other to be uncomfortable. It could be seen as an intimate position, which made her feel even more awkward knowing that this was basically herself she was close to. It was a really difficult feeling to describe for her. It was beyond being Twilight Zone-like. Perhaps 'the awkward situation to top all awkward situations' could aptly describe it.

When she refocused on his gaze, she saw the gears start turning in his head again. She couldn't let him figure out that she was basically another dimension's version of him, otherwise it would have vast consequences.

So, her right hand quickly shot up to grasp his temple. What somewhat surprised her was how quick his reaction time was, as when she made her move, his left hand – currently free unlike his right still against her face – had begun moving to intercept. But then again, he was basically her, so it wasn't that surprising he was as quick in reacting as she was.

Upon her hand grasping his temple, white tendrils of light surfaced from each of her fingers, washing over his head as she used a flicker of magic – 'Seidr! Get the term right, Erika!' she could practically hear Loki insistently correcting her even now – to manipulate his nervous system just enough to make him fall asleep.

It worked, as Erich collapsed against Erika, now in a deep sleep. Had she been any slower in doing the job, his arm would've reached hers and likely pried it away.

Getting up on her knees to support the weight of him against her, she looked around for anywhere she could go to get them both out of the public eye. She found an alley that looked pretty unpopular, so she stood up and dragged Erich's limp body there.

When she finally got them both off the streets, Erika slumped down against the wall, letting Erich's head sit in her lap. She took a moment to just observe… herself, in a weird cosmic sort of sense. Because how often did anyone get to study another version of themselves so up-close?

"I definitely have the better hair," she noted first, idly tracing one of her fingers along his facial features. It was rougher and more masculine than hers, yet… "But I don't know, he may have a nicer face." She shrugged noncommittedly. "I guess it depends on taste." Another shrug. "Or sexual orientation." Yet another shrug. "Or both."

She let out a breath, "Okay, enough messing around." She gripped his temple again and closed her eyes, her hand again glowing a faint white light as she let her magic – 'Seidr, Erika…' – thrust her consciousness into his own. Inside his head, she started looking through his memories – 'Ho, wow, now that's a real mess…' she observed upon seeing his side of the room he shared with a friend, which was just filthy – to figure out where to send him to in order for his memories to maintain continuity as much as possible.

Finally, she got it. It was lucky for her that his last memory before here was heading to sleep several hours ago, which meant in theory she could send him back just when it was reaching morning and hopefully he would interpret everything he just saw as simply being a very strange dream.

Set on that idea, her consciousness broke out of his head and fled back into her own body. Then, before she could lose the image of where she wanted to send him, she opened a portal directly on him to the room and shoved him through it sideways, to the right. Visually, it all looked similar to a black hole opening up spontaneously with him in the center of it, and having it collapse almost immediately, taking him back to the destination she had in mind.

Standing back up as her white light faded, Erika dusted her hands off. "Crisis averted," she said to herself with a smile. She then dropped the grin and brought her finger to her lips in a curious expression. "Though I could have been quicker in doing it…" She shrugged it off. "Oh well. I still did it."

With her job done, she decided it was time to head back to her own dimension. A white light glowed around her body as she closed her eyes and summoned her seidr – 'Finally, you get it right.' – focusing it and building it up in preparation to launch herself back home.

There were a few forms of transport available to her as a sorceress. She did know how to physically draw portals, but she found the collapsing wormhole method to be much more convenient, seeing as it was instant. Plus, that was the first form of transport she was taught, so it stuck.

The only downside to that method was that she had to have her destination in mind beforehand, otherwise she could end up somewhere bad, like underground or in the vacuum of space. With a physical portal that wasn't the case, as she could, in a way, look before she leapt.

So that was why she was taking the time needed now to make sure she got her destination right. Add to that how dimensional travel complicated things more and it meant Erika basically had about a twelve-percent chance of actually getting where she wanted. She was still fresh in the world of seidr, so, having not done this too often as of yet, she was sure to check all of her bases before casting. If she didn't, the consequences could be disastrous.

'Gather energy and command open wormhole to home, then immediately step sideways upon portal collapse seven times to the left, then immediately ground my seidr to halt the dimensional hopping,' she ran through her list of what to do one more time.

It was important she get the exact number of jumps through dimensions correct – to reach her destination – and immediately ground herself. Not correctly stepping sideways through the portal, she was liable to either simply transport to that same place in the present dimension, or fall out of the dimensional chain into the vastness of the Multiverse. If she didn't ground herself after exactly that number of jumps, or even did it too early, then she could keep going through the dimensions and miss her intended destination, perhaps even reaching the Dark Dimension. By principle she wasn't one to trust someone whose name was Doctor Strange, but the one piece of his advice she would take heed to was that she did not want to run into Dormammu, the absolute ruler of the Dark Dimension and able to manipulate absolutely everything within said dimension, an unequalled level of power. If even Loki was stressing that to her with his millennium of experience in the art, then chances were high it was pretty important she pay heed.

'Aaaaand… NOW!' Upon her thought, she immediately finished the cast and thrust herself through a wormhole that collapsed almost immediately after opening, taking her through the process of dimension hopping. Hopefully she landed in the right one.

XXXXXXXXXX

After having a wondrous breakfast for herself, Miho Nishizumi finally decided to address the elephant in the room. That is, she decided to finally go and try to wake up Erich. It was never easy, and with her experience on the matter, she didn't expect it to be.

"Hey! Bubi!" she called out, sure to use a loud voice. When she caught sight of him still in deep sleep, she frowned. "Of course it doesn't work like that," she muttered, seeing she had made no difference with her first attempt.

She sighed, "Fine, I guess I'll try option two." She walked up to the bed, with a plan to literally drag him out of it this time.

But before she could reach it, her best friend shot up, wide awake, and yelled, "PISS OFF, GHOST!"

That stopped Miho in her tracks, because, 'What the devil?' was her only line of thought as to what just happened. Her face accurately represented that thought train, as well.

In Erich's mind, he was reliving that experience with that girl he met in… was it in his dream? He could've sworn everything felt real. But that girl he met, he was now wary of her, because what kind of sorcery was that? He didn't know how to explain it besides one minute he was petting a handsome dachshund, and the next he had this girl in front of him in its place. And she sparkled. So his line of thought with that whole mess was, 'What is this, I don't even…'

In the end, he decided to say screw it and assume it was just a dream, because it was too fucking early in the morning to think. He spotted Miho just standing there with something akin to a 'what the fuck' expression.

"Oh, morning Miho, what's going on?" Erich greeted her with an easy smile.

It was so nonchalant how the blonde said it that the vibrant brunette just stood there for a few extra seconds wondering what the fuck just happened. It was like someone flipped a switch in him, with him shooting up out of a deep sleep telling some ghost to piss off followed almost immediately after by such a normal-sounding greeting, like nothing had happened.

XXXXXXXXXX

Part of Projekt Jägermeistern.

XXXXXXXXXX

The author does not claim to own "Girls und Panzer," Doctor Strange, Dormammu, this interpretation of Loki, or any other references made. "Girls und Panzer" belongs to Actas. Doctor Strange, Dormammu, and this interpretation of Loki all belong to Marvel. Any references made belong to their respective owners.

Feel free to ask any questions if you have them. Please note, however, that questions asked without being signed in will not be answered. The author would prefer to address questions outside of the story, and leaving questions while signed in provides that ability.

Lastly, rest in peace Stan Lee, all-powerful creator of the Marvel universe. You will always be The Man! EXCELSIOR!