Title: The Reluctant Chosen One
Description: "Sylvanas gets involved in a never-ending battle she'd rather not be a part of."
Notes: Inspired and based on the Mecha Tassadar trailer, and also because I've wanted to do one of these since I saw it. There are a ton of references in this short: Mass Effect, GaoGaiGar, Cross Ange, The Dragons of Babel (there are no mechas, but there are mechanical dragons), Transformers, Evangelion, Pacific Rim, etc.
Notes2: Also, I apologize for the lack of an update, but I have my reasons for this: 1) the length, which is twice as long as a regular 1-2K drabble; 2) more procrastinating; and 3) the week after I uploaded Chapter 12, I had to put my dog of eight years down after she fell ill from kidney failure. I was in no mood to do any writing and...well, to say I was devastated would be a severe understatement, and I will leave it that lest I upset anyone. But...as difficult as it was, I'm much better now than I was two weeks ago.
Notes3: Another thing: If you have any questions or anything else of the sort, please leave me a PM. You don't have to tell me you're waiting on a chapter in a review. I apologize if this comes off as being bitchy, but I'm very well aware of the anticipation. At the same time, however, I'm glad this story has gotten such a positive response. I write these in the hope that it makes people laugh or go "WTF" at the sheer absurdity of the content.
High up in the belfry, the bells of the Church of Light tolled.
From the gloomy recesses of the Haven of the Dark, the shades wailed.
The cries of townsfolk in pain and in fear reached far and wide, shrill and clear.
But most of all, he could feel the heat. A raging inferno consuming everything in its path, tossing shadows made of soot to taint the earth, the wood, the purity of the air, the fragile borders of flesh—
On the edge of a foggy horizon, the Kaijo tossed its head back and unleashed a roar of triumph that shook earth and heaven.
Time and again you are vanquished, and yet you still come, he thought. It is certainly a conundrum that, in the short time you are in the Nexus, the Darkness has not ensnared you in its eternal prison.
But one day, you will not return.
Far below the Manor, in a vast chasm of steel, chrome, and pylons, the gene-crystal protruding from the center of the massive robot's chest flared a brilliant blue supernova. The machines within the husk stirred to life, powering up tertiary systems and running rapid-fire diagnostics that concluded everything was in the green. The klaxons installed throughout the tunnels would surely send the bridge crew to their battle stations as quickly as humanly possible.
All that left now was the pilot. His pilot, the one whose synch ratio was the highest among the Heroes of the Nexus.
He would sigh if he had the ability to do so. His pilot was so…hardheaded, even more so as a squishy who was undead. Why would anyone want to refuse the call to mete out justice to the invasive Kaijo? There were people to save and housing properties to restore! Money to fundraise and smiles to form! Spirits to raise! Love to spread, that not all was hopeless! That life could still go on! Order could still be restored!
And his pilot wanted nothing to do with any of that! She was…! She was…! What was the phrase? Ah yes, laissez-faire.
How could she say that…and with a face so straight?!
His HUD alerted to the message that, as politely as the messenger could express, if they should activate the failsafe as soon as he returns to his body and ready to launch?
Yes. The failsafe.
The failsafe always worked. It worked because, like it or not, she had no choice.
But it got the job done, didn't it?
He would have preferred Zeratul to be his pilot, but on top of having a less than average synch ratio and a penchant for making flashy entrances from the comforts of the shadows. "Like those ninja in Terran manga," he would say, and the hologram would wish so much he had been programmed to emulate a sigh instead of ripple with snowy static.
Well, she would have to do. At least until Artanis arrived.
On the other hand, it was amusing seeing her unknowingly segue into the role of 'hot-blooded main protagonist' while they were kicking ass. That was a sight and a tale he and everyone else would never let her live down. Sometimes a person just had to free the beast, as long as it was healthy and unleashed upon the unclean, the heretic, and the impure!
So he sent a brief reply back to Jaina Proudmoore that, yes, she had the go-ahead to start the failsafe and to remain on standby. He closed out the window and drank in the view of the Kaijo Diablo, who broached ever closer on the horizon.
Project Tassadar, codenamed T-455474R by the engineers of the AIUR Geofront, took one final glance at Diablo, and then dissipated in a cloud of digital data.
It was time to cancel the Apocalypse!
"What's it say, what's it say?!" Hammer chirped, latching onto Jaina's shoulder with a mighty glomp. The force of the impact nearly shoved Jaina's face into the battle station's instruments.
"B-Back up! I c-can't breathe!" Jaina gasped, and she lunged back and threw Hammer off. Smoothing down her robes, she turned the holographic monitor toward Hammer so she could see. "Here. He just sent this."
Hammer's eyes lit up as soon as she finished reading the response. "Aw hell yeah! Time to rain down some hellfire! When do we start?"
"As soon as Sylvanas synchs up with him."
"Lucky girl! Why couldn't I have gotten a higher ratio? She gets to have all the fun!"
"Oh, I'm sure she'd given anything to trade places with you," Jaina said, chuckling. "But it is what it is. There's nothing we can do about it."
"Actually there is," said Hammer. "We can help by smashing that glass again!" She jabbed a finger at the big red button protected behind a thin, transparent shield. There was a latch you could undone to lift the glass and set the launch, but that was boring and nowhere near as fun. "I wanna try!" She made to raise her arm above her head.
Jaina stopped her, almost falling out of her chair in the process. "By the Light, wait until she gets here!"
"Well we can't have you doing it again. Last time you did, you broke all the bones in your hand!"
Jaina stammered and averted her gaze. "I-It was the heat of the moment! I didn't realize until then I wasn't using magic to mitigate the damage…."
"And we don't want a repeat of it, now do we? So," said Hammer gently, in contrast to the quivering and the sinews bulging on her arm, "if you'll be so kind as to…let…go…."
"I assure you, I won't be foolish as to injure myself a second time," Jaina assured her, while a cloak of purple magic lined her tightening grasp.
"Hammer, you had your turn last time! I'm going to press the big red button!" Nova declared, taking long strides toward Jaina's station. "And Jaina, you shouldn't put so much strength in your hand! There's a time and a place for you to act like you're in the quintessential shounen manga, and this ain't one of them! Relax, and let me handle it!"
"And when is it going to be my turn?" asked Kerrigan. She was leaning back in her seat with her feet up on the dashboard and her hands clasped over her chest. "I've been for, like, I don't know, whatever passes for a month in this place? Let me push the button. You don't get a free pass just because you staked your claim as Sylvanas's so-called waif—"
"YOU CAN WAIT YOUR TURN, GODDAMMIT!" Nova snapped, cheeks blazing a healthy shade of red.
"I don't understand what the big deal is," said Valla from the far corner of the room. "It's a button. Why should it matter who presses it?"
"It does matter!" Nova exclaimed. "Have you never heard of shounen manga?!"
"The closest to that word would be 'mange', so…no. I haven't." Valla puffed out her cheeks in irritation. "I come from a dimension that does not have these computers or books that force you to read from right to left. Use your brains."
"Rock paper scissors!" Hammer suddenly said. "Let's decide it right here, right now!"
"Yeah…no," said Kerrigan, shaking her head. "That's not happening."
"It's the only way!"
"Just let me do it just this once and you can merrily smash that button to your heart's content as much as you want. That's all I'm asking."
"Fair is fair!"
"Let me remind that I'm still Queen Bitch of the Universe regardless of what universe I'm in. I don't have to play fair. There are no exceptions."
"Whoever gets to Jaina's station the fastest gets to smash it and that's final!" said Nova. "I've got this in the bag!"
"I can't believe we're arguing over this," Jaina groaned, resting her forehead against the monitor…even as it passed through.
From the audio receptors, a loud, static-filled sound interrupted the escalating argument; it sounded eerily like a cough instead of a burst of communication lines adjusting to the right channel. "Excuse me, humans! I do not mean to intrude, but I am well and ready for enemy contact! You may activate the failsafe now! The sooner the better, if I do say!"
"Oh, Tassadar!" Jaina straightened up. "Sorry to keep you waiting! We'll summon Sylvanas right now—"
"We still need to decide who presses the button," Hammer insisted.
"It's going to be me," said Kerrigan. "I've waited too long for this moment."
"No, it'll be me!" said Nova. "I'm the only person here who gets the Universal Greeting right!"
"I'll press it, just so you lot can clam up and we can get this over with," said Valla. "And besides, I need to get back to the stables soon."
Jaina slammed her hands on the dashboard, being mindful to not hit the glass over the button. "Everyone has a button on their stations! If you want to break it and have a dozen shards of broken glass in your flesh, then by all means go right ahead! This button is no different than the ones you have!"
Everyone paused. Even Tassadar's visage, which peered down on the group from the massive supercomputer screen, froze, the alien eyes of his virtual persona wide and luminescent with shock. To break the tension, he elicited another burst of static. "Did…Did you all not know you had separate buttons?"
"Of course we know!" Kerrigan sniped at the projection.
"Then why?"
"Because it ain't the same, buddy boy!" said Hammer.
"But what is it about Miss Proudmoore's button that makes it so special?"
"It's the closest to that big ole screen of yours!" said Nova. "Jaina gets to see all the action front and center!"
"But does it matter?"
"Yes!" echoed all but Jaina and Valla; the latter promptly covered her face with the palm of her hand, while the former shook her head in obvious exasperation.
"I…I see. Well then, if one of you would be so kind as to call Sylvanas-Commander…?"
Like an oncoming wave, Nova, Hammer, and Kerrigan rushed toward Jaina's station. At the same time, Jaina shot from her seat, whirled around, and with an outstretched hand blasted them away with a tide of pure ice. They were pushed up against the wall and frozen in place as swiftly as they charged. Their struggle was both sad and amusing, but she was from far either mind. "You can settle your petty argument right where you are! But please keep it down; I have a job to do!"
"Fine by me," said Valla, reclining back in her seat, smug and triumphant shining on her face. "I have this space all to myself now." She tilted her head back over the headrest, towards the ensnared women. "From this angle, I'd say the view is spectacular. For you? Not so much."
"K-Kinda hard to enjoy it when your t-t-tanks are freezing!" Hammer complained through the chattering of her teeth.
"Or if your wings are frozen," Kerrigan added with a sour frown. "I could really use a stretch."
"JAINA!" Nova cried, causing the other two to flinch. "Make sure Sylvanas says the Universal Greeting! Don't forget what happened the last time she mispronounced it!"
"Yes, please do!" said Project Tassadar. "It is a very unkind phrase in the tongue of my people, even if her slip was unintentional!"
"I don't know about that," Jaina murmured to herself. Then, more loudly and addressing the rest of the room, "Right then!" She crossed her fingers together, stretched them out before her, and popped the bones. Then, flipping the glass cover off, Jaina curled a hand into a fist and lifted it. "NEXUS DRIVE…ENGAGE!"
She smashed the button as hard as she could. This time, with that protective layer of magic.
Far removed from the Manor and Kaijo Diablo's scene of destruction:
Why am I doing this? Sylvanas asked herself again. She stared at the lake's unmoving surface, the plastic bait floating serenely now as it did an hour ago. The icebox next to her remained empty of game, the contents within filled more with water than ice. The tacklebox filled with hooks, worms dug fresh from the earth, and balls of cheese that had long since hardened from exposure to the air sat open behind her in the very center of the Viking longboat.
"Have ye caught anythin' yet?!" Erik hollered at her…from atop the ship's figurehead.
She cringed, ears flickering hard and fast at the sheer volume. The nerve of that pint-sized, time-displaced fossil! "No," she said as evenly as she could, the hands holding the fishing pole trembling with restrained fury. "No, I haven't."
"Well I hope we find somethin' soon! And I hope those two dingdongs come back with the real big game! Not the puny little quails or bunny rabbits; those are appetizers! I'm talking about deer! Bears! Maybe even Bigfoot!"
I know exactly where my foot's going to be in the next sixty seconds if you don't SHUT THE HELL UP. "You will have your fill in due time. Be patient."
Erik snorted and ran a hand through the thick curls of his beard. "It's that necklace of yores that's keepin' the fish away! Whadja say it smelled like again? Nay-palm? Ha! 'Nay', indeed! No wonder we haven't had any luck! You smell better than ya did without it!"
Her lips pinched together. She felt the bones in her fingers tense, ready to break. Slowly, she looked over her shoulder and saw that Erik the Swift had his back turned to her. "I highly doubt that's the case, my good man," she said, drawing the dagger from its sheath. "Perhaps it's just…one of those days." She let go of the pole and softly, carefully, got to her feet.
The short Viking crossed his arms over his chest, humming thoughtfully. "Maybe…but that stench! That stench has gotta go!"
"But it's just blood!" hailed a deep, gruff voice. "Blood's what puts the hairs on yer chest!" Baelog and Olaf emerged from the woods surrounding the lake, the former hauling the carcass of a deer across his shoulders, the former dragging a bear behind him by one of its hind legs as though it were a ragdoll. Sylvanas whirled around, sat down, dropped the dagger back in its place, and resumed her position at the fishing pole, faking the indifference fishermen were wont to have.
Erik stamped his foot. "Well it's about time ye showed up! What took ya?"
"There's a giant lizard on the loose!" said Olaf. "He's-a breathin' fire everywhere and smashin' houses left 'n' right!"
"Yeah! And half a house just happened to land right in front o' us as soon as we were leavin'!" said Baelog. "We had to take the scenic route…again! And you know what that means we take the scenic route: we get lost…again!"
"I thought I heard-a screamin', too…but I think those were just birds!" Olaf glanced at Baelog. "Birds can be loud, too, right?"
"Aye, too damn loud for my likin'! We oughta slug one next time we go a-huntin'!"
"Wait a minute," Sylvanas said under her breath. She raised her head from the stillness of the lake toward the vast greenery of the forest and beyond. Toward civilization. "Giant lizard…breathes fire…screaming…Oh no." Her face drew back in dawning disbelief. "No." Then, more loudly, eyes flying wide open: "NO."
The air freshener around her neck began to glow blue and make a high-pitched keening sound that forced the Vikings to stop and cover their ears. Sylvanas shot up, stumbled, and caught herself against the boat's railing. "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!" Pinpricks of light drifted off her body and into the air, the result of her molecular structure breaking down and rearranging for inevitable teleportation.
"It's a Nexus portal!" Baelog cried.
Olaf scrambled backwards, jaw agape. "Oh no, she's a-goin' ghost!"
"Good riddance, I say!" said Erik, raising his voice above the din of the noise. "Maybe now I can actually catch something!"
"Then I hope you choke on it, you damn pygmy!" said Sylvanas, and whatever else she wanted to say was cut short. Her form collapsed into a beam of light that rocketed toward the sky like a shooting star and vanished.
When she regained consciousness, she found herself sitting in the pilot's seat housed within the metallic bowels of Project Tassadar. And, to her chagrin, wearing the risqué, skin-tight outfit passing for a jumpsuit; the plug attached to the small of her back lay unconnected to the I/O port behind her. "God…dammit!" she swore, and then winced as the needles in the armrests punched into her wrists and injected her veins with cold, numb molasses. The lights on the instrumentation panels winked and danced in coordinated patterns, and the monitors around her displayed an assortment of graphs and charts of internal systems synchronization.
A holographic screen appeared before her, presenting Project Tassadar's virtual visage. "I greet you, Sylvanas-Commander!"
Sylvanas looked away, leering. "Ehhhh…."
A smaller window popped up below Tassadar. "Now Sylvanas," said Jaina Proudmoore, "I believe this is the part where you enlighten your companion with the Universal Greeting. Correctly."
"You're the one who brought me here, didn't you? There'll be a special place for you in whatever serves for a hell here when we're through with that Kaijo."
"That's great, but really, Sylvanas, say it right this time."
Sylvanas rolled her eyes. "Must I?"
"Yes, you must—"
"I insist, Sylvanas-Commander!" said Project Tassadar, speaking over Jaina. "Proper pronunciation and syntax is key to forging an everlasting bond between comrades and ensures a stable synch ratio!"
"I want off this ride," Sylvanas grumbled, lips pulling back.
"Do not be shy, Sylvanas-Commander! I believe in you! That last time…that last time was an unfortunate circumstance! You did not know any better! Come now, say it with me: BAH WEEP GRANAH WEEP NINNY BONG!"
Sylvanas groaned and bowed her head. "Darkness, just smite me where I am and take me to hell already," she uttered under her breath.
"What was that?" Jaina asked, perking up at the incoherent transmission. She appeared confused, but there was something in her expression that suggested she may or may not have quite heard those words.
"Do I have to?" Sylvanas asked, giving the mage an unamused glance.
"The longer we sit here, the more destruction Diablo's going to cause," said Jaina, "so please, for all our sakes, just say it and we can get this problem over with. The sooner the better."
"What's even the point? Everybody will just come back, anyway."
"Be you not ashamed, Sylvanas-Commander!" Tassadar chimed in. "I, too, have trouble speaking-expressing the complexities of the human words-language! Allow me to repeat the Universal Greeting more slowly for your convenience: BAH WEEP—"
"Granahweepninnybong," Sylvanas finished quickly. "There, I said it. Can we go?"
Jaina glared at her. "That didn't sound very sincere—"
"Don't care." Sylvanas closed out the window, took the plug and jacked it into the port. The instrumentation panels and machines turned a soft, hazy blue and elicited a steady, droning thrum—the synchronization process of positive and negative harmonic energies between pilot and mecha, the gateway to power overwhelming. "Now are you going to launch us or not?" She reclined in the seat and remained still as the visor settled down over her face and closed around her, displaying real-time visual and audio feed of her surroundings, Tassadar's systems, and their linked gene-bond.
A sigh crackled through the audio receptors. "You're incorrigible, you know that? Fine then." A pause, as she looked off to the side. "Valla, open the gates."
"Unlocking," said the demon hunter, and there was the tremulous sound of grinding metal. From beyond the mecha, earth rained down on the station. "Gates 1 to 5 now unlocked. Launch preparations are now complete. Systems all green. You're clear to go."
"Joy," said Sylvanas, without a trace of said emotion. "Standby ready in ten…nine…eight—"
"GOOD LUCK, SYLVANAS!" Nova's voice cried, causing the Banshee Queen to flinch.
"Yeah!" said Hammer's voice. "Whoop some ass for me, will ya?"
"You're just jealous that you're not the one piloting Tassadar," said Kerrigan's voice.
"Nuh-uh! I ain't even mad! See?"
"Wow. How very convincing. With a face like that, you could pass for Stitches's sister and I wouldn't be able to tell the difference."
"HEY NOW!"
"Man, ignore those two!" said Nova's voice. "The future of the Nexus lies on you, Sylvanas! Knock 'em dead!"
I'll do more than knocking when I come back, Sylvanas brooded, glowering. Be grateful you won't be the first to fall. "Are you ready, Tassadar?"
"NOW MORE THAN EVER!" proclaimed the robot. "LET US DISPENSE ORDER IN THE NAME OF LOVE AND JUSTICE!"
Her features darkened. "For you, yes, but for the last and final time I will remind you again: I am not and never will fight for love ever aga—!"
The thrusters on the soles of Tassadar's exploded to life and propelled him high up through the tunnel at a velocity that forced the wind out of Sylvanas and her body to be pressed painfully into the contours of the seat. She hung onto the handles, clenched her muscles and teeth and flattened her ears in the hopes that the pressure wouldn't cause her to spontaneously explode into dust, but that still didn't stop the keening "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" from escaping.
Everyone in the station watched them disappear in silence, heads tilted back as far as they could go.
"…Is she going to be okay?" Nova asked.
"I…I don't know," said Valla, and she put a hand over her eyes to see if she could discern Project Tassadar among the shadows the fluorescents tossed across the walls. She couldn't.
Jaina tried to unsuccessfully burn a hole in her keyboard with the power of her glare and protruding lower lip. "She hung up on me…."
"Why are you mad?" Hammer asked. "I should be the one getting my keister launched into space, not her! Man, what's a girl like me gotta do to get a higher synch ratio?!"
"Fill a moat with your tears and build a bridge over it, for starters," said Kerrigan, rolling her eyes. "God, put a sock in it. You lucked out, fair and square. Now be a good girl, suck it up, and wait for this ice to melt ANY DAY NOW. Wake up, Proudmoore, I'm freezing over here!" But Jaina ignored her, lost in her own world and tapping random keys on the keyboard.
Hammer tucked her head in and whined. Her legs were frozen solid, so all she could was lamely beat her fist against the wall. Valla sighed and turned away in disgust.
All across the Manor and its fairgrounds, everyone ceased what they were doing and turned their heads up at the yellow speck rising to the heavens.
Li Li reached the top of the hill, Raynor and the High Templar Tassadar tagging along behind her. Just like Valla, she shielded her eyes against the sun and indicated Project Tassadar's form with an outstretched finger. "Wow! So cool! Just look at them go!"
Raynor joined her at her side, mimicking her gestures. He whistled lowly. "Hot damn, if there ever was a sight! Who'd have thought you'd make a kickass robot?"
"Friend Raynor," Tassadar began, "I would never have guessed my other self would become host to a…less than desirable Chosen One. I cannot help but wonder what the fates were thinking."
"They must see something in Sylvanas if they made her a pilot. And hey, the town's still standing! You gotta give credit where it's due."
"Don't forget, Tassadar chose her," said Li Li. "I'm sure he knows what he's doing!"
Tassadar hummed thoughtfully, his eyes expressing doubt. "I hope you are right, little Li Li. Perhaps the Lady Sylvanas will prove me wrong, in one fashion or another…."
"The next time we sortie, you had better warn me in advance!" Sylvanas snapped at the disgustingly cute, super-deformed VI projection of the mecha on her dashboard, "or Adun Prime help you, I'll rip your gene-crystal from your chassis and have that blowhard Hammer use it as a ballistic missile! See how you like being launched that way!"
"My apologies, Sylvanas-Commander, but we cannot tarry!" said the VI. "The threat must be neutralized before it can deal any permanent damage to the Nexus!"
"Then transform and let's get on with it already! You've been hanging in midair for over a minute!"
Project Tassadar glanced around himself, at the systems outputs, turned around and studied the visual of the forest and hillocks rolling far and away where they met the horizon and vanished over yonder. Pillars of smoke swirled above the treetops as though they came from chimneys and not an evil, out of control Kaijo. An explosion sundered the air as if to emphasize her point, followed by a colossal fireball of warm primary colors. "…Oh. Well then, I suppose we should get a move on."
"Yes, you should! Before I decide to eject and have you go solo!"
"That is unthinkable! Come, Sylvanas-Commander, there is no time to waste!"
"That's what I want to hear! GET MOVING!"
"EXCELSIOR! THEN LET US RIDE FORTH AND PURGE THIS FOUL MENACE FROM THIS LAND! HEN. SHIN!" The interior rocked back and forth as his body reconfigured into the shape of an airplane, and system outputs and the HUD changed to meet the accommodations. A reticule appeared on the center of the screen and Sylvanas's visor.
She gripped the handles tightly. "LET NONE SURVIVE!"
"MEGA THRUSTERS ARE GO!"
Finally, for better or worse, the hero that we haven't been waiting on has arrived.
She is not the hero the Nexus neither needs nor deserves, but she is called upon all the same.
She is the Banshee Queen, SYLVANAS WINDRUNNER!