Title: That DUDE is on FIRE
Description: "Sylvanas, Jaina and Li-Ming try to help Kael'thas deal with a...minor...problem."
Notes1: The majority of this was written way back in late April/early May, when I had just started my job. They always play the same songs there, but at the old store (this was two months before all of us moved to the new location) they had Alicia Keys' "Girl on Fire" playing on the intercom one day while I was doing training on a computer in the Personnel office. That was what inspired the title...and the mental imagery that came along with it.
Notes2: This was also inspired by a rather game-breaking bug Kael'thas had at the time with his Living Bomb ability. IIRC, if you died with the Verdant Spheres trait activated, you could cast the Living Bomb indefinitely without a cooldown. People were abusing this so much that anyone that did so were reported and (supposedly) banned by Blizzard. This was patched sometime later.
Notes3: Also, with this chapter finally out, I hope this will put an end to Lucario and other, unspoken parties thinking I'm holding content back because I'm waiting for them to comment. I know that happened only that one time, but let's be clear again: I'm not, and I never will. You don't get free passes under my watch.
Notes4: Finally, I appreciate getting news about the latest heroes and whatnot, but I lurk on the subreddit quite often. I'll pretty much know about whatever announcement comes to pass well before you send me a message in relation to it.

"BY THE SUNWELL, SYLVANAS, HELP ME!"

Sylvanas leaped to the side as Kael'thas lunged past her, arms outstretched and hands reaching imploringly, desperately. He stumbled and fell, rolling, catching the grass alight in lumpy, cylindrical patterns. "Haven't you heard of water?!"

"IT WON'T WORK!" he cried, getting to his feet and beating at his chest. It caused more flames to bloom and spread further over his body. "IT ALL TURNS TO STEAM! OH GODS, I CAN'T STOP BURNING!"

"Then go get Jaina, you abominable idiot! Or Li-Ming! Xul! Anybody! Don't just stand there!"

"AND IF THEY CAN'T HELP ME?"

Sylvanas threw her arms up in the air. "Then I guess you're screwed!"

Kael'thas tried to bury his face in his hands, but everything was engulfed in fire and hot to the touch, so he yelped and drew them back, sweeping back soot and orange-yellow sparks. Or maybe that was hair; neither elf could quite tell. "I SHOULD HAVE NEVER DARED EXPLOIT THE POWER OF THE LIVING BOMB! LOOK AT ME, SYLVANAS!" He gestured wildly at himself, eyes that were still startlingly solid wide and feverish directed her way. "LOOK AT WHAT IT'S DONE TO ME!"

"You only have yourself to blame!" Sylvanas decried. "You should know better than to tamper with powers you don't have complete control over!" She harrumphed. "Some Sun King you are!"

"I HAVE TO BE BETTER THAN I ALREADY AM! FOR THE NEXUS! FOR THE SIN'DOREI!" Kael'thas sniffled through his nostrils, which somehow made the flames react and billow ferociously around the candle that was his face. "WHAT KIND OF A KING AM I IF I CAN'T PERFECT MYSELF AND PROTECT THEM IN RETURN?!" He snorted, only to sputter and hack. "OH…OH, I THINK I JUST SWALLOWED SOME ASH!"

"Come on, you big baby!" Sylvanas brushed past him, being mindful not to touch him at all. She whipped out the little handheld PC and began typing commands in the Hero Locator app. "We're going to the stables!"

"THE STABLES? WHY THE STABLES?"

"The Nexus Animal Welfare Society is doing their routine checkups this week, and who else is better qualified for your malady than Lieutenant Morales? Perhaps we shall find Jaina and Li-Ming there as well." And Valla, always Valla, would be present, coddling the beasts and making sure they were as comfortable as possible amidst a presence of needles and machinery that would inspect them.

"IS MORALES EVEN A LICENSED VETERINARIAN?"

"How should I know? If she's there, she's there. If she's not, she's not; we'll just have to ask the girls and see if they can help. If not, then we go find Morales. And stop yelling so much! You can't be in that much pain."

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW I'M STILL ALIVE!"

"Sylvanas! Are you out of your mind?!" Valla cried. She had been assisting the veterinarians and technicians with applying their standard routines, calming the beasts in varying degrees of hesitance, anxiety, and defensiveness to the best of their ability; and when they had relaxed and were attended to, she would reward them with food, water, pats on the head or flank, or a gaggle of rambunctious quilen puppies and space-warping dogs. So when she had exited the barn and come around the corner, she was not surprised to see Sylvanas—after all, ever since she met Doodle, she had been making more trips to see him and take him and the pack for walks.

What did was seeing a man literally on fire, from the tips of long, foliated ears to the tips of what should have been those fancy boots made from lynx hides. When he saw her, he hurdled past Sylvanas in a drunken gait, arms flailing in her direction. "VALLA! VALLA, HELP ME!"

"Kael'thas?!" She turned a glare on Sylvanas. "What did you do this time?! Do you SEE the environment we're in?"

Sylvanas shrugged, nonplussed. "I didn't do anything. He did this to himself."

"VALLA!" Kael'thas cried again. "WHERE'S JAINA? IS SHE HERE? WHAT ABOUT LI-MING?" He reached out to grab her, and Valla nimbly jumped back.

"They're in the back somewhere!"

"AND THE DOCTOR? LIEUTENANT MORALES?"

"She's not here!"

"THEN WHERE?!"

"I don't know! Back in town, I think!"

"ALL THE WAY BACK THERE? YOU'RE KIDDING ME! I NEED HELP RIGHT NOW! I NEED WATER! DO YOU HAVE ANY WATER?"

"Yes, we do—"

"OH THANK YOU! THANK YOU!"

"But it's for the animals! They need it more than you!"

"WHY? THEY'RE NOT THE ONES ON FIRE!"

"And that's a damn good thing, I'll say!"

"VALLA, PLEASE! PLEASE SPARE ME SOME WATER!"

"Kael'thas, you just said water didn't help—" Sylvanas began.

"MAYBE THE WATER HERE WILL HELP! IT'S GOT TO!"

"This water's no different from the water you drink, knucklehead! The only difference is that this is purified and consumed by goddamn barn animals!"

"YOU NEVER KNOW! MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING IN IT THAT'LL HELP!"

"It's purified!"

"THE PURER THE BETTER!"

"What is all this yelling about?" said Jaina. She hurried around the corner with a pack of quilen puppies at her heels. Doodle was leading them, and he barked happily when he saw Sylvanas sulking behind Kael'thas's scorching outline. He signaled the dogs to follow him in a relentless charge.

"AHHH! PUPPIES! WATCH OUT! NO, NOT BETWEEN THE LEGS! DON'T…DON'T TOUCH ME! OHHH…BE CAREFUL! AHHHH!" Kael'thas sidestepped them, crossing ankles and nearly falling over as he turned in a dizzying circle. The puppies ignored him, their vision tunneling in on the Banshee Queen.

She planted her feet on the ground and braced herself. "Slow down! I said, SLOW…Oh Darkness—oof!" Sylvanas caught Doodle as he launched himself into her arms, but the rest of the pack crashed into her and sending her onto her back. She sat and pulled her face back to allow Doodle to lick the side of her face instead of the usual frontal assault he preferred. "Easy, easy! Not so hard! You'll peel the skin off!" The rest of the puppies gathered around her, some putting their forepaws on her legs and knees, others getting on their hind legs to perch their fronts on her shoulders and lick under her ears or attempt to nibble and pull them; these she brushed off with a single hand.

"By the Light, Kael'thas!" Jaina exclaimed. "What the…How in the world…What is even going on?!"

"Let me see!" came Li-Ming's voice, and she, too, joined her from behind. Her eyes popped open at the sight of the blood elf, but then she recovered, scoffing haughtily. "Well. I don't know what you were doing prior to this, but this just proves that a mage will always be second, nay, third best, when it comes to competing with the might of a wizard!"

"I WASN'T COMPETING WITH YOU, YOU INSOLENT WHELP!" said Kael'thas. "I WAS TRYING TO MAKE MY LIVING BOMB SPELL STRONGER! HIT HARD! SPREAD FASTER! LIKE A DISEASE! THAT IS THE SUN KING'S PRIDE AND FURY!"

"And somewhere along the line, it backfired and, through luck or providence, you're still standing," Jaina deduced.

"WELL…MAYBE. MAYBE NOT. I DON'T KNOW. IT'S BEEN HAPPENING OFF AND ON FOR," Kael'thas tried to do a count on his fingertips, remembered that all that remained was a hand entirely engulfed in flames, "GIVE OR TAKE A FEW WEEKS? B-BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I EXPECTED FOR THIS TO HAPPEN!"

"Or you didn't think it'd happen," Li-Ming quipped.

"I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS TO HAPPEN!" he repeated through clenched teeth. "IT JUST DID, AND FOR THE PAST COUPLE DAYS I'VE BEEN WALKING AROUND, MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, LOOKING LIKE SOMETHING THAT BROKE OUT OF THE BURNING HELLS! IT IS NOT AN IMAGE FIT FOR A KING!"

"As a matter of fact," Sylvanas began, finally managing to keep Doodle in place right in her lap, "it is. The symbol of the Sin'dorei is the phoenix. In some Terran cultures, it's said that when a phoenix dies it bursts into flame and turns into ash before it is reborn."

"Sylvanas, you're not suggesting—" Jaina began warily.

"I'M NOT WAITING TO DIE AGAIN, DAMMIT!" Kael'thas decried, whirling on Sylvanas; the blaze that comprised his head flared with a deep, throaty whoomp, the tongues glowing diamonds. "IT'S BAD ENOUGH I'VE BEEN GOING ABOUT MY DAYS ACCIDENTALLY STARTING FOREST FIRES AND BRINGING EXTINCTION TO THE ANIMAL KINGDOM TEN TIMES OVER! WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO AS A PILE OF ASH?!"

"Look pretty in a porcelain urn up on the mantelpiece in the library, or at the first floor lobby at the Hubworld University," Sylvanas explained. "Even better: in the Nexus History Museum. Any of them, really. People from the Nexus over will flock to your display and learn of the Hero who died post-transition via the negligence that is your hubris."

"WHAT KIND OF A POST-MORTEM IS THAT? I REFUSE TO BE REMEMBERED IN SUCH A WAY!" To Jaina and Li-Ming, the latter who was gesturing to someone he couldn't see that everything was 'alright' and to leave them be: "YOU'RE BOTH MAGIC USERS! THROW SOME OF YOUR FROST SPELLS AT ME! AS HARD AS YOU CAN!"

"Hey, do frost bolts from my crossbows count?" Valla asked, patting the weapons hanging at her hips. "All you have to do is stand still and—"

"I'LL NOT ADD 'FLAMING PINCUSHION' TO MY ALREADY RUINED OUTWARD APPEARANCE!" Kael'thas railed. He took a step forward toward the mages; Jaina stepped back, but Li-Ming stood her ground. She glanced at her elder and harrumphed, turning her nose up at her. "GO ON! EITHER ONE OF YOU! LAY IT ALL ON ME! GIVE NO QUARTER!"

Li-Ming stared at him for a beat. Then she shrugged. "Well, when you put it that way, I definitely can't say no. Just stay still. This'll just take a moment—" She moved to draw her wind and summon her source.

Jaina's hands shot out, clamping over the wizard's wrists. "We're trying to douse him, not kill him. Go easy on him!"

Li-Ming rolled her eyes. "Oh, but of course it'd be the mage who complains about the lack of restraints and resultant danger! Burn your books some more and learn from a true master, Proudmoore! You could surely benefit from that."

Jaina made a choked sound, her cheeks blooming rose red. "Th-That was a long time ago! And he asked both of us, not just you! If you'll allow me, I'll go first and show you that mental balance and arcane precision will be enough to quench those flames!"

Li-Ming made a dramatic show of bowing low at the waist in a flourish. "Go right ahead! Don't let me stop you!"

"Yes, well, that's all fine and dandy," said Valla, "but if you're going to be lobbing spells left and right, do it away from the barn. We don't want to be blowing millions of gold on reconstructing the stables. AGAIN." She leveled a milk-curdling glare at Sylvanas.

Sylvanas scowled. "You know, I'm getting real sick and tired of you bringing that up."

"Because it was your bright idea you had to get into Hammer's tank in the first place!"

"Ugh! I don't know how many times I have to recount every little detail of that incident to you! And regardless, this has nothing to do with that." She pointed at the flaming candle that was Kael'thas. "Why don't you tell him to keep his distance? Have you forgotten this whole place is made from wood?"

Now it was Valla's turn to blush, but unlike Jaina she had quickly regained her composure. "Ah! Well! Er…."

"And once again, your blind love for your fellow, non-sentient animal reigns supreme over common sense." Sylvanas ruffled the hair between Doodle's ears, gently pushed off a quilen pup that was tugging not so gently on her ear, and got to her feet. "Go join D.E.H.T.A. if you care so much. I hear they do more than 'bond', if you catch my drift. Why don't I regale you with some of those tales from my sector, eh? With your body type and mobile dexterity, you might learn a thing or two."

Jaina stared at her, equal parts stunned and disgusted at the thought she just had. So did Li-Ming, but more wide-eyed and amazed. Kael'thas silently burned, content with staring at the blackened ground smoldering at his feet.

Valla was silent, but her face had colored a deeper, darker shade. "…J-Just take care of Kael'thas."

"So I will. Won't we, ladies?" Sylvanas asked of them. "Of course we will," she added without waiting for their answer. "There's a man on fire we have to try to…save."

"You meant to 'put out of his misery', right?" Jaina asked, a little stiffly.

Sylvanas sniffed scornfully. "It won't matter because it may or may not happen again. It's either us or the Lieutenant, and if neither option works then, well," she shrugged her shoulders and rolled them back, "I suppose the Powers That Be will think of something. Or Gazlowe. I am sure he can come up with an invention that will put a stop to those flames."

"I think I'd rather have the Powers help. Gazlowe is…well, he's, um, special—"

"He's not very reliable," Li-Ming finished for her.

"BETTER THAN ME SPENDING WHAT TIME I HAVE THIS GO-AROUND LIKE THIS!" said Kael'thas. "SOMEBODY IS SURE TO BE A GODSEND. I JUST KNOW IT!"

"Don't get too excited," Sylvanas grumbled low under her breath.

"RIGHT, THIS IS HOW WE DO IT," Kael'thas explained. They had moved away from the barn, much to Valla's relief, and congregated at a grassy, shrubby field at a far-out, safe, and respectable distance from civilized society. Sylvanas watched as he pointed his finger at Jaina and then at Li-Ming. "I DON'T CARE WHO GOES FIRST. YOU CAST YOUR STRONGEST SPELL ON ME. SEE WHAT HAPPENS. WHICHEVER WORKS, I'LL TREAT THAT PERSON TO A MOVIE, A DINNER, AND DESSERT OF YOUR CHOOSING. OR WHATEVER YOU WANT; IT DOESN'T MATTER TO ME, I HAVE THE GOLD TO COVER US."

"Kael'thas, I don't know how many times I have to tell you this, but I'm just not that interested in you," said Jaina. "You not being on fire anymore is the only reward I want."

"THAT'S VERY NICE, JAINA, BUT TRULY I MEAN WHAT I SAID."

"So do I, but let's be honest, you're going to insist on it until I get fed up and agree to it. Isn't that right?"

Kael'thas was silent. "JAINA."

"Yes?"

"PLEASE," he pleaded tiredly. "JUST DO IT."

"Let's get this over with already," Sylvanas groused; her fingers were scratching behind one of Doodle's ears, his tail slapping happily against her bicep. "My dog's getting hungry, and as much as it pains me to admit this, Jaina would have a heart attack if I used you as a bonfire to roast the shanks I have stored in the fridge back at the dorm."

"Why would you want to do that?!" Jaina exclaimed.

"Now that's not such a bad idea," mused Li-Ming. "You know, if Kael'thas truly were a wizard and not some drug-addicted, self-proclaimed Sun King of the Sin'dorei."

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME!" he wailed.

"I'm learning more about you the longer we're in the Nexus," said Sylvanas, "and believe me, it's not making your image look any better than you made it out to be in my sector."

"BUT IT HURTS, SYLVANAS! I AM A MASTER OF FLAME, AND FOR A PERSON SUCH AS I TO BE SAYING THAT IS—"

"Suck it up and get over it! We're wasting time. Tell someone to get started before Li-Ming gets fed up waiting and decides she's going to blow up the Hubland again."

"In all fairness, the Greater Dog put up quite the scuffle," said the wizard. "He's not only capable of time-warping abilities, he is also very resilient."

"ALL THIS TALK IS WELL AND FINE, BUT I THINK I'M ON THE CUSP OF LOSING MY VOICE AND I WILL NOT ALLOW FOR IT TO HAPPEN!" said Kael'thas. "SO LET'S GET STARTED! ONE OF YOU, HIT ME AS HARD AS YOU CAN! YES, JAINA, EVEN YOU; DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK. I'M SURE THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES WHERE YOU WANTED TO KEEP ME OUT OF YOUR HAIR IN FAVOR OF THAT BLUEBLOOD, TRAITOROUS RAT YOU CALLED A BOYFRIEND. DON'T YOU DARE HOLD IT IN; NOT ONLY DOES IT RUIN YOUR FINE COMPLEXION, IT WILL LEAVE DARK BLEMISHES UPON YOUR MENTAL HEALTH!" He swept his arms out, side by side. "WELL? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? HAVE AT IT! YOU ARE WOMEN OF FINE STANDING. LET ME HEAR YOU ROAR, ROAR, ROAR, FOR ALL THE NEXUS AND ITS REALMS TO HEAR!"

"Oh for the love of all that is Light and Darkness," Sylvanas groaned. She slapped a hand to her face and ran it down its length, shaking her head.

"Now Kael'thas," Jaina began, "as Archmage Antonidas once told me, sometimes having the quietest voice leaves the loudest impact of all—"

"And how does that even get anything done, huh?" Li-Ming interjected. She tossed her head back and sniffed. "Hmph! I didn't go through the Burning Hells and back by being a mouse! Oh no, no, no! Here, Proudmoore, allow me to show you the full might of my power—the power passed onto me by dint and wisdom of Isendra, the power that shook Heaven, Hell, and Sanctuary to their very foundations! The power…of the Chosen One!"

"NOW THAT IS WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR!" Kael'thas exclaimed, puffing up his chest. "GIVE IT ALL YOU'VE GOT! I WILL NOT FLINCH IN THE SLIGHTEST!"

"And that is a challenge I will take you up on!" Li-Ming took up her wand and source and stepped forward, and as soon as her foot touched the ground a massive spell circle emblazoned with runes expanded around her. She glanced over her shoulder, a sliver of moon peeling between her lips. "Are you watching, Proudmoore? You might learn a thing or two!"

Jaina clutched her staff tightly, unable to fight the sensation of her brows knitting and her face coloring at the onrush of unwanted, youthful memories. "We'll see," was all she said, maintaining calm.

Li-Ming's grin widened, a silver shark in infested waters. Then it was gone, for she turned away to face the fiery effigy that was the Lord of the Blood Elves. Frost was forming in the air as miniscule crystals around her, and her breath came out in streamers of white vapor. Kael'thas clenched the fireballs that were his hands into fists and planted his feet in the earth. This made the flames around him bush out in a powerful aura, sending a blast of heat all around. Doddle barked and panted. Sylvanas pulled out a fan from her belt, snapped it out, and fanned it in front of him.

Li-Ming swung the wand in front of her and cried: "FROST NOVA!" At her command, the crystals ceased their motions and elongated, sharpened to a deadly, wintry point. They formed a ring in front of her, hovering, aimed at Kael'thas, and in whistling shrieks shot forth. They impacted him with the force of ballistic missiles, smashing apart in brilliant diamond pieces. He let loose a single cry before he was buried amidst a cloud of ice and debris.

"Kael'thas!" Jaina exclaimed, starting forward.

"Oh, hold your britches!" Li-Ming said, blocking her path with an extended arm. "It's only a simple spell. He'll be fine. Just look. See, the fire's out—" She stopped and stared.

The smoldering shape that was on the ground picked itself up and brushed embers off its pants. Irradiated green eyes opened and the fires flared about its person in a fresh burst. It stared back at her, unamused. "LI-MING," it said, calmly. Then, uproariously: "I'M STILL BURNING! WHAT IN THE FEL WAS THAT? YOU CALL THAT MAGIC?! LOOK AT THIS! LOOK. AT. THIS! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE CHOSEN ONE!"

Li-Ming blinked owlishly. "I…I am! I always give it my best shot! For it to have no immediate effect…I thought for sure—"

"YOU DIDN'T THINK HARD ENOUGH, GODDAMMIT! YOU WERE MY BEST HOPE! NOW I HAVE TO BESEECH MY GOOD SELF ASK JAINA TO DO THE JOB YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DO!"

"Kael'thas, I don't know if our magic can put this out," Jaina said, studying him with great concern. "Maybe we should go find Doctor Morales or talk to the Board."

"MORALES IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND AND THE POWERS ARE JUST GOING TO TELL US TO SOD OFF AND FIND A THAMATURGE WHO ACCEPTS OUR INSURANCE!"

"That's just about every licensed practitioner in the Nexus—"

"YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE, JAINA! PLEASE!" He clasped his hands and shook them in her direction. "I'LL…I'LL STOP PESTERING YOU WITH NOT-SO SUBTLE CUES FOR DATES AND PROMISES OF POWER OF DUBIOUS ORIGIN IF YOU CAN WORK YOUR ARCANE INTELLECT UPON THIS WRETCHED, OVERCOOKED HUSK OF A MAN! JUST MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY!"

"You know," Sylvanas began, still fanning Doodle, "you could pray to the Light. I mean, you're positively glowing with it. Because, obviously, fire produces light and there's plenty of denominations based around such a thing. It wouldn't hurt to try—"

"NOBODY ASKED FOR YOUR INPUT!" said Kael'thas, whirling on her.

"No, really, I'm being serious…and I don't do religions or prayers and all that crazy nonsense you zealots do to each other (among other unsavory things). You might get lucky."

"I TURNED MY EYES FROM THE LIGHT WHEN THE SUNWELL WAS TAINTED. NOT EVEN CLOSING MY EYES WILL IT BRING ME AN IOTA OF COMFORT. AND DON'T GIVE ME ANY MORE OF YOUR SUGGESTIONS; THEY AREN'T GOING TO HELP AT ALL! NOW THEN, JAINA," Kael'thas implored kindly, presenting her a mock-salaam, "BE A DEAR THIS ONE TIME. I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT I AM A MAN OF MY WORD. WHEN I SAY THEM, I MEAN IT."

"And let me tell you," Sylvanas went on, "some of those words you're going to spout in the future are going to be repeated to hell and back. I think you know the ones. People can't shut up about it."

Kael'thas bared his fangs in a silent snarl, which showed up as a black scratch across his face. "JAINA."

She sighed. "You promise you'll ease up?"

"OF COURSE."

"Very well then. Now, Li-Ming, if you'll be so kind as to step back?" The wizard quirked an eyebrow, but—having been mollified by her failure—merely nodded and stepped off to the side. "Thank you. I don't want you to get caught up in them."

"Them?" Li-Ming parroted.

"It's taken me many a long month to perfect this spell. The blowback is…well, when you're in the thick of a team fight, you're not always focused on your surroundings. Now, Kael'thas, I need to come over just a little bit…that's it…that's it…don't get too close…there. Stop right there. Good. Alright." Jaina slammed the butt of her staff into the soft earth, summoning forth a magic circle of her own. Once again, the air chilled around them. The nonexistent breeze that blew in now and then picked up into a gale and howled, biting into her skin. Doodle barked, shook himself into a ball of fluff, and did the only thing he could do—bury his nose and face into the crook of Sylvanas's arm. She folded the fan shut, set it down next to her, and put her free arm over him for extra warmth.

As Li-Ming did before, Jaina swept the staff up and pointed it at Kael'thas. "RING OF FROST!" she yelled over the wind.

Another circle appeared underneath the Sun King's feet, large and blue. Runes glowed around the outer edge, pulsing once, twice. The flames covering his body sputtered, died down, but still he burned. He glanced to his left, glanced to his right, and then looked up at Jaina. "THAT'S IT? WHERE'S THE EARTH-SHATTERING—GUHOOO!" The runes brightened, and the arcane circle stabilized amidst an explosion of ice. Kael'thas lost his balance, caught himself, and glanced around him. The outer edge was limned with thickening ice that was beginning to thaw. Then, just as he was recovering, the second circle bloomed in a rising, spectacular wave of water. It rushed above his head and came down on him in a rush, sealing off his protests in a freezing capsule.

"Hold on a minute!" Li-Ming said, snatching Jaina's wrist. "I thought you said we were dousing him!"

"We are," said Jaina.

"Gee, I didn't know suffocation was added to its dictionary entry!"

"It's just for a few seconds—enough time for the magic to distill the fire. Look now, the ice is starting to crack." She pointed them out to her, at the cracks that were already spider-webbing all over the makeshift prison. Chunks ranging from pebbles to rocks the size of a hand loosened, fell, and dissipated into magical residue. Jaina smiled. "I don't see any flames. I think this might have just worked—" She yelped as a hand punched through the weakening wall. A second hand made another hole right next to it, and then a third. This process repeated itself until the capsule was blown away by the elf-shaped blaze stepping its first steps out of the fading runic circles. "Kael'thas?!"

"IT DIDN'T WORK," he said tonelessly, staring down at himself from his hands to his feet. "I ASKED FOR THE TWO MOST POWERFUL MAGES IN THE NEXUS—A SELF-PROCLAIMED CHOSEN ONE AND ANTONIDAS'S MOST PRIZED PUPIL—TO CURE A SIMPLE AILMENT OF MY OWN CREATION...AND IT DIDN'T WORK."

"Kael'thas…I'm sorry," Jaina ventured, shoulder slumping. "I tried. W-We tried. Don't feel bad."

"IT DIDN'T WORK," he mumbled again, ignoring her.

"You do know you're not doing yourself much of a favor trying to sound quiet when you're literally in pain, right?" Sylvanas quipped, letting go of Doodle and standing up. "Not exactly what I'd call an inside voice—"

"IT. DIDN'T. WORK!" Kael'thas roared, wheeling on the three of them. "YOU, YOU, YOU, AND YOU!" He jabbed his index finger at Jaina, Li-Ming, Sylvanas and Doodle (for good measure). "YOU HAD ONE JOB, JUST ONE JOB, AND YOU ALL FAILED! FAILED! IS IT THAT HARD FOR YOU TO PUT OUT A SIMPLE MAGICAL FIRE?! NO! IT DAMN WELL SHOULDN'T! GODDAMMIT!"

"H-Hey now! Calm down!" Li-Ming stammered. "Stomping about like that's going to make your blood pressure skyrocket!"

"MY RAGE IS LIKE A ROCKET THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS AND SHATTER THE GRAVITATIONAL FIELDS THE NEXUS IS SET UPON AND INTO THE HEAVENS, HIT WARP SPEED AND GO THROUGH THE BURNING HELLS AND THE SPACES IN-BETWEEN, TOO! IT WILL BECOME A SELF-PERPETUATING CYCLE, AND IT WILL BE ALLYOUR FAULT! YOU ARE ALL EQUALLY WORTHLESS!"

"Oh pipe down, you raging hard-on! Before you go and kill yourself on all that edge!" Sylvanas made a shoving motion, which got him to jump away from her. In her hand was the handheld PC that she held right up to his face. "Look right here. Do you see this?"

Kael'thas squinted at the screen. "IT'S A DOT."

"Can your eyes make out what kind of dot that is?"

"NOT REALLY."

"Yeah, I figured that much. Well, guess what, that dot's the Lieutenant. She's just arrived at the Chop Shop. If you hurry, you might be in luck and get her to help."

"REALLY?!"

"Indeed. Oh, but wait—you specifically made it clear you didn't want my suggestions." Sylvanas shrugged and withdrew the comp. "According to the search engine, the data shows she's been there for about…hmm, about a half-hour. For what, I don't know; shooting the breeze, I guess. Since yours is just as good as scrapped metal, I'll just go ahead and delete this from my search history—"

"YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING!" Kael'thas cried. "WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR? GIVE ME THE FASTEST, SHORTEST ROUTE WE CAN TAKE! I HAVE NO TIME FOR DAWDLING! MY DAYS OF PRETENDING TO BE A ROMAN CANDLE ARE HEREBY DECLARED OVER! DO YOU HEAR ME? THEY'RE OVER!" He flew past Sylvanas so quickly that a few stray embers caught the wind and lighted themselves on them hem of her cloak. She swore in Thalassian and gave it a few quick beats in the air. Jaina and Li-Ming fell back and watched him go, leaving a trail of burning grass and blackened earth in his wake. They exchanged bemused glances, shrugged, and hurried after him. Sylvanas and Doodle followed.

A few minutes later they arrived at the Chop Shop. The garage door was open, with Sergeant Hammer's siege tank taking up a good amount of space by being half-in and half-out. A Shop drone on treads was soldering a fresh red panel into its bulk with an attachable blowtorch. When the seal was applied it trundled along toward the back, stopped, and touched fire to metal. Hammer and Morales were off to the side by the turnstiles, engaged in conversation.

Kael'thas picked up speed. "LIEUTENANT MORALES!" he hailed, his voice borderline imitating a Velociraptor screech. "PRAISE THE SUN! I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO GLAD TO SEE A HUMAN IN MY LIFE!"

"Well hello there, Mister Sun—OH MY GOD!" Morales turned to greet him, but at the sight of him, pelting toward her while on fire, derailed her good nature right off a cliff.

"WHOOOA!" Hammer yelled, and cackled. "Holy crap, Kael! What did you do, try to imitate those Japanese characters in manga?"

"NO TIME TO EXPLAIN! JUST PLEASE, DOC, DOUSE THIS UNHOLY FIRE! YOU HAVE NANITES; GIVE THEM SOME WATER ATTRIBUTES! SOMETHING! ANYTHING!"

"Th-They don't work like that!" Morales stammered.

"YOU MUST HAVE SOMETHING! ANYTHING!" His eyes flickered back and forth erratically, and then he saw it: a large container filled with the stuff, its reflection dappling as leaves on the floor from the cast of the overhead lights. "WATER! OH SWEET, SACRED WATER! COME TO PAPA!" Now he bolted straight for it, arms and legs pumping, his fiery aura trailing at his back like a second shadow and embers dropping to the floor in a shower of ash.

Hammer whirled around, alarm etched on her face. "Wait, Kael'thas, that ain't—!"

"KAEL'THAS!" Jaina shouted. She slammed right into a Hammer variant tank and, leaning forward, reached out to him in vain. "KAEL'THAS, NOOOO!"

Li-Ming skidded to a halt and snatched Jaina by the collar of her cloak. "You idiot! What are you doing?! Move, move—!"

Sylvanas took one look inside the garage. Her ears flattened. "Oh, for the love of—"

Kael'thas dunked his arms into the container, his blackened smile stretching and crinkling his face like a caricature inspired by nightmares.

The garage exploded.

"Well," Morales began, browsing through the data on the clipboard one last time, "after several dozen reconstructive surgeries, physical therapy, psychotherapy sessions, and trips to the Hero League's administrative offices, the Church of the In-Between, the First Bank of the Nexus, the bounty board at the Rocks plaza, the Spear of Adun's engineering bay, and all the hardware stores, taverns, and landfills in Jeetilopolis, I can say that all of you—myself included—are deemed to be in good health!" She looked up, smiling, at the Heroes crowded together on the bench against the wall. Like most of the rooms in the hospital, only the insectile susurrus of the machinery and the overhead fluorescent lamps buzzing fended off the usual stark, unnerving silence.

"Not to mention very deep in debt," Jaina added, sighing deplorably.

"Way to go, KAEL'THAS," Li-Ming sneered, smacking him in the arm with her cast.

"Yeah, man! You just had to go stick yourself in frigging gasoline!" said Hammer, glaring at him through the one good eye not wrapped in bandages. "That wasn't your everyday gasoline. That was my homemade cocktail to split with the rest of my selves!"

"Which explains why the immediate area around the garage and a good portion of the Peddler's Road is under quarantine," Sylvanas grumbled. "Mixing nuclear waste and smelted Khaydarin crystals is such a brilliant idea."

"Hey! D'you know how powerful those cores are? My girl's gotta have that extra kick in her guts to whittle 'em down!"

"At the very least, I am no longer on fire," said Kael'thas. "My skin may be a little more orange and my eyes not so green, but it's better than having third-degree burns."

"Is that why you're squinting so much?" Jaina asked.

"Oh, nonsense! I feel positively splendid!" Kael'thas grinned and blinked, only to grimace and squeeze his eyes into slits. "I'll say, I don't remember the room being this blurry the last time I was here. Is that you, Doodle? Here, boy!" He gave his knee a good couple slaps and winced.

"Kael'thas…that's a disposal container," said Li-Ming, deadpanned, "that's full of used needles."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Absolutely sure," said Sylvanas, slapping a hand over Li-Ming's mouth. "Go ahead and pet him. He'll love that." She grunted at Jaina elbowing her in the ribs, which prompted the wizard beside her to shove the Banshee Queen's arm away.

"Anyway, I would suggest taking a few days off from scrims and avoid any heavy physical labor until the rest of your injuries heal," said Morales, closing out of the clipboard's program. "As for myself, I'll be waiting for my nanites to replenish to their original numbers; it's a wonder I managed to get all of us up to snuff!"

"What of Doodle?"

"Oh, he's perfectly fine. He's being held over at the animal clinic, if you want to pick him up later."

"I can't believe out of everyone here, only the dog survived!" Hammer exclaimed.

"Well, he does have time-warping abilities," Li-Ming reminded her. "A shame he's just a pup and his power doesn't affect others. Give him a few…years…loops… whatever process makes him age, and I'll warrant he will be on par with the Greater and Lesser Dogs."

"Don't be a fool!" said Sylvanas. "Do you want it to affect someone like Kael'thas, who butchers his own magic on a monthly basis? Look at what messing with the Living Bomb did to him! And you want that insanity to spread like a plague? This is why he's banned all the time in the League's lower tiers! Imagine how disastrous the official tournaments would be, where he isn't!"

Kael'thas nodded sagely. "Indeed. And I am just as surprised as you are that it was not water that would cure my malady but an instigator of fire itself, the very element that which I and many other Sin'dorei are aligned above all others! Why didn't I think of that?"

Hammer stared at him. "Dude, you were on fire. No one in their right mind would wanna douse themselves in more fire."

"This is the Nexus we're talking about," said Li-Ming. "Half the people are never in their right mind." At this everyone murmured in agreement, even Jaina, although she appeared very reluctant to admit it. "I mean, just look at Nova. She's a special kind of special—oooouuggg, Sylvanas, leggo! You're hurting me!" She slammed her eyes shut at the hand crushing her own in a death grip, grinding the bones together. "I-I didn't mean it like that!"

Sylvanas hauled her to her feet. "I suppose I should thank you for your services, Lieutenant. It is only a pity some of that talent had to be wasted on some people." She glared daggers at Kael'thas, who opened his mouth to protest. "Anyway, Li-Ming and I will be going to pick up Doodle. Then we're going for a walk. A nice, long walk through the meadows. Isn't that right, Li-Ming? Of course you do."

"But—!"

"Let's go." She dragged her stumblingly across the room and out the door.

Hammer watched them go. "Now that's a dead girl walking if'n I ever seen one."

"That's Sylvanas for you," Jaina sighed, shaking her head. "Always causing trouble when she feels like it."

"I guess I better increase production on the nanites," said Morales, frowning. "You know, just in case."