Location: Pasadena
California
United States Of America
Apartment 4A
11:37 AM

Leonard wrapped his arms tightly around his wife as soon as she came into the room the next morning. "How's my love?"

Penny smiled. "Cute, Lenny."

"Aww, you called me Lenny," He kissed her cheek as he lifted her up onto the counter. "Now, do you want me to kiss you, or -"

Penny laughed. "Leonard..."

"What?" He said, his arms around her waist. "I can't find you beautiful and want to kiss you?"

"Nevermind," She said with a grin. "You're my second husband, and you're the only man who's ever actually gotten me pregnant -"

"Wasn't there that guy you had sex with in high school that nearly got you pregnant?" Leonard asked her, and she glared.

"Well he didn't," She said, leaning back against the counter slightly. "You did, though. And I like to think of you as my first husband because that whole marriage to Zach was a mistake."

"In so many ways..." Leonard muttered as he began to kiss her breasts. "But ours isn't."

"Of course it's not," She said as their daughter kicked again. "She's a bit active, isn't she?"

Leonard pressed a gentle hand to her growing abdomen. "She's going to be perfect. Half you, half me..."

Penny kissed his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too," He said, grinning as he felt a kick. "She is strong, just like you."

Penny started laughing as he began to kiss her neck. "Leonard, you have to stop flattering me, I -"

"So you still go left, do you?" Beverly noted as she walked into the kitchen herself and saw her son kissing Penny's neck and chest. "Pity. Penny, I apologise for this but I'm afraid there's nothing that can...cure it."

Leonard turned to glare at her. "Mother, don't speak to my wife that way."

"I can speak for myself," Penny snapped. "But don't make Lenoard feel bad. He's going to be a great father -"

"Does he still grasp his penis and not like to let go?" Beverly asked her, adjusting her glasses. "During intercourse, perhaps?"

Penny's nose wrinkled in disgust. "No."

Beverly sighed. "Any man that was like Leonard as a child is not going to do well as a father. I am proud that he married someone like you, but I am more proud of you than him."

Leonard stormed out of the room just as Sheldon began knocking at the door.

"Leonard, Penny, Beverly," He chorused. "Leonard, Penny, Beverly. Leonard, Penny, Beverly."

Beverly smiled as she opened the door. "A pleasure it is to see such a fine young man."

"And a pleasure it is to see a nice woman of your age," Sheldon replied, a bit antsy. "Is your ex husband still defiling my mother?"

"Most likely," She said darkly, the look only growing upon seeing Amy come up behind him. "Amy. Aren't you a close friend of Penny's?"

Amy grabbed Sheldon's hand. "Sheldon, how many times did I try to explain to you last night that you talking with his mother makes Leonard uncomfortable?"

"He always has had issues with being possessive," Beverly shook her head and sent a cursory glance to Penny. "I pity that for her."

Penny crossed her arms as she slowly slid off of the counter. "I love Leonard."

Beverly waved her hand dismissively. "Yes, yes, of course."

"What's going on?" Bernadette asked upon having made her way up the stairs with Howard, Raj, Michael, and Hallie. "Oh! Penny, I brought you the parenting books you asked for!"

"Not a great time," Amy muttered to them, and Howard raised an eyebrow.

"How come?" He asked. "Is Penny lacking sexual gratification? Because Raj -"

"I have a girlfriend," He snapped. "Missy Cooper -"

"If you defile my sister, I will challenge you to a duel," Sheldon said with a dark grin. "Speaking of duels, my time line with Kripke -"

"You are not dueling Kripke!" Penny, Amy, Raj, and Bernadette shouted at the same time.

"Sheldon, I am not letting my husband get killed," Amy said, squeezing his hand. "And since that's you, I am not going to let you get killed."

"That's a horrible idea," Raj said, crossing his arms. "We took one class, and only one class."

"I don't want to have to smuggle...experimental pain killers out of work for you," Bernadette added.

"Since when do you duel?" Penny asked him.

There was a temporary silence in which Beverly looked at all of them though focused on Howard and Raj.

"So," She said, glancing at Hallie and Michael. "You had a sham marriage to hide your homosexual nature from your family."

Howard set down Michael and Hallie in their carriers and clenched his fists. "I am not gay, and my marriage to Bernadette is not a sham!"

"Aww..." She said, kissing his cheek. "I knew you would do anything for me."

"That vasectomy was a bit much, though," Howard muttered.

"I don't want to get pregnant again a few months," She replied. "And now I can't."

"Unless she sleeps with Koothrapali or Leonard," Sheldon quipped, and Penny and Raj both gave him looks of outrage.

"Again!" Raj exclaimed. "I am defiling your sister or some bullshit -"

"Aha!" Sheldon exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger towards him. "I knew it!"

"The only person Leonard has sex with is me," Penny said angrily, placing a hand on her rather noticible abdomen. "And Mackenzie is our child, no one else's."

Bernadette smiled. "You and Leonard are naming your child Mackenzie?"

"Mackenzie Penny Hofstader," Leonard said, coming back after having calmed down. "And she's going to be smart and beautiful."

Penny blushed. "Stop saying that!"

"Nope," He said, genty kissing her. "I love you and Kenzie too much to stop."

"Oh, stop this," Beverly said irritably. "Not in front of me."

Leonard sent her yet another glare. "Says the woman who openly admits to having been spanking my father with my ping pong paddle when I walked in on them!"

Beverly scoffed. "You are a problem child, Leonard, and always have been."

"Hey," Bernadette said, forcing her way into the apartment with Hallie, Michael, and Howard. "I think Leonard is a great man and is going to be a nice father for his and Penny's daughter."

"Thank you," Leonard said, gesturing to her as he spoke to his mother once again. "See? I'm not delusional."

"I disagree," Beverly replied icily. "But every time I've had you tested, I've been told that I am the problem and not you."

Sheldon gave her a sympathetic nod. "I understand. He struggled to adhere to our bathroom schedule, or our restrictions on coitus."

"Sheldon!" Amy hissed. "Not okay. Leonard is our friend, and I have to agree that his mother is the problem and not him."

"Amen to that," Bernadette agreed, clasping her hands together.

"I hope the gods reincarnate you terribly," Raj told Beverly, and she rolled her eyes. "For everything you do! And I am not gay!"

"He has had a lot of sex before," Howard said, getting a punch from Bernadette. "What?"

"You slept with your second cousin!" Raj reminded him as the door slammed behind him, Sheldon, and Amy. "You can't talk!"

"He only sleeps with me now," Bernadette said, grasping his arm. "And I like it."

"Me too," Howard said, squeezing one of her breasts. "And -"

She slapped him. "Not here!"

"If you all read my book," Beverly said, sitting in the spot farthest from Sheldon's so as not to upset him. "You'd find it rather...enlightening."

"You're the reason he has low self esteem," Penny snapped. "And he shouldn't."

"Penny, I don't -" Leonard started.

"Well, he does have to live in my shadow," Sheldon said as he sat down in his spot with Amy next to him. "But Leonard's not all bad. He's a good friend, and he and I shared an apartment for years. Actually, he's my best friend."

Beverly shook her head. "Lovely." She said though not meaning it in the slightest.